You'll notice on the sidebar, that there is a link to another Raising Arrows Blog.    For those of you new to this blog, I thought I would clarify the difference between the two blogs and what you can find here as opposed to what you will find on the other one.

Oringinally, this was the only blog I had.  I started this blog as a place to write and nothing more.  I never intended it to be widely read.  I love to write.  I love the way words sound and feel in my mouth.  I like knowing the etymology of words.  I like how they look on the page.  I like the pictures they create in the mind.  This was a place for me to think through things and then write them out.

As more and more people began reading the blog, I felt I needed things to look nicer here...better presentation would maybe be the correct term.  However, all I know of HTML, I taught myself, and honestly, I know very little.  I decided to leave Homeschoolblogger and move to eBlogger where the templates were a little easier to work with and my limited knowledge of HTML was enough to create a blog that felt more like me.  And then, Emily died.

I knew the blogging community here would have no way of knowing if I didn't post.  After all the love and support through her hospital stays, I could not just ignore my homeschoolblogger readers.  However, eventually I was no longer able to keep up with both blogs and I decided to let this blog go.

God had other plans.

About a month after announcing I was leaving this blog behind, I began to realize that God was placing a distinct desire within me to step outside my grief and begin thinking and talking about other things.  That was a hard thought for me to grasp and accept.  Wouldn't I be dishonoring my daughter by not grieving for her every second of the day?  However, what I realized was that I was actually honoring her memory by stepping back into life, caring for her siblings, and doing many of the things God had called me to...even if they were on a much smaller scale.  So, I stepped back into this blog with this post: http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Raisingarrows/508195/

From there, this blog became a strictly homeschooling blog.  I had already established a "life" at eBlogger.  My deepest, darkest moments as a grieving mother were happening there.  So, I separated the two as best I could; although, you really cannot completely separate the grief side of me from the homeschooling mom side of me...they are one in the same and both shine through in nearly every conversation I have.  But, I wanted this blog to be a place where I talked more homeschooling than anything.  And with that, my other blog naturally became a place where I talked more about every other aspect of my life (because believe it or not, I do like to write about things other than homeschooling on occasion  )

So, here, you will hopefully find encouragement and a place to flesh out new homeschooling ideas while gaining a few giggles and the knowledge that someone else is in the trenches with you. 

The Raising Arrows site on eBlogger is more about the rest of who I am.  There, you will find more of my family, more of my grief, more of my other passions, with only a smattering of homeschooling mixed in (because once again, you just can't separate the two worlds).

So, please, nose around here all you want and come visit the other site as well.  And...

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.

Psalm 19:14

In the 6 years I've been homeschooling and the 3 different areas of the state I have homeschooled in, I have found that no two homeschooling groups are alike.  However, each one I have been a part of has served a purpose in my life and the lives of my children at that particular time. 

If you are in a large city, your choices may be so numerous you find yourself overwhelmed.  Likewise, you may be in such a rural area that your choices are limited at best and quite possibly non-existant.

So, what's a homeschool mom to do when it comes to discerning which homeschool group is right for her and her family or if she decides to venture out and start one of her own?

First of all, pray about it.  Specifically, pray as to how God would have you order your homeschooling life.  Ask Him to reveal to you what is truly important THIS homeschooling year and during this SEASON.  When we first moved here, I prayed for guidance and direction.  What specifically did God have in store for us?  While He did not reveal all that would happen to us in the year that followed (the death of a child and the impending birth of another, a job promotion for my husband and several freelance writing opportunities for myself), I did find that the path He was clearly leading us to was one that involved a VISION.  I knew the Lord wanted me in a serious homeschool group that was less about academics and more about a long-term goal.  Isn't it wonderful the Lord knows exactly what is in store for you and knows exactly what you need when!

Secondly, you need to ask yourself some serious (and tough) questions pertaining to what kind of group the Lord would have you be a part of. 

• Are you looking for support for yourself?  Does that mean regular Mom's Only nights or does it mean something more along the lines of mentoring?  Will you be edified during these times and come back refreshed or will you need more "support" than these groups can offer.  Are you suffering from Me-Time mania?

• Are you looking for a playgroup atmosphere for your children?  If so, is it truly a healthy atmosphere or will you find yourself buying into the whole "socialism" thing that seems so prevalent these days in order to stick with a playgroup that is eating into your time and not offering positive influences?

• Are you looking for a group that offers classes/tutoring, etc?  Are you unable to teach certain subjects?  Are they truly important?  Are you feeling inadequate and need to deal with that feeling?

