Sep. 26, 2020 - An Introduction
What do you think of when you hear the term Postpartum Depression? Andrea Yeats? Someone with a new baby sitting crying in a corner thinking they want to "end it all"?
Maybe...
Sometimes...
But that wasn't me.
The typical signs of PPD are:
- Loss of appetite
- Insomnia
- Intense irritability and anger
- Overwhelming fatigue
- Loss of interest in sex
- Lack of joy in life
- Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
- Severe mood swings
- Difficulty bonding with the baby
- Withdrawal from family and friends
- Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby
I had many of these symptoms, but more than anything I had lack of good judgment.
I had PPD after my second child and didn't know it.
Then again after my 3rd, that time it was a little worse, I actually had a few friends who told me I should "see someone."
But the 4th well, that one nearly did me and my family in.
DH travels a lot for work and we have to move every few years. We moved and in a new house and a new town I was alone. If even for a season I was a pregnant "single mom" of 3 small children. I thought I was OK but I had let my church attendance slip. And since the move I wasn't really into church shopping alone. I was too tired to read the Word and feed myself, so I turned to TV. Let's face it HGTV is not real filling. I just didn't care to take care of myself and I chalked most of my issues up to being VERY pregnant and alone.
Time passed and the baby was born, but I just really could care less. I did good to feed the children daily. With no family close by I turned to the homeschool community to find like minded friends. I quickly met several families I "clicked with." We formed a quick bond and started doing all sorts of things together. Our children were "best friends" and I grew very close to 3 of the moms. We were very involved in each others lives. We were in each others homes 3-4 times a week, we planned field trips together and even had a small co-op.
It seemed for a while that as long as I was doing for others, I didn't have to do for myself. I maintained these friendships and did things for these women and their children that I was not even willing to do for my own family.
At some point I came to my senses and I realized I had obligated myself to too much. I over committed and kept "busy" instead of facing my issues. I whispered a prayer to God one morning after another bout of insomnia and asked HIM to remove anything that was not glorifying to Him in my life.
If you ever pray that prayer be ready for the paper shredder...even when you forget you prayed it!
Overwhelmed I called on my friends to help take up the slack with homeschool groups and events I was running. They "couldn't" or "we are already doing something that weekend" or "what do you mean you aren't doing the bake sale?"
From my point of view my world was ending. And I had no clue why...I had forgotten the prayer.
Over the course of the spring the core group of women I had become so dependent upon left me one by one. First by pulling back from groups we were in together. Then by being "busy" when I invited them over, then they just stopped returning my e-mails and phone calls.
The real clincher was my "best friend" who e-mailed me and said she was through with me. No reason, no chance to talk things over just "get the hint, we are done."
Needless to say I spiraled into a deeper depression. Yes, it started with PPD, but it grew into something much worse. Darker and deeper than any pit I had ever encountered before.
I was certain that my former "friends" departure was the root cause and if I could just change and get them to forgive me it would all be better.
Did you know they call it stalking when you call or e-mail someone who no longer wants you around? Did you know that posting to an online blog that those same friends WILLINGLY visit and read is still harassment?
It was like I was watching someone else live my life from the outside. Most of that whole year is a blur.
And I was doing things that were totally destructive to my family, like saying "put it on the charge please..." and hiding it from my husband.
Shopping was my therapy.
Then we were surprised at being pregnant again. HMMMMM so not in my plan. But that precious little baby saved my life. The smartest thing I did was refuse meds while pregnant. I had a new OB and there is now a PPD screening that I done at regular intervals during pregnancy. I filled it out and was totally honest. She was floored. My 30 minute "Yep, you are having a baby" appointment turned into a 3 hour long question and answer session that ended with her referring me to a therapist.
I started going and really began to deal with my PPD and other issues and I realized that those women left my life because I was nuts. I was probably driving them nuts too. But more importantly and to the point is that GOD removed them from my life even though I did not realize that at the time. I bawled for days at a time about how I missed them and how if they only knew I was sick they would take me back. What I didn't know yet was that that was not God's plan, I still did not remember the prayer.
