Oct. 1, 2009 - If
IF you happen to be doing a lesson on Martin Luther in homeschool AND you decide to find the kids a video of his most famous hymn "A Mighty Fortress" AND you happen upon Steve Green's YouTube one AND you burst into tears listening to it, well, you just might be 34 weeks pregnant.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRJHKzU_t1M
Blessings,
Holly
2 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Jun. 23, 2009 - Idiocy Abounding, Collective Wisdom of Our Times, or Both?
"My job is being the best, most supportive and loving father that I can be to my kids, and not being married to Kate doesn’t change that." --Jon Gosselin
"My goal is peace for the kids." --Kate Gosselin
Pop culture troglodytes will be wondering, "Who are the Gosselins?" Don't worry, it doesn't matter. Their statements are as universal in divorcing couples as they are idiotic.
On what planet does being the best, most supportive and loving father not include, second on the list after loving God, loving the childrens' mother in a committed stable relationship? And since when is love at all conditional on what one gets in return? Why do men seem incapable of understanding that the immediate and inevitable result of an unloved wife is one who demonstrates significant anger and control? How can a man underestimate the incredible lifelong impact of a real man who works through difficulties rather than engaging in any of our society's preferred methods of escape and avoidance? How does any man expect their children to respect them when at the moment that mattered most, they were willing to transfer their own frustration, disappointment and intense hurt from their own adult frames capable of bearing them to their childrens' small shoulders? And no, you can't tell me for a moment that divorce doesn't do exactly that to children. Of course it does.
And on what planet does a parent arrive at the notion that smashing a family to smithereens results in peace for children? Silence, distance or lack of communication are not synonymous with peace. Every study in this galaxy shows kids of divorce lead far from peaceful lives by any measure one cares to use. And sorry, but the "it's better than listening to us fight" measure doesn't hold water either. Kids from marriages in which the kids report significant discord (but not abuse) between the spouses still do better on every measure than kids of divorce. Why do women seem incapable of understanding that the immediate and inevitable result of a disrespected husband is one who demonstrates a significant "checking out" from the relationship?
I'm not trying to bash Jon and Kate. They are all of us in our worst moments. And truly, but for the grace of God, there goes me or you or anyone else. Nor am I advocating that families can or should remain intact in truly dangerous situations that abuse or addiction typically produce. But the marriages close to me that have failed have done so on the basis of overwhelming selfishness, usually with an accompanying unwillingness of one partner to give up an affair, even as they deny that the affair has anything to do with the core reasons their marriage is failing. Praytell, do they think it helps chances of reconciliation?
The ugly companion to the overwhelming selfishness is the self-righteous delusion that this isn't REALLY overwhelming selfishness, that the person is somehow noble, doing this for their children's long term benefit. Only one father is served by those twin companions: the Father of Lies. And it irks me how often and how effectively he can use the same old tricks to destroy God's plan for the family.
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Apr. 23, 2009 - Lobster Guy and Fried Clam Lady
I believe it's the deconstructionalists who claim all language is essentially meaningless. Or maybe some other group; philosophy sometimes delivered me a hard earned B in college. And I really must reread Martin Buber. After 20 years, all I can remember is that he contends most of us have I-it relationships with people rather than I-Thou relationships; relating to others as objects rather than sentient folks, impersonal v. personal.
Moving from the esoteric to the daily gritty, here's a couple of ways that plays out. I moderate a list of 170 homeschoolers and we recently had a big dust-up and many bruised feelings over the term "overachiever." This discussion began with the various connotations the word can present and devolved from there. Around the same time, I received a note of concern about my previous blog title. While I intended "Exploit" in the noun sense (the dictionary likens that to the feats of Alexander the Great), it was received in the verb sense of taking advantage of. Any verb intentions I harbored certainly were meant to apply to wringing out every advantage from a product placement to maximize good in the world, but much to my dismay, my message was received differently.
An easy conclusion to draw is that no one should ever say anything. There's some biblical support for that notion. Proverbs 10:19 warns, "When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, But he who restrains his lips is wise."
I once waitressed at a Red Lobster in Durham, NC. A large party of diners, all African-American, came in and all ordered lobsters. The patriarch sent the lobsters back twice, convinced I had selected for them some smaller lobsters from a back tank rather than the ones on display in the front tank. And he loudly presupposed that I did this because he was black. Now, there WAS no other tank of lobsters other than the front tank on display. We eventually put marker marks on the tips of the ones he personally selected so that he would know they were the very same lobsters. I ran all over for that party (you can imagine the bill for 8 lobster dinners and my potential tip!) and they stiffed me.
