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I have qualified many times. At first it was "coincidental" and mildly entertaining. Then it got to be more regular and funnier. Then my daughter came prancing through the dining room chanting "Mom is a redneck! Mom is a redneck!" Now it's just redundant, sometimes embarrassing and still pretty funny.
But this time, this time--I'm laughing louder; 'cause I got one for him--him being Jeff Foxworthy. Every year we get one of those daily calendars called You Might Be a Redneck If...by Jeff Foxworthy. This is at least our third year, if not fourth.
There was "if you know the macaroni and cheese recipe by heart." (referenced above) Check.
There was "if you've forgotten what's under the blue tarp in your front yard." Check.
There was "if you've kissed within 20 yards of a dumpster." (We've had four different, full-sized dumpsters in our yard continuously for the first 3 years we lived here.) Check.
Or, "if the directions to your house include the words 'turn off the paved road'." Check.
Then we started making up our own: Just a few weeks ago it was "...if one of your chickens gets on your picnic table to join the party." or "...if you have more than 5 pair of shoes in your car." But this one, this one takes the cake. I haven't seen it in any of the calendars, ever. And it deserves a place. Are you ready??
With all respect to the master, Mr. Foxworthy, how about...
"You might be a redneck if....you find live ammo in your washing machine when you change the laundry!" Yessirree Bob--that's what happened here at Netherfield Farm yesterday and let me tell you, I knew in a moment that it was a turning point in our evolution from city slickers to true, rural residents.
When Jeff calls for permission to use this one, I'll ask for a by-line. |
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