My husband was at a loss as to what to do with me he didn't buy the depression angle. In his mind people who were depressed were 100% non-functional 100% of the time. And in his mind therapy just seemed to be making me worse. I mean women who are depressed cry all the time they don't go shopping. When he found out this past winter how much we owed on ONE credit card I was sure he would walk.
Yes, I was sick, but more than that I was UN-Godly. I had an air of godliness but when you leave church to meet up with friends for lunch and dish about what sister so and so was wearing or how her mannerisims make you want to smack her you aren't following in the steps of the Savior.
As God began revealing this to me I started to realize He needed me to be on my own to get me on my knees. I had to be BROKEN.
One day after yet another argument with DH about "my friends" I was crying in my room, literally heaving from sobbing so hard. I asked God WHY this had happened, what did I do wrong?
He reminded me of the prayer.
Then he said to me "you had cancer and I took it from you, now you want it back."
It was that moment that I knew what He meant. I had to come through the paper shredder, be totally BROKEN, to get back to my FIRST love, God the Father.
So why am I airing my dirty laundry? To get even? To hope that those "friends" will read this and come forgive me and take me back? NO, NO, a resounding NO.
I am posting this because I feel God is leading me to share MY testimony. In the hope that someone out there can glean even the faintest glimmer of hope and know that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD OF THOSE THAT LOVE THE LORD!
Yes, that's right, this situation was God's wake up call to me! See I was chasing PEOPLE & PROMINENCE and not the FATHER and HE ended those relationships, even if my former friends think they did.
So this Blog is my way of saying to the world, and maybe to those women too, that I have learned a lot in the time that has passed since they knew me and I pray that no one else will have to pass through the paper shredder ALONE to get what God has to teach each of us!
If you have a friend who is clearly in need of help please don't give up on them.
If you ARE the friend who is in need please don't give up on yourself. More importantly DON'T LEAN ON PEOPLE, LEAN ON THE LORD AND ASK HIM TO PICK YOU UP!
UPDATE: Some have asked me why a paper shredder, I wish I had some profound answer...the only thing I still have that my former "best friend" gave me is a paper shredder. Now that I think about it maybe it was prophetic...and it could be profound, I had been torn apart but GOD has made me new...
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Feb. 3, 2009 - Shining your light on a friend's shade
You can't turn on a country music station without hearing a song about someone down on their luck. But what about those around you? Think about how much it means to you to receive a note in the mail from a caring friend when you're going through a hard time. Use those warm feelings to compel you to spread the love to others. We all need such encouragement and often we forget that it's okay not to be the pillar of strength when life has us by the tail. Throw your arms around someone today who might need a good squeeze, send a card to a co-worker who needs cheering up, or bake a special treat for your ill child. Friends are precious, not just in the sunshine of life, but especially in the shade.
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Nov. 9, 2008 - Changing of the tide...
Dear friends I have been away for a long time. I am sorry for my prolonged absence. I would love nothing better that to tell you I was busy going about the Lord's work and wonderful miraculous things were keeping me from completing the work He had me doing here but that is not so.
I have been in battle.
And I have been war weary.
I started this blog to help those (and myself) who would hear that it is possible to love the unlovely, and I had been the unlovely.
That the people you choose to bind yourself to in friendship are not always going to be the ones God chose for you. But that He would not have us abandon them in their time of great need.
I had planned to relate my own story in the hope that someone could benefit. And someone did. Early on I corresponded with 2-3 people who thanked me for the honesty I portrayed here. But as with anything, there were those who came against me.
In addition to finding out someone very close to me is very ill, we have had our normal daily struggles with homeschooling, military life and the current state of the economy.
So I will pop in here from time to time with golden nuggets I find and I ask that you please pray for me and anyone in your life that may be in a shady place right now.
And I will pray for each of you.
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Aug. 7, 2008 - Yes Lord, I Will Stop Slandering the Blood
This e-mail has been floating around for a LONG time, and I have gotten it several times. Each time something different has occurred to me as I read it, sometimes it was faults in others in my life, sometimes my own.
This time it is surely my turn.
I have been dealing with MANY many issues over the past several years. But I am coming through. PPD is just ONE Thing on my plate.