That was a great lesson for me at 22. Why? Because somehow God gave me the clarity to see that it had nothing to do with me. That man was probably 65 and likely raised in the area or somewhere else in the South if the southern accent was any indicator. He grew up in a time and culture that did not let him "see" the reality of the present situation. But it wasn't personal; it was him exercising an I-it rather than an I-Thou relationship toward me. It had everything to do with his past hurts and injustices.
Another example. I also once served a single lady who ordered fried clams (our cheapest dish) and water. I served her grudgingly and with scant attention, knowing there was no tip money to be had at that table. I know; I'm ashamed to admit that myself, even now. But tis true. Sometimes we're the ones who can see and sometimes we're the ones who can't. I did stop by and ask her how her meal was, probably inwardly congratulating myself for deigning to do so. Her words are burned into my brain, even 20 years later, "Oh, honey, I am just sitting here praising the Lord for this delicious meal and for His provision in providing it." I might add she left a tip perfectly in line with her bill total. Now that lady obviously had her primary I-Thou relationship--God to her--in close and proper working order. And wow, did I carry a big lesson out of that one. Namely, that I am a creep. Recognizing that, of course, is a first step toward getting one's own primary I-Thou relationship in proper working order.
We can be Lobster Guy or Fried Clam Lady. I hope my story shows that at least I can be both, depending on the day or circumstance. I think we all can be. But can't we all forgive each other for our Lobster Guy moments and encourage each other on to the Fried Clam Lady aspirations? That's far better, in my estimation, than the bland conformity of never risking to present our opinions.
Blessings, Holly
2 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Apr. 21, 2009 - A Splog/Murketeering Exploit with a Purpose
I'm not a huge fan of the "splog," that is, using a blog for product promotion purposes. Maybe it's my real-life hangover from too many Longaberger basket party invites.
I don't mind promoting events or sites I find value in--The Responsibility Project by Mr. Wonderful's employer, Liberty Mutual, for instance or events at the Chicago Humanities Festival.
Some call this social network marketing "murketeering" as it really blurs the line between personal and business. I suppose this has been going on in many forms forever and many would argue it's what makes the world go round. I just don't like it; more often than not it comes across as crass.
A shout out goes to my cousin's wife for twisting the splog into a worthy cause. Be sure to read about it here: http://subdivablog.blogspot.com/
Better yet, since you didn't score an invite, take whatever money you would spend on hotdogs this summer and donate it directly to Attention Home. You should be able to find their charity on www.justgive.org and if not, write the Suburban Diva directly and I am sure she will provide a direct addy to Attention Home for donations.
Mr. Wonderful and I have made Attention Home one of our regular charities since my cousin began sharing his volunteer experiences with the extended family. Truly, the folks there are doing God's work. Why not join in?
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Mar. 1, 2009 - And while the acting can really only be given a B,
The soundtrack to Fireproof is topnotch. See the next two posts below for more thoughts on Fireproof.
Listen here:
"Slow Fade" - Casting Crowns
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGHILmOHptY
"You Belong To Me" - Grey Holiday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ9xkT8syW4
"While I'm Waiting" - John Waller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc
"Brighter Days" - Leeland
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M70-D_sV1Ak
"This Is Who I Am" - Third Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hf7-cltxd4
"Otherside" - Third Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVSoZ5xkT8c
"Love Is Not A Fight" - Warren Barfield
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ED2ZnQ5rFIY
All the lyrics are here: http://www.fireproofcolumbus.com/Soundtrack/tabid/188/Default.aspx
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Mar. 1, 2009 - A movie review for a change.
So, Mr. Wonderful and I watched Fireproof last night. I am really
glad we watched it prior to our small group discussions starting at
church next week. We were both crying at the end...me in my open
girly type way and Mr. Wonderful in one surreptitious wiping of the
eye.
One hopes that the fact that it was the top grossing indie film
of '08 will help attract more $$ to the Christian film industry.
They apparently could really use it if the acting caliber and
production values are any indication. Kirk Cameron was decent and
his sidekick buddy at the fire station outright good, but the "cheese
factor" proved a definite negative throughout.
