This will be short, since I've taken some pain medication and I don't know how long I'll be awake and able to type.
They took two teeth out this morning , but it all went well. Paul took the morning off of work and took me to the dentist. I kept thinking I could go by myself, with the kids, crazy thought. I was so nervous and shaking afterward, I'm so glad he was there. I knew there was a possibility of two teeth, and I'm actually glad they did it at the same time and got it over with. It went pretty smooth, and was over in less than 30 minutes. The bottom wisdom tooth was a little harder, but it came out. They had to put one stitch in each gum where the tooth was (there was one on the top and one on the bottom, on the same side). I am thankful its all on one side, its easier to eat and such.
We stocked up on soups and soft food, got my medicine, then Paul took off to work. I called to chat with my sister for a few minutes (she lives over an hour away) and she said she wanted to come out and help. I told her not to, but when I hung up I knew she was going to come. Sure enough about 30 minutes later she called and said her and her daughter are coming out, take the kids out to lunch, and make sure I'm o.k. She'll stay with us until Paul gets home. I love my sister so much, she's always there for me.
I'm not feeling much pain yet, but I'm still a bit numb, and like I said, I just took the pain medication they prescribed me. Usually any kind of pain medication knocks me out, so far, I'm not feeling anything. I'm sure it will kick in soon, I hope.
OK, I'm going to try and read a few blogs, if I can, and rest. Thank you all for your prayers and encouragement. I'll be back in full tomorrow or the next day.
I have a toothache. I called the dentist today, and they can't get me in until Monday at 4:00pm. That means I have to go all weekend with this pain. I bought some of that origel (sp?) stuff, but it only helps a little. I have to take ibuprofen for it to ease the pain, and I don't like taking lots of medicine. So I guess I have a weekend of pain or pills, fun. I did ask the dentist to call me if they have a cancellation or anything and can get me in today, so I am praying for that. The dentist we had in the town we just moved from, also has an office out here, which is great. They have all of our records and such, and he had told me last year that this tooth, which has a cap on it, needed a new cap. But that was when Paul was having his medical time and then we moved, and lost our insurance, so I never got it done. Now, it will have to go on our credit card.
What's really weird/funny/strange, whatever word you want to use, is that when I originally got this cap on this tooth, it was about 10 years ago. I forget if we just had Sarah, or if we had both then, but I remember that my tooth hurt real bad then too. I was on the woman's retreat committee and the retreat was that weekend. I had to get my tooth worked on, and none of my friends could watch the kids. They were babies then (or if it was just Sarah, she was still little). I had no way of going to the dentist and getting the cap done. All my friends were running around, getting ready for the retreat. I was crying, in pain, no way to go to the dentist and no one to watch my kids. It feels a little like that now, with all of us so involved in VBS next week. They could have gotten me in in the morning, but I'll be at VBS and just couldn't do it. If I can survive on pain pills all weekend, I can on Monday too, I guess. I do pray maybe they will have an opening today. If you think of me this weekend, could you say a prayer for me? Thanks.
Other than that, things are going well. The weather is cold, windy and rainy right now, so we are staying indoor today. I'm sure summer will get here soon, I hope. I don't feel like I'm getting much done lately, but I guess I am. I'm keeping up with the house, so that's always a blessing. And I've been busy with VBS things, so I should keep that in mind. But I feel like I'm lazy on the couch a lot too. And now with this toothache, I don't feel like doing anything. I think I should probably just stop typing right now. The ibuprofen wore off so my tooth is really hurting me. I just took some more, but it will be a bit before it kicks in. And because its so sore, it's making me down and its all I think about, so that's making my writing seem down. I hope you all have a blessed day, and I'll try and write again when I'm not in pain.
It's almost 8:00pm and we have been home for a few hours. I had to cut the guys hair when we got back from the eye doctor, along with dinner, showers and now my nephew is over for a visit.
