Apr. 9, 2009 - The Beauty of Change <3
Change. It's apart of our lives whether we'd like it or not. Some types of change are good and others hit us like a face plant on cement.
At this time in my life, change is facing me head on. I'm being forced to take everything I have, leave all my amazingggggg friends behind, and move to a completely new and VERY different place.
I'm what one might call a country girl due to my 13 year residence in a very rural southwest Washington. Life is sloooooow. Who needs to go to a park when you have a whole backyard full of trees to climb, a short walk to a forest, and very little road traffic? Want to see some animals? Look across the street at the lone cows grazing on the green grass.
Compare this to the busy city life of where I'm moving to. Cars, sirens, people, and a large amount of things you wouldn't find in the country are usual sights and sounds. Honestly, I feel a little like a fish out of water.
I've struggled with this change a lot. I'm going to miss my friends. I'm going to miss the early sunny mornings where I go sit outside and spend time with Jesus. I going to miss the peacefulness. But I've learned that through change, God uses it to shape our character & develop us further. So in one sense, I'm EXCITED for change and how God will use it. :]]
yayayayayayay. <3
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Apr. 9, 2009 - 1 year. :]]
As I sit here writing this, a lot has changed in a year. One year ago on April 7th, 2008, I made the horrific choice to take up cutting. Last year wasn't easy. I was dealing with more burdens and pain that a person of my age should have dealt with.
My road hasn't been easy. When I started, I told my friends that my first time cutting would also be my last. I regret saying that. During that next year, I was what one might call a sporadic cutter. I would cut every few months & stay clean until my next session. During this time I was really able to help, support, & relate to my friends. Although not many of them knew about my more recent cutting until these past few months. It was a struggle I dealt with daily, but most of the time, I would not give in. It wasn't until later in 2008 and early 2009 where my cutting took a turn for the worse and became more frequent.
I wish I could say I'm over with cutting forever, but I'm not. Today is my 42nd day being clean, but the want//need to cut is still there. Honestly, I don't know if I'll make it today. =/
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Feb. 11, 2009 - Don't Say Goodbye. <3
It's been a really long time since I've written a good long blog. I honestly haven't had reason to, & the main point of my blogs were to help me process my emotions & record important times in my life. The main thing I wanted to focus on this entry were my friends.
This last year has had a lot of change & most of it makes me very sad. |
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Nov. 5, 2008 - xD
RAWRRRRR.
I was going to write something all deep and stuff, but then I was just like... PFF... forget it. Dx
So... yeah... it's been a while and I was bored so I decided to post a random post..
yayy. w00t.
ohohoh..
I got a new haircut.
yeah
ANYWAYS.
peace out... xox--
Lisa
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May. 16, 2008 - YOOOOOOO. =D
Hey! I it's been a while since I last posted. =) mmm. I shall update you I suppose.
Monday-- I woke up at 5:30 AM to go to a dentist appointment only to discover that I need braces. -_- 
Soooooooooo let's just say I'm not too happy about that, but oh well... I 'll survive... then I went to bible study and won at a game of musical chair partners! w00t! EPIC WIN... yeahhhhhhh.
Tuesday- I did school and went shopping for shoes and shorts in the afternoon... but.... I couldn't find any shoes, but I found a pair of shorts... soooooooooo yay. =PP
Wednesday- I woke up at 6:00 thinking that I had bible study at 7:00AM, but we got there and no one was there soooooooo. I came back home, did school, and then I had a guitar lesson.
Thursday- I did school. w00t.
Friday- I went to English class at 8:00AM, came home,did school, went shoe shopping again, and then went out to dinner.
Saturday- WEDDING. (*coughcough* not MINE. )
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May. 9, 2008 - HELLO!
Maaaaaan! I've been gone too long. It's been over 2 weeks since I last posted. 0_0
Well in the last 2 weeks, my dad graduated from his Doctorate of Ministry program so we made a big deal about that....
Ummmmmm. I attempted to go to 2 concerts, but both of them never worked out...
I am planning on going to a Demon Hunter concert at the end of the month as well as 'Big Splash' which is a Christian music festival at a water park. =)
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Apr. 21, 2008 - LISA IS SICK.
GAH. So I wake up in the morning to find out that my sister had the stomach flu and I had slept right through it... and then also find out that I was having severe nausea and um... like 5 minutes ago... I finally hurled it all up. 0_0 Not very pleasant, but at least I feel better. So if anyone reads this, PLEASE keep me and my family in LOTS of prayer right now. DDD= This week is like the worst week for all of us to get sick because my dad is going to graduate from his doctorate program and we have grandparents coming over and I have this huge English thing to turn in this Friday and I'm not doing so well right now... 0_0
So just pray for quick recovery, and stuff like that.
