Jul. 20, 2007 - Jesus Paid It All!
All to Him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain.
He washed it white as snow.
Praise the One who paid my debt.
Who raised this life up from the dead
These words are so true and have touched my heart so deeply tonight. I pray that each and every one of you receive peace from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and have a blessed night. Joy DOES come in the morning!
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Jun. 18, 2007 - Where is my strength?
I try and I try. I try to do it myself. For the past month my relationship with the Lord has dwindled. I am too busy to read my bible, too busy to pray, and too busy to relax in the quietness of Him. My house has turned into a home of chaos. I know what the foundational problem is but it seems so difficult to fix. I know I just have to do it, I have to pray to Him because only He can give me strength. Apart from Him I have nothing. Everything seems overwhelming to me and I know that is not of the Lord. I am to be a manager of the home. Boy, if we could get fired from this position I would have been gone a long time ago. It seems that I can get nothing in order. Our routines fell by the wayside when hubby was on short term disability. Ladies, please pray for me and give me any advice you can. Thank you. :)
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Apr. 23, 2007 - Today is Monday!
Mike called in this morning. He hasn't been sleeping well at all. I bought some melatonin yesterday but it doesn't seem to be working. I am starting to think that this is strictly spiritual. The only time he has gone to church is when we were at his parent's house. That was to see their Easter play. We went without him yesterday, so it has been 3 wks of no fellowship/worship for him. He hasn't been reading his bible. The only thing he has been doing is watching UFC stuff. My heart is tired. I want my husband back. I want Satan to release his hand from him. I went and got a few groceries this morning before everyone woke up. It is 9:05 am and Mike and the baby are laying in the bed together asleep. At least I think Mike is asleep. We still have our chores to do and school to get done. I need to think like a better wife. This stuff with the withdrawal is really annoying me. I want to say, "Be a man, get over it." But I know that is from Satan and not the mind of a wife that loves the Lord. R will be done with her math book today. I have been really lax on Science and History this year. I mean, we have been reading but the activities have been by the wayside since the computer was down between October and March. I really want to do Heart of Dakota this year. I believe it will help a lot. I am buying a little at a time so the money isn't overwhelming to me. We still haven't decided on a math. I want to go to a homeschool bookstore and have R pick out a math she likes. I want to pick something for E too. We are going to do math and grammar/phonics separate and everything else together. Ooooh and I really want to implement the Language Lessons from the Queen Homeschool website. They look awesome! Sandy Queen did a great job! I am looking forward to next year...maybe my family will be like it is supposed to be. My soul longs for that. I want my husband to be the spiritual leader again. Everything is on me...everything. It is tiring. I know what it is supposed to be like to be a keeper at home (which I don't really do a good job of at the moment) but a married woman is NOT supposed to be the head of the household (spiritually or financially). Lord, guide me...show me what is supposed to be done, be silent about, and be prayed for. In Your most precious and Holy Name...Jesus...I give You all the praise and the glory.
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Apr. 20, 2007 - He is struggling
Dear Heavenly Father,
As you know M just called me. He is hurting Lord. He needs You. He almost started crying on the phone. Lord, deliver him from this pain. He doesn't want to feel this way anymore. You are our Deliver. He is trying Lord, he wants to stop all this. I am not sure if he is leaning on You but I am. I can't do this without you. My husband is a part of me and I am crying out to you to be with him, guide his thoughts, his actions and release him from this pain. He is Your child and You never forsake Your children. His future is with You Lord and to serve mightily in Your Kingdom. Lord guide his choices. Have him reach for his Bible and not for anything destructive. Lord protect Him. Send your mighty angels to be with him and to comfort him. Have your Holy Spirit pour comfort all over him. Lord, I love you and in the precious name of Jesus...Amen.
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Apr. 19, 2007 - Prayer Needed!
My husband is in recovery from an opiate addiction (prescription drugs). He went to rehab and went on suboxone. We have been reducing his meds to wean him off. The other day he had about 2 days left and he decided to flush them. He was tired of taking them. Yesterday he started suffering mild withdrawal. He says it isn't as bad as withdrawal from Lortab. He is feeling cold, tired and weak. He is at a NA meeting right now. Please be in prayer for him. Thank you.
