Posted in whimsical quips
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She who illegally hid Jews in her attic? He who legally came to arrest Jews? He who grows herbs for a sick friend? He who legally thrusts grower and friend into prison? The old man who protects a neighbor with a gun? The police officer who seizes the gun and handcuffs the man? He who lies on a government form to protect privacy? She who earns her living maintaining the privacy-consuming database? She who covertly destroys firearm registration records? He who "legally" uses the database to confiscate weapons? He who shoots men who invade his home at midnight? They who break down doors, screaming obscenities in the name of the law? He who refuses a government license? They who turn the right to travel, work, or practice self-defense into a privilege? He who evades the draft? He who sends others' children to die for money or power? She who helped slaves escape to Canada? He who sought to re-enslave them? The colonists who rose against a tyrant? They who fought to preserve rule without recourse? |
Posted in whimsical quips
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The other we were looking at Dr. Seuss's Wacky Book of Opposites - The Foot Book. The 7yo asked how you can have "sick feet"? I had to think a minute than reminded him of when he stepped on a nail a little over a month ago. He had a sick foot than. "But that was just one sick foot. It says feet so it means both. How do you get two sick feet?" The 4yo piped up, "Step on two nails."
 Sounds like the solution to me!!
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Posted in whimsical quips
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This morning as my 6yo was eating his multi-grain bread a "seed" fell-out and landed on the table. He picked it up and asked me "If we planted this seed would it grow toast?" |
Posted in whimsical quips
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A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your heard will you give me a calf?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he cals up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and ,after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs into the backseat of his car. Then the coboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government," says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed yp here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter that you are; and you don't know a thing about cows....this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog! |
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Do you have motherly Legs? What! you don't know what Motherly Legs are? They are legs, that, when you are in the shower you hastly run the razor over them because the baby just started fussing, the two year old disappeared, not sure where the five year old is, and the husband ??. So you leave them for the next time when you will have time to shave them properly. Whenever that will be..... |