Thanks soooooooo freakin much. =DDDDD
Love,
A very sick, tired, but beautiful Lisa. =PPP
Yo my name is Lisa Joy-- Peace, Yo, Love, I'm out.
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Apr. 20, 2008 - Top 10 Fave Websites. =D
sry... I was bored and had to do this. 0_0
- www.meebo.com-- IM from anywhere and everywhere with any of your accounts using website, plus... if you join meebo, you can have all your accounts active at the same time... EPIC WIN. =D
- www.twloha.com-- This organization has given me soooo much hope and Renee has been a HUGE inspiration to me during my times of struggle and recovery.
- www.zambooie.com-- This store is freakin amazing. =DDD They have TONS of band-t's...(mostly christian bands), special organization t-shirts(like TWLOHA and a few others), and LOTS of additional band accessories, CD's, ETC. I love this place.
- www.hopecore.com-- This is an alternative Christian radio station. I actually like this much better then WAY-FM! wow!
- www.c28.com-- This is a store made especially for teen-christians in mind. WAI cool. =D They sell cool clothes, music, and a BUNCH of other things. =D
- www.tomfest.com-- I like this website because I might actually be going to TOMFEST... YAY!
- www.christianbook.com -- sells anything and everything. I love it. =D It's great for T-shirts and Music. =D
- www.iamunbreakable.com -- This website has mean't alot to me as I've been going through some hard times, but it's reminded me that I am unbreakable with the strength of Christ.
- www.godtube.com -- I like this because it is a Christian alternative to youtube so you miss all the junk you want to avoid, but you do run into some not so true teaching. I suggest sticking with the cool presentations, skits, music videos, etc.
- www.onetruth.com -- this website has been cool. They used to sell really cool clothes, but that has all ended for them now. They're moving on to a different part of life, but I still like the website. =D
SOOO. There you have it! Feel free to check any of those out.
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Apr. 13, 2008 - I Am Unbreakable
Where are the people that accuse me?
The ones who beat me down and abuse me
They hide, just out of sight
Can’t face me in the light
They’ll return, but I’ll be stronger
God i want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me
Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see
to reach my destiny?
I want to take control, but I know better
God i want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me
Forget the fear, it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back until your dreams are dust
All you need to do is just try
(Try, try, try)
God i want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time i’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me
God i want to dream again (I want to dream again!)
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there (I wanna go there)
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable (I am unbreakable!)
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me (No one can touch me!)
Nothing can stop me
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Apr. 11, 2008 - Stronger
I'm am stronger now. I have won my fight. GAH. God is SOOOOOOO freakin amazing. I love him sooooo much. God just has blessed me through out this week as I went over the edge and cut myself, but he has brought me out of the valley of darkness and now I see light. He also blessed me with a good friend who after I talked to her on the phone and told her my story wrote me this email---
"Lisa-
Thank you soo much for sharing your story with me, I know it must be very hard, but thank you. God is so amazing!! I can see Him shining through you every day, and His love is just pouring into you, and into the people that you're around. You truly are God's light, and amazing things will happen through you-they already have! I just wanted to let you know that God is soooo amazing and you have become such a beautiful Godly young woman, and I can tell that He has been working in your life soooo much! I hope that God will shine through me like He is shining through you! Love you sis!!
Love,
~Rebekah~"
GAH! I'm blessed again!
Well...ily all!
Lisa
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Apr. 7, 2008 - Fading Away
so...
I have 8 cuts on my arm.
Self inflicted.
I was really confused this morning and finally did cut myself...
To everyone's chagrin.
I'm sorry.
I've let you all down.
I really have.
BUT.
I am never ever ever doing it again.
Really... I've seen where some of my friends who have been cutting for a while have ended up and it's not pretty... also the more you cut, the harder it is to stop.
So I'm glad I stopped myself before I got any further.
ily all and keep praying for me.
As you can probably see by now... I need it. =((((
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Mar. 31, 2008 - Gone...
In 1 hour I leave for a week on the beach... yayyyyy! EPIC WIN...
So please pray that I would be able to recover from my emotional downs and my lack of sleep this weekend.
I love you all. <33333333
--Lisa
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Mar. 30, 2008 - GRR.
>.<
I can hardly explain myself right now... >.<
FIRST. My friend who ran away with a guy is now DATING him. They were all touchy feely during the concert last night and she brought him to church today and I'm really not happy about this at all. DDD=
psh. It was also gross because I had ppl making out like right in front of me during one part of the show... BLEHHHH. 0_0 EW GROSS. DDDD= But on the good side, the concert was pretty freakin awesome and I had an awesome time... although... I got smooshed and kicked in the shins a few times. 0_0 I feel SOOOOOO short when I go to these type of concerts. 0_0 There are so many tall ppl there... or at least... taller then me.... =PP
a;sldkfjasdlfkjkdjalsdkfjalkasjflaksd
AND THEN THE NEXT THING THAT HAPPENED was someone at our church came up to me and was all like... "I'll be praying for you. How are you doing?"