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Apr. 18, 2007 - Recovery from addiction
Living with someone who is in recovery is difficult. There are few words to explain it. I never thought I would go through some of the things I have gone through in the past few years. I could say deep down I knew something was wrong but I don't remember feeling that at all. I was in deep denial, putting all my trust in my husband. Then I find out that all of our money problems and trust issues stemmed from his addiction to pain killers. That was so hard...I was ashamed. I was ashamed I was so trusting and ashamed my husband was an addict. He was clean for a while (just doing it himself), then he stole a lot of money from us. He became clean again but only for a short while and he came home and told me he was using again. Then he became clean again but this time as even shorter and he came home and told me what was going on. I finally put boundaries on the situation, that was in November. On March 5, I found out that he stole money from us again and spent our entire tax refund on pain killers. I went ballistic. I told him that the girls and I were leaving for 2wks or longer until he straightens things out because the girls and I didn't need to be in that situation any longer. Well, he decided to go into rehab and the girls and I stayed. He went into rehab on March 9th. He has been clean since then. I have been crying out to God since the beginning of the year for Him to show me how to trust my husband again. You know what He said, "You don't have to trust him, trust Me." Wow! Was that like a slap in the face. I was putting all of my trust in myself to get through this just like my husband was to get through his addiction. I had seen it not work for my husband but I couldn't see that it wasn't working in me to trust in myself. We are doing a lot better financially, my husband is off of his withdrawal medication and our family is getting to where it needs to be for the glory of our Lord and Savior, Jesus. My husband is looking forward to me surprise drug testing him and for it to come back clean. He is going to NA meetings about everyday and he talks to me about it. I am in continued prayer for him and his walk with the Lord. I am also working on mine. I want to be the wife that God wants me to be for my husband. Recovery is a life long process and I know we can get through it because we are leaning on the Lord now and not ourselves. Glory be to God for His continued work in us.
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Apr. 7, 2007 - We're Baaaack...
online that is! We have been without the internet since Oct of last year! A lot of things have happened and I will go into that more later. I am just glad to be online again! :)
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Oct. 26, 2006 - ATTENTION!! BOOK IT!!
Book It! has a program for preschoolers called Book It! Beginners. I called to get my 3 yr old enrolled and they refuse it to homeschoolers. I called and complained to the supervisor and among other things she said that parents take advantage and eat the pizza themselves (like some don't on the other program), it is difficult to regulate because it is meant for classroom use and groups have to get together for at least 60min a wk to do the work. This program is for about one month and she said that majority of sahm do not know how to properly read aloud to their preschool children and the daycare/preschool does.
She did say that since I was homeschooling already that I more than likely do. She would not budge and she went on to say that they came to the conclusion of no sahm and no homeschoolers because of the FIVE test families they used who ate the children's pizzas.
I was pretty upset by the end of the phone call and was tired of 
back and forth. But I am I totally wrong for being a little preterbed by this? Here is the link so if you want to contact you can.
http://www.bookitprogram.com/beginners/
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Oct. 24, 2006 - Dreams
Have you ever had a dream that you did not want to wake from? I did last night. It was all about Jesus! He was walking and talking with me. It was the best dream of my life. I truly believe that He used that dream to tell me that He is taking care me and comforting me and my family. I didn't want it to end. It was wonderful! I feel euphoric! I need to go pray and read my Bible to get even closer with Him. It kind of feels like when you cannot be without your spouse and you have this feeling of yearning. It is like that but 100x more! It is so difficult to explain. 
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Oct. 23, 2006 - Nature walk pics (10/22/06)
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Oct. 23, 2006 - Psalm 51
| Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions. | |
| Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity And cleanse me from my sin. | |
| For I know my transgressions, And my sin is ever before me. | |
| Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight, So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge. | |
| Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. | |
| Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being, And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom. | |
| Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. | |
| Make me to hear joy and gladness, Let the bones which You have broken rejoice. | |
| Hide Your face from my sins And blot out all my iniquities. | |
| Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. | |
| Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. | |
| Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit. | |
| {Then} I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners will be converted to You. | |
| Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation; {Then} my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness. | |
| O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise. | |
| For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. | |
| The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. | |
| By Your favor do good to Zion; Build the walls of Jerusalem. | |
| Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices, In burnt offering and whole burnt offering; Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar. |
Wow! What a great psalm! Think of all the things we do to not only anger but hurt God. He loves us so much that He forgives us, not only that...He forgets it! When we sin and confess it and then turn away from it...He remembers it no more! Can you say you do the same? I know I can't. I can forgive until I am blue in the face but it is so difficult to forget. It is so difficult for my finite brain to fathom someone that would love me so much as to die for ME and when I turn to Him and ask Him for forgiveness, He no longer remembers what evil I did in His sight. What an awesome God we have who gives us such an assurance of His love.
