Regular visitors to my blog know that my hubby's current job is not exactly what he was told when he interviewed for the position.  He is doing the work he was hired to do, but was told he would also be the department manager ... that has not happened yet.  Many times he has tried to discuss this issue with the owners only to be blown off or told they will sit down on such and such day and discuss it.  The discussion has never happened. 

Today he has been told again that he, both the owners, and the office manager will be sitting down together this Friday to discuss things.  Hubby feels that he is not going to be made department manager because it involves a bit of computer work and he is not good with the computer (he is a skilled laborer and very good at what he does - using a computer is not something his hands-on job entails).  He indicated to them that he is willing to learn if someone will take the time to show him (never was it mentioned at any time during the interview process that using the computer would be a requirement of the dept. manager position).  My feeling, and hubby's too, is that it is the office manager who is holding him back.  She is not an owner, but the owners take her opinions as if she were their boss.  (Very odd situation.)  She is not a nice or pleasant person (I've had the misfortune of dealing with her once on the telephone - hubby has mentioned her poor attitude a few times). 

Hubby has gone back and forth with whether or not he truly wants to be department manager.  He has said sometimes it's hard enough just being an employee as one owner wants things done one way, the other owner wants things done a different way, and the office manager wants things done yet another way.  From what he's told me, it's a chaotic situation to say the least.

We want God's will and we want this resolved once and for all ... is he going to be the department manager or not?  If yes, then they need to do it already.  If no, that's fine and life will go on.  Either way, hubby wants and deserves to have a final answer to relieve the stress of the situation.  They have dragged this out entirely too long.

Prayers for hubby would be appreciated ... prayers for favor on him and prayers for him to finally get a straight and final answer.

My regular blog visitors may have noticed that while I am back to blogging after my break last month, I am still not blogging as frequently as I used to.  I started this year off with a new and positive attitude and I'm really struggling already to stay that way.  2007 was a horrible year for us financially.  I had faith and a positive attitude that things were going to turn around for us in 2008.  While we have had some blessings come our way, it seems more things are continuing to go wrong than right.

I discovered Friday that our dishwasher is leaking.  We have an extended warranty on it (thankfully we did that after many initial problems with it) and are hoping it's just a seal that can easily be replaced.  We have a service call set for this week and hopefully the technician will come prepared with repair parts on hand (most of the time they don't) and will be able to fix it on the spot.  Until then, I suppose I'm getting a lot of therapy by hand washing dishes.  I also noticed our dryer making an odd noise yesterday and by the end of all the loads it was letting off a nasty smell.  It could be something simple or it could be on its last legs.  Our washer died a few months ago - this dryer was purchased at the same time so it very well could be at the end of its life - and we are still trying to recover from that unexpected expense (just one of many in 2007).  We simply don't have the $$ to purchase a new dryer at this time.  To top it off, our kitchen faucet is leaking.  Thankfully hubby can fix that himself and a replacement is on its way to us.

I have been working recently on lesson planning for this coming school year (yes, I tend to be an early bird in that respect!).  I've been going through our science curriculum ... Apologia's Zoology 1: Flying Creatures of the Fifth Day ... making notes of how much I want to cover each day and noting what extra things we're going to need to purchase (things that aren't figured into our homeschool budget).  I've been trying not to let those 'extras' get me down.

Hubby has been with his current employer just over 4 months now.  He's thankful to have a job.  So many people he knows have lost their jobs due to businesses closing and so many businesses are struggling right now.  Unfortunately we were hit with more bad news from his employer back in December.  Hubby was qualified for medical and dental insurance after being in employment for 90 days.  (Remember, we've been without both since the end of last June.)  Just a couple of days after his 90 day mark, his employer announced they were doing away with the medical coverage (would no longer be offering it to employees).  We've been trying to get coverage on our own and I have to say it's a frustrating and stressful process.  I have never been asked such in depth questions in order to have medical coverage.  Not only that, but we've been asked the questions multiple times and have been asked simply ridiculous things (such as, do our children - ages 8 and 2 - smoke, drink alcohol on a regular basis, or use drugs).  For those of you that have medical coverage through an employer ... be thankful ... very thankful.  I never knew how good we had it before (before hubby had to leave the employer he'd been with for about 10 years).  As far as dental ... we're still without that as well.  The plan through hubby's employer is junk and costs way too much.  Of course we've yet to find a suitable plan on our own.  Hubby has also not received his 90 day review yet (he's over the 120 day mark at this point).  He was also hired to be one of the department managers (he was given the impression during the interview process that this would be immediate - he found out after starting that it would not be until he'd been there for 90 days).  Ninety days have come and gone and he's still not been made department manager.  Very frustrating.  Hubby is not one to open up and share or express his feelings, but I can tell it all has him down.  What's more frustrating is knowing just how very valuable of an employee he is (he holds professional licensing and has extensive training and experience in a specialty in his field ... none of the other employees have either).

