My uncle gifted us with two horses.  First it was going to be just one--Princess.  That's pretty much what she is, too.  Then he asked if we wanted her buddy as well.  He's not really broken to ride, not that he can't be, but he's just her buddy.  Of course, we're not going to turn down a free horse.  He's actually a little bigger than her so he would be a good next horse for my oldest, if I can successfully train him.

In the whole scheme of things, he's the extra.  But, I like him.  Well at the late hay feed the other night (11pm), he turned around toward Princess with his ears back and chomped her right on the head when she tried to get some hay.  He chomped so hard that she banged the side of her head on the wall getting away from him.  Without even thinking I thonked him on the top of his head with my gloved hand and he just about came undone.

Anybody who works with horses knows you don't hit horses on the head.  You just don't.  It makes them "head shy" where they avoid your hands by swinging their heads around.  That can be a dangerous thing in and of itself.  An 80 lb. head swinging around is a weapon.  But besides that, you've got to be able to handle a horse's head, a lot.

I felt sick at what I'd done.  I hadn't hit him that hard at all.  And I was wearing a big puffy glove.  But, he had come here with a reputation for being headshy and I had kind of prided myself on working it out of him.  He was pretty tolerant of me even petting his ears.  My aunt and uncle had been really amazed that he wasn't head shy anymore. 

Now, here, after 5 seconds of lack of self-control, I had undone months of trust.  I tried for awhile to pet him when he came to the hay bag, but he was having none of it.  I walked up to the house, sick at heart.  It would take 100 hours of diligent care to undo that split-second decision.  

My gut  was just twisted up as I was getting ready for bed and then I thought; "How many times have I done this to my children, who matter ever so much more than this extra horse??"   Then I was really in turmoil.  I often pray that the Lord shelter my children from my mistakes.  I know I remember so little about my childhood, really.  I had a great childhood, but I don't remember hardly any details.  (Sometimes that comforts me--for them.) 

Anyway, the long and short of it is--I was glad the Holy Spirit prompted me to realize that here I was traumatizing myself over the treatment of this horse, who matters not much, when my children have felt the "blows" to their self-esteem by my careless words or actions on many more occasions.  I was grieved.  I prayed for them, for me and for that silly red horse.  (I had already apologized to him.)

Next morning, I decided I'd spend some time grooming them while they ate.  Guess what--he forgot/forgave me.  He's over it.  I was surprised.  That's uncommon in the horse world.  Maybe it was the darkness of the barn, or that I changed my gloves.  Maybe it was the Holy Spirit.  Whatever it was, I took it as a sign that the Lord heard my prayer.  His forgiveness was shown to me in an uncommon way, that I would not mistake.

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