Still haven't taken the time to post about things that happened on the trip...but here I write a bit about what's happened and thoughts I've had since returning...One thing I realized pretty quickly is that life goes on normally while you are gone and when you return there are issues trying to get back into normal life. When you go away one a mission trip and do different things and acts of service you are changed but things are the same when coming home. It takes to figure out how to go forward from there.

We returned the second week of September and it was one of the hardest weeks I'd had in a while due to a race I ran that didn't go well, and some health issues and trying to figure out how the new me would relate to those around me. I was pretty emotional and feeling messed up the whole week. I pulled back from people and prayed a lot...Then this week things have been smoother and I've felt a difference in me. More willing to do what is needed and keep going regardless of how people respond. I have committed to making changes on returning from the trip - changes in the things and time I spend with my family, changes in how I view difficulties and changes in my relationships with others. I am slowly seeing those changes happen and I feel more freedom then in the past. More confident that the person I was on the trip didn't go away...I believe the enemy may have been attacking me and trying to keep me from making those changes, wanting me to fall back into the old me I was before the mission trip. The last few weeks are hard, but he is losing and God is working.

Here are some thoughts on that.

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As I sat yesterday trying to contemplate thoughts on the trip - lessons I learned I verbalized some of them with these words:

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The past is the past. It doesn't matter anymore. It's not who I am.

I am a child of God - a child of worth - no less then those children in Honduras and around the world born into more unfortunate circumstances.

We all have unfortunate circumstances. God gives us what we need to make something of all our lives, even those unfortunate circumstances. To learn and grow, forgive and change.

When we turn to Him out of those circumstances we bring beautiful results into our lives and those around us - Hope, grace, love, peace, mercy and strength.

God loves me and cherishes me enough to die for me. I can hope and dream others will love me and care for me in the way that makes me come alive. But if they don't I can still be who God designed me to me - who I want to be. The choices I have to make, the work I do is valuable even if no one appreciates the effort. That is no reason to  give up.

God has saved me from others and myself, from unfortunate circumstances, mistakes and sin. He has blessed me with gifts and strength and He waits for me to turn to Him and use them to get through life, even the hard days to come. I am confident the future will be better then the past bec ause God will guide my steps and teach me valuable lessons and truths. In return we are supposed to tell others about those truths. This is the reason I believe God gave me the desire to go to Honduras. To dedicate my time and actions to living out what I know in my heart is true.

What has followed me home is that I know these truths deeper then before. Love and faith is more real and unlike the walls we built in order to bless the families in Honduras, I find myself desiring to tear down the walls brick by brick that I've built around myself all these years to protect myself. Or as Santos would say bloque (Blah-K). I desire to remove them by trusting more, living less fearfully - not getting discouraged by others or those circumstances.

Things I knew before still were hard to live when I was hurt by others and not treated the ways I'd hoped. I let my disappointments create doubt and keep me back from goals. but my trust and confidence in God is stronger after this trip. I went and I poured my heart out unreservedly without hesitation, doing things that were asked of me - and doing things that weren't asked but I saw a need there that others might not have seen and I gave myself without fear or restraint. Probably the most genuine acts of love I'd ever shown - the real me showed up in Honduras. The person I always thought I could be someday.

And that person has followed me home! I know I've let many people down and I am sorry for that. I know I've second guessed myself and let others view of me become my own even when I've known it wasn't always true. I have learned God's plan will be fulfilled and it is always the best...and that no matter how long it takes to make changes it's never too late. He is patient and kind and understanding. His strength is everlasting and His power can do amazing things when we ask Him for His help.

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I hope if you've never considered a mission trip before that you will consider one in the future. It was an amazing journey - that I know won't actually end for a while....More pictures and posts later.


Marie
Copyright 2009PumpkinsMomma

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