That is how I feel some days, is school done yet???
We had our last monthly homeschool group meeting last night and it was great. We talked about the different end of year things we are doing and we had a used curriculum sale. We didn't buy or sell anything, but it was fun to look at all the books. We have a graduation time coming up at the local pool, just our homeschool group and the pool and basketball courts. Plus it's a potluck, it will be so much fun. Idaho's convention is in June, but we won't be making it, maybe next year. But our group is going to buy all the teaching CD's so we'll be able to listen to them when they get back. We'll still have playgroup on Tuesdays through the summer in the mornings, but the monthly meetings will stop until fall.
I'm praying about some areas to step up in in our homeschool group. I'm not real sure yet which one(s) it will be, but I have some ideas. Paul did his first time being an usher at church on Saturday night, and it went great. I'm telling you I don't know when I've felt so blessed and nervous at the same time. When you've been in a church for years, in the same state and town you've lived in for years, it's hard to realize what a step it takes to get involved in things and ministries, inside and outside of church. And I say that because I use to be in that situation, never understanding why it was so hard for people to step up. But then, after getting burned from that same church, moving thousands of miles away, feeling lost for the longest time, I understand.
Now we are feeling more settled and we know this is our home church, so it's time to step up for a few things. I'm excited, but so nervous too. I've realized how much of a shell I've been in since we've moved, well maybe even before we moved (and the move I'm talking about here is the one from Illinois to Idaho). Even finding a doctor for the kids has been hard. There's certain things we do and don't do with doctors, and I usually try to find one that agrees somewhat with what we believe. But I have had to 'fight' with my fair share of doctors too. So we've been looking for a doctor for the kids so they can refer us to an eye doctor. We want to get Paulie's eyes checked. And I have been procrastinating and putting off actually picking a doctor for months. With the insurance we have, there is a small selection of doctors. I've been asking all my friends and nothing. No one had a doctor they were just like "Yes, this is the one", and the one who did, the doctor wasn't on my list. A friend did suggest one doctor that was on our list, so we are probably going to try that doctor. But my point is, I'm not sure why I've been so fearful in picking out a doctor. I've taken the kids to the doctors for years, 'dealt' with the doctors and such all by myself. So why now am I so afraid to pick a doctor?
That's what I'm talking about, I feel like I've been in a shell. And now that we are stepping out and not only doing more, but also stepping up to help with things, it feels weird. I'm almost afraid to be excited about it again. I mean, I was so excited at our old church and the things we did in Illinois, and look how burned we got. But that's the type of person I am, if I step up for something, I'm usually excited about it and try to have fun with it. But I feel like being excited about things and having fun with things is wrong.
You know I've been going through these types of thoughts for a while, afraid to be excited, don't want to show I feel blessed, things like that. I'm not quite sure what it's all about, except that people always use to say things to me when I was that way. You know, "Goodness, why are you so happy, doesn't anything get you down?" "You're just bragging now." "I wish things were going that good for me too." And then the biggest one, "I don't know how to be myself around you because you seem so perfect." So was my excitement and enjoyment of what I was doing boasting? Was I being prideful? Maybe I was coming across that it was all me, and not the Lord, which I probably did. I am a prideful person, and I know I can easily come across like I have it all together, when I don't. If it seems that way at all, it's the Lord, not me. But how do you get excited about things, and have fun in life, without it being a downer for others? How do I show it's the Lord, when not every situation has the ability for me to explain that the reason I'm happy, excited, whatever, is because I'm doing what the Lord has called me too? How do I not come across like a perfectionist? And I guess a part of me is also thinking, if I enjoy it too much, if I'm really blessed, will the Lord take it all away from me? Will I loose it all someday like we did before? Lord how do I have Your joy and abundant life without seeming like it's all me? And how can I not fear of loosing all of it someday?
I know we are in a new season of our lives, and the Lord is growing me in a lot of areas. I am going to do my best to enjoy and accept what the Lord gives us. I'm just in a weird area right now.
