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After last week, spending two days "in labor" , with no outward results, we are trying really hard to get back on track this week with school. The oldest got a whole ONE assignment done last week. The younger ones, being a little more self motivated, got a few things done in their workbooks. It was a hard week in terms of getting much of anything done. Hopefully this week will be easier.
finally getting to the point of revamping a little more of the eldest's cirriculum. We are trying to figure out how to base his schooling on what he enjoys most -- bible and science (it's quite a mix, and a challenge!) While the younger two are content with work books, videos, and challenging activities, my Jacob wants to do his own thing, all the way... At 11 years old, that should be wonderful. but it is much more work than I am prepared for at this moment! He is not the self starter, give me something to do, and I will just go get it done.. He is more like the, please sit with me, do it all with me, don't leave me alone for a second type. (and I really don't like science!!) So it is a challenge to even begin tailoring his cirriculum from the science and bible side of things. Thank God that he has blessed me with the younger ones who love to do it all themselves!! And they teach each other, and their younger sister ( 2yrs. old) everything they can get their hands on....
Still anticipating the arrival of little Benjamin. Any day now would be just fine with us!
lots of adventures happening this year. Should be interesting to see the outcome.
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Here we are again, in the midst of yet another trial. A simple one, some might say, but not really from my end...
For the second time now, I spent the day yesterday in what seemed like "labor"... I really really thought little Benjamin was coming. Contractions start, and get closer and closer together, the pressure builds... I even have started dialating. The contractions get to where they are 2-3 minutes apart... I am now 38 weeks along, and this IS the FIFTh baby.. Surely this is going to happen. The excitement builds. I call the midwife, she checks, and says "looks like progress"... My mother, who is here in our state for the FIRST time during the birth of one of the grandchildren, comes over... I call my husband home from work..
And we walk. And do squats. We eat. We walk some more. The contractions keep coming. So the midwife comes to check on me again. A little progress, but not much. Not enough to warrant all this! All this pain, all the people... the kids watching yet another movie... And staying up late due to all the excitement. The phone calls and emails to the friends -- hey everyone, PRAY!! It looks like it's happening!!
And then, it all slows down, and ALMOST stops... The contractions decide to take reprieve.. They come about every ten minutes... The midwife comes, and says, "Maybe another day....Sorry, hon".. Mom goes home, kids go to bed. Hubby goes to sleep. And here i am. alone with my thoughts. Feeling awful... Exhausted from 6-8 hours of hard contractions. Emotionally exhausted, from all the "excitement", mentally tired from all the "is it happening yet?" So much anticipation. So much....
So, what do you do??? I had no intention of writing any of this today... No intention at all of having anything to do with this blog today.. In fact, I am sitting here feeling quite sorry for myself today, just as I did the first time this happened a week ago. What will everyone think? What on earth am I supposed to be getting from this, learning from this?? WHAT does GOD want me to see?? You see, this doesn't just affect the day its happening... It affects us all for a few days afterward -- AND THEN IT HAPPENS AGAIN!!! For two days after, mom calls almost every hour to check on me. My husband is "on alert" at work. All the guys are telling him to 'stay home' (are they going to pay our bills??) And all the friends are asking about me, keeping it "fresh" for me. The kids need so much. And I am exhausted, and don't want to do it! "Life" is on hold, because we don't know when the contractions are actually going to 'be real' this time... I don't want to take the hour long trip to the beach, or even over to mom's house... So, we all WAIT. And I don't know how your kids are, but my children haven't grown THAT FAR in the PATIENCE area just yet
So, I sent my wonderful husband off with the kids, to the park, in hopes of getting some of that terrific energy they have BURNED OUT this morning. And mopily, with a severe lack of enthusiasm, pulled up my blog..
And today's "Word of the day"???? Galatians 6:9 -- a verse all too familiar to my heart. In your good doing, do not weary... for in DUE time, you will reap a harvest from your labor... (Little bit of paraphrasing there) In DUE time, huh??? Ok... not MY TIME. Not, when you think it would be best. Not when you want it to happen so badly. Only God knows this baby's purpose. Only God knows HIS plan... For me, for the baby. for my mother, and my husband, and my children. my friends who are watching... Only God knows why this shouldn't happen yet.
OH, how I wish I had a clue!!!! But there is something.. I am sure. that if one of us were to "miss it" because we just had this baby, so we couldn't go where we needed to be-- we would be missing something that GOD has ordained for us. And I certainly don't want to get in the way of that, just so I can be a little more comfortable!!!