So the eye doctor said that both of the kids are slightly near sighted, Paulie being 20/30 and Sarah 20/60 and that they both have seasonal allergies for which he gave them eye drop prescriptions. So we picked out a pair of glasses for each of them, and they should be here in 7-10 days. Both of their close up vision is fine. Kind of odd, but they were both thoroughly checked out. The doctor said Paulie's blinking is probably just him trying to concentrate real hard with his learning disability. And obviously the rubbing of his eyes is the seasonal allergies. He did give me one eye exercise that we can do with Paulie, but otherwise he said his reading vision is fine.
The kids seem to be fine with this, and Paulie is actually looking forward to his glasses. He thinks it will help him read better, and since we wear them he thinks he should. We don't say anything one way or another, even though the glasses won't help him read better at all. But if he thinks they will, will they? Who knows? Sarah is o.k. with it. Not as excited as Paulie, but not real concerned with it either. Oh, and Paulie is already talking about changing his Mii (his character on Wii) and putting glasses on him.
So how am I doing with this news? Not the best, confused, I guess would be a good way to describe it. See I have always been taught not to trust doctors, and that having glasses just make your eyes lazy and make you need glasses all the more. Where as if you don't start wearing glasses then you probably won't need glasses for a long time, if a all. And this thought too, so what if their long distance is a little blurry, is it really that big of deal? They've been doing well without them so far, so why should they need them? Will it really make a difference? All this, and so much more is running through my head. The eye doctor did say they didn't need to wear them all the time, though he did say Sarah should wear them most of the time. And that they can read with them on, though it won't help them read at all. With their insurance, the glasses were covered, so we went ahead and picked out some pairs, but I just wonder. Should I encourage them to wear them? Should I discourage them to wear them?
It's just hard for me. I feel for my children, who will have to wear glasses for the rest of their lives. I feel like we are weak or not trusting in the Lord, that we are 'giving in' and just making their eyes worse. That we are being dependent on glasses and we shouldn't be. That my kids shouldn't be excited about glasses, that is wrong, that's them being weak. We need to be 'strong' and fight this need for glasses, not embrace it like they are. That we are not having enough faith, and we are just following a doctor. Didn't I say I am confused? I guess I still deal with this wrong thought that if I'm doing things 'right' then all will be smooth and perfect in our lives. And to 'give in' to glasses is not doing things right, it's not having enough faith. Oh, it's hard. Maybe I shouldn't be writing all of this right now, I'm tired, emotional and not sure where to go. I need to go to the Lord and His Word. Where in His Word to go, I'm not sure, but I know that is where the answer is.
I guess I'll put this post out, though it's kind of a downer, so we'll see how long I leave it out there. If you think about it, could you say a prayer for all of us? I think we need a good nights sleep, and things will look better tomorrow, no pun intended.
