Jun. 23, 2009 - Idiocy Abounding, Collective Wisdom of Our Times, or Both?
"My job is being the best, most supportive and loving father that I can be to my kids, and not being married to Kate doesn’t change that." --Jon Gosselin
"My goal is peace for the kids." --Kate Gosselin
Pop culture troglodytes will be wondering, "Who are the Gosselins?" Don't worry, it doesn't matter. Their statements are as universal in divorcing couples as they are idiotic.
On what planet does being the best, most supportive and loving father not include, second on the list after loving God, loving the childrens' mother in a committed stable relationship? And since when is love at all conditional on what one gets in return? Why do men seem incapable of understanding that the immediate and inevitable result of an unloved wife is one who demonstrates significant anger and control? How can a man underestimate the incredible lifelong impact of a real man who works through difficulties rather than engaging in any of our society's preferred methods of escape and avoidance? How does any man expect their children to respect them when at the moment that mattered most, they were willing to transfer their own frustration, disappointment and intense hurt from their own adult frames capable of bearing them to their childrens' small shoulders? And no, you can't tell me for a moment that divorce doesn't do exactly that to children. Of course it does.
And on what planet does a parent arrive at the notion that smashing a family to smithereens results in peace for children? Silence, distance or lack of communication are not synonymous with peace. Every study in this galaxy shows kids of divorce lead far from peaceful lives by any measure one cares to use. And sorry, but the "it's better than listening to us fight" measure doesn't hold water either. Kids from marriages in which the kids report significant discord (but not abuse) between the spouses still do better on every measure than kids of divorce. Why do women seem incapable of understanding that the immediate and inevitable result of a disrespected husband is one who demonstrates a significant "checking out" from the relationship?
I'm not trying to bash Jon and Kate. They are all of us in our worst moments. And truly, but for the grace of God, there goes me or you or anyone else. Nor am I advocating that families can or should remain intact in truly dangerous situations that abuse or addiction typically produce. But the marriages close to me that have failed have done so on the basis of overwhelming selfishness, usually with an accompanying unwillingness of one partner to give up an affair, even as they deny that the affair has anything to do with the core reasons their marriage is failing. Praytell, do they think it helps chances of reconciliation?
The ugly companion to the overwhelming selfishness is the self-righteous delusion that this isn't REALLY overwhelming selfishness, that the person is somehow noble, doing this for their children's long term benefit. Only one father is served by those twin companions: the Father of Lies. And it irks me how often and how effectively he can use the same old tricks to destroy God's plan for the family.
Blessings, Holly
