So two things recently remind me of long ago.

1) Yesterday I went to a local track and ran a speed workout.
2) Today I rode my very own first adult sized road bike!

Both times I was thinking of growing up. A lot of you know my childhool had some rough times in it. Running and riding was a way of escape. I was a good runner, with natural speed.  I didn't win races, but I usually came in second or third. I never learned how to get over whatever was keeping me from winning. Looking back on it I think a lot of it was a lack of confidence. I knew I could run well, but I think my fears kept me from pushing myself to take first place and not being able to complete it...so I just settled for getting near the top. A lot of times I ran out of frustration due to issues with my parents. I didn't really enjoy the running like I do know.

At the track I couldn't help but remember our workouts on the track team in high school. My typical workout was to joag a few easy laps, then do a swedish mile (ran the straights and walk the curves) and then ran nonstop for 30 minutes. (That part was torture for me the first couple months of the season) Then we would work on other events like the long jump and such. My main memroies were of Mr. Spencer - the man who believed in me and pushed me to keep trying, to not give up in more ways then one. He really mentored me and I trusted him completely to teach me and help me and take care of me. I'm jogging around the track thinking of the pain and emptiness I felt after he died...the fear that no one would ever care about me the way he did ever again. So many years later I think he would be proud to know that I'm training for a half marthon right now! One day I want to do a marathon...and also cross over into triathlons. I never told anyone those dreams until recently because I always heard in my head those words that I would never be good enough. I let it keep me from trying fr so long - but not anymore! :)

So yesterday felt like a good day to me. Then later that night I went and picked up my brand new road bike! I bought it all on my own! I picked it out and started making payments on it in May. It's a really nice bike. I'll upload a picture of it sometime :) I was so excited getting it last night...see it's been about 15 years since I've ridden a bike outside! After our first child was born we bought a stationary bike so that I could exercise while she was sleeping. I LOVED riding outside though. Going down hills with the wind in my face! I would ride around for hours as a child - another way to escape the unhappiness of home! Even when I was sad and hurting when I woas out riding my bike I felt temporarily happy and free. I felt like everything was right. I always dreaded pulling my bike into the carport after being away from home. It was wonderful getting away, but always terrible coming back. I had to keep lookig forward to my next opportunity to get away. I never appreciated until recently the courage and strength God gave me to keep going every day. I am learning a lot about myself as I grow and tackle new things. I know that God is with me and He is pleased with me getting out - not as a means of escape anymore but as a means of enjoying His creation.

So there are my ramblings for today. But in a long-winded way those are the blessings I am feeling. The health and ability to get out and run (or ride)!

Marie
Copyright 2009PumpkinsMomma

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