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Sep. 24, 2009
So much can happen in a month
It's hard to believe it's been a month since I posted. In some ways, it seems much, much longer. First, let me say that Noah is just fine, has had an uneventful month, and I'll post more about him later.
My silence has been my own. In mid-August, Jeff and I learned (to our utter delight) that the Lord had blessed us and we were expecting another baby. We were beyond happy and were both pleased that I felt so very, very well. We've always been pretty quick to share the good news of a new baby, but this time we we enjoyed just keeping the news to ourselves. It was our own private joy. Eventually we couldn't keep quiet and began gradually sharing our good news with just a few friends and family members. Everything seemed to be going perfectly until I went in for a routine ultrasound at between 10 and 11 weeks and discovered that our baby had died.
I learned that I had experienced what is called a missed miscarriage. Our baby died at a little more than 8 weeks old, but I had no symptoms or signs of a miscarriage. It was a total shock. We were told I could have a D&C or just wait to miscarry the baby myself. We needed to take some time to grieve and pray and weigh our options, and eventually scheduled a D&C which I had a couple of weeks ago.
I regret the fact that so few people new about our baby - that so few were able to celebrate this beautiful life before learning that we were grieving the loss of that life. It was very, very hard in the beginning. On one hand, my feelings were too raw to share in such a public forum, but on the other hand it felt insincere and less than honest to keep blogging as if nothing had happened, so I was silent. I know I worried some of you, and for that I am sorry. I guess no news isn't always good news, BUT if anything happened to Noah I would find a way to let you know.
I can't say I'm over the miscarriage. I don't suppose anyone is every over the loss of a baby. I can say that there are far more smiles than tears now, and that I've moved past sorrow to realize that I was crying for MY loss but not because my baby needs my sorrow. While I sang and spoke words of love to this baby while I could, he or she was never old enough to hear me. A few days after we learned of our loss, it hit me that I can't begin to imagine the first thing he or she saw, or heard, or said. Those little eyes opened for the first time and beheld the glory of heaven, and the first sound heard by those little ears must have been indescribably beautiful. It is so strange to realize that my baby knows more of the glory of God than I do. While I miss my baby and the hopes and dreams I had of our shared lives, my baby hasn't really missed anything by going from here to the arms of Jesus, and that knowledge has brought me unfathomable comfort and peace. This little person never ever knew anything but love.
As I said, there are now far more smiles than there are tears. I don't suppose it is possible not to find reasons to smile in a busy home full of busy little ones. In the interest of keeping those smiles, let me update you a bit on some of my reasons to smile. (Caution: long list of smiles ahead!)
It's a bird, it's a plane . . . It's Super Noah!
Yes, upon turning three, Mr. Noah has been bitten by the Superman bug. For some unfathomable reason, my sons all become superheros right about at three years old, and Noah is no exception. One day he was "Just Noah" and the next day he was trailing a red cape and making fairly convincing whooshing/flying noises. Much to his chagrin, this little caped crusader seems to be without honor in his own country, as our Superman costumes are all in the size 10-12 range. He doesn't seem to mind that his cape drags on the ground or that his sleeves hang far past his hands, but it's hard for the rest of us to keep a straight face when he comes flying by. It's not easy being a very small superhero!
We've been looking for a more suitably sized costume for our pint sized wonder boy, but Superman seems to be out of vogue this year in the Halloween aisles. We haven't quit looking and are hoping that Walmart gets in more costumes before Halloween. He did find a "steel bar" that one of our boys bought a few years ago - it looks like a steel bar but is bendy plastic. He's very impressed with his ability to bend steel with his bare hands and doesn't miss a chance to show us just how strong he is. :-)
Happy Birthday Day Day Day Day . . .
No, I'm not talking about MY birthday, even though as Lynette shared I did turn 40 on the 17th. It's Noah's birthday that's been bringing giggles to the Estes family. He REALLY enjoyed singing and blowing out candles on his birthday last month and just isn't ready to move on yet. The sight of a candle (a frequent sight, since I enjoy candles and have several) or the sight of a brownie or piece of cake (a frequent sight since Hannah and I love to bake, and our church family brought us many lovely meals while I was recovering) inspires Noah to turn on the twinkly eyes and charming grin and ask if he can "Blow up a candle." Is it even possible to refuse a request like that?? I'll light my candle or stick on in our dessert so that all present can sing to Noah. He has his own special dance moves and even his own special tongue twisting lyrics (Happy Birthday Day Day Day Day to you . . .) that get faster as he approaches the coveted goal of enthusiastically blowing out the candle. Before the smoke clears, he's beaming at me again and asking, "Blow up the candle again?" Since he can count to three, we've set a limit of blowing up the candle three times in a row. If he's feeling really benevolent, he'll shout someone else's name at "Happy Birthday Day Day Day Day Dear . . . ." - but he still gets to blow out the candle. This little ritual brings him so much joy, and his joy makes us all happy! (day day day day day)
Cloudy with a chance of pixie dust
Have you ever heard a glum or grouchy person described as always being followed by a thundercloud? Wee Mary Faith is such a steadfastly cheerful child that we've been wracking our brains trying to figure out what sort of cloud must be following her - we finally figured out that it must be pixie dust! Mary Faith is, in a word, delightful. Even though she is a petite little thing, she is perfectly plump with scrumptious little rolls in all the right places. She's got a wonderful belly-first swagger that somehow conveys immense joy and confidence with every step. It's really nearly impossible not to smile or even laugh whenever she rounds the corner. As she makes her way all through the house, she greets everyone she sees with a sparkly smile, often also waving and calling out a delighted, "Hi!" as if she hadn't just seen us all five minutes before. She's just started really playing "mommy" with her baby doll which receives surprisingly tender care from one so young.