Still, I think it an important film about how one person can change a
marriage, how doing the right thing can produce the right feeling
(these two themes alone will prevent many who could benefit most from
seeing it) and I think it deals very honestly with the issues many, if not most marriage face--a wife not feeling loved, a husband not feeling
respected, attractions to other people, internet porn, thinking the
other person is the problem in a marriage, etc.
Worth seeing despite the cheese factor and not a message on marriage
that either our culture or Hollywood values much any longer. I like that they also include a character who failed at marriage and had been given a second chance in a remarriage. That shows both grace and growth while at the same time made it clear that even after the first divorce, the guy went back and tried to reconcile. That desire was sparked by spiritual renewal, but I wish the film had tackled more head on the easy-believism and cheap grace so prevalent in our churches today. Too often, it's not those outright rejecting God but those who claim him, if only in words, who are divorcing. Still, if you're a counter-cultural rebel, see this movie.
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Feb. 23, 2009 - What's the highest grossing indie film of 2008?
Not Slumdog Millionaire. Not Milk.
Curious?
Read all about it here from NPR:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=100927647
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Jan. 6, 2009 - Let's Talk about Sex
From William McGurn:
For when it comes to challenging the conventional wisdom on issues of sexuality, the American media suddenly become as coy as a cloistered virgin.
The whole enchilada, beginning with the startling (?) fact that religious training does indeed make a difference in teen sexual behavior:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123120095259855597.html?mod=djemEditorialPage
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Dec. 30, 2008 - Better to be Religious than Spiritual.
From today's NY Times:
In one personality study, strongly religious people were compared with people who subscribed to more general spiritual notions, like the idea that their lives were “directed by a spiritual force greater than any human being” or that they felt “a spiritual connection to other people.” The religious people scored relatively high in conscientiousness and self-control, whereas the spiritual people tended to score relatively low.
“Thinking about the oneness of humanity and the unity of nature doesn’t seem to be related to self-control,” Dr. McCullough said. “The self-control effect seems to come from being engaged in religious institutions and behaviors.”
The whole article is entitled For Good Self Control, Try Getting Religious About It in today's NY Times.
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Dec. 23, 2008 - It's a good question.
Yesterday, we listened to Christmas carols as we drove in the car.
Suddenly, DS11 asked me, "Mom, where is Orientar? Is it a country in
the east or just a city?"
Hum it to yourself...We Three Kings...
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Dec. 17, 2008 - Forgiveness
Much is being made of my current governor. No one from IL is "shocked" by this corruption, much as the nation professes to be. This is the way IL works.
I'm more interested in our last governor, Ryan (R), who sits in prison. Durbin wants him pardoned. Ryan took bribes to issue trucking licenses while he was IL Sec of State. When one of those unqualified truckers smashed into a van of a homeschooling family, burning all six children alive, Ryan quashed the investigation of the matter.
John Kass, whom everyone should be paying attention to as the only reporter on the national scene who truly understands Chicago and the milieu from which Obama emerged, spoke with the parents of the murdered children.
It's a profoundly thoughtful piece on forgiveness, I think. You can read it here:
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-kass-17-dec17,0,3344706.column
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Dec. 8, 2008 - Coupla suggestions
http://www.usnews.com/blogs/capital-commerce/2008/12/8/the-tax-cut-alternative.html
Is it just me or has the Twilight Zone that has become our political discourse as of late precluded such common sense steps such as these that would actually stimulate the economy? And less expensive ones that those bandied about by Bush and Obama?
As a student of history, it just bugs me that anyone today can think that a new New Deal will restimulate our economy. It didn't work the first time, why would it this time?
At the same time, our pastor yesterday (Dec. 7) reminded me that politics and the arguing over it is not the answer. He rarely talks on politics per se, but this was a great sermon. You can listen to it here:
http://www.efcn.org/messages/default.html
You can also get free podcasts of his sermons on iTunes.
Check it out!
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Dec. 4, 2008 - Opening the Floor for Comments...
So, I made a boneheaded comment on another forum. Well, not boneheaded in that it *is* something I totally believe, but totally boneheaded in that I made the comment in a forum not appropriate for it. I've invited any and all from that forum who wish to comment or discuss to do so here.
The comment (context of it was unimportant for discussion purposes):
Kinda like how people say God sends someone to hell. Christian believers know God doesn't send anyone to hell, people send themselves to hell through their own unbelief. God just gives em the freedom to decide that. Not trying to start any theological controversy here, just illustrative of the distinction.
Blessings, Holly
1 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Sep. 11, 2008 - Shame. Or, Adultery Part 2.
