When our first two children were still preschoolers, my husband took them
to the park without me. I had some work to finish up, so they went ahead
and walked the two blocks before me. About twenty minutes later I was done
and hurried to join them. As I rounded the corner, I could see our youngest
(at the time) climbing the leg of the swing set. She had almost reached the
top bar about ten feet off the ground.
Images immediately rushed across my mind. I could see her slipping and
falling to the ground; see her missing her grip and knocking out her front
teeth on the post; see her sliding down the pole and getting a terrible
skin "burn"; see her . . .
You know what I mean. We moms are so good at imagining those "what if's."
In a way, that tendency is good. It helps us protect our young ones from
potential danger instead of just cleaning up the mess afterward.
But the trick of Masterly Inactivity is to not communicate those thoughts
to the children. We need to keep them to ourselves and stay calm. Keep an
alert eye, yes. Insert a wise word of caution, sometimes. But not to the
point of causing nervous anxiety.
Charlotte thought that mothers "should give their children the ease of a
good deal of letting alone, and should not oppress the young people with
their own anxious care" (Vol. 3, p. 30).
For many a mother, and especially a homeschooling mother, the children
become her life. Though Charlotte was not a mother herself, she knew that
"the mother is apt to be too much engrossed with her children" (Vol. 3, p.
30). Every waking moment is filled with their needs, their ambitions, their
faults, their strengths, their victories, their stomachaches, their
macaroni and cheese. If we're not careful, we end up so focused on them
that they start focusing on themselves too.
They become self-absorbed and anxious about their progress. "The small
person of ten who wishes to know if her attainments are up to the average
for her age, or he who discusses his bad habits with you and the best way
of curing them, is displeasing, because one feels instinctively that the
child is occupied with cares which belong to the parent only" (Vol. 3, p.
30).
As in all the areas of masterly Inactivity, a balance is crucial. "The
moral is, not that all mothers should be careless and selfish" (Vol. 3, p.
30). But many children would benefit from a good deal of letting alone.
--
Would you like to be reminded of the principles of Masterly Inactivity all
through 2008? Our new calendar journal is now available: A Year of Masterly
Inactivity with Charlotte Mason. See our Web site for details:
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