• Are you looking for all of these rolled up into one group?  If so, how much time are you willing to commit to these outside-the-home activities?  How can you refrain from spending all day every day away from home in order to be involved in every single activity the group offers?  Do you know the art of saying, "NO"?

Next, I would encourage you to take these questions and your thoughts about these questions (and others) to your husband.  I suggest bringing them to your husband at this stage in the game rather than earlier because oftentimes we as homeschool moms unintentionally clutter our lives and thoughts.  If we work toward clearing some of that clutter ahead of time and then presenting our thoughts to our husbands, he won't have to wade through all that clutter to get to the meat of the matter.  Spare the guy...he has enough to worry about. 

When you go to your husband, be prepared for him to suggest a completely different direction.  Be open to his leading.  Men are often very good at seeing the big picture while we women dwell on the little things that make up the big picture.  Remember, he is the head of your household and may have definite ideas about the direction he would like for the family to head.  The two of you can brainstorm from there.  A common goal is a wonderful thing.  Make sure you and your husband share a common goal in homeschooling...they are his children too!

NOW, research your options.  It is very difficult to change gears when you already have your heart set on a certain thing.  Narrow your homeschooling vision and THEN look for a homeschooling group that works to further this vision.  Does the type of homeschooling group you believe the Lord would have you be a part of not exist?  Consider the possibility that He is leading you to start a group that serves that purpose.  That is exactly how the homeschooling group I am a part of started.  One woman who caught a vision, prayed about it, brainstormed with her husband about it and eventually compiled an awesome amount of material to share with other moms.  I come away from each monthly meeting refreshed and rejuvenated!

One quick word of caution...do not lock yourself into a particular group until you have been a few times and are sure this is where the Lord would have you.  No group should require immediate upfront committment.  You should "try before you buy."

There are days when I feel like Superwoman.  I get everything on my list accomplished, school goes without a hitch (or without any hitches I'm not able to handle in record time), the laundry is done up, the dishes are done up, the house is relatively clean, and I even manage to find the time to read a book...to myself!  These are the days when I feel I have arrived and I nearly break my arm patting myself on the back.

However, these days are few and far between.  More often than not my superwoman cape hangs dirty and wrinkled at the back of the closet. 

As this pregnancy progresses (only 6 weeks to go!), I am finding that my Superwoman days may be all but over for a time.  My hips are now loosey-goosey and just getting off the couch or standing to cook dinner pose serious threats to my well-being.  I have to do things in jerks and stops, bits and pieces, half baby steps at a time.

Lately, I've been contemplating how I feel about this way of doing things.  I first noticed I was slowing down at about 31 weeks.  I was upset that it was happening so soon.  However, when looking back through my pregnancy journals, I realized that this particular time frame seems to be normal for me...how easily I forget from one pregnancy to the next. 

Now, as I sit here at nearly 34 weeks, I've begun to accept this slowing.  But, there is one tiny glich...the holidays are upon us!  How can I waddle through the holidays like this?  How will I ever get anything accomplished?  Where is that Superwoman cape???

And that's when it hit me...

I am slowing during a season when I *should* be slowing, not speeding up.  The house, the homeschooling, the desire to be Superwoman all need to take a backseat to what (or rather WHO) is number one.  In fact, this doesn't just apply to the next couple of months...this is TRUTH ALL YEAR LONG.

I think the Lord only allows so many Superwoman Days because otherwise we would never find ourselves in a place where our lives nearly come to a halt because we just can't keep going and the only thing we can do is surrender.  Wouldn't it be wonderful if we just surrendered from the get-go?

Lord, even if today is a Superwoman Day, make my heart hear YOU.  Lead me to understand that YOU are my strength.  And if today is not a Superwoman Day, I praise You for that as well because it keeps me humble, teaches me to fully surrender to You, shows me the important things.  Amen.

The older I get and the older my children get, the more I find myself thinking about how I perceived the world when I was their age.  My oldest child is a 10 year old 5th grader, and I can clearly remember much of what I felt and thought as a 5th grader.  In many ways, it does not seem all that long ago.

As I continue down this meandering thought path, I begin to age my children and consider how I viewed my parents and my peers and the events of my life as I went from middle school to high school to college.  And then, suddenly, I am petrified!

What will my children remember of me? 

They are getting old enough to begin forming their own opinions of who their mama is.  They will soon be able to put words to their feelings.  Granted, their opinions will be immature at best, but children do have an uncanny knack for spotting hypocrisy a mile away. 

A year or two ago, I did an online Bible/book study on Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell.  As I thumbed back through this book recently, I found in the margins where I had scrawled, "I want my children to remember me as a gentle mother."