However, as I read this in my Inbox today I realized I, yes I am putting the Blood of Christ on trial.
Has He cleansed me from my past? YES!
Has He freed me from the pit of depression? YES!
Has He saved and redeemed me from the snares of the enemy? YES!
But what about the others in my life story?
Is dragging all this up here really a ministry to help others?
- I have been contacted by several people saying THANK YOU for my honest open posts, one even has a friend that I suspect is in need of help as I was, I pray for them both daily.
Is it for me?
- Some sort of online therapy? yeah, ok opening up this can of worms to the world is dangerous, and heart wrenching.
Or is it some attempt on my part to air the faults of those I used to call friend?
- Do I pray that they will find this blog out of the MILLIONS on the web, read it realize who I am and that they could read it with the heart I have, not one of anger and spite? God is able but I am not sure they are ready.
I pray that as you read this blog you'll know that I am NOT persecuting anyone, I like David "was chief among them." AND I will continue to point that out so that no one thinks I am pointing a finger at them.
I hold no grudge, malice or ill will toward ANY of them and would gladly willingly and whole heartedly welcome the chance for resolution. If for no other reason than to say they are not my enemies & I have forgiven the hurt their departure caused, I even understand that they left BECAUSE of my illness.
But I find I am still struggling with forgiving myself. I still feel like I could have, should have changed things and been able to keep them as friends. If only I had gotten better sooner...if I had only tried harder, been less clingy, not overburdened them...on and on (the enemy is relentless) well, NO MORE!
I posted in another entry how God said to me I had cancer and He took it away. I will no longer ask for it back. I do forgive them and I am not judging where they are with the Lord, as no one can tell how they may have changed during this time. But to wish for what we had back is a death sentence.
It is THEIR choice to forgive or forget me, and THEY have made their choices clear. They are not willing to even attempt reconciliation or offer forgiveness.
But I don't need THEM to forgive ME anymore! Why? Not because I don't still hold great love for them but because GOD is a God of restoration and HE is RESTORING ME.
I believe I am WASHED by the blood. Are you?
If you are determine TODAY, RIGHT NOW, THIS MINUTE to STOP Slandering the Blood by bringing up your own past for the enemy to use against you!
God has revealed to me the CURE for this attack!
EVERY TIME and I MEAN EVERY TIME, that you are reminded of someone or something that causes you pain, even if they are currently in your life, STOP right then and PRAY for that person or problem! You will be amazed at what this will do for you and even for them. It doesn't have to be a long prayer, just something simple like "Lord, I have given _____ over to you, I pray that you are working in this situation and that you will have Your will be done for _____ today." I do this every time I see a particular person's vehicle. And trust me there are a lot of that kind of car on the road! When I needed a rental care recently guess what I got? _____'s car! The EXACT SAME COLOR and Make, that was a challenging week!
It took almost 3 years but one friend actually sent me an e-mail, saying she was sorry. She couldn't believe I didn't hate her, that she had been angry with me for not hating her! How could I keep telling everyone I loved her when she had treated me so poorly? I told her it was all God. We continue to exchange e-mails and visit when we are nearby. the friendship is nothing even close to what it was before, but that is OK, there was reconciliation, and that is all I seek, but GOD has to be the author of any peace treaty!
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One night in a church service a young woman felt the tug of God at her heart.
She responded to God's call and accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.
The young woman had a very rough past, involving alcohol, drugs, and prostitution.
But, the change in her was evident. As time went on she became a faithful member of the church.
She eventually became involved in the ministry, teaching young children.
It was not very long until this faithful young woman had caught the eye and heart of the pastor's son.
The relationship grew and they began to make wedding plans.
This is when the problems began.
You see, about one half of the church did not think that a woman with a past such as hers was suitable for a pastor's son.
The church began to argue and fight about the matter.
So they decided to have a meeting.
As the people made their arguments and tensions increased, the meeting was getting completely out of hand.
The young woman became very upset about all the things being brought up about her past.
As she began to cry the pastor's son stood to speak.
He could not bear the pain it was causing his wife to be.
He began to speak and his statement was this:
'My fiancee's past is not what is on trial here.
