I was watching TV last night and the author of the "Bad Girls of the Bible" books was on.  She spoke about Leah in a way that was truly profound to me.  So, I wanted to share it here.

Brief story in case you don't remember all of it.  Jacob saw Laban's daughter Rachel and was immediately taken with her.  He went to Laban and offered to work 7 years (which I am told was double the custom) for Rachel to become his wife. At the end of 7 years they had a wedding.  Back then the brides were heavily veiled, and the brides were switched.  Jacob was tricked into marrying Leah.  Jacob was of course angry but was willing to work another 7 years for Rachel.  So, here you have Leah who has been pawned off by her father to a man that does not love or want her. 

Ok, now here is the part that the author was pointing out.  1st-When God saw that Leah was unloved (or despised), He opened her womb.  Back then that was the measure of a woman, whether or not she could bear children and how fruitful she was.  The Lord saw her in her darkest place and blessed her with an open womb, exactly what she needed to feel accepted by those around her.

So, of course she conceives a child and she thinks surely Jacob will love me now.  Not so.  So, she bears two more sons, still desiring that love from Jacob, still desiring His acceptance, but not recieving.  But....2nd point....She bears a 4th son and this time she gets it and she says now I will praise the Lord, so she named her son Judah.  Now, did the Lord choose Rachels son to be in the lineage of Jesus?  No, he chose Judah.  Here is this poor woman, living in a loveless marriage and when she finally gets it, when she is finally willing to let go and just praise the Lord in the midst of her circumstance, that son becomes an ancestor of Christ.  Which makes her an ancestor of Christ.   Wow!  What a lesson.  Look at how blessed we can become and how we can truly walk in our destiny when we just start praising him in the midst of our circumstances.  Maybe not just in the midst of them, but also in spite of them. 

Our pastor mentioned in service Sunday that we just have to stop complaining, we have to stop whining, griping and bellyaching.  He was speaking on Psalm 103.  Verse 1 says "Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless His holy name."  If we are spending time complaining then we can't be blessing Him at the same time.  With all that is within me I am to bless Him.  So, good, bad or ugly I'm meant to bless Him regardless.  There are so many examples of this in the scripture.  What about Paul and Silas in prison, singing praises to the Lord?  Would we be praising and blessing the Lord, or would be be whining?  Just thought this was eye opening and convicting and I wanted to share.

Be Blessed!

I came accross this list of ?'s at www.reviveourhearts.com .  Some of them were surely very convicting to me.  I encourage you to read them with a prayerful attitude, that the Lord would show you any areas you need to work on, not a defensive one.   Ask Him to help you be honest with yourself about your answers.  I would venture to say that most of us would answer yes to at least some of them.  Hope you find them helpful.

?'s to Help You Determine if You are Prideful

If you know me personally you may already know this story.  If not, now you get to know it too!

My husband and I went to a Christmas party that was held for the couples that had gone to the marriage retreat that we attended in September.  Each of us took a gift and while there we played gift grab (better known as Dirty Santa).  It ended up that I received the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge and my husband got the book "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge.  The couple that had purchased these books were the ones that had led the marriage retreat and they had been praying that the books would go to just the right people.  So, they were very excited that a couple had received both of the books.  We are planning to do a chapter a week (although we may revise that as there are 12 chapters and we might like to be through the books before three months are up). I purchased the guided journals to go along with each book.  At the end of reading our own books, we intend to read each others to help us understand each other better.  I have completed the first chapter and will share with you in  a soon to come post the highlights of that chapter.

Hope you have a day full of many of the Lord's blessings, but most of all His matchless presence!

I was watching Joyce Meyer this morning and she said something worth repeating.  I don't remember it word for word but the gist of it was this :

"You can't be selfish and happy at the same time."

Just wanted to share.  It may be convicting, but it's a good word.

I just emailed this to some of my friends and family, so if you are reading this for the 2nd time, sorry, but I just wanted to share it here too.

It is so important to have godly friends.  I cannot begin to express how awesome it is to have friendships that are centered around the Lord.  I am so thankful that God lines us up with the people that we need, just when we need them.  I had such a sweet time of fellowship with my friend yesterday (although we were missing one :-{ ).  It was a time of reminiscing, talking about what God is doing in our marriages, things we need to be working on, scripture and prayer.  I encourage you to pray for and with your friends.  Thank you Jesus, for such a wonderful afternoon and such awesome friends!

You are better off to have a friend than to be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. If you fall, your friend can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend nearby, you are really in trouble.    Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (Contemperary English Version)

I came across this on another blog (www.homeschoolblogger.com/arcacademy).  It is beautiful and it should be what we desire every day.  I pray it touches you, too.

Make Me an Instrument of Your Peace
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.

- St. Francis of Assisi

Ok, I'm sorry my previous entry was so dark.  I am feeling a little better.  I called and talked to a friend (she was my counselor when I went through all of this before) and she reminded me of some truths that I needed to be living in.  She also helped me distinguish which parts of what I am going through are flesh and which are attacks from the enemy.  This was extremely helpful, because I actually believed it was all flesh and I was beating myself up for living in my flesh. 

Just and FYI.  It is so important to recognize the voice of Satan.  I had somehow forgotten how important.   If we think that what we are dealing with is flesh but it is really warfare then it will not be taken care of.  You cannot combat them both in the same way.  While both do require that you get and keep your focus on the Lord, they also require some other very different things from us.  For instance, I must die to my flesh daily, but I must speak the word to the enemy, etc.

Also, a good quote from my friend :  Whatever I am focusing on will control me.  (If I'm focusing on someone else's faults that will control me, If I'm focusing on good and evil that will control me, If I am focusing on the Lord He will control me, etc.)  I hope I explained that well.