So, I guess, I just need to remember, that God has ALL of this under his control. He will carry me through the exhaustion. He will carry me through the "labor pains", and even the questions and funny looks of all the people who will say "I thought you said you were in labor??!" No matter what, GOD will be there. So, I don't need to be so worried... or so sullen. I can live in anticipation-- not only of baby Benjamin's arrival, but of what GOD is going to do here, and how he will use this for HIS glory.
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. So, waiting is not that easy!|
After about seven months of "vacation" from my blog... I have finally found the time, energy, and oh, did I mention ENERGY??? to try to write again..
Since February, our family has moved to our new home, and have gotten settled in (mostly). We have found a new way of life in our marriage, all because of one little word. We have watched our children blossom, grow, and challenge us more and more. We have also been blessed to know that VERY soon, we will be having another little bundle to cuddle.. November 4th, if not before, we are expecting little Benjamin Scott to be born into our not so little anymore family.
We have been through a lot in the last few months. Surgery on a hernia about a month ago was probably the 'worst' of it. but a complete restructuring of our marriage, and the grace of our Lord carrying us through some deep troubles... God has brought a new light into our lives, and changed things so dramatically, that I can honestly say, I am amazed...
As I sit here, having some contractions, wondering if baby Benjamin will come sooner than November, I think of all the changes in my marriage. I think of the seven and a half years of pain, and laboring that God has carried me through. I imagine what life would be like, had I walked away the many times I wanted SO badly to give up. The pain, at times, was seemingly UNBEARABLE... I watched my children suffer through the inconsistencies of our life. I watched as the needs that I personally could not fill were left to wither and rot. I saw my heart, being crushed, and stomped on, wrung out, tossed aside, and what seemed like hopelessly abandoned... I watched my "fairytale dream" vanish into thin air, and being replaced with agony, pain, and misery. How much longer could this possibly go on? How much longer would I make it?? God knew, it was not long.... And so, HE did, what any loving, caring, compassionate FATHER would.. He sent help, just when I needed it most!
One day, just after getting an email from my pastor's wife, who told me my situation seemed "hopeless", and that I might consider starting to figure out how to "make it on my own, with my four children" and get a legal separation... I found a website through my homeschool group... The website was a link to a book that has literally saved my marriage. And the people who wrote the book have been counselling my husband and I since the summer time, through seminars they offer, email, and over the phone, and even spending hours with us in THEIR home, helping us through our rough spots....
This book is called "Man of Her Dreams/ Woman of His" by Joel & Kathy Davisson. this book speaks of marriage according to GOD, and his word... Not according to some guy's opinion or interpretation of His word. Did you know that the word used in Ephesians 5:21-22 for HEAD actually means "source of LIFE and source of STRENGTH"? NOT " I rule over you, woman, so get in your place!!"
For so many years, we have all been taught that a woman's place is UNDER her husband. Not beside him, walking with him, supporting him, sharing in life with him, in decisions with him, in "control" with him.... Our marriage is completely different, simply because, my husband has become that "source of LIFE, and STRENGTH". He doesn't condemn me, he loves me. He doesn't expect me to do everything (yes, I mean EVERYTHING) for him, instead, he "lays down his life for me"-- just as Christ did for the church. He doesn't ask me why I didn't get done with ________, instead, he askes how he can HELP me!!
We have been married for just barely over eight years now, and for the FIRST time, I feel like I am loved. I feel like I am cared for. I feel like I matter to this fellow who took the time years and years ago to "woo and court me" into believing that he was my knight in shining armor... He was going to be there for me, and love me no matter what. Well, now, I know he does. Now, he IS my knight in shining armor!!! We are doing bible study together, we are parenting our children together, we are working together. We are loving together, living together, and growing together. God has RADICALLY transformed my marriage.
I am just amazed. My husband and I had gotten to the point, in early May, where we were fighting (I kid you not) on a DAILY basis. I was so ready to quit. I cried almost everyday. We had no idea how to do anything any differently. and no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to change, or help, at all. I kept on crying out to God, saying, "please, save my marriage. PLEASE.. I can't do it. I can't keep going like this. YOU have to do something, I am ready to quit. I don't want to go on. I can't let my kids grow up in this. I can't let myself keep going like this.... Please God, save my marriage!!"
