Jun. 27, 2009 - Lost in Thought
We had a rare companionable silence in the mini-van. Whatever a family of six is, it is not generally quiet. And whatever silence ensues in the van is usually imposed; as in "I don't want to hear anybody else! Zip it; stop the arguing, just be quiet or {insert threat to take away media or Pokemon cards here}."
But this silence was truly companionable and even without the background uber-cheerfulness of the ubiquitous purple dinosaur and his inane and incessant songs. Why the preschool princess allowed us that small mercy, I have no idea.
After several moments, a small wondering three year old voice piped up from the car seat:
"I sure would like to go to London and see that bridge that is falling down."
Blessings, Holly
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Jun. 26, 2009 - Cool Cousin Time
Some or all of the cousins have engaged in some or all of the following activities since their arrival 24 hours ago:
Writing a Story
Telling Spooky Tales
Playing Risk
Playing Stratego
Playing Life
Dancing
Making a Cake
Drawing
Playing Wii
Playing GameCube
Playing Whole House Hide and Seek
Water War
Slip-n-Slide
Outdoor Showers
Walking 2-3 miles with Their Aunt
Opening Presents
Consuming 3 Gallons of Milk
Eating no less than 6 pounds of Fruit
Phoning their Folks
Creating a Polymer
Extending the Concept into Cornstarch and Water Concoctions
Contemplating Devising an Experiment with Electricity and Water (nixed by responsible adult on hand)
Having a Tea Party
Playing Dress Up
Playing on the Swing Set
Playing Soccer
Playing Ladderball
Building with Legos
The next 24 entails shipping the whole crew off to a Harry Potter Exhibit at Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago.
Blessings, Holly
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Jun. 23, 2009 - Idiocy Abounding, Collective Wisdom of Our Times, or Both?
"My job is being the best, most supportive and loving father that I can be to my kids, and not being married to Kate doesn’t change that." --Jon Gosselin
"My goal is peace for the kids." --Kate Gosselin
Pop culture troglodytes will be wondering, "Who are the Gosselins?" Don't worry, it doesn't matter. Their statements are as universal in divorcing couples as they are idiotic.
On what planet does being the best, most supportive and loving father not include, second on the list after loving God, loving the childrens' mother in a committed stable relationship? And since when is love at all conditional on what one gets in return? Why do men seem incapable of understanding that the immediate and inevitable result of an unloved wife is one who demonstrates significant anger and control? How can a man underestimate the incredible lifelong impact of a real man who works through difficulties rather than engaging in any of our society's preferred methods of escape and avoidance? How does any man expect their children to respect them when at the moment that mattered most, they were willing to transfer their own frustration, disappointment and intense hurt from their own adult frames capable of bearing them to their childrens' small shoulders? And no, you can't tell me for a moment that divorce doesn't do exactly that to children. Of course it does.
And on what planet does a parent arrive at the notion that smashing a family to smithereens results in peace for children? Silence, distance or lack of communication are not synonymous with peace. Every study in this galaxy shows kids of divorce lead far from peaceful lives by any measure one cares to use. And sorry, but the "it's better than listening to us fight" measure doesn't hold water either. Kids from marriages in which the kids report significant discord (but not abuse) between the spouses still do better on every measure than kids of divorce. Why do women seem incapable of understanding that the immediate and inevitable result of a disrespected husband is one who demonstrates a significant "checking out" from the relationship?
I'm not trying to bash Jon and Kate. They are all of us in our worst moments. And truly, but for the grace of God, there goes me or you or anyone else. Nor am I advocating that families can or should remain intact in truly dangerous situations that abuse or addiction typically produce. But the marriages close to me that have failed have done so on the basis of overwhelming selfishness, usually with an accompanying unwillingness of one partner to give up an affair, even as they deny that the affair has anything to do with the core reasons their marriage is failing. Praytell, do they think it helps chances of reconciliation?
The ugly companion to the overwhelming selfishness is the self-righteous delusion that this isn't REALLY overwhelming selfishness, that the person is somehow noble, doing this for their children's long term benefit. Only one father is served by those twin companions: the Father of Lies. And it irks me how often and how effectively he can use the same old tricks to destroy God's plan for the family.
Blessings, Holly
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Jun. 13, 2009 - Teaching the Controversy or "I don't know."