My goodness, the car issues going on around here are truly getting out of hand. OK, Paul's truck was having that thermostat problem. His friend came over last night to change it, because it's 'only a 10 minute job'. After almost an hour, they come in our of the cold and announce that his friend has to come back tomorrow (which is today). They needed some extra tools. Well in the midst of talking to him and his wife (her and me and been enjoying a nice conversation in the warm kitchen), we told them we were getting oil changes on the vehicles today. He says, "I'll do it, it's like a 10 minute job." Well, ok, if he really wants to. So he tells us what we need to buy, what kind of oil, oil filter etc... So today we get out early and get our grocery shopping done, picking up the oil and filters. It was a tight morning, but we got home with about 30 minutes to spare before his friend got here. So they finish working on his truck. Every time I go out there, it was another 'issue'. Ugh. They couldn't get the oil filter off (the last mechanic put it on dry, whatever that means). So after fighting with that, they get the oil filter changed. So in the midst of them working, I had cleaned out the Jeep, which is our main car. I used Fabreeze all over it and aired it out (it was getting a musty smell from all the snow from our shoes in there). So about an hour or so after this, I realize we forgot to go to the bread store when we were out shopping. So since the guys were still finishing up with the truck, I jumped in the Jeep to go real quick. None of my gauges worked! It started, heated and all that. But I couldn't tell how much gas I had, oil or even how fast I was going. So I ran to the store real quick, since it was close and it closes early. I get back, they finish with the truck, they get the Jeep in there. We figure its a fuse, but they were going to start working on the oil first. They open the hood, we are all just looking around and I ask, "What's that?", pointing to this stuff in my engine. Paul's friend looks at it and casually says, "Oh that's a mouse nest." What!?!?!? OK, for those of you who don't know, I have this germ issue. The Lord is truly getting me through it, and I think He throws in things like this just to work me through it. Mice are one of my biggest germ issue makers. I mean huge. Unhealthy fear, kind of huge. It is the one thing that really can set me off. So I practically run out of the garage. Paul says, very calmly, "Honey it's o.k., its from our old town." He can tell already that my mind is racing and I'm thinking all my things stored in the garage have to be tossed because a mouse might have gone by it and its now 'contaminated'. Just from walking by it. (I told you it was a very unhealthy fear). So I just look at him, and all I can keep saying is 'Yuck'. I mean, its in my Jeep. The same Jeep I drive all the time. Yuck. So he quietly comes by me and says, "Don't worry honey, I'll get it cleaned out, I'll wear gloves, it will be o.k." Because he knows how I will react if he touches any of that without gloves on. He'll then bring it in the house, and the house will be contaminated. I hate feeling this way. But you know what, there is a small part of me that doesn't care. There is a glimmer of the old me that thinks, "So, get it cleaned up, we don't have to decontaminate ourselves, its not that big of deal." See, that's how I use to be. I never was a germ freak. But with a lot of other emotional issues that came up the past few years, that was one that came up. What's funny, is when I feel these two emotions of 'fear, run, contamination' and the other 'its o.k., no contamination, just clean it, normally, not freakishly', I feel like if I'm casual about it, if I don't freak about it, that I'm wrong. I think, well, I should freak about it, I should worry about contamination, and I'm wrong for not fearing it. Weird. The Lord is truly bringing me through it. And I am getting to the point, I don't care what anyone else thinks, if it doesn't bother me, then it doesn't bother me. And that's o.k. Its like I feel like it has to bother me, because it would bother others. Lord help me to truly get rid of this fear. Help me to trust in You, and know that no matter how clean I think I clean things, that they truly are not perfect. And that you are our Protector. Help me to let it all go. Knowing its not my fault, or something that I am to always take care of.
Well, I was going to type more, but Paul just came in and said even with all the work they did on the truck, it's still not heating up. And that he did get rid of the mouse nest. Of course now I want him to get rid of his gloves before he touches anything else. Because the germs got on his gloves, which will get on everything else. OK, so I guess I'm not as over it as I thought. But you know what, I'm going to try real hard to go out there and say, don't worry about the gloves. If he feels its o.k., then its o.k. Plus, I'm going to go try and encourage the guys a bit. It has been a long day. Any prayers would be great. Thanks.
Well, Paul's truck is still not warming up, though thankfully it's not leaking anymore. The biggest issue is since we are so new out here, we don't have a good mechanic yet. We don't like driving up to just any auto shop without knowing if they do good work and their prices. Well, this has really been on Paul's heart, which I can't blame him. We were in sub-zero weather, and he had to drive his truck to work with hardly any heat. I would have been wimping out and taking the Jeep, but he likes to leave the Jeep for us in case we have to go somewhere. Such a sweet hubby. Anyway, he was talking to people at work, trying to find a good mechanic. He spoke to the lady whose husband plows our driveway once and a while. He thinks its the thermostat and told Paul to stop by the auto store and pick one up on his way home. It shouldn't be more than $20.00. Then this guy will put it in for us, very cheap. Actually I don't even know if he's going to charge us, but we will pay him something no matter what. The Lord is awesome in how He takes care of us. I do wish I had prayed more, which I didn't. But He is faithful even when we aren't. So hopefully that will be taken care of either tonight or tomorrow.