And the name of that website that I found on that very desperately hopeless day -- was just that! www.godsavemymarriage.com
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I have been, throughout this past year, doing, and re-doing, a very personal sort of bible study... I just came home from another night of going over this study with a friend of mine. She called me up one night, in desparation, needing help... Her marriage was in a mess, and she didn't have any idea why. She was five months pregnant at the time, and overwhelmed with feelings of mistrust, fear, guilt, and anger. I sat with her for three days after that night, talking with her, and mediating between her and her husband... And then, suggested this study I had already been doing. I told her I would go through it with her, even though I had already done a good portion of it. I had gotten to a point where I was somewhat feeling stuck, and could "use some help" getting through it.
And so we agreed, I would start it over, and, we would slowly go through it together. It is a study for people who have experienced abuse as a child. She began the book under the guise of "helping me through it," and now, is seeing how much it really pertains to her life as well... She is seeing things with a new vision... A vision that I really think God is giving to her.
Now, I on the other hand, have already done most of what we have done so far. So, I have re-read chapters here and there, and reviewed parts in the workbook as we go along. Talk about being given a new vision! So many things, I could answer differently now. So many things God has changed for me! God is so faithful to us. He has broken chains, He has taken fear from me, and replaced it with LOVE. He has given me the chance to see myself, and others, with new eyes, and helped me to love others in ways I didn't even think possible before. Many years of my life have been spent in misery. Even after I found the knowledge of God. But the last year has been a journey to quite a different place. One that I will not turn away from. I have learned more about who I am in the last year, than in the 29 years before that. I have learned who GOD planned me to be, is not at all who my parents made me to be. I have learned that God's love is bigger than anything I could even fathom. And that He can use even the most broken and misshaped people to bring change to someone else's life. He has given me a new mirror to look into, a new life to behold. A new Hope to hold onto. He has given me....
LIFE, MORE ABUNDANT. I don't have to live alone anymore. For HE is always with me. He always had plans for me. He always knew me, and loved me, just the way I am. I am HIS child, and HE is my God!
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There are just times when we need a really LOUD wake up call, aren't there? Well, this last couple of weeks has been that for us. We needed some BIG change in our lives, in our homeschool, in our family... And boy are they happening.
Recently, we made the decision to change churches. A decision we certainly didn't take lightly. As we have seen so many times before, God is surely faithful. God has brought us back to many friends from our past, people we didn't think we would ever see again. God has blessed us with wonderful new friends. God has given us all a huge motivation to learn more about HIM, and live more like Him. My wonderful husband, has been picking up books to study all by himself. My son is digging deeper into the study we have been drudging through in the gospel of John. My little ones are memorizing scriptures. And I have been seeking His face more consistently, and doing a study by Beth Moore.
We are looking for a new house (which would be a HUGE blessing, much needed one) and as soon as we gave up looking, the mortgage guy calls us back saying to go for it! UMMPH...
We decided our homeschool needed a revamping, and so, THE TRUMPET SOUNDS.
Jacob really wants to learn the trumpet. So, he will. Natalie really wants to learn the computer, so she is. Paul (the four year old) wants to learn to write, and so---HE IS!!! This year, we are going to drive our school, largely by what the little ones want. not that we won't be doing the basics... Math, writing, reading...blah blah blah.... But if they are to stay interested, they have to find their strengths and live them out. If you drive them into the ground with their weaknesses, they end up not haviing any motivation at all. you mean homeschooling can be happy???? We don't have to struggle through every single day???
HOORAY!!!
Pray for us, that that new house will come, and soon. God is doing a wonderful work in our family. I can't wait to see where He takes us next...
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Are you molding your children into "well-rounded" conformist types, or are you "training your child in the way he should go"??
My husband is doing a study book, called "ANCHOR MAN" by Steven Farrar... And he came to me this weekend, saying that we have a beaver for a son... Oh, and a lion for a daughter, and our four year old, he is the golden retriever... How strange a look I gave him!! (And he's getting this, from a bible study book! Oh boy, I thought, what is he going to call me????)
So this book talks about who our children really are. There is the scripture in Proverbs, that says "train your child up in the way he should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it." Does that mean, make each child conform to the ways a boy or a girl should act? How about, " be a good little Christian now, and don't ever embarrass mommy and daddy..."
No! God makes each and every one of us with specific traits, individual strengths and weaknesses, each with our own "bent". Think of a silver smith... Each piece of jewelry he makes has its very own shape. The creator fashions each piece as it's own... No matter how hard he tries, he cannot make any two alike...
In Psalm 139, God speaks straight to my heart. He made me, just the way that I am. He knew what everyday of my life would hold, the stream of every tear, the things that would make my heart smile, and make my stomach flutter. He sent me into the world, knowing just why I needed to be here. And so he has with my wonderful children. He has great and mighty plans.