One of the best books I have ever read is A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson. This hilarious and informative romp through the history of science teaches nothing if not the fact that it takes about three questions of any scientist to get to "I don't know" as the answer. The book, btw, is thoroughly evolutionary in its perspective and a must read for any evolutionist or creationist or intelligent design theorist.
Evolutionists out of Oregon State just noticed something in bird morphology that no one else has ever noticed. And it throws into question the whole "standard consensus" that birds evolved from dinosaurs.
http://www3.interscience.wiley.com/journal/122395783/abstract
http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/2009/06/12/birds-did-not-evolve
This is pretty funny. Why does it take a doctoral student to notice something nobody has ever noticed about bird morphology and it's radical difference from dinosaur morphology? Kudos to these two for looking with truly scientific eyes rather than the eyes of standard, accepted scientific theory!
Another thing on this topic that always make me laugh. If you go to the Field Museum, you will see a whole Evolution Hall where you get a 5 billion or so year overview of life and a fairly neat, orderly progression of how folks think that happened. It's presented with a fair degree of certainty.
What makes me crack up every time is just outside that hall you'll see a little display case with some bones from Sue. Why aren't they *ON* Sue, the TRex, downstairs? Well, read the sign and you'll find out that while the scientists are sure the bones belong to Sue, they don't know where they attach or what their purpose was.
To me, this is the ultimate moment of Teaching the Controversy. I always pause dramatically in front of this display case. I point out the humbleness and honesty of whomever put the display together in admitting "I don't know." I think realizing even experts have a lot of "I don't knows" is very liberating for our kids. I then wonder aloud something along the lines of "Gee, if they don't know how these bones fit on to this ONE dinosaur, I wonder how they are so sure they have the whole origin and scope of the development of life right in the fossil hall? Oh, well. Let's go take a look-see."
Blessings,
Holly
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Jun. 9, 2009 - Much to Tell
But at 18 weeks pregnant and tending to my Mr. Wonderful who just had neck surgery on C5 herniated and ruptured disk, I'm too darn tired to tell it. We're both doing well in that "all things considered" type o' way. Hope to post more soon!
Blessings, Holly
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May. 20, 2009 - Welcome to My World.
I notice a quite curious phenomenon each May. My friends with kids in school begin complaining about the steep step up in school projects due. Being a home educator and taking an attitude of benign neglect much of the time, I find this curious. It's the kid who has the project, right? So why are the parents stressed?
Actually, I know why the parents are stressed. Few of us have the wherewithal to really let our kid sink and sink deep. You can see this in the soapbox derby commercial currently running on TV. It's a great ad because any of us who have ever had a kid in an AWANA or Cub Scout derby event knows it's true that many kids have little to do with the design and execution of their cars. On the fairy tale commercial ending, the kid with the obviously kid made and clunky car wins and the child who is handed the fancy and obvious adult designed car to race loses.
Real life isn't quite that way, is it?
A small scale example. We signed our kid up for an enrichment science class at a homeschool co-op. In my mind, this class is purely "extra" and I gave nary the first second of attention to what he did in it. He's middle school aged and old enough to handle his own assignments and commitments.
Which he mostly did. A few weeks he didn't have his homework prepared. That's embarassing and he didn't like that much. So he learned to write down assignments. He picked and designed his own experiment concerning light and heat. About half way through, he came to us completely stoked about a cooking idea he had involving a box and a light bulb. It sure burst his bubble to learn he was 40 years too late for the Easy Bake Oven. No matter, he is now thinking of halogens to cook chicken. I'm sure he'll come to some ideas about energy efficiency on his own, given enough time.
Not to brag, but this kid routinely ranks in the top 1-2% nationwide on achievement tests reflecting science knowledge. But his board for the last day of class Science Fair? To say that the board did not reflect that fact would be kind, far too kind. It was a kid generated board of a kid generated experiment by a kid doing this for the second or third time ever. Don't get me wrong, I offered some friendly advice on how to jazz up the board. He chose not to. Whether he noticed a discrepancy between his and the other kids' boards, I have no idea. If he did, it didn't bother him.