We are getting more snow, but that also means the temperatures are rising. It's kind of funny, because just a few minutes ago it was snowing, but the sun was shining. You've got to love Idaho weather.
School lessons are done for the day. The kids finished early. Thanks for the suggestions from all of you about whether to move Sarah to 7th grade language arts early or not. We are still praying about it, but I have some good ideas now. I'll let you know exactly what we are going to do, once it gets pinned down.
Oh, before I forget, if you think about it could you keep my sister in prayer. I'll probably put this on my other blog too, but its on my mind and heart right now, so I'm typing it here. She has severe back problems. Her back problems make what Paul and I went through last week like nothing. She's truly had back problems for almost 20 years, and has never gotten anything done about it. But just these past 7 or 8 years, it has gotten worse. So she finally went to a back doctor today who ordered an MRI and some more back x-rays. It truly is a blessing that she has gone to the doctor, but I know this is just the beginning of a long road for her. First, she isn't walking with the Lord, so like my brother, I pray for her salvation first and foremost. Then secondly, that they would be able to find out what the issue is, and get her on some sort of treatment to fix it. Her MRI is going to be out this way, probably early in the morning. So she'll either sleep here at our house, or her sons house. The medical facility is closer to her son's house, which is about 30 minutes from our house. But it's almost an hour from her house, so either way, she really should sleep out this way so she doesn't have to make the long drive. I have offered to be there with her during the whole process, well in the waiting room anyway. Right now, if it stays scheduled the way it is now, it will be Monday morning at 8:00am. That will be early for me and the kids, but we'll do it. The biggest thing is that they will probably give her medication because of the enclosure, so she shouldn't be driving or anything afterward. If I'm there, then I can take her where she needs to go, or at least be with her through it. So if you think about it, please keep all of us in prayer. I'm blessed that my kids are older, so making sure we have a few books for them will work fine. No running after a toddler. But it will still be a long day, and I so feel for my sister. I remember Paul when he came out of his MRI, and it was so hard for him. And of course the not knowing what is truly wrong, is always hard. OK, I've rambled enough, just when you think of my sister, please lift her up in prayer.
If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know of our financial situation. It truly hasn't eased at all, though we are running in the black, thankfully. We have enough to get all of our bills paid every money, which is a blessing in and of itself. But our food money is soooo hard. I call it our food money, but it's my shopping money. It's the money I get for our food, household supplies, paper products etc... I have dropped down as low as I think it can go. I have stopped getting as much stuff as I know how to do without. Truly, I'm stuck. Paul has his 3 month review coming up. He could be talking to his boss right now about it, but I doubt it. He's been there three months already, but this week has been so busy at his work, there's been no time. And I don't think there was any time today either. His boss will be gone all next week on a business trip, so he probably won't have his review until the week of the 21st sometime. I have looked at our budget, and to get to a point were our food budget would be easier he would need to get a $2.00 an hour raise (we still wouldn't have cell phones, but at least the shopping would be easier). To me, that is impossible. I mean, you just don't get a $2.00/hr raise. But I know with the Lord all things are possible. And I also know, if that he doesn't want Paul to get that big of a raise, if He wants us to continue to seek Him each and every paycheck on how to get food for our house, then I know He'll give me the strength to get through it. So as I sit here, doing the budget, about ready to cry because of all the things I had to take off of our shopping list, I felt to pray. And I felt to bring it to my friends in prayer. So mainly, what I'm asking for, is God's will. I look on paper and we need at least a $2.00/hr raise, but I want the Lord's will in it. I know He will give us what is right for us, and He will strengthen us to get through it if this is not the amount He has for us. Could you please keep us in prayer for the next few weeks with this? Thanks.
