I am reposting this newsletter from A Woman of Value for two reasons. 

First it speaks to my heart now just as it did when I first read it.

Second, the publisher Norma Daulton is not well.  She is has closed her groups and said farewell but I just can not let her words fade into the void.  She helped me through some very dark days and although we have never met, I feel a close kinship to her.  My one regret is that I did not let her know that.

Who blesses you?  Do they know it?  Appropriately enough October is Clergey Appreciation month.  Is there someone who may not be getting a thank you although the bless you?  Someone who sends or publishes an online newsletter like Mrs. Daulton?  The person (or persons) who serve meals on Wednesday nights at your church, the grounds keepers?

Yes, this month (and all year through) we should honor our Clergy, but the Bible says we are ALL called to preach, therefore we are all Clergy and some need to know that there are sheep who love them for everything they do, seen and unseen.

PLEASE PRAY for Mrs. Daulton, and please send a link to this post to everyone you know.

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© A Woman Of Value      November/December 2005 Issue      Editor/Publisher  Norma Daulton

 

Contents of Issue #59

 

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"If two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask,it will be done for them..."

(Matt. 18:19).

 

One of the greatest reasons God wants couples to pray together is stated by

Jesus in Matthew 18:19...that reason is praying in agreement.

 

1. The prayer of agreement unites a husband and wife spiritually

before God.

 

 

Prayer naturally brings you into agreement with one another as you

hold your

petitions before the Lord. In fact, you can't pray whole-heartedly and

in a

unified manner without agreeing together. By coming before God you are

naturally uniting your hearts for one common end. This unity was the fruit

of collective prayer in the early church. When the apostles were

persecuted,

the believers came together and "raised their voice to God with one

accord..

" (Acts 4:24). The testimony of Scripture reveals that when this group

finished praying together that they were "one heart and one soul" (Acts

4:32).

 

Now is there anything that couples need more than to be of one heart

and one

soul with each other? How different this attitude is from the independence

that many couples experience. However, the agreement indicated in these

passages describes a depth of relationship that is truly satisfying.

If you

desire this level of spiritual unity in your marriage, begin to pray

together and watch your oneness grow. This is God's design for prayer in

your marriage.

 

2. Prayer encourages humility and honesty in married couples.

 

Experiencing unity of heart with your mate is not automatic. It requires a

special attitude by both partners. Jesus taught that an honest and humble

heart was an absolute essential for effective prayer when He told the

story

of the two men who came to the temple to pray. One man was very

self-righteous and ended up praying with only himself because God

would not

hear him. The other man humbled himself and cried out, "God be merciful to

me a sinner!" (Luke 18:9-14). Only the second man was received and

justified

before God, simply because he honestly and humbly confessed his need.

 

In the same manner, if you want to grow in your prayer life together,

it is

necessary to honestly bear your soul before your mate as well as

before God.

As you humble yourself and acknowledge your personal needs before God, you

are communicating a special message to your mate. You are declaring

that you

are open, vulnerable, and sincere. And remember, God gives grace to the

humble. All marriages could use God's grace to smooth off the rough edges.

 

One of the greatest problems that I observe as a marriage counselor is

pride

and the refusal to acknowledge any weakness or need to one another.

However,

praying together is a great way to solve this problem. It's important for

you to remember that your spouse knows you and the problems you face

better

than anyone else in the world. For you to refuse to pray or to whitewash

your problems in prayer only keeps you further from one another and the

depth of relationship you long for. Therefore, when you pray together, be

honest and humble yourself before God. Allow your spouse to hear you

confess

your needs openly. You can't help but be drawn closer together as a

result.

