Emily asked about my ticker.  I think she means the surgery ticker at the top of my blog page.  I added that ticker almost a year ago when we first scheduled my dh's vasectomy reversal.  It was a count DOWN until October 2nd when we traveled to Oklahoma for the long-awaited procedure.

Yes, it has been over 5 months since then and the ticker has been loudly (in MY mind) tick, tick, ticking off the passing months. 

I dreamed of a stick with TWO lines on it my dreams last night!  Even in my dream I was incredulous and staring hard at the little stick to make sure my eyes were not playing tricks on me! 

I have never had to "TRY" to get pregnant in the past.  It had always been TOO easy for us!  Thus, 6 pregnancies in 8 years (and that was when I used birth control!) 

The longest "Wait" we had ever had was 3 months so I was pretty disappointed when my monthly visitor arrived the third month, and the fourth month and now the fifth month.  Hmmm.  Well, I have to remind myself that the point of the reversal was not necessarily to have more babies, but to be obedient to what God was asking us to do.

I know God knows what He is doing, but I wish he would share His plan with me.  He could just whisper it in my ear.  I wouldn't tell.  I promise.  :)

I am not getting any YOUNGER, you know!

This time of year is usually a bit of a struggle for me anyway. 

Saturday will be our 17th anniversary.  Our daughter, Sarah Hope (and possibly a twin) were due to be born on our 10th anniversary...  so of course, even though I am excited about celebrating our wonderful, happy marriage, it is always with a little sorrow that I remember that we might have been celebrating a birthday (or two) if God had not had other plans.

 A few months ago I saw little baby sculptures on E-BAY.  I contacted the artist and asked her if she would make a memory sculpture for me.  I described the size and weight that Sarah was at her birth and a few weeks later THIS arrived in the mail:

Sorry that the photo is a bit blurry.  I think my eyes were tearing up when I took it and I didn't realize I did not have the camera well focused.

So, if you think of me on St. Patrick's Day...  pray that I will remember that God is provident and wise and good and loving and that HE DOES KNOW what He is doing and that I can TRUST HIM!!!

 

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Comments

Posted by babymakers

Wow! That sculpture was beautiful in a heartbreaking sort of way.....

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Posted by ClagettsFLStyle

In some ways I'm sure it is heart breaking to hold something so small and know that this is something lost, but what a joy it is to know one day you will be reunited!!

Wishing you a Happy Anniversary!

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Posted by FaithfulGrace

I continue to pray for your reversal baby. I know that the Lord has wonderful plans for you all.

The little baby sculpture is precious. Loosing a twin is hard, I don't think that people really understand.

Enjoy your anniversary, you are a blessing to all of us, but especially your family.

have a great st. patricks day,
Linda

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Posted by chickadee

that picture made me cry too. is that close to what she looked like?

i read about you feeling like the clock is ticking and i can hear the clock too! i also keep telling myself that if we have more babies it will be because God wants us to but i never fail to question him and remind him how old i am. as if he doesn't already know how many hairs are on my head and how many are turning gray!

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Posted by crazybusy

Oh my goodness! That little sculpture is just precious! *sniff, sniff*! It's your anniversary for you and Valentine's Day for me. I had another miscarriage in '98 too.

And like you.... My hubby didn't become "quiver full" minded until after this last miscarriage. And besides going through infertility when trying to conceive our first (due to Norplant), we too have enjoyed super-fertility over the years. Plenty of first tries. And now that my hubby finally agrees to let God decide our family size, the babies stop coming. :( I know, it's a matter of obedience but at the same time, I really want another baby.

Anyway, I could totally relate to a lot of what you wrote about. And I really think it's neat that you had the sculpture made. I have a couple of momentos that are dear to me from my miscarriages.

Love, Alyssa

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Posted by Tiany

I wish I would have seen this post sooner, how are you doing? Hope your doing well. Don’t lose hope 5 mos is really not bad (Believe me I know) the little baby sculpture is beautiful; Gods creation is amazing isn’t it? It looks so precious in your hand.

Hugs & Blessings,
Tiany

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Posted by AcceptanceWithJoy

What an awesome memory sculpture.

I have set my mind on Psalm 127:1, "Except the LORD build the house..." My house is God build even if it is not quiverfull.

Yet... there are days I cannot even pretend to be Acceptance-with-Joy. I take on my other persona ~ Much Afraid, Fear-and-Doubt. I will pray for you!

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Posted by nsremom

Christina,
I LOVE the idea behind the little baby sculpture. How beautiful. It shows people....adults and children alike about how perfect babies are.....even at 16 weeks or so! They just look like little people.

What a cool way of looking at your reversal. It was about being obedient....not necessarily about having more children. Because, HE opens the womb, right?

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Posted by Anonymous

That lil baby sculpture is beautiful...what a sweet thing of the artist to do that for you.

I haven't been to other peoples blogs in a while it seems, life is busy, I was wondering if you got the purse and my email? I haven't heard from you...was it finished on the inside? I am so terribly sorry if it wasn't!!! I felt so bad about it.
Let me know...

The Lord is so good to us and His timeing is always better then our timeing, He told me this once and then I had my lil girl :) Hang in there and keep on trusting in Him!
Love ya and hope you have a blessed day,
~ Christina

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Posted by Aligirl

I am right there with you Christina. It has been 2 months since our reversal, and I get really down when my "monthly visitor" comes. Your entry encouraged me. I too have been dreaming of the 2 lines on the PT stick. I will be praying for you guys. Please keep us in prayer too, as well as our close friends who had a revesal done a week after us. We are all praying for God to bless us with more children, and praying that we can rest in the Lord when we feel disappointed because of our "monthly visitor" coming. Oh how I sympathize with you. SO MUCH.

Ali

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Posted by MooseBerryMountain

When I had my first miscarriage I had some problems and had to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks. While there, I was given a plant that I took home with me. Every time I watered that plant I remembered my loss... it was almost like in taking care of that plant and pouring my love into it I was taking care of my little one... It was thereputic for me! I had that plant until our last move... it was not looking very good and only had a few leaves. I decided to leave the plant behind but it was hard... Remembering is a good thing.

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