Dear Lord, I bring this need to You right now, and I lay it at Your feet. Lord You have known of this need long before we even knew we would be moving out here. I ask that Paul's raise would be exactly what You have for him. Any amount will truly be a blessing. You know the struggle I am having right now Lord. You know my heart, You know my tears, You know my struggles. I pray for Your wisdom on how to spend wisely Paul's paychecks. Lord I don't see any more that I can cut from our budget or shopping list. Lord give me Your creativity, help me to know what I need to get rid off. Help me to let go of things I'm hanging onto, including the internet. Show us what we are to do with what You've given us. Thank You for Your many blessings, and for never leaving nor forsaking us. Thank You, that You are our Provider. Help to keep our focus on You and not our finances. I thank You and I love You Lord.
This is probably more of a personal rambling, kind of thing. Just things on my mind that I want to get out. So feel free to stop reading if you want, just wanted to warn you before you started.
I'm feeling a bit 'lost' lately. Hmmm, is lost the right word? I don't know. Stumbling, not sure which direction to go with some areas of my life. I guess lost is a good word. Maybe it's the letdown of the past few months. I mean, Paul had that doctors appointment that started everything around the end of July, and ever since then, it's been a blur. We are settled now, in our routines, the house is unpacked. Maybe I have nothing to focus on, maybe it's the reality of our new life. Who knows, I guess there doesn't have to be a reason, it's just where I am. I know the Lord is bringing me into a more 'focused' time in my life. Truly, since we left that cultish church 5 to 6 years ago, I have seemed to be unfocused at time. Or maybe it's not unfocused, but focused on me too much. I'm not sure. I do know that the Lord has been calling me to focus more on my family, which I have been trying to do. Learning what it means to be the wife and mother the Lord has called me to be. But I think that statement right there is 'it'. Learning to be the wife and mother the Lord has called me to be. I think I'm getting confused on what the Lord is calling me to be and do, and what I read about in blogland. I know most of us only put out the 'good' side of our lives on our blogs. No one wants to write about the horrible day they had. The kids who wouldn't listen, her blowing her top and yelling at the kids and/or her husband. We all like to talk about the good days and the good times. And I do think that is appropriate. I mean, we all need to be careful what we put out 'there', and I'm not saying that we should just open our hearts and pour everything out to everyone. And truly, it's my issue, not anyone else's, that I'm dealing with. I read all these blogs, and all these moms seem to be doing all these crafts, baking, spending time with their family, and I feel so inferior to them. Yes, I've put pictures out there of crafts and things me and the kids do, but truly, those are the only times I do them. We don't do lapbooks or anything like that, because it just to much work for me. I have to push myself to do certain things with my kids, because it's just not 'natural' to me. It's not what I had when I was growing up. My parents were not 'hands on' parents. They just told us what to do, never really did much with us. Though I do remember the 'big' things like vacations and such.
What I'm realizing though, is that I'm following what my friends, blog friends and family think is the 'right' thing to do with my family, more than the Lord. For example, when I read a blog that makes everything from scratch or thinks anything bought in a store is 'bad', then I start to feel guilty that I don't do that. I only bake from scratch a 'little', and I like store bought stuff. So I feel like this horrible mother who's not doing the best for her family. Or I read another blog about how that woman feels that the woman shouldn't do anything but be at home and there for her family. So when I start thinking about taking some online college courses, I feel guilty because I'm being this horrible mom who is thinking of doing something that doesn't involve her family. Or the mom that says well you just have to do 'this' with your children. Like somehow if I'm not doing 'that' and my children aren't the way she thinks they should be, I'm doing something wrong. Now, most blogs I go to, don't outright say that their way of cooking or child rearing is the ONLY and THE way to do it. Though I have been on a few who do sound like that, and I usually don't go back. But, all this rambling (I warned you I was going to ramble), brings me to the point of, I need to get past the fact that just because the Lord has called that family to live off the land, make everything from scratch and only buy 'natural' things, doesn't mean it's the only way, and that that is the way He's calling me or my family. Or if He's called this other family to do lots of things with their kids, or the woman to never do anything outside of the home, doesn't mean He's calling me or my family to that.
