Sometimes I can say the stupidest of things. I don't believe I'm a stupid person, so where do the stupid things come from?  It'squite frustrating when stupid things come out of my mouth. Most people who know me would'nt believe this, but I am actually a very shy, easily embarrassed, insecure person. I hide it pretty well behind a facade of goofiness, and sarcasm. I'd put my foot in my mouth, but it is too big, and it would kindof be gross.

  I've always been shy, and I've always been insecure. I have never been a leader, sure, I can be bossy, I'm the oldest child, what do you expect? But when it cmes to being a leader or a follower, I can be seen at the tail end, following along. Pretty pathetic, huh?  Like I told my friend on Wednesday, I'm a profiler, I'm always studying the people around me. Well, I've just profiled myself., and it's not a pretty picture. I hate always feeling insecure, worrying that I'm not pretty enough, or smart enough, or funny enough. I've just kindof fixed a picture of how I think I should be, and I put on that appearance when other people are around.

  Today we were going to a birthday party for our friend, Dan Beam, but we got locked out of our car!!! Grrr! I was pretty sad to miss it. Luckily we're at home, I don't know HOW we are supposed to get to church though! My mom got her hair cut, and I really like it, it's all layered, and it looks good. She's worrie about what dad will think of it though. I'm still bummed about that party, I made an awesome pizza out of scratch, mixed the dough, sprinled the cheese, layered the pepperoni, sprinkles more cheese, layerem=d more pepperoni, it was good.

  My brother fights dirty, somehow I got involved in a wrestling match I didn't want to be in, with my dad, and Taylor butts in, takes me down, and starts bending my wrist backward. It hurts like the um, bejeebers, and he won't stop. It hurt bad enough that I'm positive I screamed for him to stop, but he claims I didn't. Oh well, I got ticked of and managed to put him in a choke hold with my legs, and then I ended up sitting on his head, and dad had to make me get up. Haha.

  I wrote another poem it goes like this:

Ruined but not

Worthless,

Shamed but

Not rejected.

Oh, what great love

The Savior

Holds for us

If only

We could open

Our eyes,

And see it,

Open our ears,

And hear it.

He sings us

His love song,

But it falls

On deaf ears

And cold hearts.

He opens his arms

To embrace

His children,

But we turn

Our backs,

Shoulders stiff.

Oh, what love,

Amazing,

It truly is,

That Jesus

Holds us dear

And loves

Us so.

                      Tori Weller

                               3-15-08