From here, I would like to jump straight to the moral high ground. It's such an easy leap for me to do, having practiced my self-righteous flip straight into a holier-than-thou double back many a time. The fact is, if this class was going on my kid's "official transcript" and the grade affected his "class rank," I'd probably be cutting and pasting and insisting on Excel spreadsheets with the rest of the bunch.
I'm glad we homeschool because we can resist a lot of that pressure and really concentrate on student as worker, teacher/parent as facilitator without those lines becoming quite so blurred. But I wonder about the world we're sending our kids out into, a world where your best honest effort often isn't valued or rewarded. So, no moral gymnastics, just futher pondering on our nation's educational system.
Blessings, Holly
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May. 13, 2009 - Good Enough for Mr. Wonderful?
I wonder if my honey gives in to requests such as the one I just received from the three year old princess: "May I please have a piece of chocolate just because I'm cute?" Methinks he might. Softie. Everyone knows you have to be pregnant to get chocolate around here.
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 29, 2009 - Mark the day.
12 weeks pregnant. That's still first trimester. And this week I donned maternity clothes. Sad, isn't it? Yet so comfy.
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 25, 2009 - Hey, wait, ain't that a splog?
So, you muse to yourself, how can this chick be anti-splog one moment and hawking something the next?
First off, I am pregnant. I can do anything I want and it doesn't have to make sense. Rational and I are only nodding acquaintances at this point. Queasy and Sleepy are my new best pals.
Second off, I am way too unimportant for anyone to be trying to get product placement on my blog. I am an influencer only in my own mind. I honestly think these are the coolest coatracks ever and if I get some of them, it will be at the stupid $29.99 full retail price. I am raving about this in the same way I would rave about my $2 maternity clothes a friend found for me at a garage sale. Not in the way Truman's wife raved about cocoa on The Truman Show.
Third off, this probably explains why I was a total flop as a Discovery Toys consultant years ago. I'll yip yap all day about things I have absolutely no investment in, but throw that business element into my personal world and I get all freaked out.
Fourth off, lots of things bother me in theory that I can overlook in myself. John Ortberg describes it thusly, "Human beings have a remarkable capacity for self-deception." Consider this my disclaimer for any future splogging if I ever do become an influencer to voices other than those in my own head.
If none of this makes any sense yet, go back up to the all sufficient reason #1.
:)
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 25, 2009 - The only question is how many of these to buy!
I noticed these super cool coatracks at the church where my homeschool co-op meets. I tracked them down on the internet. Note, these come in both espresso and natural wood. I want to rip out the towel rack in the kids' bathroom and install these instead. And in their bedrooms, and in my mudroom, and in my entry way.
http://www.organizeit.com/pofliphookrack.asp
Maybe after the kids are in bed, I will peruse the whole site. What's not to love about a site called Organize-It?
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 23, 2009 - Lobster Guy and Fried Clam Lady
I believe it's the deconstructionalists who claim all language is essentially meaningless. Or maybe some other group; philosophy sometimes delivered me a hard earned B in college. And I really must reread Martin Buber. After 20 years, all I can remember is that he contends most of us have I-it relationships with people rather than I-Thou relationships; relating to others as objects rather than sentient folks, impersonal v. personal.
Moving from the esoteric to the daily gritty, here's a couple of ways that plays out. I moderate a list of 170 homeschoolers and we recently had a big dust-up and many bruised feelings over the term "overachiever." This discussion began with the various connotations the word can present and devolved from there. Around the same time, I received a note of concern about my previous blog title. While I intended "Exploit" in the noun sense (the dictionary likens that to the feats of Alexander the Great), it was received in the verb sense of taking advantage of. Any verb intentions I harbored certainly were meant to apply to wringing out every advantage from a product placement to maximize good in the world, but much to my dismay, my message was received differently.
An easy conclusion to draw is that no one should ever say anything. There's some biblical support for that notion. Proverbs 10:19 warns, "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise."
I once waitressed at a Red Lobster in Durham, NC. A large party of diners, all African-American, came in and all ordered lobsters. The patriarch sent the lobsters back twice, convinced I had selected for them some smaller lobsters from a back tank rather than the ones on display in the front tank. And he loudly presupposed that I did this because he was black. Now, there WAS no other tank of lobsters other than the front tank on display. We eventually put marker marks on the tips of the ones he personally selected so that he would know they were the very same lobsters. I ran all over for that party (you can imagine the bill for 8 lobster dinners and my potential tip!) and they stiffed me.
