"you formed my inward parts;  You covered me in my mother's womb.  I will praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 

~ My frame was not hidden from you, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.  Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.  And in your book they were all written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them."

psalms 139:13~16

Wednesday 4:13 pm:

An ultrasound technician, a computer monitor, two very excited parents....this was a recipe for peeking into a miracle.   I am only 7 weeks (barely) pregnant....and already, a heartbeat ...a brand new person.  a life.

What better way to spend an afternoon? 

our eyes focus in on a small 'blot' of a creature. A symbol of hope. Watching it's pulse, alive and living in secret, confirming to my eyes what my soul had only begun to grasp.  It was like watching a black and white movie of a butterfly in motion. 

flutter...flutter...flutter..............................HOPE.

Most people would  think after 5 babies, i would be a little less 'moved' somehow.  yet, i realized today, that this baby has only deepened my sense of gratitude. Has somehow opened my heart a 'fifth' time wider, enabling a larger flow of love to embrace this new little person than ever before. oh, to be witnessing the beginning stages of a life..... once again. Not just anyones life...but the life of my own unborn child. (Thank you Lord).

To see that little creature nestled safely inside, and know that soon this person will become someone who's face i will memorize. the arch of the chin, the curve of the ear, the sound in the cry.  someone who's scent and and touch will capture me again and again at 2 am, and 4 am, and forever. 

This dark little mysterious shape, transforming, becoming; livng, beginning,  is my child.

HOPE.

wednesday 4:13 pm ....(2,000 miles away)

A young mother sits on the curb of what use to be a place she called home, her head nestles in close, as she smells the baby's sweet curls.  tears fall from her face as she looks around at the people wandering with no place to go.  the heat is sweltering, she is afraid...she is alone...her home, her life and her job, gone...worse her hope...forgotten..

If only i could give wings to this 'hope' that i have been given today.  I would fly her away to ths mothers.  others face losses most of us will never know, lost husbands, mothers, sisters, and even their own children.  un-imagineable.

Life has a funny way of keeping her mysteries to herself.  'why' was my wednesday 4:13 pm so full of joy, when other mothers were mourning beyond grief?  'why' am I given such a blessing, when other mothers are facing such grave losses?  can we even ask 'why?'. 

"Human suffering raises almost intolerable intellectual problems"

C.S. Lewis

I will choose to say there is hope in this day.  Even knowing that if i turn on the news, there will be tears of other mothers, hungry children...thugs, rapists, evil, loss.

I will choose to say there is hope...because I know there is.  There is hope in a Heavenly Father, 'who's ways are not our ways' but who works out good for evil, for those who believe, those whose hope is in HIM. 

"He gives and takes away, still my heart will say, Blessed be the name of the LORD"

Posted by gottsegnet

I enjoyed your blog. Life is such a miracle...it is hard to understand how some can cast it away so flippantly. My third is sleeping in her car seat next to me with her soft little snore, my first just went back to bed after wandering around aimlessly in the kitchen and my second seems to have recovered from his nightmare. Night time is so special to me. I always resolve to be a better parent the next day. And there are always those eyes. The baby's whole face lights up when she sees me...I truly wish I could say I looked to the Lord with the heart of a child. Full of love, wonder and pure trust that all my needs would be met. Reveling in His arms at the faintest attention. Desiring nothing more than the gentlesness of His voice and the assurance of His presence.