More stress has come our way from hubby's family.  I won't go into details as they would be entirely too lengthy, but one particular thing finally came to an ugly head at our house this past Friday evening and more ugliness along with more bad news came along over the weekend.

Continued prayers for us would be appreciated.  I know we are not the only family with major troubles right now and I hope I am not coming across that way.  Sadly, times are tough for way too many people.  My best daily anti-depressant therapy has been my children.  It delights my heart to see ds1 running around outside each day trying to catch all kinds of butterflies and bugs.  His excitement becomes contagious.  Ds2 has become our little mockingbird ... his vocabulary is increasing each day by leaps and bounds ... very thrilling for us all (especially big brother who thinks he has the coolest little brother on the planet). 

We purchased 11.40 acres in our home state of Georgia just shy of a year ago.  How it all came about had the Lord's hand written all over it.  It may be years before we are able to build a home on the property and relocate, but yesterday brought a bit of exciting news.  We were contacted by a family that owns land a few properties past ours.  The last existing electric pole is two properties above ours.  This particular family is building a cabin on their property and have proceeded forward with getting electricity run to it.  They are seeking our permission to have power lines run on our property right by the road.  We will be receiving paperwork to review and sign in the coming days, but this would be hugely beneficial to us if it is truly as it has been described and explained to me.  It was our plan to bring the power lines along the road and then back onto our property where we hope to build.  We were told that the electric company will do so many feet at no charge, but we would then have to pay a certain $ amount beyond that.  Because the last existing electric pole sits quite a distance off the road, we would use up all of our 'free allotment' just bringing the power lines to the starting edge of our property.  Running back from the road to where we want to place a house would have cost us approximately $2,000-$2,500 (as it was explained to us).

If this family can obtain all the signatures/permissions needed, we would then have an existing power pole at the front of our property and could use our 'free allotment' in running lines to our home site.  That would be an enormous blessing to us!  Once this family obtains our signatures, they need signatures/permissions from two other properties (one being a property that we would have to get permission from if it was us going through this process) and it's all a done deal.  Unfortunately, this may be difficult.  The owners of the property between ours and the existing power pole will not return telephone calls or correspondence by this family or the electric company (the owners live on the west coast).  The other property in question is part of an inheritance and the beneficiaries are not 'in the know' concerning the property.  At least that is what has been told to me.  Nonetheless, this is something that we can definitely start praying about.  It could turn out to be another enormous blessing from the Lord.

Have you seen Facing The Giants?  It was hubby's main gift (in our very scaled down Christmas) from our boys this year.  I'll admit to purchasing it without knowing anything about the movie other than reading online in various places that it was very good.  Hubby watched it yesterday while I prepared our Christmas meal and I had the chance to sit down and watch today while ds2 napped.  WOW!  I really needed that message right now.  From the time of my last blog entry until now things have not gotten better.  In fact, they've gotten worse and seemingly more hopeless.  I think watching this movie today was a divine kick in the butt that I badly needed (and probably hubby too - he's a man of few words, but he did remark while watching that it was really good).  To those who left hugs and well wishes ... thank you for your kind words and prayers - they were greatly appreciated!

Rumor also has it that someone at my house is celebrating a birthday today and that certain someone is a big two years old!  Time is flying by so fast.  Happy Birthday my sweet little man!!!  You are a true blessing and light in my life.

I'm reading more and more at the various blogs and discussions boards I visit that families are opting to do home church instead of attending Sunday School and/or church service.  Count me in that category now as well.  Today was just the final straw.  Maybe I expect too much of people, after all we are all sinners, but I do expect better of Christians and every church we attend disappoints me.  People aren't friendly, ds1 always ends up being treated poorly, there are cliques that I am so obviously not a part of nor welcome to be a part of (not that I would want to be), and the members as a whole just do not live up to what the church preaches.  Dh had had enough long ago and wasn't attending with ds1 and me.  Now the two of us are coming home for church.  Ds1 is adamant after this morning that he has no desire to go again.  I feel sorry for him in that it was his main chance to be around other kids.  He made a really good friend there (a private schooler).  There are no kids living around us and the few times we get together with other homeschoolers usually results in my family being ignored and shunned.  Oh well. 

So, we're embarking on another new adventure.

* No need to comment.  This was just a vent I needed to get out.