That thought brings tears to my eyes.  Have I gained any ground in my quest to be gentle toward my children?  Do they see how hard I try?  Do the gentle tones outweigh the irritated ones?  Will they say I was gentle?

Emily's death 8 months ago drastically changed our family.  I felt I owed it to her and God to parent my remaining children with love and gentleness beyond measure.  While working through the emotions of losing a child has not exactly lent itself to being gentle, I am able to look from this side of things back to the mother I was over a year ago and see that who I was and who I am are very different...a good different...a growing different.


In fact, I can look a year beyond that and see a different mama.  I can look all the way back to the mama of one little boy age 18 months.  That mama was stressed and tired.  She cried herself to sleep many nights because of how she had treated her son during the course of the day.  She did not want the Lord to bless her with any more children because she didn't feel she was any good at parenting the one He had already blessed her with.

But the Lord grew her up.  Little by little, piece by piece, moment by moment.  She's not perfect by any means as she stands here 9 years and almost 5 children later, but she's closer to being that gentle mama she hopes her children remember her being.

I have to admit, I would LOVE to win this!  But, here are the details so everyone else has a chance as well.  

designer G's is giving away a free blog design in conjunction with the Homeschool Blog Awards (see the link in the sidebar to nominate your favorite homeschooling blogs!)

What fun it would be to have a real live blog designer make this blog look beautiful rather than my html-by-accident way of doing things!

The Basics

Part 3 of Homeschooling Daughters 

So, where do we begin with the teaching of our daughters?  Same place we should start with our sons...the basics.  But, what are the basics?  What the basics are will depend greatly on your worldview, so I would encourage you at this juncture to really examine who/what you want to glorify. 

Is it man?  All that man can learn and accomplish.  How "smart" he can be?  Are you hoping to be able to some day "show off" your child as a showcase of the human race?  Might wanna rethink that one.

As Christians, we are to glorify GOD.  Our children should reflect HIM.  Everything we do should be God-honoring.  What I am about to say is controversial, but I do believe it to be the absolute truth...

If you NEVER teach a day's worth of math, science, history, etc., yet you teach your child to honor and love the Lord, you will have done well.

It is here, I want to take a moment to give you something to chew on:

 

HAVE I BEEN EDUCATED?
by Carolyn Caines  

If I learn my ABCs, can read 600 words per minute, and can write with perfect penmanship, but have not been shown how to communicate with the Designer of all language .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED. 

If I can deliver an eloquent speech and persuade you with my stunning logic, but have not been instructed in God's wisdom.... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I read Shakespeare and John Locke and can discuss their writings with keen insight, but have not read the greatest of all books -- the Bible -- and have no knowledge of its personal importance... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I have memorized addition facts, multiplication tables, and chemical formulas, but have never been disciplined to hide God's Word in my heart .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

  If I can explain the law of gravity and Einstein's theory of relativity, but have never been instructed in the unchangeable laws of the One Who orders our universe .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I can classify animals by their family, genus and species, and can write a lengthy scientific paper that wins an award, but have not been introduced to the Maker's purpose for all creation, .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I can recite the Gettyburg Address and the Preamble to the Constitution, but have not been informed of the hand of God in the history of our country .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I can play the piano, the violin, six other instruments, and can write music that moves men to tears, but have not been taught to listen to the Director of the universe and worship Him, ... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I can run cross-country races, star in basketball and do 100 push-ups without stopping, but have never been shown how to bend my spirit to do God's will, .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I can identify a Picasso, describe the style of da Vinci, and even paint a portrait that earns an A+, but have not learned that all harmony and beauty comes from a relationship with God, .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

If I were to graduate with a perfect 4.0 and am accepted at the best university with a full scholarship, but have not been guided into a career of God's choosing for me, .... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

 If I become a good citizen, voting at each election and fighting for what is moral and right, but have not been told of (or believe) the sinfulness of man and his hopelessness without Christ,... I HAVE NOT BEEN EDUCATED.

However, if one day I see the world as God sees it, and come to know Him, Whom to know is life eternal, and glorify God by fulfilling His purpose for me, THEN I HAVE BEEN EDUCATED!  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 So, back to the basics.  The list I am about to give you is MY list.  It is what I believe to be the basics according to a Biblical worldview.  Your list may look much different, but truly consider why you put certain things on your list as basics before you move forward with calling them basics.

So, here is my list:

BASICS FOR MY DAUGHTERS

1)  TEACH HER TO FEAR THE LORD.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Prov 9:10a

Doesn't get much clearer than that.  THIS is the beginning point.  Teach your daughters about our Lord.  Immerse them in the Word.  Show them just how important the Scriptures are to you and your family.  Everything you do and say should start here.  Disciple, disciple, disciple.