The child even has a theme song - the other children all love to sing the old song "Mairsy Doats" and have christened her Mairsy Doatsie. She can't hear music without dancing and we all often sing that song to her for the sheer pleasure of watching her clapping and swaying.
One room schoolhouse
While we do some bit and pieces of schooling all summer, it's always a great feeling to officially start the "new" school year. Things have been going truly wonderfully and I am very thankful for God's grace in allowing me to teach my children. I've put a new twist on some old techniques this year and hope to blog about our homeschool in more detail in a future post.
The boys have added a cute new catchphrase to each school day. We have a long (loonnnngggg) dining room table with benches along the sides. There's a chair at the head and the foot and a chair next to the head and next to the foot. The boys sit at the table (Hannah works at a desk in her room) and I sit at the foot of the table. The chair beside me has always been the "helping chair" where a child must come sit if he needs help with his work. This keeps me from spending hours running circles around our table and keeps the boys from all calling out questions at the same time. (Read: saves my sanity!) If the chair is occupied, anyone else who has a question or needs help needs to move on to the next thing until the helping chair is vacant.
The other day they started their independent work while I was occupied with one of the little ones. When I came in and sat down, one of the boys loudly proclaimed, "The doctor is now in!" I honestly don't know why that was so funny, but it brought the house down. They said it reminded them of Lucy from the Peanuts strip - remember how she would set up that booth with a sign saying "the doctor is in?" At any rate, my arrival is now heralded each day with a chorus of "The doctor is now in!" and a resulting chorus of giggles. If I have to get up for some reason and remember to raise my eyebrows and archly comment that "The doctor is now out," they are tickled to pieces.
Along the same vein, they have apparently developed the ability to place invisible clones in the helping chair. Silly me didn't know that human cloning was so finely perfected! The gist of the clones is that when "the doctor" isn't in or is occupied with something else, the boys will develop a complicated waiting list for who gets the helping chair once it becomes available. It started the other day when I was in my chair but occupied with a phone call. One of the boys stood up and made a move for the helping chair but Timothy very seriously said, "I'm actually in the helping chair. It looks like I'm on the bench but the invisible me is in the chair." OK, tell me the truth - what boy is going to risk sitting on The Invisible Man? It was a stroke of brilliance that allowed Timothy to work at the bench with lots of room to spread out while maintaining first rights to my attention. :-) Unfortunately for Timothy, the other boys rapidly adopted his strategy, so I find myself frequently checking for invisible children when I come to the table.
Hannah has also greeted the school year with gusto. Our budding authoress is planning to participate in NaNoWriMo (the National Novel Writing Month challenge in November) and we're all ready to cheer her on. She has taught me to never give up when faced with a homeschooling challenge - the child who would cry if faced with even the smallest writing assignment has turned into a young lady with a passion for writing and an incredible way with words.
She had a real treat earlier this month - bestselling Christian author Beverly Lewis actually came to our little town to do a booksigning, and Hannah had the chance to meet her. Mrs. Lewis was very kind and graciously took Hannah aside to answer some questions and offer advise regarding Hannah's aspirations of being a published author. The visit inspired Hannah to look toward the day when she would be doing booksignings for her own book!
The Dangerous Book for Tooth Fairies
Earlier this week I showed Sarah (AKA the Tooth Fairy) how to fold and snip a piece of paper to make a 6 page booklet with no staples or tape. She was charmed and brought me several colors of construction paper to be transformed into little books. She selected a bright red volume and set about illustrating it very seriously, hiding her work from all passers-by. Apparently she had taken notice of our copy of The Dangerous Book For Boys without understanding what the book was about, because she titled her tome "Sarah's Dangerous Book."
While I was in the kitchen, I overheard her telling Jeff about her book. "It's a very, very, VERY dangerous book," she firmly pronounced. "If you even look at it, you will DIE!"
I wasn't sure I wanted her going around saying that, so I immediately called out, "Sarah," in the Universal Mommy Warning Voice. Without missing a beat she continued, "Make that very badly HURT." (Death by paper cut??)
The Tooth Fairy is a force to be reckoned with.
I've done all the catching up I can for one night - and I'm sure you've done all the reading you care to do in one post!! Thank you for praying for us when you didn't even know how to pray. We covet your continued prayers.
Talk to you all again SOON,
Blessings,
Kate
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Sep. 24, 2009 - Untitled Comment
I'm happy to hear that everything else is going well, though!
Liz in TX