What you are questioning is the ability of the blood of Jesus to wash away sin.
Today you have put the blood of Jesus on trial.
So, does it wash away sin or not?'
The whole church began to weep as they realized that they had been slandering the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Too often, even as Christians, we bring up the past and use it as a weapon against our brothers and sisters.
Forgiveness is a very foundational part of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.
If the blood of Jesus does not cleanse the other person completely then it cannot cleanse us completely.
If that is the case, then we are all in a lot of trouble.
What can wash away my sins?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus!!!!
'Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.' Psalm 55:23
This prayer is powerful and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards, let's continue to pray for one another.
Here is the prayer:
'Father, I ask you to bless my friends, relatives
and blog buddies reading this right now.
Show them a new revelation of your love and power.
Holy Spirit, I ask you to minister to their spirit at this very moment.
Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy
Where there is self doubt, release a renewed confidence
through your grace.
In Jesus' precious name.
Amen
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Jul. 25, 2008 - A Study in Contrasts Part 2: What the Word Says About "Godly Companions"
Godly Companions
A.W. Pink
http://sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=697
In the above verse we have a description of God’s people according to the course of their lives and conduct. They are a people marked by two things: fear and submission, the latter being the fruit of the former. Regenerated souls obey God conscientiously out of reverence to His majesty and goodness, and from a due regard of His will as made known in His Word. The same description is given of them in Acts 10:35, "In every nation he that feareth God and worketh righteousness is accepted with Him.," It is a filial fear which is awed by God’s greatness and is careful not to offend Him, which is constrained by His love and is anxious to please Him. Such are the only ones fit to be a Christian’s "companions."
A "companion" is, properly speaking, one whom I choose to walk and converse with in a way of friendship. Inasmuch as the companions we select is an optional matter, it is largely true that a person may be known by the company he or she keeps; hence the old adage, "Birds of a feather flock together." Scripture asks the searching question, "Can two walk together but except they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3). A Christian, before his conversion, was controlled by the Prince of darkness and walked according to the course of this world (Eph. 2:2,3), and therefore did he seek and enjoy the company of worldlings. But when he was born again the new nature within him prompted new tastes and desires, and so he seeks a new company, delighting only in the saints of God. Alas, that we do not always continue as we began.
The Christian is to have good will toward all with whom he comes in contact, desiring and seeking their best interests (Gal. 6:10), but he is not to be yoked to (2 Cor. 6:14) nor have any fellowship with (Eph. 5:11) those who are unbelievers, nor is he to delight in or have complacency toward those who despise his Master. "Shouldest thou help the ungodly, and love them that hate the Lord?" (2 Chron. 19:2). Would you knowingly take a viper into your bosom? "The wicked is an abomination unto the righteous" (Prov. 29:26). So said David, "Do not I hate them, O Lord, that hate thee? and am I not grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with a perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies" (Ps. 139:21, 22). That holy man could not be confederate with such.
Evil company is to be sedulously avoided by the Christian lest he become defiled by them. "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise; but a companion of fools shall be destroyed" (Prov. 13:20). Nor is it only the openly lawless and criminal who are to be shunned, but even, yea especially, those professing to be Christians yet who do not live the life of Christians. It is this latter class particularly against which the real child of God needs to be most on his guard: namely, those who say one thing and do another; those whose talk is pious, but whose walk differs little or nothing from the non-professor, The Word of God is plain and positive on this point: "Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away" (2 Tim. 3:5). This is not merely good advice, but a Divine command which we disregard at our peril.
In selecting your "companions" let not a pleasing personality deceive you. The Devil himself often poses as "an angel of light," and sometimes his wolfish agents disguise themselves in "sheep’s clothing" (Matthew 7:15). Be most careful in seeing to it that what draws you toward and makes you desire the companionship of Christian friends is their love and likeness to Christ and not their love and likeness to you. Shun as you would a deadly plague those who are not awed by the fear of God, i.e., a trembling lest they offend Him. Let not the Devil persuade you that you are too well established in the faith to be injured by intimacy with worldly "Christians" (?). "Be not deceived, evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Cor. 15:33). Rather "follow righteousness, faith, love, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart" (2 Tim. 2:22).
"Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners" (1 Cor. 15:33). The Greek word here for "communications" properly means "a bringing together, companionships." And evil companionships "corrupt." All evil is contagious and association with evildoers, whether they be "church members" or open infidels, has a defiling and debasing effect upon the true child of God. Mark well how the Holy Spirit has prefaced His warning: "be not deceived." Evidently there is a real danger of God’s people imagining that they can play with fire without getting burned. Not so: God has not promised to protect us when we fly in the face of his danger signals. Observe too the next verse which is inseparably connected with the one to which we have directed attention. "Awake to righteousness and sin not: for some have not the knowledge of God: I speak (this) to your shame" (1 Cor. 15:34). The word "awake" signifies to arouse as from a torpor or state of lethargy. It is a call to shake off the delusive spell that a Christian may company with Christless companions without being contaminated by them. "And sin not" in this respect. To cultivate friendship with religious worldlings Is sin, for such "have not the knowledge of God": they have no experimental acquaintance with Him, His fear is not on them, His authority has no weight with them. "I speak (this) to your shame." The child of God ought to be abashed and filled with confusion that he needs such a word as this. I am a companion of all that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts." Such are the only "companions" worth having, the only ones who will give you any encouragement to continue pressing forward along the "Narrow Way." It is not those who merely pretend to "believe" God’s precepts, or profess to "stand for" them, but those who actually "keep" them. But where are such to be found these days? Ah, where indeed. They are but "few" in number (Matthew 7:14) one here and one there. Yea, so very "few" are they that we are constrained to cry, "Help, Lord, for the godly man ceaseth; for the faithful fail from among the children of men" (Ps. 12:1).
It is indeed solemn to read the words that immediately follow the last-quoted scripture and find how aptly they apply to and how accurately they describe the multitude of godless professing "Christians" all around us: "they speak vanity every one with his neighbour, with flattering lips, with a double heart do they speak" (v. 2). Note three things about them. First, they "speak vanity" or "emptiness." Their words are like bubbles, there is nothing edifying about them. It cannot be otherwise for "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh" (Matthew 12:34). Their poor hearts are empty (Matthew 12:44). So their speech is empty too. Second, they have "flattering lips," which is the reason why they are so popular with the ungodly. They will seek to puff you up with a sense of their own importance, pretend to admire the "much light" you have, and tell you it is your duty to "give it out to others". Third. they have a "double heart." They are (vainly) seeking to serve two masters: (cf. 2 Kings 17:32, 33).
"I am a companion of all that fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts." There is a very real sense in which this is true even where there is no outward contact with such. Faithfulness to God, obedience to His Word, keeping His precepts, companying only with those who do so, turning away from everybody else, has always involved a lonely path. It was thus with Enoch (Jude 14). It was thus with Abraham (Isa. 51:2). It was thus with Paul (2 Tim. 1:5). It is the same today. Every city in the land is tilled with "churches," "missions," "Gospel Halls," "Bible Institutes," etc., etc., but where are those who give plain evidence that they are living in this world as "strangers and pilgrims" and as such abstaining "from fleshly lusts which war against the soul" (1 Pet. 2:11)?
But thank God. though the path of faithfulness to Him be a lonely one, it brings me into spiritual fellowship with those who have gone before. We are to walk by faith and not by sight, and faith perceives that walking with Christ "outside the camp" (Heb. 13:13) necessarily brings into communion with "all" His redeemed, be they on earth or be they in heaven. Thus the apostle John in his lonely exile on Patmos referred to himself as "your brother and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ" (Rev. 1:9). Yes, Christian reader, for a little while it means companionship "in tribulation," but, praise God it will not mean enduring the throes of the swiftly- approaching portion of Christless professors left behind when Christ comes for His own (2 Thess. 2:10-12). For a little while it means companionship in "the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ," soon it will be in the kingdom and glory of Christ. May Divine mercy so enable us to live now that in that Day we shall receive His "Well done."
