Sheila asked for more specifics on the point chart I'm using to make my older boys earn their sand/water table, so here goes!  Note:  I wrote this on the day I said I would, but somehow I hit save as draft instead of posting it.  Oh well!

I got the general idea from the book Child Wise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam.  They have a whole series of books from pregnancy through the teen years.  Although I don't follow their approach exactly (I'm a tweaker; I can't help it.), these books most closely reflect my general parenting philosophy. 

How it works is super simple.  Basically, I pick an area in which one or more of them need improvement.  Then I decide on a reward.  Ezzo and Bucknam talk mainly about giving points, but I've found that my kids are helped more when I combine positive and negative reinforcement. 

The main problems we're working on right now are ignoring instructions, bickering, and whining.  We're offering a reward mainly because John's and my attitudes have definitely contributed to these problems.  We've been distracted and stressed, so we didn't think straight punishment was appropriate.

To help with the bickering (or maybe making it worse), we've made them work together on the chart instead of each of them having their own.  Here are the points:

To earn 1 point:

• Go 1/2 day without fighting
• Cooperate on a chore
• Obey instructions the first time

To earn 2 points:

• Do an extra job without being asked
• Finish morning chores before breakfast

To lose 1 point:

• Whine
• Fight

To lose 2 points:

• Ignore instructions
• Argue with Mom or Dad

Other points can be added or subtracted at parents' discretion.  I don't usually take away points without ample warning.  For example, I added a point when "George" remembered the first stanza of "Mr. Nobody" after only one practice session and another when "Paul" spontaneously shared something special with "George", but I took one away when after 3 reminders the boys were still playing more than they were working.

We track the points with little fridge magnets throughout the day, and then at bedtime we add them to the chart.  Once a point is on the chart, it can't be taken away.  If they are in the negative numbers at bedtime, they'll be back at 0 the next day.  That way one bad day won't leave them trying to dig their way out of a hole.

We don't use this method very often, so it stays fresh when we do use it.  The biggest thing we've used it for up to this point was to help "Paul" earn his first two-wheeled bicycle.  He needed one anyway, but we wanted it to be meaningful for him.  He was 4 or 5, and we called it his "heart chart".  We listed all the fruits of the spirit on the top and put smaller hearts inside a larger poster of a heart every time he displayed a fruit of the spirit.  When the heart was full, he got the bike.  Honestly, he was so proud of himself watching it fill up that we probably could have used it without the reward.

I hope that explains it ok.  We love charts and posters, so it works well for us.  Feel free to tweak it anyway you want! 

Jennifer

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