I have always dealt with the thought of, "If the Lord is showing that person that, then He must be showing all of us that." I know there are absolutes in the bible, things that He's called all of us too. But I have a hard time always knowing what those absolutes are. And all this 'questioning' makes it hard for me to give advice to people (which may be a good thing). Because, just because He's called me and/or my family to do this or that, doesn't mean He's called everyone, right? I'll be the first to say, as much as we love homeschooling, we do pray about it every year to see if the Lord is calling us to something different. I try to leave it in the Lord's hands. But does that me I'm not a person with convictions? Does it mean I'm wishy washy because I'm not solid on this 'point' or that 'point'? Though there are biblical points I am 'solid' on.
All I know is I'm trying to keep my heart and thoughts focused on the Lord and the things He wants me to do. Will that look different than someone else? I guess it would. Does that mean that person has better convictions or hears from the Lord better than I do? I don't think so. Though I have let those thoughts creep in my mind so much. I question myself, I question what I know the Lord has shown me, because this person does it 'different'. And we aren't suppose to be different, if we are true followers of Christ, right? I mean, if we are all following the bible, doesn't that mean we'll all be doing things the same way? That's where I get hooked. That's where I get confused. Because I wonder if the Lord is showing me some things He might have me do that might be different than what others do. And I wonder, am I really hearing from the Lord? I might look different, my life might be lived a bit differently than those blogs I read or those friends I talk to. Is that o.k.? Can I be different and still be a true and solid Christian for the Lord? Can I really do some things that others might not understand, but I know that the Lord and my husband are behind me, even if I look different? If I do make that kind of 'stand' and do things 'different' than others, am I setting a good example for the Lord? Am I stumbling others? Why do I feel so responsible for others?
Lord help me to know what Your will is for my life. Help me to follow You and not what others do. Help me to stand for Your absolutes, and not what others think are absolutes. Help me to be ever watchful and listening for Your voice, knowing that You are the Way, the Truth and the Life.
Remember the movie Wizard of Oz and how Dorothy had to repeat over and over "I want to go home!"? Well I feel like I need to repeat to myself over and over, "Yes, moving here was from the Lord. Yes, moving here was from the Lord." You know the financial issues were having. Well, here's another one. Our washing machine just stopped working. It did the first washing and started making a weird noise. I advanced it to the rinse cycle, and it started filling up, so I thought it was o.k. Nope, the minute the rinse cycle had to start, it started making that humming noise again. The only thing now is that I now have all my close sitting in a full washing tub of water! I guess I should have just left it alone. I don't know what to do now. We do still have the cell phones for a few more days, so Paul will be calling in about 10 minutes on his break so I can talk to him about it. There are two options, call a repair man or get another washer. We don't have money for either. We have no room on our one credit card, the only 'cash' we have is $3.00, and we won't get Paul's paycheck until Friday. I have most of our towels in the washing machine in a tub of water that I have no idea how to rinse them out. Please pray for us. I'm so close to tears right now. I will let you know what happens. Thanks
***UPDATE***
Ok, after I put this entry out, I called my husband on his break. We were both stumped, and had no idea what to do. But he did have good news. Part of the reason money is so tight this month is because he lost 16 hours of work. They are giving him Thanksgiving day and the day after off, but without pay, since he hasn't been there for 90 days yet. Anyway, his boss today said he could work 3 12 hour days next week, Monday through Wednesday, and they will pay him 4 hours 'just because'. Though a 7am-7pm shift is going to be hard for him, he is more than willing to do it. So, that gives us the regular money for the month. So he gets off the phone with me, just as bummed about the washer. And though we have no money now, we will have $100.00 on Friday with his paycheck. But that was earmarked for a couple of Christmas presents for the kids. But, if it will get our washer fixed or a new one, we'll use it. But now with his making up the hours, we'll have some extra then we can use for the presents. So he calls me back like 5 minutes later and says he has a washer we can buy for $100! Not only that, we can pick it up tonight, and not pay the guy until Friday!!!! How awesome is the Lord. It's his bosses washer, and it's barely been used. But when they moved, they had bought a new set, and they are selling us the old washer. Oh, my the Lord is awesome. I'll write a bit more about this later. I have to do math with Paulie, and start ringing out the towels from the washing machine. Thanks for the prayers.