2)  TEACH A LOVE FOR LEARNING

Learn to take advantage of those sparks of interest you see in her.  Help her figure out how to glean the information she needs to move forward with projects.  Teach her to use her Bible to understand how the things she is interested in can glorify Him.  Have lots of good books, encyclopedias, concordances, etc. available to her and make sure she knows how to use them.  Also, let her see you digging deeper for information.

3)  TEACH HER TO READ

She has to be able to read God's Word for herself.  A good grasp of vocabulary and the English language are important to understanding and expressing ideas.  A good way to show the importance of this is, as with everything, to model it yourself.  If you are reading and talking about books and Scripture, then she will more than likely follow suit.

4)  TEACH HER THE FUNDAMENTALS OF OTHER SUBJECTS

Math, Spelling, History, Science, etc.  All of it; however, should be done in a manner that brings it full circle back to God...remember #1!  Much of this type of learning can be done in every day life as well.  You don't necessarily have to drill textbooks to instill this kind of information...see #2 and #3!

All of these build off each other with the foundation being the ONE TRUE GOD.  Once again, if you do nothing else, teach your daughters to fear the Lord, to honor Him, to glorify Him with all their being.  You can't get any more basic than this.

OK, Jerri, I have never done this before, but this particular TAG GAME intrigued me!

Share 6 unspectactular, quirky things about myself.

1)     I hate beans.  All kinds.  They are mushy and gross.  Because I hated them so much, my dad used to put 3 on my plate and tell me they would "grow hair on my chest"...for some reason I forced myself to eat these 3 despite the fact that I might end up with hair on my chest!

2)  I like sponges.  I would much rather clean w/ a sponge than a washcloth.  I know all you germ-freaks out there are crying out YUCK, but I don't care! I just like how sponges feel.

3)     I don't like feet...unless they belong to a baby!  Feet just gross me out...especially my own.

4)     I like the smell of gasoline. 

5)     I wear sunglasses outside whether it is raining or shining. 

6)     I am an adult living with Sensory Integration Disorder...bet you couldn't guess that, huh? lol

Okay, so now I'm tagging . . .

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/littlearrows/

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/SarahLynne/

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/missionsmom/

Here’s the rules:

Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
List 6 unspectacular quirks you have.
Tag 6 bloggers by linking to them. (ok, so I am changing this rule...I'm only linking to 3...call me subversive)
Leave a comment on each blog to let them know they were tagged.

Train Her Up

Part 2 of Homeschooling Daughters 

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." 

Proverbs 22:6

I know this verse is often overused or misquoted, but nonetheless, it is one we have to consider in the schooling of our children.  It is still God's Holy Word no matter how we humans choose to twist it. 

For the purposes of this particular entry, we are looking at the word "train."  The lexicon defines this word in this way...

to narrow; figuratively, to initiate or discipline -- dedicate, train up

So, we are to "narrow" our children.  Once again, in this day and age, them's fightin' words.  No child should be told they can't do something, right?  WRONG. 

Surely, we all agree there are certain parameters or guidelines or rules that we must follow.  Surely, no parent would conclude that it is perfectly alright for our children to steal, for instance.  But, if you tell your child they cannot steal, aren't you narrowing them?  Of course you are!

This same principle applies when we are considering schooling.  I know some days it seems there is no end in sight to these school years, but there is.  Ultlimately, we are schooling to that end.  We should not be randomly schooling.  We must have some sort of vision when it comes to educating our children.  A "big picture" vision is great for our homeschool in general, but we need to also consider a "snapshot" vision for each child individually.  If we do not do this, we will eventually do our children a great disservice. 

My 2nd born is nothing like my 1st born.  I would imagine nearly every family out there could say the same thing.  Therefore, my 2nd born deserves a different type of education from my 1st born.  It is important that we take a hard look at each of our children and educate according to the unique individual God has created in them.  I know this sounds daunting.  Believe me, I have been dealing with this very issue recently and "overwhelmed" would be an understatement.  However, as I've begun to "flesh" this out, I see that it really isn't as difficult as what I assumed it would be.  It doesn't really require that much more work.  It sometimes requires a bit more brain power or "think-on-your-feet-ness", but it becomes a way of life fairly quickly.  More on that later.

So, we can agree that all children should be narrowed according to certain rules and parameters.  And I would venture to guess that we all agree that we should be training up children as individuals, which is another part of the narrowing aspect.  Here comes the difficult-to-stomach piece of the pie.  If the first two ways of training are true, then we must also consider the fact that training our daughters will be done differently from training our sons because you cannot divorce the gender aspect from a child's individuality (as was discussed in part 1).