I'm sure most of you have heard the expression "God blessed my socks off."  Well, I'm sockless today!

It's been a rough year for us financially - the absolute worst since we moved to FL ten years ago.  Just when it appeared that things weren't "going our way" again, the Lord moved mountains and I am overwhelmed by His love. 

Our washing machine decided it had lived a long enough life recently and we had to unexpectedly (and unpreparedly) purchase a new one.  We chose one that happened to be on sale at the time.  The particular store we purchased from has a 30 day price match guarantee so if the same item is sold at a cheaper price within 30 days, they will refund you the difference.  Said store had a sale yesterday and today and our washer was cheaper.  I went today to get what I thought would be a $45 + tax refund and it turned out to be a $145 + tax refund!!!  I questioned the salesperson because I thought he had surely made a huge error.  Nope.  The store was also offering 10% off all sale prices yesterday and today so we got not only the difference in the price we paid and the sale price, but also the 10%.  When the shock wore off, I immediately thanked the Lord.

I also tried to do a bit of Christmas shopping today (mom had a day out all by herself today!).  One item I wanted for ds1 still had a sale sticker on the shelf that should have been removed a week ago when the sale ended.  The store honored the price and I saved $2 + tax.  (Okay, so not a huge amount, but every little bit helps!)  Again, a blessing.

I finally had a chance to sit down this evening and check my emails and I found a few messages of congratulations on my Vision Forum contest entry from earlier this week.  I had completely forgotten the contest was over and I had no clue what was going on.  I popped over to visit KimC at  Life In A Shoe  and it appears I am winner #3 in the last Vision Forum contest.  Disbelief was my first reaction and then, for the second time today, shock.  I finally came to my senses enough to attempt deciphering the code and came up with my name and site link.  Wow!  It still hasn't completely sunk in yet.  I almost started crying and ds1 was jumping up and down screaming.  I have been beyond blessed.  Saying "thank you" somehow doesn't seem enough.

This past week has been one in which I have really attempted to do some growing with the Lord (it would be far too complex to explain), but the Lord spoke loud and clear to me today.  Now the tears and praises can flow.......

Last night I stepped out into a new adventure.  My church has weekly "small groups" that meet, but all thusfar have been set up for couples.  Of course they don't exclude singles or anyone attending without their spouse from attending those groups, but I'm one of those people that feels awkward going alone.  My dh is a Christian, but I honestly don't know what's spinning around in his head concerning church.  You see, he isn't one to open up and share his feelings, even with me.  I know he's been hurt by churches in the past, or I should say the people in church, and our last church turned out to be the same.  We stayed out of church for almost 11 months before ds1 and I started attending another church and I eventually joined as a member earlier this year (ds1 is also now a member as he was baptized there this summer).  Dh has attended once this year, to see ds1 baptized.  Other than that, he's had absolutely no interest.

So ..... a new small group has started for ladies only.  Last night was the first meeting and already I am having second thoughts.  Well, I need to be fair and say that when it came right down to it yesterday, I didn't want to go.  I don't know why.  I just dreaded getting ready and going.  I suppose I'm scared to open myself up to other women.  I've tried so terribly hard to make friends during the ten years we've lived in Florida and every time I've been hurt.  I  have been reminded all too often that I am not "in the popular crowd" and the most recent hurt (about two and a half years ago) came from my best friend at the time who just altogether stopped speaking to me.  All these hurts came from Christian women (and in the case of my best friend, a missionary!).  Right off the bat last night I felt awkward because I elected not to have dinner with these ladies.  I explained to the group leader (gracefully I hope) that I eat organically so potluck dinners and such are not my thing.  I'm not condemning anyone for their choice to eat conventionally or even partially organic (goodness knows I'm not 100%, but I try to stay as close as possible), but going the organic route was something the Lord placed on my heart strongly about 5 years ago and I do not want to stray from it.  I feel that passionately about it.  So, here I come in an hour later than everyone else and find out that they all already know each other pretty well anyway.  Again, I am the outsider looking in.  I felt uncomfortable and intimidated the entire hour.  It didn't help matters that one of the women said something to me that really hurt my feelings (something that went straight to a self-esteem issue that the enemy was already stirring up in me during the day yesterday and I realize this woman's words were not meant the way they came across, the enemy was just still at work, but still the wound was opened deeper).

We were asked to see this group through until the end of December at which time any or all of us are free to walk away if we decide it's just not for us.  I'm already struggling to keep a positive attitude about this adventure, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

I'm sporting a new bracelet these days, compliments of one of the ladies in my Sunday School class.  The bracelets were actually given out last Sunday,  but those of us who were not in attendance then (I fall in that category) received ours today.  I don't know the origins of the bracelet, but I found the suggested uses for the bracelet listed here.  Dare I admit how many times I've already had to switch the bracelet from wrist to wrist today?

