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Jul. 14, 2009
Just a matter of time?
I feel like I'm living with a time bomb. We gave Noah the last dose of one of his antibiotics on Sunday, and the last dose of the other one early yesterday morning. On one hand, this is a huge relief. I took some pictures the other day of what we use in ONE SINGLE DAY to care for Noah' medical needs. I couldn't get a decent shot even though I stood through the doorway on a stepladder - there was just too much stuff to fit in one frame. I ended up taking two overlapping photos. You can use the red sharps container as a reference to see how these photos would overlap.
Finishing Noah's antibiotics eliminates some of the stuff in those photos, and certainly takes some pressure off of our days and our nights. This freedom comes at a cost, because the antibiotic course ended before Noah's infection cleared up . . . hence the time bomb issue. It seems almost inevitable that this infection will now get worse or even spread since there are no longer any drugs keeping it at bay. We are already seeing Noah's temperature and heartrate going up. He is dramatically more pale, and his eyelids are starting to get red and puffy. I'll be surprised if he doesn't land in the hospital today. I'll be stunned if he doesn't land in there by tomorrow. His nurse feels the same way. I don't mean this to be pessimistic or to appear lacking in faith. We all know what God CAN do here. If He chooses to allow this to progress according to the ways of this fallen world, then Noah is almost certainly in for a rough ride here.
This is just very hard right now. It is difficult to watch him getting sicker and just waiting until he is "sick enough" to admit. He's a blink away from sick enough right now. He is already sicker in terms of fever etc. than he was the last two times he went in with this infection, and I'm afraid that the MRSA is going to hit his bloodstream. I've packed everything except my clothes. I'm caught between dread and hope. We live in a fallen world while serving a healing God. It's a sign of my conflicted emotions that there are two songs that are both speaking deeply to me right now - they both move me to tears every time I hear them. One speaks of grief, and the other hope. Right now I'm grieving so much that sometimes I feel like I can hardly breathe. At the very same time I can hope and laugh and play with my children. Maybe one (or both) of these songs will bless you as they've blessed me. They speak so much to how I feel - it's as if I could have written them myself.
I'll post today/tonight if we end up going in. Please pray.
Blessings,
Kate
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Jul. 14, 2009 - Praying for you all
So sorry to hear about Noah not over this last bug/bugs. I CANNOT believe all the stuff you have to use for him in one day! I think you are earning a medical degree the hard way.
God bless you as you grieve and enjoy your family at the same time. God loves you all so much and has a plan for you, even when it makes no sense to us. Heaven will be a time of rejoicing and seeing all the good that came from our troubles here on earth.
We will continue to pray for Noah, and his momma.
Even though we have never met, we pray for Noah daily, and my kids talk about him as though he is our friend. That is how we feel about him!
God bless you all.
Amy
http://insearchofnormal.blogspot.com/