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Jul. 24, 2008 - A Study in Contrasts Part 1: What the World Says About "Toxic Friends"
In the past months of dealing with my illness I have had plenty of time to reflect on the things that have changed and the work that God is doing in and through me. In a period of about 6 months my entire life changed. This series is only a part of what I learned. I pray that you can glean something of worth from my time in the paper shredder.
I found many many articles like this one during my search "When Friendships End." I am posting it without comment and for the purpose of showing what the world view of friendship is...my commentary will follow in a few days after I present a few more articles.
Be Blessed.
The World's View
Five ways to unload a toxic friend
by Irene S. Levine, PhD
http://www.fracturedfriendships.com/tags/end
Contrary to the myth of best friends forever, many female friendships don't always turn out the way we hoped they would. The friend who is constantly making one-sided demands of you is one disappointing example.
When a close friend is always in need of one thing or another---money, favors, introductions, coddling, praise, or simply more time than you have to give---the relationship begins to grow weary. You feel like you're walking around with an emotional ball and chain around your ankle.
The term toxic friendship refers to a variety of relationships that are consistently negative and draining. The nature of these relationships is defined by patterns, not by one-time or occasional lapses in the reciprocity that is the essence of a healthy friendship.
Why would anyone put up with a friend like that? It, too, can be explained by the concept of reciprocity. Friendships continue when they are mutually satisfying---even if the relationship is toxic. Many women have a hard time extricating themselves from these relationships. These include:
• People who like to feel needed
• People who feel like they aren't worthy of healthier, more balanced relationships
• People who are stuck---either feeling angry or sorry for their needy friend
Get real: If your truly needy friend has been that way for some time, the real possibilities of changing the relationship verge on hopeless. Yet it's hard to find a way out. Here are some ways to unload:
1) Change the nature of your friendship by learning to say "no" and setting boundaries (e.g. "Even though we are both single, I don't want to spend every Friday night together" or "I can't have dinners with you after work because I need to get home to my family."')
2) Tell her that you have to tend to your own needs (or those of anyone else you can think of---your mother, your kid or your cat)
3) Slip away - Spend less time with her and add other less demanding friends to your inventory
4) Take a relationship sabbatical, a well-deserved hiatus from the friendship
5) If you've reached the point where you feel there is nothing really to lose, simply cut loose!
Get rid of the guilt. These are people whose needs can never be satiated. No matter what you give, what you do, how much, or how often, it will never be enough. Since character tends to endure, this person probably treats other people the same way she treats you. It's likely that many of her friends have probably already dropped out of the picture and that's why she is so dependent on you.
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Jul. 23, 2008 - Postpartum Depression
Whether you're becoming a mom for the first time or the fourth, the days and weeks immediately following your baby's birth can be as overwhelming as they are joyful and exciting.
Many women experience major mood shifts after childbirth, ranging from brief, mild baby blues to longer-lasting, deeper clinical depression, which is known as postpartum depression.
Feelings of sadness and depression are more common after childbirth than many people may realize. It's important for new mothers — and those who love them — to understand the symptoms of postpartum depression and to reach out to family, friends, and medical professionals for help.
With the proper support and treatment, mothers who are experiencing any degree of postpartum depression can go on to be healthy, happy parents.
Baby Blues
Up to 80% of women experience something called the baby blues, feelings of sadness and emotional surges that begin in the first days after childbirth. With the baby blues, a woman might feel happy one minute and tearful or overwhelmed the next. She might feel sad, blue, irritable, discouraged, unhappy, tired, or moody. Baby blues usually last only a few days — but can linger as long as a week or two.
Why It Happens
These emotional surges are believed to be a natural effect of the hormone shifts that occur with pregnancy and childbirth. Levels of estrogen and progesterone that have increased during pregnancy drop suddenly after delivery, and this can affect mood. These female hormones return to their pre-pregnancy levels within a week or so. As hormone levels normalize again, baby blues usually resolve on their own without medical treatment.
What to Do
Getting proper rest, nutrition, and support are quite important — since being exhausted or sleep deprived or feeling stressed can reinforce and fuel feelings of sadness and depression.