That was a great lesson for me at 22. Why? Because somehow God gave me the clarity to see that it had nothing to do with me. That man was probably 65 and likely raised in the area or somewhere else in the South if the southern accent was any indicator. He grew up in a time and culture that did not let him "see" the reality of the present situation. But it wasn't personal; it was him exercising an I-it rather than an I-Thou relationship toward me. It had everything to do with his past hurts and injustices.
Another example. I also once served a single lady who ordered fried clams (our cheapest dish) and water. I served her grudgingly and with scant attention, knowing there was no tip money to be had at that table. I know; I'm ashamed to admit that myself, even now. But tis true. Sometimes we're the ones who can see and sometimes we're the ones who can't. I did stop by and ask her how her meal was, probably inwardly congratulating myself for deigning to do so. Her words are burned into my brain, even 20 years later, "Oh, honey, I am just sitting here praising the Lord for this delicious meal and for His provision in providing it." I might add she left a tip perfectly in line with her bill total. Now that lady obviously had her primary I-Thou relationship--God to her--in close and proper working order. And wow, did I carry a big lesson out of that one. Namely, that I am a creep. Recognizing that, of course, is a first step toward getting one's own primary I-Thou relationship in proper working order.
We can be Lobster Guy or Fried Clam Lady. I hope my story shows that at least I can be both, depending on the day or circumstance. I think we all can be. But can't we all forgive each other for our Lobster Guy moments and encourage each other on to the Fried Clam Lady aspirations? That's far better, in my estimation, than the bland conformity of never risking to present our opinions.
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 21, 2009 - A Splog/Murketeering Exploit with a Purpose
I'm not a huge fan of the "splog," that is, using a blog for product promotion purposes. Maybe it's my real-life hangover from too many Longaberger basket party invites.
I don't mind promoting events or sites I find value in--The Responsibility Project by Mr. Wonderful's employer, Liberty Mutual, for instance or events at the Chicago Humanities Festival.
Some call this social network marketing "murketeering" as it really blurs the line between personal and business. I suppose this has been going on in many forms forever and many would argue it's what makes the world go round. I just don't like it; more often than not it comes across as crass.
A shout out goes to my cousin's wife for twisting the splog into a worthy cause. Be sure to read about it here: http://subdivablog.blogspot.com/
Better yet, since you didn't score an invite, take whatever money you would spend on hotdogs this summer and donate it directly to Attention Home. You should be able to find their charity on www.justgive.org and if not, write the Suburban Diva directly and I am sure she will provide a direct addy to Attention Home for donations.
Mr. Wonderful and I have made Attention Home one of our regular charities since my cousin began sharing his volunteer experiences with the extended family. Truly, the folks there are doing God's work. Why not join in?
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 14, 2009 - Another Reason to love Ari Fleisher
This makes so much sense that of course our hapless pols of both parties will never enact it.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123958260423012269.html#mod=djemEditorialPage
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 8, 2009 - Step Away from the Pregnant Lady
I may have to stop reading for the duration of my pregnancy. I am not certain how much longer I can continue to read tripe such as this full, complete and only quotation from this chick in a Chicago Tribune article entitled Backlash hints at big-family TV (Sunday's print edition):
"People are starting to question if portraying large families in a positive way is responsible," said Patricia A. Williamson, assistant professor at the School of Broadcast and Cinematic Arts at Central Michigan University.
Now, had her comments been specific to showcasing huge litters produced by reckless fertility docs who ignore best standards of practice, I could perhaps understand it. But her comment is about large families in general, unless the Trib deliberately twisted or misquoted her.
I'm not in the finest of moods anyway, but this one really makes me want to kick someone.
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 7, 2009 - Book Review(s)
I hate to give a "Skip It" to a book, but life is short, folks. Don't waste your time on Elizabeth Berg's Dream When You're Feeling Blue.
The first half of the book proves promising, with rich character development of the three sisters. Set in Chicago during WWII, there's plenty to write about as the flirty sister, the engaged sister and the wanna-be-engaged sister write to their respective boys abroad.
