My teen daughters and I were talking about friendship recently. They are in turmoil over not developing close friendships with some girls. After listening to them tell about the on again, off again attitude toward friendship that teen girls have, I was thinking, "If feelings can be so fickle, why do you want that in your life?".

It's perfectly fine to have one or two close friendships. A gob of friends isn't necessarily always healthy. One can get into a lot of trouble in this type of setting.  My husband puts it best, "There are things that you'll do with a group of people that you wouldn't dare do on your own."

We can teach our children about what's valuable in friendships and how to choose your friends wisely. But, when it comes to wanting to belong, a lot of the teaching goes out the window. So, heartache is almost certain to follow.

I guess the next step in guiding our daughters (all of our children) is to focus on their leadership skills and ability. To teach them that they don't have to compromise who they are or their values to fit in. If anything, they should want to stand out and be known for doing what's right; to be a shining example. Who says that they have to follow? My husband claims that in high school, he was the peer pressure. His peers say him as a stand-up guy, stepped up their game and didn't talk about the "crap" that guys usually talk about in the locker room. They knew that he would call them on it.

I know that as MOM, I may seem stupid to my daughters and I have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about or how they feel. Number one reason is that I was never homeschooled and I don't know what homeschooled girls go through. I'll give them that; only the fact that I wasn't homeschooled. BUT, the people/teen girls are the same in any setting: public school, private school, co-ops and homeschool. Girls are shunned everyday and it has nothing to do with school affiliation.

My girls have to know that : 1)They can't please (nor should they strive to) everyone. 2)They should strive to be the best that God designed them to be.

I hope that this is an open dialogue between my girls and I as they get older and wiser. They do confess sometimes that I make valid points. We'll see.

I know that teens have opinions and feelings about things. I know. I’ve been there. But never did I raise my voice or talk in a disrespectful way to my parents.  What are some ways that we as parents can instruct and disciple our teens in expressing themselves while still being respectful and honoring?

It is now Basketball season in the Nellums household. The kids are playing with the Impact league through our church.

 Aubrey is playing on an all girls team.  She is the oldest on her team. I think she likes it that way.  They had their first game tonight and they won big time. I'm a very pleased momma.  The score was 37 to 9. I think that it's going to be a good season.

Austin and Josiah were on seperate teams to begin with because of the age range. After seeing Austin's team practice we knew that Josiah is just as (if not more than) capable than some of the fellas on Austin's team. Besides, their scheduled games conflicted with each other. It would be difficult to be in two places at one time. Austin's coach allowed Josiah to be on the team. We're glad to see the brothers play together again. I think that they have this "knowing" between them of what the other is going to do during the game.

Little Miss Sydney is cheering for the basketball teams. She finally gets to do it!! She has done so well with learning her cheers. I'm excited to see how she brings it. LOL!

Lord, thank You for the ability that my children have to play the sports that they enjoy. Grant them protection and guidance in every play and cheer. Bring to their remembrance that while they are playing they are still representing You. Help them to be pleasing in Your sight. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Our baby girl (6 y/o) has been wanting to be a cheerleader since seeing the cheerleaders for her brother's football team.  She makes up her own little cheers and performs them non-stop.  She made herself some pom-poms last night out of strips of paper and colored a few of the strips. After a while her pom-pom fell apart.

When we got up this morning I saw her new and improved pom-poms on the kitchen table with a note that read "Sydney's Pom Poms".  Her daddy blessed her with those colorful pom poms before he came to bed last night.

He's so thoughtful. It makes me love him that much more.

Brian could always brag about never being "sprayed" by any of our children while changing their diapers.  This morning that record was no more!!

After 13 straight years of being dry, our three year old now has bragging rights. 

Brian had just put him into the bathtub this morning and Caleb felt the urge to relieve himself. 

Brian was very cool about it and we had a really good laugh about it all morning.

I am working on "listening the first time" with the kids.  It reduces stress for them and myself.  Last night was the first example and lesson. 