But, what are we preparing our daughters for?  Well, what does the Word of God say about a woman's role?  There are some very specific passages that probably come to everyone's minds with Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 being the most popular.  I won't take the time to do a verse by verse exposition, but there are some key components in these verses that will help us to narrow our vision for our daughters and thus, train them accordingly.

Proverbs 31 exalts the woman who is:

Virtuous

Trustworthy

Industrious

Resourceful

Hard-working

Level-headed

Strong

Diligent

Charitable

Well-prepared

Handy

Honorable

A good Manager

Fears the Lord

Titus 2 exhorts young women to be:

Sober (serious about her role)

Loving toward her husband and children

Discreet

Chaste

A Keeper at Home

Good

Obedient to her own husband

This is quite a list to work from!  I'm not sure I would call it a "narrow" list.

So, how do you put all of this together?  Here's a quick summary:

1)  Determine what rules and guidelines are important to your family concerning your daughters.  This can be as general or specific as you want it to be.

2)  Examine your daughters individually.  Who are they?  What are some definite personality traits you see.  How can you take those and nurture them?  How can you narrow them in a God-glorifying manner?

3)  Take a look at the list of traits from Proverbs 31 and Titus 2.  Search more Scripture for what the Lord wants from His people, and specifically  from us women.  How can you implement these traits into your daughter's education?  Which ones do you definitely see her lacking in?  How can you help her to build those traits? 

This will give you a good start.  Begin brainstorming.  Consider what kind of woman you hope to raise.  What does God want for your daughter?  Jot down some ideas.  Try something new this week with her that caters specifically to her individuality as well as who she is in Christ.  Research ways to build these desirable traits. 

In fact, you may find that homeschooling this way is A LOT more fun and A LOT more fruitful!  I'd love to hear from any of you who are trying this and what you choose to do with your daughters that encourages and fosters her narrowing and training!

Boys and Girls are Different

Part 1 of Homeschooling Daughters

Long ago, no one balked at the idea that boys and girls were different.  No one made faces or called you names if you treated them differently.  But, as every good feminist will point out, many women were opressed, beaten, and treated as chattle.  While I won't deny that there were definitely those that were treated this way, I would contend that most women were not.  Most women were taken care of by their menfolk.  Most women fulfilled their household duties in a happy home.  I honestly do not think you can give sufficient data to prove they were any less happy than the typical woman of today.  In fact, I would venture to guess they were happier!

These same feminists will have you believe that fulfilling household duties is opression in and of itself.  Men having to toil to make a living for the family is not oppression, but women toiling to make a house a home apparently is.  For some reason, the idea of men and women taking on differing, yet equally important roles, is an offense to many, many people these days.  In fact, many feminists have stooped to calling names of those who do embrace their femininity.  I have been called everything from a doormat to backward because I stay at home with my children and I love my role as wife and mother.  I also apparently have not a single brain cell in my head or else I would not willingly do this.  No one in their right mind would choose to stay at home, would they?

Name calling aside, do these people who are crying equal opportunity have a leg to stand on?  No.  They are creating more problems than they are solving.  Our men have become emasculated.  Our boys do not know what true manhod is all about.  And our daughters can't find a man worthy of marriage.  But, staunch feminists would prefer it this way.  Weak men are an important asset.  It is much easier to "get ahead" when you don't have to compete with these menfolk.  Feminists are not looking for true equal opportunities.  They don't want women to rise to the same level as men.  They want women to BE men.  They want an Amazon-type culture where women are at the top and men are their subjects.  Equality really has nothing to do with it.

So, why do I bring all this up in a series that is supposed to be on homeschooling our daughters?  If I am going to make the assumption that we should homeschool our daughters differently than we homeschool our sons, then I have to start with the premise that daughters are somehow different from sons.  In some realms, this is heresy.  But, rather than hide behind sugar-coated words, I've chosen to lay it all out on the table from the beginning.

Face it, folks...boys and girls are different!  Some would have you believe this is a bad thing, but personally, I am thrilled that I am not a man, as I'm sure my husband is thrilled he is not a woman!  God made us unique.  It is okay.  Accept it!  Embrace it!  It is a beautiful thing!

Once we finally accept that our daughters are different from our sons, we can stop worrying about making all their schoolwork the same.  We can stop pigeon-holing all our children.  We find the freedom to look at our children with an objective eye, see their giftings, and run with them down that unique path.  We can look at who they are now and begin to see who they will become eventually.  It is exciting to read God's Word and find within that context concrete examples of the gifts we are already seeing in our children only on a grown-up level. 

