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After about seven months of "vacation" from my blog... I have finally found the time, energy, and oh, did I mention ENERGY??? to try to write again..
Since February, our family has moved to our new home, and have gotten settled in (mostly). We have found a new way of life in our marriage, all because of one little word. We have watched our children blossom, grow, and challenge us more and more. We have also been blessed to know that VERY soon, we will be having another little bundle to cuddle.. November 4th, if not before, we are expecting little Benjamin Scott to be born into our not so little anymore family.
We have been through a lot in the last few months. Surgery on a hernia about a month ago was probably the 'worst' of it. but a complete restructuring of our marriage, and the grace of our Lord carrying us through some deep troubles... God has brought a new light into our lives, and changed things so dramatically, that I can honestly say, I am amazed...
As I sit here, having some contractions, wondering if baby Benjamin will come sooner than November, I think of all the changes in my marriage. I think of the seven and a half years of pain, and laboring that God has carried me through. I imagine what life would be like, had I walked away the many times I wanted SO badly to give up. The pain, at times, was seemingly UNBEARABLE... I watched my children suffer through the inconsistencies of our life. I watched as the needs that I personally could not fill were left to wither and rot. I saw my heart, being crushed, and stomped on, wrung out, tossed aside, and what seemed like hopelessly abandoned... I watched my "fairytale dream" vanish into thin air, and being replaced with agony, pain, and misery. How much longer could this possibly go on? How much longer would I make it?? God knew, it was not long.... And so, HE did, what any loving, caring, compassionate FATHER would.. He sent help, just when I needed it most!
One day, just after getting an email from my pastor's wife, who told me my situation seemed "hopeless", and that I might consider starting to figure out how to "make it on my own, with my four children" and get a legal separation... I found a website through my homeschool group... The website was a link to a book that has literally saved my marriage. And the people who wrote the book have been counselling my husband and I since the summer time, through seminars they offer, email, and over the phone, and even spending hours with us in THEIR home, helping us through our rough spots....
This book is called "Man of Her Dreams/ Woman of His" by Joel & Kathy Davisson. this book speaks of marriage according to GOD, and his word... Not according to some guy's opinion or interpretation of His word. Did you know that the word used in Ephesians 5:21-22 for HEAD actually means "source of LIFE and source of STRENGTH"? NOT " I rule over you, woman, so get in your place!!"
For so many years, we have all been taught that a woman's place is UNDER her husband. Not beside him, walking with him, supporting him, sharing in life with him, in decisions with him, in "control" with him.... Our marriage is completely different, simply because, my husband has become that "source of LIFE, and STRENGTH". He doesn't condemn me, he loves me. He doesn't expect me to do everything (yes, I mean EVERYTHING) for him, instead, he "lays down his life for me"-- just as Christ did for the church. He doesn't ask me why I didn't get done with ________, instead, he askes how he can HELP me!!
We have been married for just barely over eight years now, and for the FIRST time, I feel like I am loved. I feel like I am cared for. I feel like I matter to this fellow who took the time years and years ago to "woo and court me" into believing that he was my knight in shining armor... He was going to be there for me, and love me no matter what. Well, now, I know he does. Now, he IS my knight in shining armor!!! We are doing bible study together, we are parenting our children together, we are working together. We are loving together, living together, and growing together. God has RADICALLY transformed my marriage.
I am just amazed. My husband and I had gotten to the point, in early May, where we were fighting (I kid you not) on a DAILY basis. I was so ready to quit. I cried almost everyday. We had no idea how to do anything any differently. and no matter how hard I tried, nothing seemed to change, or help, at all. I kept on crying out to God, saying, "please, save my marriage. PLEASE.. I can't do it. I can't keep going like this. YOU have to do something, I am ready to quit. I don't want to go on. I can't let my kids grow up in this. I can't let myself keep going like this.... Please God, save my marriage!!"
And the name of that website that I found on that very desperately hopeless day -- was just that! www.godsavemymarriage.com
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