The two older boys were having a food fight with corn and chicken.  My cooking wasn't that bad that they had to throw it.  I told them ONE time to clean up their mess.  I didn't yell at them to get their attention. I simply stated that it needed to be done.  After five minutes they were nowhere to be found and the mess was still there.  I went upstairs to their room and found them playing basketball.  I did not repeat myself about picking up their mess. I just swatted them one time and they knew exactly why.  They promptly went to the kitchen and cleaned it up much better than I thought they would.  Austin even swept the floor.

This is something that I know will take time but it can be accomplished.  I will not be known to my children as being a nag but as being firm the first time.  No more counting to three.  Thats old. 

I know that one way for them to listen to me the first time is to get on their level physically, get their undivided attention (we look each other in the eye) and tell them what needs to be done and what is expected.  I have to be mindful that there may be thing that they are in the middle of doing that I can wait to ask them to do something.  Not EVERYthing has to be done RIGHT NOW.  I have to allow for flexibility sometimes. 

I also have to be willing to listen to them and to understand that there may be legitimate reasons, not excuses, for them not being able to complete a task. We'll evaluate and come up with a solution.

How I want to be treated is how I want to treat my children. I know how a harsh word or statement can sting right to the core.  Am I doing that to my kids? I know how an unapproving look can make me feel like crap.  Am I doing that to my kids?  I know how it feels when someone isn't accountable.  Am I doing that to my kids?  I know how it feels when I don't seem to measure up, nothing I do is right and I'm fearful of what others think.  Am I doing that to my kids?

God is good, gracious and merciful.  He knows my faults, looks beyond them and loves me anyway.  I want to be that for my kids.

Definition:

Maid (meyd) 1. A woman servant.

My wonderful Josiah came home today and told me that he told his teacher that he has maid. (I'm imagining this, right?) I asked him where his maid was.  He said, "well, you're kind of like a maid."

I must not be doing my job right because he is supposed to feel like he's a slave.  You'd think that thats the case everytime I ask him to do something around the house because he pouts, whines and rolls around on the floor.

It is definately time to put my Family Management skills to work and get us ALL involved in the daily chores and work in the home.  I refuse to do it all.

Today is our baby girl's birthday.  She is six years old.  She thinks this marks her as being a Big Girl and I guess in a way it does.  Hopefully now her attitude about getting up for school every morning will improve. I've had to deal with my own emotions and self-control every morning.  It keeps me on my toes to practice patience.  Who is a better teacher than your own?  I have practiced reality discipline with her many times.  What I mean is that sometimes she has gone to school without matching socks (she wore capris that day), hair combed the way she fixed it, no back pack and even pajamas.  Now, the pajama thing is a little different.  I put her in the car like that one morning, dropped the boys off and took her back home to change into something more appropriate for school. I don't think that I was being mean in those instances but I was aiming to get my point across that there are consequences when we act a nut. 

I believe that she and the other kids (and myself) will grasp that lesson, but it will never be something that we wholly achieve because we live on this earth and often walk in the flesh. Having the mind of Christ is the ultimate goal and the only time that will come into the fullness is when we leave this earth. 

My prayer today is this...

Lord, thank You that first of all I can do all things through You who strengthens me.  You tell me in Your Word not to be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing (renovation) of my mind so that I may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2).  I know that my actions/reactions (right or wrong) are my responsibility and the price to pay may be dear or very rewarding.  Help me to live my life in front of my children that will show them Your way of making decisions. My choices are mine to make but with your Spirit living in me, You will help me to see things through You.  In Your wonderful and Holy Name I pray. Amen 

Today will be very busy for us. On top of having basketball practices to get the girls to (all three), I have the joy of shopping for our Princess Sydney's birthday gift(s). She will be six years old tomorrow and she is so excited.  She asked for Groovy Girls dolls and accesories. I scoped them out a month ago so at least I know where I'm going for that.  Also on my to do list is to go to our local Christian book store to find a song to sing in a couple of Sundays.

Yes, I know that no one asked for a run down of my day but I think that its more to keep me straight today.

The girls are getting ready to start on their work.  It is challenging at times but I know that it will be rewarding in the end. I must find things regularly that will keep their interests piqued.

Until later, see ya.