So, when my beaver is hiding and my lion is trying to devour the golden retriever, and the otter is splashing all the water at me (the otter, by the way, is my husband!) I simply take a step back, and remember the words of that Psalm....
"For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
Isn't that awesome? He knew all about me. Every single little bit of me. Before I was even here.... |
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Such a hard choice. Do I want the approval of God enough to let go of the harsh judgement of others? Of course I do! But when the rubber meets the road, can we handle that confrontation. The one that someone is looking straight into your soul, telling you that what God wants you to do is probably completely wrong, according to them. From what they can see, you just should not even consider listening to that!! So, what do you do? You look deep. You pray - a lot, and you make sure that God is the one telling you to do it. then you take that step -- and OBEY. Even if it is painful. even if it means some of your "friends" don't like you anymore. Even if you have to cry, just to make it through the day. You bite your tongue, and love them anyways, and just fall into the love that God will lavish upon you when you make the choice to obey.
Friends are but human, and as humans, we don't always understand someone else's life, situation, or reasoning. I know there have been times that I have misjudged others, and seen later on that I was wrong. But sometimes it doesn't happen til much much later. And sadly, sometimes, it doesn't happen at all.
God will sustain us. All of us...His grace is sufficient for all that we need. even when it is people, and their love.
thank God for His grace. |
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Each day, He watches over us. Each day He helps us through. Today, He gave us a window! He is so awesome...
This year is the first full school year that I have had a car to drive. In my almost six years of homeschooling, I have been very limited in what I could do, and what plans I could make. So, when the chance finally arose, I wanted to get involved. And struggle as I may, I have done it!
My husband is a diesel mechanic in a local Crane Rental shop. And we have a lot of boys in our homeschool group. I have two boys of my own. And free, cool field trips, that can really catch a boy's interest, well, sometimes they are hard to come by! So when my dh announced that he wanted to do a field trip to the crane yard, we all jumped on it...
Well, as the weather has the tendency to do here in Florida, it decided to rain. We were driving to the field trip ( and this one was a big deal for my kids, they got to show off their Daddy!!) and it started sprinkling. The closer we got to our destination, the worse the rain was
So cool! |
. So, we sat. As soon as the first person from the group got there, the rain got even worse! We talked of rescheduling., as more of the group showed up. But, to GOD be all the glory. As soon as the last person showed up, the rain stopped completely... And we had a wonderful field trip. And as soon as we were finished, and everyone was heading to their cars, the rain began again. But just for us, for the sake of our boys, God gave us a window!
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For many years I have watched, and waited, and watched some more. I wonder if any one else has had this experience? I have prayed for my husband to be the leader of our household. I have longed for him to take his rightful place in our family. I have struggled and struggled with wanting control, because, well, it is what I was used to. I knew how to take care of myself when I met my husband. I knew what I wanted, and where I wanted to go with my life... I had plans, and goals... And boy, did having a husband change life as I knew it!!
Chris and I have been married for just over seven years now. I spent the first oh, three years fighting the fact that he was indeed, the leader, whether I liked it or not! Then I spent another year or two, well, trying to "train" him into the leader I wanted him to be! (NOT a good idea!!) When I finally realized that I needed only to step out of God's way, and let HIM do the work, my husband didn't really want the role anymore....
Slowly but surely, I began to step out of the way. To this day, it takes much practice to remember... If I stay out of it, God can do it HIS way! And God's way is so much better than mine. My husband is now more loving, more protective, and more decisive about our family's life. He sees things more clearly, now that he has to make good decisions for us, and he cares more to listen to the details of the struggle we are facing. God has a mighty work. and HE will complete the work He has begun. He will bring our men's hearts to Himself. He will help our families to stay focused on the light. He will give us every opportunity, to be a strong and loving family under Him. |
Posted in Favorite Scripture Today
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This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds. Then He adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." And where these have been forgiven, there is no longer any sacrifice for sin.
I AM FORGIVEN!! |
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In every day that we live, there are things we long for. things we hope and dream about, things we pray to God above for. God takes those dreams, and gives us a vision. And in His vision we find peace. Where ever I am in my life, God has given me a vision for tomorrow. He has helped me through many many times, when I couldn't even turn my face to look at Him. His love is so infinite, so powerful, and so overwhelming, that I couldn't face a day in life without Him... When I try to face the day alone, I truly regret it... He is forever faithful. Even when we wander away, He is still faithful. |