Some of you know how I have been struggling with depression and other feelings. There are many challenges and trials that have led up to now. God has been working and last night I was reading through Teach Magazine, when I came across an article by Marily Boyer, Beware of Bitterness. Whew, that stuck out to me and quite honestly I wanted to flip to a new page and find something else to read, but God would not let me, he made me read that and you know what, It spoke to me.

Bitterness is from Satan. Satan uses bitterness to keep us from being close to God. Satan uses it as a sneak attack.

Hebrews 12:15
See to it that no root of bitterness, springing up, causes trouble and by it many be defiled.


Here are a few quotes from that article.

" The bitter person hass a tendency to expect the worst in the person he is harboring bitterness toward. The offender's faults overshadow their positive qualities in his eyes and he tends to live with a defeated spirit."

"If you sense any of these characteristics in your life..., examine yourself for bitterness and relinquish it. Don't destroy the very thing you've been working for all these years by allowing bitterness to dwell within. Learn not to take things personally, but give hurts and disappointments to God."

"..., bitterness is ultimately toward God."

There are many more that are very profound, but those are the ones that struck me in my circumstance.

I have been carrying bitterness over circumstances around for a long time. Some of that stems from 12 yrs ago and some just a day or two ago. Here are just a few of the things that have a tight hold on me.

I have been bitter over the fact that my father died. Yes, he is in a better place now, but I was bitter, I needed that Christian influence. I didn't want to always have my birthday be the day that he died. But, God saw fit to take him at a point in my life that I felt I could not go on. I tried to "get rid" of myself, but it never worked out. I have thought about it many times since too. But, God has a plan for me here, I don't know what it is exactly, but I know that there is something that he has lined up for me. So, I am going to try and let go of my dad, I will remember, I will honor, but I am going to try to let go of the bitterness that I have had over losing him.

Another thing that has caused me bitterness is that my mom, 1 yr to the day after my dad passed away announced that she was getting married, after only knowing the man for a week. Now, that should have made me happy, but he is not a christian, he does not like children, he has devided any sort of a bond that my mom and I had. He seems to think he knows it all about everything. His hate of a Christian lifestyle is very evident and it really bugs me a lot of the time. It makes me cringe when we have a prayer before meals and he is there, as he tends to make rude noises, coughs (as in making fun of what a person is praying about), and other rude things during our prayer time. However, God sees fit for our family to attempt to minister to him. Just maybe we are the ones who will be able to reach him. So, here I am to say, I am going to try and work through that bitterness to and let it go.

I have also held bitterness at other times. I have a dc that seems to challenge me at every turn. There have been times that I literally dread this dc getting out of bed. There are just days that I don't feel up to the challenge, but those are the days that I should reach higher and farther in to help this dc learn to use their talents in a better way. Those are the days that I could be the one that leads this dc down the path to Christ. So, I am here to say, I am going to be happy that I have this dc to challenge me, this dc may very well bring me closer to God as well.


And the last that I will share is a trial that was not brought on by me, but brought along a lot of hurt and bitterness. I won't go into details here, but it caused me to shut myself away from my closest Christian friends. I started questioning whether I even wanted to be considered a Christian as this was a close Christian friend and I didn't want others to associate me with how this person treated others. I started realizing after a month or two of my questions that I did not have to be that kind of Christian. I want to be the Christian that makes others want to find what I have. I want to be the Christian that makes non-Christians realize they are missing something. I want to be the Christian that others feel they can talk to and I would be able to give them answers or advice and help them to know my God. So, I let this hurt and bitterness go, I am giving it to God, as he is able to handle those and he wants me to let him have it so that I may move on and do the things that he has lined up for me.

So, I invite you to help hold me accountable here. I also invite you to take a hard look and make sure that you have let go of any of the trials or challenges in life that may be causing you to harbor bitterness. I think as I work through this I will find a big weight lifted from my shoulders and will be able to see a new light.

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