It's been tough trying to stay focused.... but I am learning to grieve while at the same time, 'do the next thing'.  Since the miscarriage, my hormones and my heart are trying to 'adjust'...but it isn't easy.  I can't seem to find my usual joy in doing school right now.  I wake up some mornings and still feel tears welling up.  I know I have to move on, but the grieving can come at odd times and sort of sweep me away. 

I hold dear to my sweet sister's words in her email to me this morning:

"been thinking about you all week, pray that you are doing great and coming out the other side of your trial by fire with increased joy, perseverance, hope and  character of our loving Saviour.  i love you and will call you this weekend. "

I love those words....'increased joy, perseverence, hope and character of our loving saviour' .  I want that.  I know from all my past trials by fire,  I am being formed and shaped into His Character.   in the midst of our trial...it does feel like fire.  we can feel the sting, and become trapped by the pain. for me, the only way out of those moments is by remembering my sweet, loving and gracious Saviour.  He is my light, my strength, my song.

He fills me with HOPE.  he fills all of our empty spaces.  even the empty spaces that once were filled with LIFE, with an unborn child.  I know my babies are with Him now.  right now. I get a peace knowing that He is caring for them 'til i get there.  I also know that they are fullfilling their life purpose at His feet right now.  I know these things because the bible tells me. 

The Lord brought the most beautiful scripture that day in the hospital.  David stood over my bed and used it as a prayer... 

"though the fig tree does not bud, and there are no grapes on the vine, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food....yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my saviour.  The sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; He enables me to go on the heights."

~Habakkuk 3:17-19

"The Sovereign Lord is my strength".......

I dig a bit deeper into my heart to grasp this.  Through my trembling and tears I cry out to Him...

'In your sovereignty I will find my strength?' 

I meditated on this for weeks.....It was His Sovereign Will to allow this to happen...for us to be a lifetime apart from our baby. But through His grace I was able to find my strength in trusting in His sovereignty.  

My spirit is at peace with finding 'joy in the soveriegnty of the Lord'...i trust Him. even when I don't understand.  My spirit is at peace, but my heart still aches.

That is the place where I am learning to live right now. 

Posted by momof3feistykids

and, in time, healing, with the help of your faith and those who love you so dearly. Blessings ~ Steph

Posted by JenIG

what a beautiful post; this really blessed me today.
jen