it has been such a long time since I have posted ... but that is what is supposed to happen when you are on a vacation from church and regular life.  not a bad thing, just a new thing ... and one that is teaching me more than I thought possible.

I have been spending an enormous amount of time on the beach pondering (and burning a little, but not metaphorically ... literally).  this afternoon I was searching through one of my husband's reads when I came across this, and it spoke volumes to me.

Entry # 14  On Becoming Human

I've come to love that word - human.  I mean, humanity can be a pretty bleak place to live, but when you begin to see what we're really capable of, our potential for good, it can be breathtaking.  For the past two thousand years, Christianity, along with pretty much every other world religion, has made the primary focus the sinful nature of us all.  In some ways I think this has lead to a not-so-subtle self-hatred.

I have been mulling this idea over for some time without actually realizing it until I read it on paper.  I think that is the reason I write poetry and music ... to, in a sense, discover what is in the deepest regions of my soul as I see it materialize through the ink or in the chords.  It sounds crazy to hear that I cannot always know what I am thinking ... I am myself, after all, but it is true that I don't know the whole piece until it comes out.  Then I reflect.  And, what I am thinking is not always en vogue ...

take our summer, for example.  we have determined to meet with God in a very un-traditional and counter-culteral way.  we worship every day, but not in a way that makes much sense to some we have told.  that is okay ... we know what we are doing and why we felt pressed to do it, and so far, we are discovering a lot, including who we really are as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.  Some have jokingly told us we are going to suffer for our time away (as if God moved from us when we stopped meeting with him on Sunday, in public).  only this time, I am not listening so hard ... except to Him.

I love this quote from Erwin McManus:

our brokenness is not proof that God could not or would not love us, but proof that what we need is the God who both created us and loved us.  what our souls long to become is not something other than human, but to become beautifully human.

that has slowly become one of the blessings of this summer journey I am on ... letting go of the thoughts of other well-meaning people and clinging instead to the voice of my Maker.  learning to see myself through HIs eyes, and realizing that to Him (because of HIm) I am beautifully human.

how refreshing ...

Posted by halfpint

you are getting some refreshment. I have really enjoyed travelling and worshipping in different places and breaking away from the same place each Sunday. It has been a nice family time. Keep on reflecting :)

Posted by rcelliott

I read this post twice in a row. I have to tell you it caused me to think about the last 18 years of my walk with Jesus. I just returned from Peru, where my son and I got very ill. We were separated from our team, the body of Christ, for two days. It was very hard. It was hard to miss the work and even harder to miss the body. I haven't had a chance to blog about it yet, but I will.

Of course, 16 years ago, I left a church, and took a 3 month break from all church life as I prepared to marry my wife. This was because of what sounds like similar issues to your reading, and also, to hear from God on what to do next. I had to confront my "perfect" church, who didn't approve of my wife to be, and was unsure of her church. That was a refreshing time and it allowed me to grow as a man.

I say all that because, as you see, your post caused me to reflect on it. At this time in my life, I think I understand things a little differently. I, as a believer, know I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. I know I am a sinner. I know the cross will get me to heaven. (I think many believers don't know the first one, and focus too much on heaven as if it were the ultimate goal of our walk with Him) At this point in my life, I am focused not on myself in either way, who I am because of the cross, or who I am without the cross, but I am focused on what He called me to in this life. That is to build the kingdom here on earth here and now by going and sharing the good news, and by tying the body together by the common bond of the "wedding dress".

This comment was just to share with you what your blog caused me to think about, and in no way is intended to make anyone feel bad or anything. I guess, if anything, it should let you and your husband know people read your blogs and think about them. There is no need to get a "Stat Counter" to wonder if people come and read ;0)

Posted by QueenoftheHill

Tell us more about how you are worshipping together.

I have other friends who are "breaking away" right now and looking outside the box they had originally chosen for themselves in pursuit of more growth. Maybe it is Madam Smallworld's moon??

Posted by SmallWorld

Being fearfully and wonderfully made is an awesome thing to be, and we should all take more time to reflect, as you are, upon the very fiber of our own beings. My brother's wedding really reawakened me to many of my own personal bents which I've stuffed away for awhile--orchards, plywood beneath my feet, zucchini, an enormous garden. Those are just surface things, but they lead to something deeper. Keep searching, my Canadian poet.

Posted by Mummo

You ARE fearfully and wonderfully made. I remember promising to give you completely up to God and His will for you (if God would give me a precious daughter) when I found out I was expecting. And.....what a good thing that was. Look at you now !!! Still in His Will ! PTL Lots of Love and thanks, thanks, thanks for the relaxing, refreshing weekend. Especially 'church on the deck.' I saved the beach for swimming, sitting, chatting, and reflecting on life and stuff with you. :-) Love always. Mummo and 'Tumour Man'.

Posted by bestsister

What would all your devoted fans do all day? Of course we love you and are praying for the best solution for your family. You have a man who loves the Lord and is following hard down the path He has laid for you both, becoming more and more the Man the Lord created. You have children who THINK and want to change the world, and themselves, by being more of who God made them and less of who their 'friends' would make them. And I have you. A beautiful woman with a heart connected to the Father, who says in a myriad of ways "this is how Christ looks in me".

As Rita Springer reminded us to pray years ago, " I don't understand Your ways, but I will give you my song. I'll give You all of my praise. You hold on to all my pain, and with it You are drawing me closer, pulling me into Your ways..... and It's gonna be worth it all"

Posted by bestsister

I haven't got a whole lot smarter since I've seen you last. If you ever get to check your email in the dark tonight and see this, then you can ask me tomorrow the lame thing I did ....actually there were two things. don't be surprised if you get a call from Oprah.

Posted by QueenoftheHill

...about you not coming down for T-giving and chocolate??? What's up?

If it is just a matter of dates, tell me when you are coming and I'll make sure there's a proper Chocolate Party whenever that is -- tragedy averted!

Posted by rcelliott

I am tagging you. Go to my blog for instructions.

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/rcelliott/373043/

Rob