Well, after my temper tantrum early this morning about my cell phone, I received my cell phone bill and realized I don't even think we'll have money for a pay as you go phone. Our bill is due no later than the 17th, no way that I see, we'll have the money. And though I have a question emailed to our cell phone company and I'm waiting for an answer, it seems like to do the pay as you go, you need certain phones. So to sign up for it, we would have buy a new phone, not reasonable or possible. So, I gave up on it, and have resigned myself to no cell phones. Don't get me wrong, I'm still bummed, and I'm hoping for a miracle, but it doesn't look promising.
So as my day progresses, I'm in a 'blue' funk that I just can't snap out of. Just one of those down times, which I really can't stand. At dinner, which was a bit stressful because of kids acting up, we were making microwave popcorn. Half way through the cooking, the microwave starts making some weird noises and smoking. Yep, there goes our microwave. This is where my title for this entry comes in, because if I don't I'll . Now, again, this seems to be just an inconvenience, and we can live without a microwave, right? I'm not sure. Paulie has sensory issues, and only eats certain foods. One of the main foods is chicken nuggets, which he likes cooked in the microwave oven. I tried them once in the oven, nope, no dice, he wouldn't eat them. It might be hard to understand why we just don't 'make' him eat them, unless you are dealing with a sensory issue child. So anyway, I'm going to try to make them in our toaster oven tomorrow, maybe they won't be so crispy then. We'll probably get a new microwave next Friday. But it will come out of the money we were going to use for the couple of presents we thought of getting the kids. Paul still might be able to make up some hours at work, so I'm praying that those hours will make up the difference. I guess we'll just see.
So my 'blue' feeling is still here, though I'm trying to focus on the Lord more. It seems like all of us are just 'cranky' all the time. I think it's interesting though that my blue or feeling down times, usually come when I'm focused on if I'm doing things right. I mean, I know we are to learn and grow in the Lord. But when I start to focus on "Am I disappointing my Lord, husband or kids?". "Are my thoughts and actions so bad there's no return?" "Should I expect my kids to not get so angry or complain when I can't stop myself?" All good questions, I'm sure. But for some reason, they become my focus, then I get so down on myself for not being perfect, or fearing not being perfect, the blues come. So I'm trying to get my focus off of me and whether I'm being perfect and making everyone happy with how I am, and focus on my Lord. It's not easy. I'm such a 'do' person, that to not be able to 'do' anything, but just trust that the Lord loves me, even when I'm not perfect and 'doing', is so very hard. But that's what I have to learn to accept.
So yes, prayers for the cell phones and microwave would be nice, but prayers for me and my family are what I could truly use. Prayers that we would just enjoy each other and not be so cranky with each other. Prayers that I would keep my focus on the Lord, and not on if I'm being 'good' enough. Prayers that we will all remember, like my sweet hubby said tonight, that no matter what, we still have each other.
OK, I'll preface this with, please don't think this is what my blog will always be about, it won't be, but I am going to through a bit of a fit, get it out of my system and go on. So stop now if you don't want to hear me whine and stomp my feet.