To cope with baby blues, new moms should try to accept help in the first days and weeks after labor and delivery. Let family and friends help with errands, food shopping, household chores, or child care. Let someone prepare a meal or watch the baby while you relax with a shower, bath, or a nap.
Get plenty of rest and eat nutritious foods. Talking to people close to you, or to other new mothers, can help you feel supported and remind you that you're not alone. You don't have to stifle the tears if you feel the need to cry a bit — but try not to dwell on sad thoughts. Let the baby blues run their course and pass.
When to Call the Doctor
If baby blues linger longer than a week or two, talk to your doctor to discuss whether postpartum depression may be the cause of your emotional lows.

For some women, the feelings of sadness or exhaustion run deeper and last longer than baby blues. About 10% of new mothers experience postpartum depression, which is a true clinical depression triggered by childbirth.
Postpartum depression usually begins 2 to 3 weeks after giving birth, but can start any time during the first few days, weeks, or months post-delivery.
A woman with postpartum depression may feel sad, tearful, despairing, discouraged, hopeless, worthless, or alone. She also may:
- have trouble concentrating or completing routine tasks
- lose her appetite or not feel interested in food
- feel indifferent to her baby or not feel attached or bonded
- feel overwhelmed by her situation and feel that there is no hope of things getting better
- feel like she is just going through the motions of her day without being able to feel happy, interested, pleased, or joyful about anything
Feelings and thoughts like these are painful for a woman to experience — especially during a time that is idealized as being full of happiness. Many women are reluctant to tell someone when they feel this way. But postpartum depression is a medical condition that requires attention and treatment.
Why It Happens
Postpartum depression can affect any woman — but some may be more at risk for developing it. Women who have battled depression at another time in their lives or have one or more relatives who have had depression might have a genetic tendency to develop postpartum depression.
Most postpartum depression is thought to be related to fluctuating hormone levels that affect mood and energy. Levels of estrogen and progesterone that have increased during pregnancy drop suddenly after delivery. In some cases a woman's thyroid hormone may decrease, too.
These rapid hormone shifts affect the brain's mood chemistry in a way that can lead to sadness, low mood, and depression that lingers. Stress hormones may have an added effect on mood. Some women may experience this more than others.
When to Call the Doctor
If feelings of sadness or depression are strong, if they linger throughout most of the day for days in a row, or if they last longer that a week or two, talk to your doctor. A new mother who feels like giving up, who feels that life is not worth living, or who has suicidal thoughts or feelings needs to tell her doctor right away.
Postpartum depression can last for several months or even longer if it goes untreated. With proper treatment, a woman can feel like herself again. Treatment may include talk therapy, medication, or both. In addition, proper diet, exercise, rest, and social support can be very helpful. Some women find yoga to be beneficial. Some research suggests that expressing thoughts and emotions through certain writing techniques can help relieve symptoms of depression.
It may take several weeks for a woman to begin to feel better once she is being treated for depression, though some women begin to feel better sooner. Ask your doctor about how soon to expect improvements and ways to take care of yourself in the meantime.
Postpartum Psychosis
A more serious and rare condition is postpartum psychosis. It affects about 1 in 1,000 women who give birth and occurs within the first month after labor and delivery. It may include hallucinations, such as hearing voices or seeing things, or feelings of paranoia.
With postpartum psychosis, a woman can have irrational ideas about her baby — such as that the baby is possessed or that she has to hurt herself or her child. This condition can be extremely serious and disabling, and new mothers who are experiencing these symptoms need medical attention right away.
Why It Happens
Women who have other psychiatric illnesses, such as bipolar disorder or schizoaffective disorder, may be at greater risk of developing postpartum psychosis.
When to Call the Doctor
Postpartum psychosis requires immediate medical attention and, often, a brief hospitalization. If you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms, don't delay getting medical attention.
Understanding the Changes After Childbirth
New mothers experience many layers of change in the days and weeks immediately following labor and delivery. In addition to the sudden drop in estrogen and progesterone — which can affect mood — there are other huge physical, emotional, and domestic changes that can affect how a new mom feels.
Physical Changes
Pregnancy brings many physical changes, and labor and delivery are physically intense and challenging. It takes time for the body to recover, and a new mother might feel exhausted, emotionally drained, or uncomfortable after delivery.
