We had a birthday party to go to last night, and of course I wanted to make sure we had safe cake of our own to eat.  I do have a chocolate cake recipe that works pretty well, especially for cupcakes.  But, we, (or rather I) am getting tired of plain chocolate cake.  So, I decide that I was going to try something new.

     I have come across some posts that have suggested using a mix of gelatin and some other things (I cannot remember exactly how to do it off the top of my head), in place of using eggs.  Let me just say, baking without eggs is almost impossible!

     I started out yesterday with a box cake mix and this gelatin mixture.  At first, based on what the batter looked like once I mixed it, I thought it was actually going to work!  But, when the timer beeped and I pulled the pans out of the oven, they immediately sank!  I stuck them in the refrigerater, mainly because I know Jello will solidify when it gets cold.  But, low and behold, in my opinion it was a failure!

     I then got on the internet to try to search for an eggless cake recipe that was not chocolate.  I found many, but some of them I could tell would probably not turn out right.  I settled for one that included a ton of butter along with raisins, and many spices like cinnamon, cloves, and ginger.  Again, I had high hopes.

     I pulled the spice/raisin cake out of the oven.  It appeared to look like it might work.  The only problem this time was that we had to go, but the cake had to cool before we could cut it!  (Yes, it was a bad moment in the Perry house!) 

     I decided to check on the gelatin cupcakes that I had stuffed in the fridge.  I tasted one, and YUCK!  To me it tasted like a sticky, squishy, muck with barely any flavor!  Randy happened to be in the kitchen and witnessed this.  He begged me for a cupcake.  I tried to tell him that they were no good, but he wouldn't give in.  So, I slapped some chocolate icing on top of one and gave it to him.  He actually told me that he liked it a lot!  He told me that he had to take this kind to the party. 

     I guess this is where the blessing in disguise part comes in.  Had Randy experience any kind of good cake, (or just any other cake for that matter), he probably would have never been able to settle on my gooey failure.  That is the thought I am going to leave with.  I am so done with baking without eggs!  (For now, anyway. . .)

     I have come to realize that I don't need to use this site for information only, but that it can serve as a great place to spill out my thoughts and fears as I gain them.  I also figure that by sharing my feelings with you, it will help to clarify our personal journey in the unfortunate world of food allergies.

     I watched the documentary that I just posted about early this morning.  Everytime I come across someting like that, it serves as a great reminder to me just how serious are Randy's food allergies.  His allergy to peanut is definitely a fatal one.  Egg I can only suspect based on the testing he has done and how badly he has reacted in the past based only on coming into contact with it.  He has only been fed egg in its plain form once, and that was when he was just a year old.  He was fed the egg the same day he had the anaphylactic reaction to the peanut butter.  So, I don't know 100% if he is or is not anaphylactic to egg.  But, I do know that by feeding him the egg that one time his body is now sensitized to it. 

     We have made many recent changes in our lives, as you have come to learn.  In retrospect, I realize that we should have made many of these changes long ago.  I guess that I was either living in denial, or I was just plain stupid about certain situations.  Again, every time I learn of another food allergy kid, especially one that has lost their life to a reaction, I am reminded completely of just how careful we must be...AT ALL TIMES!

     This is easier said than done.  In the past we would dine out from time to time.  I no longer feel safe doing so.  Even though some of the restraunts appear to be safe, the possibility of cross-contamination is enough of a hazard that it is a threat to Randy.  It is sometimes hard to explain to Randy why we can no longer go to these places.  (you can read about a recent experience here)  For a kid, McDonald's has become almost a right of passage in our culture! 

     Another example is our decision to homeschool.  Even though there is a lot of progress being made in the schools, due to the fact that Randy's peanut allergy is life threatening, we do not feel safe sending him there.  (I have to add here, though, that I am proud to have made this decision for other reasons than keeping him safe.  I have learned so much about homeschooling that I now realize there are many other benefits in doing so.) 

     These are just two of the aspects of our lives that are effected.  I could write more about other things such as birthday parties, family reunions, and everything else in our culture that includes food.  But, I would be here all day.  The thing is, sometimes I get overwhelmed and start second guessing myself.  I start asking myself questions like, "Am I being overprotective?," or "Am I ruining his life by making so many restrictions on our/his life style?" 

     These questions may seem ridiculous to some of you, but they are examples of the struggles I deal with on a daily basis.  Some days are better than others.  Like I said before, much thanks to the other families out there who are sharing their heart wrenching stories. It is because of you, I do get stopped in my tracks and am forced to reckon with the reality that this is our life.  I am doing the right thing! 

     Some of you have heard me talk about Emily Vonder Meulen.  She was a beautiful girl who lived on the west side, and through her father has touched me in a special way.  Last year, at the age of 13, Emily had an anaphylactic reaction to trace amounts of peanuts in a sandwich she ate, and because of this she lost her life.  Her father has posted information on a local forum under an allergy topic, which of course drew my attention.  It is because of the information that he posted that I started reading more about food allergies. 

     I came to realize that I got very complacent with Randy's food allergies.  I got familiar with different brands of food that always seemed to be safe, therefore I would sometimes forget to read ALL the labels.  I started allowing him to eat out at a few places because the first few times I checked the food appeared to be okay.  Well, I have since learned that this isn't good enough! Manufacturers change their processes all the time.  Restraunts are probably the most unsafe because there is much more going on back in the kitchen that could allow for an accidental cross-contamination. 

     I have also come to learn that it is in my heart ,and it is my duty to get involved somehow in advocacy for food allergy awareness.  I am not sure yet how I will do this, but it is inevitable.