Date: Thursday, September 21, 2006 | Category: Funny stuff
Today I was supposed to make a turkey dinner,
all by my ownself. I always wondered if I could make turkey dinner if
ever called upon, like for Thanksgiving.
We had a 15 pound turkey in the freezer, and
we decided to eat it (yes, even though it's not Thanksgiving) to make
room for all the peppers (which took 1,000 hours to chop) we brought
back from our trip. Actually, I think there was only 13 pounds of
turkey. One of the extra pounds was the innards (which, by the way, did
you know store-bought turkeys come with two necks? We have pondered
long and hard on who doesn't get a neck), and another pound was blood.
No kidding. I jabbed my knife in the top of the bag to open it, and it
just BLED. I held it over the sink and let it all drain out...kinda
gross. Then I put it in the crock pot (this was last night, by the
way), covered it with dill and lemon pepper, and added a little water.
Fast-forward to today. I tasted a bit of the breast and it was too dry.
"Butter," I thought. If you thought I meant real, honest-to-goodness
butter, I didn't. I meant margarine, even though I said butter. Really.
So I decided to use the melty margarine that was in a bowl on the
counter. What happens around here is somebody gets a cube of margarine,
melts half of it, puts what they want on their toast, and leaves the
bowl of melty margarine on the counter. THEN what happens is nobody
wants to use that, because it looks gross, so they get a NEW stick of
margarine, half-melt it, and start the process all over again. What I
do is come along, and use the
melty-margarine-that-nobody-wants-to-use-on-their-toast-because-it-looks-gross
and use it in DINNER, so EVERYBODY eats the
melty-margarine-nobody-wanted-on-their-toast-because-it-looked-gross!
>:D I'm so mean...
Anyway.
So I spied a bowl of melty margarine, and spread it all over the
breast. Taste. MMMM. Very good. If a *little* bit of margarine was
good, a *lot* must be better, right? So I cut up another stick of
(non-melted) margarine and let it melt on it. Overall, I put in three
sticks of margarine. Man it was good.
I'm in the middle of making dinner, and have 1. stuffing, 2. mashed
potatoes, 3. turkey, and 4. gravy all going at once, and what happens?
The fridge decides to barf on me. Sometimes things are precariously
balanced in the fridge. Today was no different. I moved the
precariously-perched bowls of leftover mashed potatoes (which I added
to tonight's) and gravy from last night to look behind, then
re-balanced them. Then...the nasty fridge decided to shake, or
something, or maybe it was the tortillas under them, that pushed the
two bowls (one of mashed potatoes and one of gravy) out onto the
closest object: Me. The gravy bowl opened and SPLAT hit the floor, my
leg, and the other side of the room. Wow. Fridge-barf looks really
gross, even though it was yummy gravy yesterday.
I had to go find clean clothes...which I did, thankfully, and came out
and finished dinner. (Yes, the mess did--eventually--get cleaned up!)
And to top it off, I ended the day with chocolate cake.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Anne-the-cat 
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