I don't guess I should be surprised at this newest test of faith, especially since I just posted this recently. 

Dh came home today and told me he'd been called into the boss's office today.  He was told that four employees were laid off today because business is so bad and slow right now.  They gave dh a couple of options since he is one of the last hires - he can choose to be laid off or take a $6/hour cut in pay.  We are barely squeaking by now so neither option is attractive and neither will pay the bills.  He will be paid his current rate of pay through this Friday, but starting next Monday the decreased rate of pay will go into effect. 

Dh heard about another company that is looking for someone to head up their plumbing department.  They currently have someone in the position, but the person is not qualified for the job.  Dh is extremely qualified for the position, but we have no idea what they would be willing to pay or what the benefits would be.  He spoke with one of the owners by phone today and hopes to meet with all the owners in person tomorrow.

I am literally sick.  Oh, Heavenly Father, please shower us with Your wisdom, guidance, and favor throughout this. 

The weight of the world - it's often a lot to bear, isn't it?  It has me down right now, but I have to snap out of it!

Last week I started Beth Moore's Believing God.  I'll admit that I've struggled with some chapters.  It's not that I disagree with what she says or anything - I'm just flat out having a hard time focusing and getting it to all sink in.  Other chapters hit me like a brick though and the light bulb starts going off above my head.  Chapter 3 gives the opportunity to  take on an adventure with God of sorts ... for a period of time that you feel placed on your heart you practice raising your shield of faith each day, increase your personal level of sanctification, and journal "Godstops" that you see evident in your life.  I had my first "Godstop" that very first day and that was definitely exciting.  As a reminder of keeping your "personal sanctification", Beth suggests wearing a blue ribbon or cord around your wrist for the length of time you'll be traveling this journey.  I knew I didn't have any blue ribbon or cord and buying something was out of the question right now for sure.  I went to my jewelry box in hopes that maybe I had something tucked away that I had forgotten about and what did I find the moment I opened the lid ... a blue cloth bracelet that ds1 gave me right before ds2 was born (it says Smile, Jesus Loves You!).  How's that for answering a need?!  I wish I could say I've done well with my particular "personal sanctification", but I have failed miserably each day.  I won't give up though.

Thursday evening we found out that dh's mother is not doing well.  She has colon cancer and apparently it has spread to her liver, stomach, and lungs.  She's been told before that it had spread and then was told no, it had not.  The oncologist she selected is by far not the best she could have seen.  Dh hasn't seen his parents in over 2 years.  They, and the rest of his family, live 650 miles away.  It's always been our burden to have to travel to see them.  Anyway, of course the guilt trip is now being laid on dh for not coming to see them and it's just not fair.  There are so many circumstances that make a trip there extremely difficult at best, but no one wants to hear it or try to understand it (dh's father has a major staph infection and we have to be extremely careful about exposing myself and ds2 to this).  Financially, a trip there is out of the question.  It's a 10 hour drive, one way, in good traffic conditions.  Dh asked that his sisters please make arrangements to bring their mother to a halfway point for us all.  A five hour drive is managable for us.  Do we have the money to make the trip (gas, food, hotel, boarding our dogs in the kennel)? - No.  But, what can we do?  At least that way we could do a 3 day trip and dh would only miss one day of work.  It doesn't sound promising though that his family will comply.  We also found out that another family member (one that is laying a guilt trip on dh) offered use of a condo to dh's sisters and mother (for free).  It's been requested that we come there, but it's a drive that would require dh missing more than one day of work and no one offered anything to us - we'd have to come up with our own accomodations.  It's all so frustrating.  To make matters worse, my own feelings come into play in all of this.  You see, I don't like my mother-in-law.  To be perfectly honest, I have nothing but hatred, anger, and bitterness in my heart for her.  She has hurt me terribly through the years (both before dh and I married and after).  She has shunned my children (her grandchildren).  I hurt for them too (my mother passed away before I even married so dh's mother is their only grandmother).  I've been honest with dh over the years about my feelings for his mother, but I don't know that he really understands the hurt and why I feel the way I do because he's never witnessed what she's done (she's always taken her jabs and spat her hateful words when dh was not around).  I know I need to forgive her and it's so huge that I cannot do it alone.  I've told the Lord I need His help, but sadly I haven't been able to let it go yet. 