"Good actually"
"Really? You don't look that way? What can I be praying for you for?"
"Just life and stuff."
"Well don't get too crazy, even though it's really fun... too much craziness(craziness as in piercings, music, hair coloring, black clothing, skateboarding, ETC.) can draw a line between you and people."
".... yeah."
GAHHHHHHH! I just want to cry and scream and pull out my hair right now!!!!!! JUST BECAUSE MY DAD IS THE PASTOR DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. I CAN WEAR BLACK IF I WANT TO. I DON'T WEAR BLACK BECAUSE I HAVE PROBLEMS!!!!!" DDDDD= DON"T YOU PEOPLE GET THIS?!?!?!?!
... DDDD= I need a hug. >.<
This guy also has asked me when my 'semi goth' period will be over...
I'm tired of this whole thing. I'm definitely not going to change for anyone. I like what I wear and black just happens to be one of my favorite colors, but to be judged and generalized over really hurts, stings, and makes me feel like dirt. Even though people's intentions are meant for good, it really is not necessary right now and makes me feel worse then I already do feel.
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Mar. 29, 2008 - OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH!!!!!!!!!!
MY YOUTH PASTOR JUST CALLED AND ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO TO THE VERY LAST BLESSED BY FALLING CONCERT WITH HIM AND HIS WIFE TODAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
AHHHHHH!!!
-goesnuts!!!!-
I still have to talk to my parents about it, but I really hope I can go, because this would mean so so so so much to me. =DDDDDD
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Mar. 28, 2008 - Dearest friend--
I wish these memories would fade away
Memories of better times
Times that no longer exist
Existance that is no more.
Sometimes I wonder what I'm living for
I ask myself if the hurt will grow stronger
This lonelyness I feel.
It is like a part of me is gone.
A part that people hold in their hearts and love
How could I know it would be like this
I'm determined to fight this fight and press on
My thoughts are flooded with memories
A beauty in the cold
Longing for something more
I'm depriving myself of the thing I want
The thing that brings happiness to my life
It's a hole in my heart
A missing piece
A piece that is not necessary, but is important to life.
For long months I have struggled with this
God's taken away and I wonder why
I have to know that this all has a reason
Even though it will sting and burn and I feel like giving up on life
Maybe just for a day, I could have the thing that I need
Right now I'm confused.
I'm grieving my loss... again
These things are bottled up inside of me
How many times will this go on
Tears have fallen
I try and deal with this the best I can.
Now I understand.
I'm not sure who is left
Whom I can trust.
Whom I can love.
I have to give this a chance
I have to hold back from these overwelming feelings and take this one step at a time
Breathing fresh air
Starting new... again.
Will I fail this time?
Will I stumble and not get up?
Will I fall apart again?
Holding on to my memories...
Holding on to what is left....
Holding on to what matters most....
Jesus Christ.
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Mar. 27, 2008 - i love you
Night time draws near
My last goodbyes are said
Some friends have shed tears
This is the end.
Starting anew
My mind is now cleared
A hope for more
Will not disappear.
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Mar. 26, 2008 - This is your life are you who you want to be? This is your life is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?
As I sit here writing this and sipping my hot chocolate, gazing out my window at the hurried snow flurries, I look back on these last few weeks. I've gone through a lot. I've had to deal with lots of situtations. Some of them have been really hard and have cut close to home. One lyric keeps passing through my thoughts..."This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?" This just keeps reminding me of my friend who ran away and still is running away right now. Does she want to continue to waste her life away by running away from the people who love her and want the best for her? Oh... I can't tell you how much it hurts to write this and to think about this.
GAH. I can't write anymore.... Here's a song that describes me and my friend right now---
"Wish You Well"
Sometimes love, feels like pain, and sometimes I wonder if it's all the same, sometimes life, feels just like rain, cause you never know, when it's gonna
fall down on you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
Sometimes faith, feels like doubt, and sometimes I wonder if we'll even get out, sometimes life hurts just like now, but ya gotta know, it's all gonna
come back around
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself..
and we were sixteen at the time, nothing could ever change our minds, we were one step below invincible, and we always fought it, you've never been the
same, you were so scared to make a name, then you threw it all away, and i wish you'd come back now.
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself, I wish you well,
I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find you
I wish you well, I wish you well, on this trip to find yourself, I wish you well, wish I could help, but I can't help you find yourself
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself,
find yourself,
I can't help you find yourself...
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Mar. 21, 2008 - Falling Apart
My life is falling apart...
My friend brittany ran away just recently and is now in a juvinille program...
Shelby's dad passed away...
AND LIFE STINKS RIGHT NOW. DDDDDD=
I need a hug. =(
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