The Bible give use a clear distinction between men and women, but nowhere do I read of a woman's role being that of oppression.  However, I see definitive examples of women trying to BE men, only to bring an entire people group under judgement.  Yes, you can pull the "Deborah Card", but be aware that the men had abdicated their role and there was still a price that came with having Deborah as a judge.  The Lord made a point.  It is not that Deborah was not a capable woman, she absolutely was.  Just as it is not about whether or not I can do a better job than Joe Schmoe in the workplace.  The question is...should I be doing his job? 

In short, men don't make very good women and women don't make very good men.  It is awfully tough to get past all that makes us women and try to suggest that we can be men.  Why not embrace the fact that we were born women?  Why not be delighted that we are different and have a differing role than the men?  Why not relish the fact that we can do things men cannot like give birth, nurse a baby, cook a meal with every dish making it to the table at the same time. 

And with this, why not really take a good look at our daughters?  Find out what makes them tick.  See how their gifts fit into their role as a woman.  Hone those skills as you train them up in the way they should go.  Teach them to love being a woman!

I've often wondered what the title of this post means.  I've heard it said many times, but honestly, I wasn't confidant I could define either term.  I knew those who used the two terms together were implying that Greek was bad and Hebrew was good, but beyond that, I was a little fuzzy.  In fact, I was leary that our way of teaching history chronologically was somehow too Greek-minded and that maybe Hebrew teaching was nothing but the Bible.

Recently, I stumbled across this definition, and finally made sense of it all!

To the Greeks, the goal of education was for the students to LEARN what their teachers KNEW. The focus was on their intellect. They focused on the content to be transferred from the teacher’s mind to that of the student. On the contrary, to the Hebrews the goal of education was for disciples to become LIKE their teachers. The focus was on their heart, their character, their life. The learner was not a "student" (defined by studying), but rather a "disciple" (defined by following). This is how Jesus taught. He said (Luke 6:40), "everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher." ~Jonathan Lindvall

This only served to solidify many of the thoughts that have been floating around in my head of late.  I need to reach my children's hearts, not just their brains.  In fact, if I do nothing else in a homeschool day, I need to have spent time focusing on their character and who they will become in Christ.  In addition to all of this, I need to be focusing on my own attitude and my own walk with our Lord. 

I am sure many of you have been accused of SHELTERING your child/children because you homeschool.  This is one of those words that makes us homeschoolers cringe...right up there with the word SOCIALIZATION.

Why is it that the fact that we like our children, want to have them near us, and actually enjoy parenting them has the rest of the world in an uproar?  But, what is even more disturbing to me is the reaction some homeschoolers have to the accusation of sheltering their children.

In response, many homeschoolers have tried to "prove" they are not sheltering their children.  They come up with a myriad of ways to look just like the rest of the world, demonstrating that somewhere within them, they too FEAR their children are too sheltered.  Maybe it is the countless anecdotal stories of the child who was "sheltered" only to rebel wildly once 18.  Maybe we don't truly believe home is the best place for our children.  Maybe we fear they will not know enough of the world to function once out on their own.  Whatever the reason, far too many of us are buying into the idea that shoving them out of the nest before they know how to fly is a good way to teach them to soar.

Rather than preaching at you, I thought I would link to two articles from Jonathan Lindvall's website Bold Christian Living that address the sheltering of our children.  I'd love to hear your comments on this issue!

Sheltering our Children Part 1 ~ God's Mandate to Holiness

Sheltering our Children Part 2 ~ Parental Responsibility for Influence

A little over a week ago, I was sitting on my mother's couch telling her how I felt I needed to completely purge my house, declutter every nook and cranny. Now, I am sure some of this is nesting, which begins very early for me, but I also know myself well enough to know that *something* was stressing me out.

I declutter to de-stress. Oftentimes, the decluttering mode goes hand-in-hand with a need to feel in control of something. But, for the life of me, I could not figure out what it was that felt so out of control.

My mom, who thrives on tidying up, gladly offered to come help. So, bright and early Monday morning, we hopped to it. She would be spending Monday and part of Tuesday here and then return on Thursday and stay until Friday. The reason for this is that I am rather pregnant and she tires rather quickly due to post-polio syndrome. We both knew we would both need a break.

The grand plan was to tackle the upstairs the first part of the week and then tackle the downstairs the latter half of the week. We worked ourselves silly and almost met our goal by the time we tired out on Tuesday. The house looked great, I knew exactly what lurked behind nearly every door and drawer, and I thought my feeling of discontentment would disappear as the clutter left the house in boxes and trash bags. But, it didn't.