 

3. Prayer develops and deepens your communication.

 

Good communication is a fundamental key to real companionship and

prayer is

the hand that turns the key to open this door. How does prayer help your

communication? First, read some of the prayers that are recorded in the

Bible and notice what happens. Don't you gain a deeper insight into the

heart of the one praying because this person is communicating something

honestly from the heart? One such example is when Solomon prayed to

the Lord

at the dedication of the temple. There were multitudes who heard him that

day and who were drawn to an agreement of heart as they heard his

communication with God. Scripture declares that when he had finished

praying

that the people "bowed their faces to the ground...and worshiped and

praised

the Lord" (2 Chron. 7:3). We too are blessed and encouraged because this

prayer is recorded for us in Scripture. Our hearts become stirred because

Solomon honestly communicated the depth of his soul before God. He

declared

his humble praise, his faith in God's great ability, and his commitment to

giving God his whole heart. As we read this prayer, it still communicates

today a powerful message. We know Solomon's heart because he

communicated it

in prayer.

 

The great thing about prayer is that you say things to the Lord that you

would never say to each other in casual conversation. For example, when a

woman hears her husband praying earnestly about his situation at work, she

may realize, Wow, I had no idea this was such a difficult issue for him.

Likewise, when you describe your commitment in prayer to obey and follow

Christ, you are communicating to your spouse that he or she can trust that

you will be committed to fulfilling all your responsibilities in your

marriage too. What a sweet fruit of trust and intimacy this will bear.

 

4. Prayer establishes deeper companionship.

 

Think with me for a moment. What are the key issues that hinder real

companionship with your spouse? Are they not independence, pride, and

a lack

of communication? If you will notice, these problems are naturally

addressed

by my first three points. As you humbly pray with one another,

communicating

your needs before God, you will automatically grow in a spiritual

unity with

one another which results in a deeper companionship. And remember,

companionship is the most important reason that you are married. Malachi

made this clear when he specifically called your marriage partner your

companion" (Mal. 2:14). If you lack companionship in your marriage, prayer

is one very important way to deepen it. If you refuse to unite with your

wife/husband in prayer, there will always be a depth to your companionship

that will be lacking. Remember, the closer we get to God, the closer

we get

to each other.

 

5. Your marriage will be built up because you will be built up.

 

You will never be the loser by giving yourself to pray with your spouse.

Scripture makes it clear that when a believer prays he or she will be

built

up as a result. Jude declared: "Building yourselves up on your most holy

faith, praying in the Holy Spirit" (Jude 1:20). As you pray and spend time

petitioning and communing with the Father, He will build you up. Jesus

promised that the Holy Spirit will come to fill your heart because of

prayer: "How much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to

those who ask Him?" (Luke 11:13). If you and your spouse are filled

with the

Spirit, your lives will manifest the fruit of His Spirit (Gal. 5:22,23).

 

Isn't His love, longsuffering, and self-control what every marriage needs?

As you are built up personally with these qualities, your marriage will be

built up too, and your home will be wonderfully strengthened. Beloved,

don't

miss what God wants to do in this area of your marriage because of your

independence, pride, or fear. Open your heart and ask the Father to

work in

you to will and to do of His good pleasure (Phil. 2:13). You won't be

sorry!

 

  How can you make the practical changes needed?

 

It is not enough to know that you should be praying with your spouse; you

must practice it. But you may be thinking, What should I do to begin?

Where

should I start? Let's look at some of the practical ways to change things.

 

1. Find a mutually agreeable time.

 

This is the best place to begin your conversation with your mate.

Depending

on your work schedule, whether or not you have children, and if you are a

morning person or a night owl, you must determine the best time to pray

together. Try to determine the most undistracted time of day possible. I

often hear, What is that? My life is always distracted. Of course, most of

us have very full lives with many daily commitments. But, be assured, you

will never find time for prayer, you have to make time. In the same

way you

set aside specific time for grooming or eating everyday, you will want to

set aside time for prayer with your spouse. I would suggest, if you are an

early riser, an early morning rendezvous before the kids get up. Or,

if you

are a night person, pray with each other just before bed. This may entail

some sacrifice, getting up earlier or turning the television off in the

evening.