OK, on to lighter things..... Paul and I got to go out on a date Friday night. Oh, it was such a blessing. My nephew came over and sat with the kids for a few hours while Paul took me out to dinner. It was the first date we've had (without the kids) since we moved out here 6 months ago. We had such a good time, and the food was excellent. I didn't think we could afford to do it, but Paul found a way in our budget. Thank you Lord for that blessing.
The rest of the weekend was cold and rainy, so we didn't get much done outside. I did get the yard cleaned up of junk, old toys and things left here by the old tenants. Paul is going to mow the lawn for the first time tonight after work. So things are getting done.
Well, sorry this was such a confusing, rambling post. Like I said, my mind is everywhere and nowhere right now. But we have playgroup to go too and some errands to run, so I have to get going. I hope to get caught up with your blogs later. Oh, and laptop update. Gateway should be getting our laptop today or tomorrow. So I'm hoping in a few days to know some more definite information. I really pray it's a cheap fix. Between needing it for all the different school things we do, and the fact that I blog better in the later afternoon and evening, which is when the desktop is the most in use, we really need the laptop back. But I'm trying very hard to leave it in the Lord's hands. I'll let you know more when I know more. Have a blessed day.
I've never really seen you as a prideful person. You seem very sweet and down to earth at HSB. It could be that people were saying things out of jealousy.
You just be yourself and let the Lord take care of other people's opinions!
God says we are to delight in Him! He commands us to serve Him with gladness.
I have more trouble on the other end. I would love to have someone tell me I seem too excited. I usually get the opposite comment--how come you never smile? I always say, "I'm smiling on the inside!"
Sometimes I'm amazed when I read your blogs at how similar our minds work. You and I are very similar people. It might not be obvious to you, because I haven't yet been able to open up on my blog the way you do, but we are. I can totally understand what you are saying in your paragraph about showing your happiness and excitement. I have felt that exact thing before. Thanks for opening up and letting me know that I am not the only one that struggles with these types of things.
Hello friend. Sorry it took me all day to get a comment written. I read your blog much earlier today and did not have the time to respond. I am glad that you have healed from your old church's wounds and are taking on more things. It is great to be excited. I get excited and then wonder if people are tired of me asking for prayer for the same things week after week relating to a ministry of mine. I like what MsMarla had to say. I agree. Be yourself. You are a kind, giving person.
Jenn
So fun to read about your life - you are a true writer!!! I feel the same about homeschooling this month. It's almost over and no new stuff to learn (shhhheah right). IT's easy to get tired of dragging out the school books. Well, I got Weblink Wednesday up and running early tonight if you want to stop by and add a link or snag a helpful link from another HS mom.
This blog is so I can share my journey with the Lord, my journey as a wife and mother, and my journey as a homeschool mom. I pray that you will see the Lord in my life through happy and sad times, and that this blog glorifies the Lord.
This is an award and tag free zone, thank you.
So was my excitement and enjoyment of what I was doing boasting? Was I being prideful? Maybe I was coming across that it was all me, and not the Lord, which I probably did. I am a prideful person, and I know I can easily come across like I have it all together, when I don't. If it seems that way at all, it's the Lord, not me. But how do you get excited about things, and have fun in life, without it being a downer for others? How do I show it's the Lord, when not every situation has the ability for me to explain that the reason I'm happy, excited, whatever, is because I'm doing what the Lord has called me too? How do I not come across like a perfectionist? And I guess a part of me is also thinking, if I enjoy it too much, if I'm really blessed, will the Lord take it all away from me? Will I loose it all someday like we did before? Lord how do I have Your joy and abundant life without seeming like it's all me? And how can I not fear of loosing all of it someday?
Paul and I got to go out on a date Friday night. Oh, it was such a blessing. My nephew came over and sat with the kids for a few hours while Paul took me out to dinner. It was the first date we've had (without the kids) since we moved out here 6 months ago. We had such a good time, and the food was excellent. I didn't think we could afford to do it, but Paul found a way in our budget. Thank you Lord for that blessing.