As I looked around at my neat and orderly home, I still felt uneasy about something. I felt there was still too much stuff in my house. I felt as though I could get rid of everything and still not feel satisfied. WHY?

Mom left and I found myself mulling this question over and over in my mind as I continued to work, hopeful that when she returned, we would be able to go straight to the basement and not have to finish anything upstairs.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. An epiphany! Yes, my house DID need decluttering, but what really needed to be decluttered was ME!

For months now, I've felt this uneasiness. I kept thinking when the weekend gets here and Daddy is home, THEN all will be well. But, really all the weekend did was create a diversion from reality. Monday morning all was back to the way it had been. And what, pray tell, was so wrong within our home? Well, no one really knew. We had all talked about it and brainstormed and even considered that it was Emily's death that was causing all of us to feel irritable and discontent. But, I kept telling my husband I just didn't think that was it, and I felt like all the strife was somehow linked to me.

Then came the catalyst that tipped off my need to declutter ~ my 7 year old daughter. Day in and day out I watched her melt down. Day in and day out I continued to press forward with a homeschool curriculum that left her a screaming, raving, page-scribbling mess. Every day had become a struggle. Every day I wanted to scream right back at her. How come she couldn't be like everyone else and make my life easier?

But, wait a second...

God doesn't make mistakes. He didn't accidentally put her in our family. He didn't accidentally make her the way she is. He wasn't trying to punish me by giving me a high needs child. The mistake was in how I was reacting to her and how I was training her. I was messing up the most important job God had given me! But, I felt completely helpless. I knew I needed to change something, but couldn't figure out how.

Then yesterday, it all began to make sense to me. I am the one who is cluttered. I am cluttered with worldly thinking. I am cluttered with feeling like I have to do things a certain way or else. I am cluttered with to-do lists and scope and sequence charts that blind me to who my child really is and what she really needs. I am cluttered with the label "teacher" to the point that "mother" has been shoved to the back burner.

It isn't just my daughter who is suffering from my clutter. I am losing touch with all my children because there is so much stuff in the way. For months I have been allowing seemingly little things to crowd my world. I have writing projects, sewing projects, school projects. I have expectations of myself and those around me that are forcing me to push harder, do more, be more, accomplish more.

I am the frog in the proverbial pot of water. The temperature is rising little by little and I know something seems different, but I literally cannot see the rolling boil taking place all around me. It took my daughter coming to her own boil to wake me up. It was God's way of shaking me to my senses.

I am mom. I am the only mom these children have. God has a Handbook that tells me exactly how I am to teach these precious little ones. Deuteronomy 6 ring a bell? How about Proverbs 22:6? Yes, academics are important, but only in light of the way God's Word commands us to gain knowledge and wisdom.

I had lost sight of my higher calling...not that of teacher, but of mother. Losing a child did not make me immune to letting the world creep in and steal me away from those little ones I hold here on earth. I was not truly enjoying them because the cares of this world were burdening me to the point I felt I could handle nothing else save for surviving each day. I was living by a perpetual to-do list. A list always undone. A list of priorities out of whack.

And somehow I believed that pushing through my to-do list was going to make life better. It was the perfect plan. How could I fail? But as the plates began to spin out of control, I found myself decluttering everything but the plates.

Now, taking those plates down required a drastic paradigm shift. The Lord was gracious enough to put me in the company of a fantastic group of homeschool moms as I worked through the taking down of the plates. They gave me the courage and motivation I needed to start over.

You see, not all those plates are cracked. Some of them most definitely are, but there are others that are simply out of order. Being able to see that you must start over is only half the battle. From there, you must actually begin to place the plates in the right order and discard those that don't belong. This is where godly counsel and diligient reading of Scripture come in. We know NOTHING apart from the Lord. I was ordering my day according to anything and everything EXCEPT what the Lord would have me to do. In the end, everyone suffered from my mistake.

So, I start at ground zero. I clear the rubble, and I begin with the basics.

Titus 2:4 tells the older women to "teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children." There is more in the next verse, but what really catches my attention here is that we young women must be "taught" to love our children. God knows that our hearts and minds are easily pulled away from the things that truly matter.

So, the starting point is to LOVE my children. Loving them means I spend time with them. It means I get to know them. It means I share with them what truly matters for their lives. It's not the times tables or the parts of speech that matter. It's not even how they act in public or how well they clean the table after dinner. These are surface issues, peripherals, exteriors. The heart of the matter is the heart of the matter.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction." (Prov 1:7)

How do I teach them the fear of the Lord? Go back to Deuteronomy 6, verses 7 through 9 to be exact. There is no way to do what these verses command except to spend copious amounts of time with my children. I have to be diligent. I cannot be diligent to my to-do list and expect to sieze those moments when my children are most needing to learn the Lord's commands. In fact, even if my to-do list involves schooling the children, if I am beholden to a list of subjects and a timeframe, I will be hesitant, if not downright negligible in taking the opportunities to truly teach the fear of the Lord. My daughter's meltdowns were not my cue to press on and just get through it, yet that is the way I had been handling it.

