It's been over a year since five members of Jim's platoon died on a mountainside in Afghanistan. It's managed to fall from our daily memories, but every so often something happens to bring it back to the forefront. Yesterday it was the new issue of the Navy Times, which has an article about Jim's teammate Matt being awarded the Navy Cross. Jim had heard about the ceremony and was hoping to attend, but had some important meetings the same week - so of course when he saw the article in the Navy Times he had to get a copy.

This morning I decided to see if there was an online version of the article, with the vague idea of blogging about it. At the end of the article is a link to a video of the ceremony. Great, I thought, Jim will love seeing this. I sent the link to him, then settled in with my coffee to watch it myself.

When Matt's wife, Cindy, accepts the award from Navy Secretary Donald Winter, she turns to face the camera. I suddenly had a flashback memory of her that was startling.

I remember the day I dropped Jim off at the Team's compound for their trip to the Middle East. We pulled up next to the building and stayed in the car while Jim came around to each of us to give us a final kiss, hug, and word of advice. I distinctly remember seeing Cindy also sitting in her car, saying goodbye to Matt in the same way.

Did she have any inkling that it would be the last time she'd see him, kiss him, or hold him? I remember looking at the guys and all the family members who were coming or going at the building that day, and feeling a strong sense of foreboding. Would they all return? That feeling of impending doom stayed with me from the time they left until the dreaded phone call came. What mixed feelings I had - relief that Jim was all right, and great sorrow that other wives were having quite a different experience from mine.

I never got up the nerve to call or write Cindy to express my sorrow. I hardly knew her, and I couldn't for the life of me think of what I could say or do that would be anything but a token gesture.

If I did have the opportunity to say anything to her now, I know exactly what I would say:  Cindy, you're my hero.