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It's been too hectic here lately. DH has been travelling, which doesn't happen a lot, except this summer! Now he's never here. Ugh. I have been wanting to blog but just can't squeeze it in. We did start school, more of a stumble up onto a curb. I WILL NEVER LAY OFF MATH FOR THE ENTIRE SUMMER EVER AGAIN! What a huge mistake. We are paying for it. The part that hurts the worst is that it makes #1 in particular, sure that she is stupid. The negative pressure/stigma that it has delivered is definitely not worth the layoff. But to the purpose of this particular posting. "Another one bites the dust." Hmm, a song from the 80's by that freakish group, Queen. I remember this song being played at football games..."and another one's gone and another one's gone. Another one bites the dust. Hey! Gonna get you too. Another one bites the dust." Didn't know it would return to my life with such meaning. One of my current close friends, who I only met through homeschooling 2 years ago, is putting her kids in school on Monday. What a bomb! She folded her hands nicely and said, "There's something I've got to tell you." All I could think was, "Oh ____!" Then when she told me, of course I wanted to be supportive and honestly, I understand and agree with her situation, for all her reasons. My friend visited her school and met the teachers and told me her daughter's room is like a dream school room, attached to the school nature center! It was so hard to hear. I wanted to puke. My schoolroom was recently moved upstairs, is in chaos and has a cat litter box in the adjacent bathroom. Yipee. While I am glad for my friend, it reflects on me and where I am and shows me that I am squarely in the mediocre category. Yuck. Am I crazy to keep going? I have NO desire to send my kids to school, but I also have no desire to give them the most weenie education around--and I'm worried that I'm worried more about my reputation than I would like. Most days I feel like I'm shoving mules uphill with my shoulder. I'm tired of leaving my home in uproar to run other places to have playdates. I want to stay here and have it together so these girls grow up in a home that is together, so they'll want to be that way! What are my goals for their education? How do I get there? Back to Michael Pearl, if I can't be joyful or pleasant, my chances of raising joyful children are slim to none. Is it too late? I tend to be task oriented--not because that's my personality but because I feel like I am judged on two things, my home and my kids. If I'm always behind, I'm always trying to catch up a little anywhere! Every room needs caught up...so no time for nature study, gotta do laundry! Sooooooo, her announcement has sent me into a tailspin. Probably for the wrong reasons. But life's about change. Nothing ever stays the same, no matter how much we would like it to. And change, even good change can result from crisis--that's what I'm shooting for here. Again, I totally support her position and this post was not intended to criticize her in any way. She's in a spot from a couple of different directions and this will be a good solution for them, for now. I know she and her husband have been on their faces over this and want to honor the Lord and serve their family. They are both mourning the loss of homeschooling, but know they need to make some changes, even temporarily. I told her and her husband, this isn't forever. It's what's needed now. Now if I could only discover what's needed now, here. :(
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