LOVED this Dr. Laura blog today called "Shame" on You (September 11 post):
Dr. Laura's topic centers on teen pregnancy, but I think could be about any sin. I detailed in my post a few days ago the fairly rampant adultery we've witnessed close to us. My church showed grace and love and truth to the most recent offender, but shame plays a healthy role in addressing sin as well. A wise counselor once told me that there can be no true reconciliation where there is no true repentance. Sometimes, she said, the people in our lives forfeit their chance at reconciliation. In short, they feel no shame. I heard this same thought expressed a different way on our local Christian radio recently: "There can be no unity where there is no truth."
The key and the challenge, my counselor friend commented, is not to let others' lack of shame--and you will always be tipped off to this lack by a variation of the "Who are you to judge" or "It's no one's business but our own" arguments--lead us to judgment. Our job is merely to present truth, present God's view when it is clearly known, to encourage those who have left the path to get back on. Our enemy would love nothing better than to bump us off the path as well through bitterness or judgment or anger.
We all have sandpaper people in our lives. But we can't let their lack of shame lead us to thoughts or actions that should bring us shame.
All in all, consider this a riff on Romans Chapters 1-3. Chp 1: The ungodly are really, really ungodly. Like, rilly, rilly bad. Chp 2: Those who aren't ungodly should watch their attitudes too. They're often no better. Chp 3: For all sin and fall short of the glory of God.
Let's not get stuck in the endless loop of Romans 7:18-24. Press on to Romans 8:1. It's easy to forgive the repentent. Christ forgave us while we were still unrepentent.
Blessings, Holly
0 Comments Post A Comment! Permanent Link
Aug. 28, 2008 - Sing Praise!
Sow with a view to righteousness, reap in accordance with kindness.
Hosea 10:12 (NASB)
First a small confession...it was probably not my finest moment to term all the parents in my district who chose to send their kid to full day K as under "group psychosis" and "clearly insane." I'm not positive, but that may have been just a shade over the top. And telling my cousin I was going to "squash him like a bug" on my blog, even if meant in humor, was probably not nice either.
Conviction comes from many sources. Wait, check that. Conviction comes from one source--the Spirit, but in many guises.
Mine often comes from my sister. She used to just be my sister-in-law and I liked her just fine then, but in the past couple of years her husband walked out on her and his family, leaving the usual trail of destruction and devastation that such actions always entail. So, now I just call her my sister. And she's awfully convicting. Without ever meaning to be.
I yell at her a lot. I call them "pep talks" and "suggestions." And she amusedly (or maybe not) pretends to listen and then uses her wisdom to sort the rare good idea from the dross. She is always right on.
I realized last night that so many of my "suggestions" are with a practical eye toward what reality appears to be in her life. And reality can look pretty grim when you're a full time, single, home educating parent of three kids and share your home with an aging and sometimes critical mother all while trying to build a brand new business that will allow you to continue to put most of your efforts toward parenting and home educating.
As I am chatting with my sister last night, she mentions she tested (that's her business--testing and tutoring home school students) a family with whom we are both acquainted. I know this family to be pretty wealthy. Second home in Florida wealthy. The husband has been sick and unable to work for several months, but is now back to his business. My sister mentions that she has something "funny" to tell me.
When booking the tests, she confessed she just felt she should do something to help this family. They must be "struggling." I choke back the urge to "suggest" that maybe a fledgling business owner with three kids might be "struggling" a little more. Anyway, my sister gave them her very best testing rate even though they were well past the deadline for qualifying for such an early bird special. And of course she never mentioned to them that she was extending this favor.
I must have been chewing something as I couldn't get out the words fast enough to yell at her when she tells me, "And then the mom writes me a check for the testing and THEN writes me a second check and she says it is 'just for me'--not bills, not the business, just something for myself. Isn't that funny? Here we were trying to bless each other!"
Do I even have to mention that the check she received was many times the discount she extended?
James 1:27 (and yes, I bumped into James 1:26 too...hence my apologies above!) tells us: Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Does anyone doubt that today's widows and orphans in our country are the wives and kids left behind when a husband decides the family just isn't fun anymore? We all share a responsibility here. But in the midst of trying to fulfill our responsibilities, don't be surprised if you meet someone like my sister who might look to be the needy one but is searching around for someone to bless as well.
And if you do, you probably should consider where you're standing holy ground.
Blessings, Holly
