Dec. 1, 2008 - long time no blog here
My DD has fussed at me for not posting here in so long. I've already confessed that keeping up with two blogs is challenging to me. However, today I felt the need to share some of my holiday woes. You may or may not remember that 1 1/2 years ago my mom and grandmother died on the same day. It was the most horrific ordeal I've lived through. But, I have lived through it. However, now that the holidays are here, well, it's just not easy. Just a moment ago I browsed through a grieving website and read a few entries from people who are experiencing the same feelings. In a way it's comforting, but at the same time it's not. Does that make sense? This will be the second Christmas without Mom. It doesn't seem possible. I wonder if it ever gets easier.
Comments
Dec. 1, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Potpourri of Praise...Laura A.
I have not walked down that road, but I know many who have, including my own mom. (Her dad died on father's day in the early 70's) And watching those around me, I know it is not easy. I will certainly be praying for you.
Dec. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Holly
I saw this the other day and wanted to comment but in reality just didn't feel that I had anything to say that was worth much at the moment. I think God was just having me stop before opening my mouth again and mull it over. I have had you on my heart a couple of times and especially this morning. I do know the pain. I do know the emotions running from happy memories to anger at why your kids do not have that special person in their lives. My mom knew Darryl but died before we married (I was almost 18) and before my kids were born. If I could have one thing it would be just one day for my mom to spend with us so that she would see my kids and know we are okay. She totally sacrificed everything for me, when she had nothing. My kids do not have a true grandmother, D's mom is great but won't let them cook with her or does not sit with them- she just wants to buy for them. My step mom is growing to be a true grandmother but never had kids and she is not a home person. My mom would have been a true grandmother, cooking, baking, doing crafts, reading to them, singing to them(she was the church pianist and did solos) and just loving them in that special way. For whatever reason God chose to take all these people early. It hurts but I can tell you the hurt does fade. Maybe, it is more you give in to accepting God's choice instead of wishing for your own to be. It is a stronghold that can consume you, and I pray that you come to know how to give that over to God so that you are not consumed. Constantly remind your flesh that God had a purpose and give it to Him. I know that you also lost your Grandmother- which was just horrible. After my mom died my Grandmother and I got in an arguement( she was getting senile and accused me of taking my mom's ring when my dad said it was lost back when they were married) and I yelled, "Grandmaw...." and she told me that she wasn't my grandmother that I was adopted. We didn't speak for years and in that day I lost my mom's two step sisters and families that to this day I have never spoken to again. No one made sure that that18 year old girl was doing okay after her mom died. I was truly on my own to survive. I worked 3 jobs to make it. I don't know why I am sharing all this. I just want you to know I do understand the pain and sorrow. I had many times that I just wanted my mom to cry to. I wanted someone who could wrap their arms around me that I knew loved and cared for me. I wanted to share the happiness of getting married and having children. Ashley was born on my mom's birthday! Is that not cool- two weeks early. I want family get togethers that I do not have. I want someone besides me for my kids to have to go to for comfort and reassurance. You probably have a long list also. But, it is not a place we can dwell. We have to daily be thankful for what we do have. Instead of spending energy wishing, we have to gather the energy to live. You have family that truely loves you. Your husband glows when he looks at you. Your kids truely love God and you. I have seen their tender heart as they look at you to see if you are okay. God has given you no more than you can handle, or they can handle. You have a true witness to give them of how even in such horrible times God is faithful. They do not have to see you happy all the time, it is such a testimony for them to see you grieve but not lose hope, not be given over to it, to see you say that it hurts but you still believe in God. I love you and hope that you can experience less pain. It will get better.
Dec. 3, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by dcellis
Thanks so much, friends. Holly, your wisdom never ceases to amaze me. Thanks for sharing your heart and your insights.
Dec. 4, 2008 - Hi
Posted by Dixiecup
Hi mom, I hope that you will be ok, I know it's hard for you,and I will be here if you ever need a hug! :)
Dixiecup,
Dec. 5, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by blessedwith2angels
I lost my mom and grandmother one month to the day apart. Those first few Christmases were very hard.
My mom's birthday is December 10th, so I am always sad on that day.
Praying for you.
I'm glad to see you post again. I've missed you.
Pam
Dec. 6, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by dixiecajuns
Hi Sweetie,
I can totally relate to your feelings. This will be our first Christmas without Elgin. I barely made it through Thanksgiving. I'm not sure how I'll make it to Christmas.
You pray for me, I'll pray for you.
Josephine