I need to cling to "Believing God" right now for so many other reasons as well.  An estimate of our property taxes came in the mail a few days ago and our "rollback" amount is $30 more than we paid last year!  I do believe that our governor and elected officials have gotten our state into a whopper of a mess with the promises they made to dramatically lower property taxes (and at the last minute the plan that had been touted so highly - the plan that would have cut my property taxes in half - didn't go through and another plan passed instead).  Our water system also still isn't working correctly.  Dh has cleaned out the debris, changed the injector, and who knows what else and still we have stinky well water coming out of the faucets.  The hot water is stinky all the time and the cold water is stinky about half the time.  He's done all he knows to do at this point.  Very frustrating.  Then dh came home yesterday telling me he's concerned about his job now.  His employer found out yesterday that he lost 4 huge jobs that were a "sure thing".  Another company came in after the fact and drastically underbid him so the jobs were taken away and given to the other company.  Dh said work is slow and getting slower by the day.  Even though he's more highly qualified than the majority of the other employees, dh would be one of the first to go since he's a new hire.  I surely didn't want this test of faith right now, but that's exactly what it is - a test of faith.  We felt certain that the Lord wanted dh to leave his previous employer and take his current job at the end of June.  If dh still has a job come October, we'll be qualified for (and hopefully the paperwork will get done on time and it will be effective) medical and dental insurance again.  The amount that will be withheld from each paycheck though is enough to make you faint though.  Insurance in Florida is terribly expensive and employers don't seem very good about bearing much of the cost for the employees.  The point of all that is ... we are squeaking by now.  Once the insurance withholding kicks in, the simple fact is that there will not be enough money to pay the bills unless dh gets a lot of overtime.  A test of faith, plain and simple.  Am I scared?  Yes.  Should I be?  No.  I need to get busy Believing God.

My pastor's sermon this past Sunday was about giving the parental blessing (Scripture reference: Genesis 48).  These are such excellent points...

*Acceptance  * Affection  * Affirmation ... No matter how old your kids are, they need these three blessings.

~ Give your children a sense of value.  Let your children and grandchildren know they are special and priceless to you.  They need to know they are accepted unconditionally.

~ Give your children a spiritual heritage.  Tell them about the acts of God in your family.  Tell them of God's blessings and protection in your life. 

~ Give your children a spiritual hunger.  Encourage them to seek, pursue, and go after the things of God.  They need to know God is real, alive, and personal.  Take them to church, teach them God's Word, pray with them, and introduce them to godly people.

~ Give your children a spirit of hope.  Instill an optomistic future.  Help them to have a great confidence in God, Who is always at work on their behalf.

~ Give your children a secure marriage.  Keep your marriage sweet and secure in Jesus.  The best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother.  Stay in church, stay in the Word of God, stay committed to Christian principles, stay in love with Jesus, and stay in love with each other for the sakes of your children.

~ Give your children your time.  Attention is spelled T-I-M-E.  Give your children time!  It affirms to them that they are special and loved.

~ Give your children physical touch.  Children require meaningful touch.  Hug & kiss them!  It doesn't matter how old they are, they need it. 

~ Give your children a spoken word.  Children need to hear a spoken blessing from their parents.  Do not belittle them or talk adversely to them.  This will have a permanent adverse affect on them.  Do not allow "absent" talk in your home - take time to talk to your children about their interests, their feelings, etc.  Remember that you are dealing with someone fragile so do not be careless with your words.

Giving the parental blessing only happens when you decide to do it.  You can only give it on purpose.  You have to determine in your heart to give it to your children on purpose.  Affirm them and tell them you are proud of them.  It's never too late to do this.  Do whatever it takes to give this blessing to your children.

This message was so profound for me, but not for myself ... for dh.  I wish he had been at the service to hear it for himself, but I did have him read my notes.  Our oldest craves attention from dh and rarely gets it.  It's saddening, but I know dh is how he is because of how his own parents were with him (his three younger sisters got all the attention).  I'm hoping it's a pattern that he will break. 

On other spiritual notes this week, I've had good luck with getting to watch Joyce Meyer's television show again for the last four mornings.  I greatly enjoy her programs, but "life" just got in the way and I got out of the habit.  I also remembered to watch Beth Moore on Life Today yesterday (Wednesdays With Beth).  For some reason I just cannot remember that each week and generally think about it on Thursday, which is always one day too late.  The Lord has really been speaking to me in so many areas of my life and leading me to get back on track with Him through church sermons, Sunday School lessons, and now these television programs this week.  I just have to remember that nothing earth-shattering is going to happen overnight ... baby steps ... baby steps.

The Lord also put on my heart on Tuesday to study Psalm 107 for the next week or so.  Each day He's been revealing a bit more to me as I read it so that's been very exciting.