But by half way through, you'll be skipping the long letters intended to reflect the doubt and angst produced by war. Why one author can use the letter format to well express their philosophy and why with it another falls flat, I do not know. I only know Berg's effort proves initially engaging but ultimately comes up short.
The ending "twist" will enrage you just a little shy of what "it was all a dream" might. Berg may have been going for noble and self-sacrificing, but rather than appeal to the best of human nature, the ending seems to fly in the face of what we all know about powerful human emotion. Even assuming Berg achieves the noble and self-sacrificing aspect she strikes at, the ending would still prove ultimately manipulative and unfair, depriving at least one character of full knowledge with which to make important decisions.
You'd be better off spending your time in my current read, Little House in the Ozarks. This book contains the farm newspaper columns of the the adult Laura Ingalls Wilder; columns she wrote in the dozen or so years before she turned her attention to the writing The Little House books. Lots of practical and pithy optimism in this collection of essays and perfect for the busy mom-reader as no individual essay runs longer than a couple of pages. Another good companion book to read at the same time would be Becoming Laura Ingalls Wilder, an interesting biography of how Mrs. AJ Wilder morphed into the best selling and beloved childrens' author. You'll find out lots of interesting tidbits as well as what's actually true, what's compressed and what's omitted in The Little House series (the Ingalls had a useless boarder couple during the Long Winter? There were actually more back and forth moves than recorded in the series? Laura had a little brother who lived only nine months?). This biography also explores the complicated relationship between Laura and her only child, Rose Wilder Lane. Most of the information we have comes from Rose's preserved writings. Laura did not save most of her own.
Books are best read in pairs or even in constellation. Consider making the Little House series, the collection of adult essays and the biography your next big reading project.
Blessings, Holly
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Apr. 7, 2009 - Downright Snarky
Every so often the Wall St. Journal gets downright snarky in a way I find quite funny. Today proved to be one of those days:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123905884295394797.html#mod=djemEditorialPage
Blessings, Holly
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Mar. 30, 2009 - Never Mind that my own mother sent me
to walk to the store for salad dressing ON MY OWN at age 7. It was the '70s. Nuff said.
I have just sent DS13 and DS11, on their own, to the Walgreens for me. Never mind that I drew them a map and sent them with my cell phone . Never mind that they can get there entirely through our neighborhood, cutting through a fence behind Walgreens with a hole expressly for that purpose. Never mind that it is less than a mile away. It's still a big deal. To them too, apparently, as DS13 said, "Wow. I feel important."
Blessings, Holly
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Mar. 23, 2009 - How to get the wrigglers reading!
Lots of active ideas to get into books with a group of boys. Great site!
Blessings, Holly
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Mar. 21, 2009 - What I do well as a mom
I don't cook. I'm not particularly patient. Hands-on activities are so, well, messy so I often avoid those.
But I pester on behalf of my children better than anyone out there. And when occasion warrants it, I can do so in charming manner (if I do say so myself).
I've been talking to the Director of Ed over at the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry since November about this pilot homeschool program. In every email, I raised the issue of how firm the lower age limit of 14 really was.
On Thursday night, deadline day for the program, I sadly deleted my Science Minors email. I had more polite back and forth with the director. No, age 14 was quite firm, he said. I'll catch ya in the fall then, I said. No fall program planned, he replied. What? How 'bout spring?, I asked. Bear in mind this is a pilot program, he gently chided. You're killin' me, I told him sadly.
Last last night, the email below arrived! I am so happy! We'll fill out the app today!
Blessings,
Holly
Date: Fri, 20 Mar 2009 18:26:26 -0500
Subject: Spring Science Minors
Hello all,
A few weeks ago you received the below message… This program was designed for youth 14 and up with very little exceptions. However, after further consideration youth 13 ½ are welcome to submit an application as long as they are functioning on a high school level in both science and math… Great News right? So, here are the important dates:
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Mar. 20, 2009 - How Stupid does Congress think we are, anyway?
Apparently, they must think we are pretty dumb. 90% tax on AIG bonuses? Set aside ex post facto and bill of attainder considerations; are we really to look at the Great Oz of AIG bonuses and ignore Congress as the lever-puller behind the screen? I don't think Americans are that stupid.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123751023925990683.html#mod=djemEditorialPage
Blessings, Holly
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