Personal and Emotional Changes
A woman's role and responsibilities may change quite a bit when she becomes a new mother. It can take time to adjust — even if she felt prepared for the change. Some women may feel isolated, worried, or scared.
Some new mothers face added stresses related to difficult circumstances or lack of support. Enduring a tough relationship, a precarious financial situation, or some other major life event at the same time — like a move or a job loss — can add stress.
Pregnancy-related stress — such as difficulty conceiving or complications during pregnancy or labor — can add to a new mom's feeling of being depleted. Sometimes (but not always) these stresses can pave the way for depression.
Changes in Routines and Responsibilities
A newborn brings special demands on a mother's time, attention, and energy. For first-time mothers, there can be lots to learn about meeting the baby's most basic needs, like sleeping, feeding, bathing, and soothing. There are lots of new routines to establish.
The baby's sleeping, waking, and feeding schedules can make it hard for a new mom to get the sleep and rest required to help handle all these new stresses and responsibilities. And without a good night's sleep, even small things can seem overwhelming.
Getting Help and Helping Yourself
Tell your doctor if you're having trouble with postpartum moods, thoughts, or feelings. Let someone else you trust know, too. This might be your partner, a friend, or a family member. This is a time to reach out and accept help and support from people close to you.
In addition to getting treatment for postpartum depression, small things you do can make it easier to get through a difficult time. You might find it helpful to:
- Take time for yourself. Schedule a babysitter for a regular time. This way you'll be sure to get time for yourself and know that it's coming.
- Focus on little things to look forward to during the day. This might be a hot shower, relaxing bath, walk around the block, or visit with a friend.
- Read something uplifting. Since depression may make it difficult to concentrate, choose something light and positive that can be read a bit at a time.
- Indulge in other simple pleasures. Page through a magazine, listen to music you enjoy, sip a cup of tea.
- Be with others. Create opportunities to spend time with other adults, like family and friends, who can provide some comfort and good company.
- Ask for help. Don't shy away from asking for emotional support or help with caring for the baby or tackling household chores.
- Accept help. Accepting help doesn't make you helpless — by reaching out you help yourself and your baby.
- Rest. Give your child a quiet place to sleep, and try to rest when the baby does.
- Get moving. A daily walk can help lift mood. (Check with your doctor before starting any new exercise program.)
- Be patient. Know that it may take time to feel better and take one day at a time.
- Be optimistic. Try to think of small things you're grateful for.
- Join a support group. Ask your doctor or women's center about resources in your community.
Helping Someone With Postpartum Depression
If you're concerned that your partner or someone else you know is experiencing postpartum depression, it's important to encourage her to talk to her doctor and to a mental health professional. Sometimes a woman is reluctant to seek help or may not recognize her own symptoms right away.
Consider giving the new mom some information on postpartum depression, and offer to read through it together. You might offer to make an appointment for her and go with her if she wants.
Once she's receiving the care she needs, support, love, and friendship are good medicine, too. Here are a few things that you can continue do for her:
- Check in with her regularly to see how she's doing.
- Listen when she wants to talk.
- Go for a walk with her (every day if possible!).
- Make her a nutritious meal (regularly!).
- Give her some breaks from housework and child care responsibilities.
- Let her take a nap or a relaxing bath while you care for her baby.
- Be patient, be kind.
- Believe in her — and remind her of her true qualities and strengths.
Brighter Days Ahead
Like all forms of depression, postpartum depression creates a cloud of negative feelings and thoughts over a woman's view of herself, those around her, her situation, and the future. Under the cloud of depression, a woman might see herself as helpless or worthless. She might view her situation as overwhelming or hopeless. Things might seem disappointing, uninteresting, or without meaning. Keep in mind that the bleak negative perspective is part of depression.
With the right treatment and support, the cloud can be lifted. This can free a woman to feel like herself again, to regain her perspective and sense of her own strength, her energy, her joy, and her hope. With those things in place, it's easier to work with changes, to see solutions to life's challenges, and to enjoy life's pleasures again.
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Lessons I have learned on my journey through post-partum depression.
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