We are going to have to give up our cell phones because we can no longer afford them. I know, it's so small, really nothing. We lived our whole lives without them, until 4 years ago when we moved to Idaho, then we got them. There are lots of out of the way places out here that we needed them in, so we bought them. But try as I might, play with the budget as much as I can, I just can't come up with the money to keep them. The bill is going to be here any day. Thankfully, we are way past our contract, so I can drop them with no charges, that is a blessing. And we might keep one with pay by the minute or something like that, for emergencies, but it's not the same. I like driving and chatting with my friends. I like that my husband can call and chat with me on his breaks at work. I like that I can have the freedom of making phone calls to find places and such, without having to do it all before I leave the house. I want to keep my cell phones, I want them, I don't want to give them up (picture stomping of the feet ). I know that it's not a necessity, food is so much more important that a cell phone, especially now that we live in a town again, it's not really necessary, it's just a convenience, and it's a convenience I still want. I want to pawn off our camcorder so I can pay for one more month worth and have the cell phone at least until December, and see what happens then. But hubby said no, we will get better use from the camcorder. He is right. I keep saying, in February once we are better on the finances, we can get knew ones, but I know that won't happen. We'll turn them off now, and never have them again.
I know, it's so silly. But I have realized that to me cell phones meant we weren't poor, that we at least had a little 'extra' money. We only had them once and a while when we were first married, but not much. But out here, we've had them all the time. I chat with my friends while I'm out running errands. I get to talk to my husband whenever I want, and truthfully, it showed that we weren't the 'backward' poor people who didn't have a cell phone. We weren't the only ones in the world who didn't have one. I mean, jeesh, I see 8 yo with cell phones, come on. I'm an adult, and I can't have one, but an 8 yo can! I want to keep my cell phone, I want people to know we are not so dirt poor we can't afford one. I want people to see that at least we are somewhat 'with it', I want my conveniences, I want to talk to my hubby whenever I want. I want, I want, I want.
Lord, help me let these go. I know how silly it all is, I know how much I'm being spoiled, throwing a fit for what I want. Help me Lord to only want what you have for me. Help me to give up my conveniences, help me to give up talking with my husband throughout the day, help me to give up my 'status symbol', help me, help me, help me. Guide me and show me exactly how to keep the one for emergencies, and how to face my family when they ask why we turned them off. Help me to stand proud and not be embarrassed to tell them we just couldn't afford them. Help me Lord to only want what You have for us.
This blog is so I can share my journey with the Lord, my journey as a wife and mother, and my journey as a homeschool mom. I pray that you will see the Lord in my life through happy and sad times, and that this blog glorifies the Lord.
This is an award and tag free zone, thank you.
, but it all went well. Paul took the morning off of work and took me to the dentist. I kept thinking I could go by myself, with the kids, crazy thought. I was so nervous and shaking afterward, I'm so glad he was there. I knew there was a possibility of two teeth, and I'm actually glad they did it at the same time and got it over with. It went pretty smooth, and was over in less than 30 minutes. The bottom wisdom tooth was a little harder, but it came out. They had to put one stitch in each gum where the tooth was (there was one on the top and one on the bottom, on the same side). I am thankful its all on one side, its easier to eat and such.
I called the dentist today, and they can't get me in until Monday at 4:00pm. 
I did ask the dentist to call me if they have a cancellation or anything and can get me in today, so I am praying for that. The dentist we had in the town we just moved from, also has an office out here, which is great. They have all of our records and such, and he had told me last year that this tooth, which has a cap on it, needed a new cap. But that was when Paul was having his medical time and then we moved, and lost our insurance, so I never got it done. Now, it will have to go on our credit card. 
It started, heated and all that. But I couldn't tell how much gas I had, oil or even how fast I was going. So I ran to the store real quick, since it was close and it closes early. I get back, they finish with the truck, they get the Jeep in there. We figure its a fuse, but they were going to start working on the oil first. They open the hood, we are all just looking around and I ask, "What's that?", pointing to this stuff in my engine. Paul's friend looks at it and casually says, "Oh that's a mouse nest." 
But He is faithful even when we aren't. So hopefully that will be taken care of either tonight or tomorrow.
I'll 
