Sep. 1, 2005
I just want to cry
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I
just heard earlier today from my dear sweet friend that she and her
family are all safe. The second I saw that she'd e-mailed me, I
could feel my whole self just sag with relief. I didn't realize
just how tense I was feeling about the "unknowns" with that until I saw
that they really were ok. They are blessed in that they still
have their home and it's not flooded, although they're not *at* home
currently. It is beyond sobering how many people do not
either have a home to go back to or just don't know. And the
people who have died. This is almost as crushing of a feeling as
9/11, but not in the exact same way. Terrorism isn't the same
thing as a huge hurricane. One is people and their twisted
ideals. The other is an enormous natural act allowed and
controlled by a God Who really does love His creation. You might
ask how I could say that in the face of all this. I have no solid
answer for you except to say that I know He loves me. And I know
He loves you, whoever you are and where ever you're reading this
from. The world used to be perfect. He made it
perfect. He even said, after looking over all that He'd made, "It
is good." But we messed that all up. WE brought death into
the world. Along w/death came destruction, disease and
decay. With sin comes consequences. Just like our bodies
decay, so does this world. My Father speaks of natural disasters
in His Words to me and I know that while they may continue to happen
and while they may get worse and more numerous, He is there. HE
is my eye in the storm. The place of calm in the midst of an
angry, swirling mass of destruction that is life here apart from
Him. I understand a little bit better each day what it means when
it says that all creation is groaning and awaiting His return to set
things right again. I
am waiting and groaning with them in my spirit. There is so much
death and destruction just from "natural disasters" in the past year
that it's almost not comprehendable. This particular thing
strikes so much closer to home in my heart than even the tsunami.
So did the bombing of the USS Cole. My blood really felt like it
ran cold when that happened. And it happened right before my dh
was about to deploy. On a ship. To the Persian Gulf.
I wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out and see any news
again. And that was *before* 9/11. He deployed and I
obviously stayed home. We had 2 very small children at the time
and while I wanted more, I wanted to start trying for that when he got
home. That didn't happen. I found out less than two weeks
after my husband left to spend 6 months across the world that I was
pregnant. Surprise! God's thoughts are not my thoughts, His
plans are not my plans and His ways are not my ways. This has
been made abundantly clear over and over to me. And you know
what? I am so much better for it every time. I have my
precious Nikolas because God's plans were better than MY plans.
There are lots of other things I could say about that, but I know that
in all of this awful tragedy that's occurring because of this
hurricane, God has a bigger purpose. Whatever that is is not for
me to say. I just have learned - at least a teeny bit lol - that
I can trust my God. He really does have it all in His
hands.
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