Our first day of 'official homeschool' was two weeks ago wednesday....we got some very sad news.....

we lost our sweet unborn baby.  i was only 7 weeks along.  but i was in love with this tiny creature within.  i had bonded and already I was cleaning out closets and sorting thru HJ's gently used baby things to make room for our 4th child. 

I now am regaining my composure.  able to 'talk' about it...write about it....but only a little bit at a time.  How do i 'do this'?  'I need help' i cried out in my heart as i opened my eyes this morning.  i could tell a gloomy morning would greet me. the sun had hidden himself behind the marine layer and I forced myself to get out of bed and make eggs and  coffee for D before he headed off to work.  

"God, I really need your strength today". 

I have buried myself in the Lord.  I am hopeful that He will provide the strength i will need to grieve and move forward....however slowcoming that strength may be.  

Today:

teach

laundry 

meals....

floors

bathroom

post office

library

grocery store: milk, bread eggs

smile and hug kids

love husband

....honestly...i just want to run to a mountain top ALONE to grieve.

where does the mommy go when she is hurting and needs to ''not be needed'' for a while?  I am having a bittersweet romance with the fact that life goes on...whether I want it to or not. 

from the other room i hear the boys fighting.  i want it to stop...i want to have the strength to get up out of this lonely pity party and 'teach them' to 'love one another and be kind'....i want the strength to give them a pep talk...but.

Posted by HomeGrownKids

{{{{{{Nehemiahmommy}}}}}}

Set the children up with a good video and go spend some time in the presence of The Father.

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today.

In His Grip,
Susan <><

Posted by TOSPUBLISHER

May the Lord comfort you as only he can. Be good to yourself! So glad you are part of the community here at HSB. It is a place of friendship and encouragement.
God Bless,

Gena Suarez
Publisher, The Old Schoolhouse Magazine
www.TheHomeschoolMagazine.com

Posted by HannahJoy's Mom

I found you through the comment you left on my daughters blog. I have cried with you today and lifted you up in prayer. I pray you will find time to be alone in His presence, for "times of refreshing."
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Lynn

Posted by cudltot

I am sorry for your loss.