G od's
R eigning
A gape
is
C onstant
through
E ternity
Here is what sums it up...a little...
Matthew West - Only Grace
From the album History
There is no guilt here
There is no shame
No pointing fingers
There is no blame
What happened yesterday
Has disappeared
The dirt has washed away
And now it's clear
Chorus:
There's only grace
There's only love
There's only mercy
And believe me it's enough
Your sins are gone
Without a trace
There's nothing left now
There's only grace
You're starting over now
Under the sun
You're stepping forward now
A new life has begun
Your new life has begun
Chorus:
And if you should fall again
Get back up, get back up
Reach out and take my hand
Get back up, Get back up
Get back up again
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Oct. 23, 2006 - What we REFUSE to do as parents
These are just a few of the things we REFUSE to do as parents:
* We REFUSE to not have God at the center of our lives.
* We REFUSE to have the "world" dictate how we raise our children.
* We REFUSE to allow disrespect in our home.
* We REFUSE to allow our children to dawdle.
* We REFUSE to not allow our children to BE CHILDREN.
* We REFUSE the fact that it is healthy to WANT to be away from your children.
* We REFUSE to "cut the cord" before it is too soon.
* We REFUSE to allow our children to expect us to do everything for them.
* We REFUSE to put our children in a position where they do not feel safe.
* We REFUSE to expect the church to be the only educators our children have about God.
and finally...for now...
* We REFUSE to have a home that is not full of love, nurture, and Jesus!
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Oct. 23, 2006 - Leap of Faith
Last Sunday we went to church. It should have been a normal day but it wasn't. They were collecting the offering and I asked Mike how much we should give and he said as little as we can. I had about $37 in my wallet and I gave all the $7 in one's. God just kept speaking to me and convicting me. He kept saying, "It isn't your's, it isn't your's." Then they were about to collect the love offering for the debt for the church and God still was saying to me, "It isn't your's." Then our friend Joe got up and starting talking about how our money isn't our's and he told a story. The story was that one day his wife called crying and said they didn't have enough money to pay the bills. He asked her if she had written a tithe check. She said they didn't have enough. He said to write the tithe check first and everything after that. After all the bills were paid they had money left over. I know this story is true because I know these people, they are like family. So that totally confirmed what God was telling me and I went out into the atrium and wrote a $130 check on my starter checks. I feel so at peace. I am not worried about the bills. Everything, and I mean everything, is in God's hands. So much has happened that I do not and can not have control over and God has given me this gift. I started crying tears of joy when I put that check in the plate. Mike is worried about the bills but I am not. Everything will work out for the glory of God. Oh and the $130 is 10% of Mike's check, this week already we have received checks in the amount of $175...God had already blessed us. I am in awe of Him.
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Oct. 23, 2006 - Bible verse
1 Peter 4:12-13
12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
Wow! These verses really spoke to me now. When I saw those verses for today and a peace just fell over me. Today has been a VERY difficult day. I feel completely drained, yet stressed and anxious. But reading this has brought me new understanding. An understanding that I thought I would never get. The Lord does work in mysterious ways. I have no idea where my life is leading right now and the only comfort I have had today is reading these verses.
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Oct. 20, 2006 - Egypt Unit ~PICS
http://invite.filmloop.com/x?BnNcARbxx6zw0VhJpi077fgJ81uB6W2m
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Oct. 10, 2006 - Trust in the Lord
I know that a lot of us (if not all of us) have heard that we should "Trust in the Lord". Also, how many of us have actually said it to someone that was going through turmoil. I know I have. Over the last few days I have said this over and over to myself. I am tired of all the drama in my life. And during most of my dramatic life I have not truly trusted in the Lord. That is why He allows turmoil. He wants us to trust in Him and Him alone. I know some of the time we cause our own situations, good or bad. But God's hand is in it all. A lot of the situations in my life I have caused, I could have went another way but I didn't and I had to suffer the consequences for my actions. But all of us know that there are times we don't deserve what happens to us and we are told to "trust in the Lord". That is difficult! Why is that??? I am a child of the Most High King! I am His princess. Why can it be so difficult to lay all of my worries and cares upon Him? But today, I am there...I am truly trusting in the Lord. Sure, I believe there will be days when doubt will enter my head but today, right now, I am trusting in Him. I can't control anyone but myself, and I can only put ALL of my trust in Him...I learned that one the hard way.