 

2. Keep the prayer time short.

 

I have found that one of the greatest mistakes that couples make when

beginning a prayer time together is that of trying to immediately pray for

an extended period of time. If your spouse is not accustomed to the

practice

of prayer, he or she can become turned off to praying with you if you

insist

on a marathon experience. Don't try to be so spiritual that you end up

quenching your partner's desire to pray. If you want to successfully

change

your habits, begin with a short time together at first, possibly just

a few

minutes. This will keep your partner from becoming discouraged, impatient,

or intimidated. Let the Lord slowly and naturally lengthen your prayer

time

together as a result of the Spirit drawing you forward, not by some

external

rule you have set up. Simply pray by taking turns back and forth until one

partner doesn't pray anymore. Then conclude the prayer and be thankful for

the time that you have had together. Never forget, God wants to bless this

time with your mate, so be careful not to force or impose your will upon

your spouse. Remember, the "servant of the Lord must not strive but be

gentle to all..." (2 Tim. 2:24).

 

3. Keep your turn to pray short.

 

Keeping your prayers short will accomplish several goals. First, it will

naturally keep your prayer time short, as I just discussed. But, it will

also keep you more focused on what you are praying about. Think for a

moment

about the last time you heard someone go on and on with some lengthy

prayer.

Wasn't it difficult to stay focused on what the person was praying?

 

Therefore, get to the point and say what you need to say and then be

silent.

This gives your spouse the opportunity to add any postscript to your

prayer

that will bring further agreement together. Remember, if you pray

everything

there is to pray on any given subject, then why do you need your spouse to

pray with you? Often I hear this as a specific complaint from one

spouse: He

(or she) prays for everything and I can't even get a word in on the

subject!

 

To solve this problem you must deal with your selfishness and the

desire to

control the prayer time. Remember, we are to give "preference to one

another

" not dominate or control others (Rom. 12:10). This attitude will keep you

sensitive to your mate's needs and encourage effective prayer.

 

4. Keep it personal.

 

One thing that greatly encourages effective prayer together is

acknowledgment of your personal needs in the presence of your mate before

God. So often in group prayer meetings I hear people using very impersonal

words such as we and us, never confessing personally I need. Yet, what

happens in your heart when someone does confess a personal need? Doesn't

your heart go out to that person as you agree with his or her request?

Don't

you sense a knitting together with this individual? The same result will

occur if you will become very personal with your spouse by acknowledging

your individual needs.

 

Remember the difference between the prayer of the Pharisee and the

publican

in Luke 18:9-14. The publican humbled himself and confessed his need

and the

Pharisee did not. Don't be like the Pharisee or you may end up praying by

yourself. Intimacy in prayer encourages others to be honest too. Don't

wait

for your spouse to start before you open up. You can start by asking

for the

most important things in your life. Then watch what happens to your

mate as

he or she prays. You will sense an immediate change.

 

5. Pray for your marriage.

 

To encourage more honest and open prayer with your mate, take the next

step

of praying for your marriage. However, you must be careful here so as

not to

offend. Don't pray for a specific problem your mate has or where he or she

has offended you. This, of course, would be perceived by your spouse

as very

condemning and arrogant. The best way to handle praying for your

marriage is

to first thank Him for your spouse and request God's help in the areas

where

you are personally failing. This is the "remove the plank from your

own eye"

principle that Jesus taught in Matthew 7:5. When you begin asking God

for a

greater love or a willingness and sensitivity to be a servant to the needs

of your spouse, he or she will sense your humility. This can only draw two

people closer.

 

In addition, ask God to bring healing and growth to your relationship.

Regularly thank Him for the mate He has given you, stressing his or her

strong points. By doing so, you are recognizing the value you place on

your

mate as you offer your praise to God. This is how prayer can build your

marriage in a way nothing else can.

 

What are some other issues you should pray about?

 

The subject matter to be prayed over is also another issue that some

struggle with. This is a subject that Jesus also covered in His ministry

while He was here on earth. In Matthew 6:9-15, Jesus taught His disciples

the manner in which to pray. The word manner means "to pray in this

way" or

in this fashion." By teaching them this prayer, He revealed some of

the most

significant things that we should pray about and He placed them in an

order

of priority.