Please keep praying for me, but know I am doing better now than I was earlier.

"So then faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God."  Romans 10:17

I found a great website www.momsoffaith.com .  It has daily devotionals and all kinds of other good stuff. 

 I'm always looking for ways to get deeper into the Word.  Like using my concordance, lexicons, dictionary, etc.   On this particular subject Lara uses a Thesarus to look at opposite words.  It is very eye opening.  I hope you find it helpful.  Follow this link to this devotional  http://www.momsoffaith.com/calendar/calendar_day/2178145/2007-5-3.htm .

Have a Blessed Day!

Love Ya!

I wanted to share with you a really good word from LeslieN ( www.homeschoolblogger.com/LeslieNelsen ).

She has a daughter with Downs who has had many health problems and is facing her best friend and neighbor for I think 18 years moving out of state.  What she has to say really touched me.  Be sure to visit her blog.

"I find myself reflecting on so many things.  It seems that every place holds a memory - from our homes to roads we've travelled, times we've shared and places we've been.  Memories keep flooding my mind - many of them from long, long ago.  We've watched our children grow up - and  had planned on doing it until we were old.  *sigh*  We've done a lot of growing up ourselves.  I really don't understand God's plans.  That is true for much of what has happened over the last 8 months though.  Don't get me wrong - I can see good that God has wrought through this.  I am thankful for the ways that He has blessed me in the midst of this time.  I just wish that it hadn't all been like this. 

I remember hearing a speaker (Sally Clarkson) talk about her daughter going through a trial and hearing God ask her if she would rather her daughter be deep and godly or shallow and happy.  Yes, we all want deep and godly.  Yet most of us don't want to walk the path to get there.  Who would?  While I think we do look back and are thankful for the path and it's results, but it is still hard to walk it.  I also remember my not so godly response as I turned to Catherine after hearing that question and said that I was voting for some time of shallow and happy.  This was in March - I had been through a very difficult last three months and heart surgery was still looming in front of us.  I didn't want to be shallow.  It just seemed that happy came with no worries or cares.  I wanted happy - but is that really what I wanted? 

Or am I looking for joy?  Something much deeper and richer than just being happy.  Something that isn't a result of the circumstances of my life, but rather is a result of God in my life.  Yes, I think that's it.  I want joy.  My sweet Eliana Joy is a good reminder to me of that.  I'm guessing that she will continue to remind me of so many things.  That she will continue to teach me many things including what really is important.  Lessons I thought I had learned, but clearly not to the depth that I needed.   

I know that through all of this, that God desires good for us.  I only wish that it were not so very different from the good that we desire for ourselves sometimes.  Doesn't that sound awful?!  Like a small child demanding my own way.  I know that God can use this for good in us - but why does that so often involve pain?

I remember many years ago when Catherine and I were doing a Bible study together.  I think at the time we had only 2-3 young children between us (We have 10 now.) and we weren't yet neighbors.  We were talking about people that had a deep faith and how so often it seemed that this came through trial.  We both observed that we really hadn't had much happen in our lives in the way of trial.  We both desired a deeper faith - but honestly didn't want to go through fire to have to get it.  We wondered if this was wrong - to want the benefits without the work.  I don't think it was wrong to want it that way - it's just a natural response.  We all long for a deeper walk with God.  I wish that it could come without having to be broken.  Pain leaves such deep marks - holes even.  Maybe though we can't have joy without having the holes that pain causes.  Maybe joy can only flood into our spirits when there is room.  Room that can't be made on our own.  Perhaps the happiness that comes with being shallow is because there is no depth for the joy to pour into.  I'm not sure.  I pray that I would leave myself open to God - to flood my heart with His joy, peace and love. 

I am abundantly blessed and yet my heart just aches.  I have joy and hope in the One that loves me.  I know that trusting Him does not mean a life without pain - even Jesus had much pain in His earthly life.   I know that loving and serving Him does not mean a life without heartache and sadness.  Jesus experienced this too.  I am thankful for a Father that loves me so very much.  I can't imagine walking this road without Him!"

With love,

Leslie

I hope that touches you the way it did me.  It really made me think.  Do I want to be happy and shallow or deep and godly?  What am I willing to go through to get to deep and godly?  What a powerful word!

I just wanted to share these online bible study resources that I have found really helpful.

www.biblegateway.com            This one has many different translations of the bible, it has passage look up, keyword search and a topical index.

www.biblos.com             This one has a parallel bible option, several different translations, lexicon, commentary and cross reference.

I will add them to my links so you can always find them.

I think you will find them very helpful.

I had the opportunity to share my testimony about the Lord freeing me from anxiety with a young friend.  I didn't get into a really detailed conversation about my past, but I shared the major stuff and all of the things that I had to do in order for the Lord to free me.  I shared about releasing control and trusting the Lord.  I also told her that praying about it and claiming a few verses was not enough for me, the only way that ever worked was if I prayed, claimed and read the Word all the way through.  What I mean is I couldn't just say a prayer and repeat a couple of verses and have it immediately go away, but if I stayed persistent and prayed, claimed and read without ceasing until the anxiety was gone, then I felt peaceful.  Then I felt victorious and it would always be a longer stretch of time before it would happen again.  I had to do that so many times and I had to remind myself that at least for a while the harder I fought with the Lord's help the harder the enemy was going to fight to keep me in that bondage.  I hope to one of these days be able to sit down and spill it all and really share a detailed testimony of what the Lord has delivered me from.  For now though I'm just excited that God gave me the words when I didn't think I had them and even though it was all coming so fast, it still made sense to her. 

So, please continue to pray that I will feel more and more confident about sharing.  Because, I feel that so many women (mom's especially) are secretly fighting this same bondage.