So, today I am praying for all of you. I know I am not the only one that has struggled with this or is currently struggling with this. There is always hope and hope has a name...JESUS.
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Oct. 3, 2006 - Have you ever wondered...
what it takes to be a mom? It isn't money, "stuff", clothes, or even a uterus. It takes time, love, and above all GRACE. Your time is just as important to your children as it is to you. But your time isn't just your's any longer. Sure, we should have "some" time to ourselves but above all, it is for our families. They need time for hugs, kisses, running in the yard, painting, having tea parties, cheering them on, being read to, and knowing that you are there whenever they need you. They need love so they can show love, self-confidence, compasion, and joy. And, of course, they need grace. They need to see from you what our Saviour has done for us. When they see grace in their own lives they will be able to show it themselves. When Jesus put Himself in our place to die, He was showing us grace. We didn't deserve that gift but it was given just the same. Our children deserve the same from us. How are they supposed to see how our Heavenly Father operates if we can't show them that ourselves? Jesus died so that we may live. Shouldn't we, as mothers, show our children the grace that was bestowed on us? Sometimes the grace we should show isn't warranted but is the grace the Lord continuously shows warranted? Think about it. Live to show love, be loved, give love, but most of all introduce them to THE LOVE...JESUS.
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Sep. 28, 2006 - Rachel's artistic interpretation of The Wizard of Oz
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Sep. 28, 2006 - Crocus
I chose this template because it is of crocuses. It reminds me of the Runaway Bunny. The girls and I have throughly loved that book. We have also loved Going on a Bear Hunt ...we need to buy that one. We love books sooooo much. My girls, even the one year old can sit for a good long time and listen to me read to them. Right now, Sarah's favorite book is a little board book that is the Itsy, Bitsy Spider . It is so cute to see her go get that book, she has quite a few books and she always gets that one, and then go sit in her little chair and pretend to read. Rachel has gotten to the point where she wants to stay up and read. How do you say no to that???? But then she started staying up tooo late and not wanting to get up in the morning. So, now if she wants to read, it can only be for 15min and then the lights are out.
For a few weeks, Rachel has had trouble with the math facts of say the sum of 12 and greater and skip counting (5's and 10's). We were both getting frustrated, so I said we should take a break. Well, I have a time and money workbook that I bought at Walmart. I was saving it for later but she asked to do it. And wouldn't you know it, the girl is counting by 5's (using nickels) and adding nickels and pennies in her head! It has been difficult to put in Science and History, but it is going to get easier.
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Jul. 26, 2006 - A few days of realizations...
On Sunday, in service, God was speaking to me. I know some may think that is crazy...whatever. He told me that I need to be in a Sunday school class. I have been praying whether or not to teach or help teach again this year. I finally got my answer. I need to learn and grow in my walk with the the Lord and it has been difficult this year. They do need me to teach but I do need this for me and my family. I teach AWANA on Wed and I helped with VBX this summer. We also attend a small group Bible study on Sat evening and I teach our little ones at home. Since God told me, I have felt such a peace about it.
God also told me something else and it feels strange to write this. He asked why we want to stop His blessings. Then He went on about how beautiful and wonderful the children are that He has given us and that we will have a boy. I don't know what to make of that and I haven't told Mike what God said. Mike has made the decision, as of now, no more children. We aren't going to get anything permanent done...at least I'm not.
Ok, this is about our homeschool. Yesterday I FINALLY figured it out! We are going to start school on August 14th. We are also going to do 4 weeks on, 1 week off, with the entire month of July off. It works out PERFECTLY! Rachel said she is going to love the little breaks in there. There are just a few more things I need for the school year, but I will only have to plan academics every 5th week! She is so far ahead I don't have to worry but I need to remember she isn't 6 yet.
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