What my children need most is a mama who is following the Lord's leading. Simply put, they need me. Not me all cluttered up with worldly advice and skewed ideas of what life should look like, but me...decluttered.

I grew up singing.  I grew up hearing singing.  My family sang; therefore, I sang.  I used to say my dad had a song for everything.  It didn't matter what you said, he knew a song that fit perfectly.  My life had a soundtrack made of many different songs from many different genres.

So, naturally, when I had children, I injected music into their lives.  The easiest way to do this is via lullabies.  What mother can keep herself from singing to her baby?  Even the mother who knows she sings off-key will sing to her baby because she knows baby doesn't mind.  In those still, precious hush-darkened moments in the night when no one else is around to hear, she will softly sing to the precious downy-headed child in her arms, every note pouring out love.

Something I started with my first child and have continued to carry on from there is the tradition of each child having his/her own special lullaby.  They love this and often ask for their song at bedtime or in the van.

My 10 year old son received a song I sang in Jr. High for a contest.  It is called American Lullaby and speaks of the years just prior to the Depression when Daddies were keeping the wolf from the door by visiting the stockbroker and Mamas were playing bridge and Nursie was taking care of baby all the while.  While the lyrics of the song are a bit shallow, the melody is beautiful.

My 7 year old daughter's song is All the Pretty Little Horses.  Interestingly enough, she has grown up to adore horses!  I can remember countless hours of singing this to her as I nursed and rocked her with my toddler son at my feet.  Precious, precious memories.

Our 4 year old daughter was given a song that used to make me cry.  It is song from Sesame Street called I'd Like to Visit the Moon.  I know it seems silly to cry at a song from Sesame Street, but the lyrics are amazing.  It is sung by Ernie I believe, and he talks of visiting all these exotic places:  the moon, the jungle, prehistoric times, but that no matter how far he goes away, he will always come home.  Makes me sigh just to think about it.

Our 2 year old son is named in honor of my father with an Irish name, so it was perfectly natural to give him an Irish song, Be Thou My Vision.  You should see his little ears prick up in church when we sing that song!

Our little Emily's song was Summertime from Porgy & Bess with a not-so-operatic flair, courtesy of Mommy.  It is sometimes difficult for me to think about the words of this song, especially the second verse, but I wanted to share them here...

One of these mornin's you're gonna rise up singin',

Then you'll spread your wings and take to the sky.

But 'til that mornin' there's a-nothin' can harm you,

So, hush little baby and don't you cry.

The thing this song has wrong is that the truth is that it was once she took to the sky that nothin' could harm her anymore.  She is held and rocked and sung to in a place where no harm will ever come to her.

I would encourage everyone reading this to consider designating a special lullaby for each of your children, something special they can carry with them as they grow, something they can share with their children...a legacy of lullabies.

On our way back from vacationing in Colorado, we decided to swing down to Taos, New Mexico and take in a bit of history by way of the pueblos.  While there, we studied the architecture, coveted the hornos (outside ovens), and visited many of the shops. 

One item made by a local artist held my fascination.  It was The Storyteller.  There were many different versions of this statue, but they all had the same concept...a concept that fits perfectly with the life of a homeschooling mom.

The statue consists of a woman with her mouth wide open in the telling of a tale.  About her are children, climbing on her, sitting on her lap, sitting at her feet, listening to her stories.

It is perfect!  What do homeschool mothers do day in and day out?  We sit with children all around, teaching them things, telling them tales, imparting wisdom.  What a beautiful reminder of the power of what we do!

I recently posted this on MOMYS and thought I would share it here as well...

I have a dear friend w/ 10 children who was really struggling w/ never getting everything done on her To-Do List. She felt like a failure every single day.  After lamenting this fact to her husband, he responded with a rather creative way to give her some perspective.  He asked her to make a What-I-Did List for a whole week.

With the help of her oldest child, she wrote down every little thing she did from changing diapers, to taking a potty-training child to the bathroom, to cooking meals to cleaning up an unexpected mess.  Here she thought she was somehow squandering time, only to realize she truly was a VERY busy woman.

We definitely need to examine ourselves to be certain we aren't squandering time, but quite often our To-Do List is not getting done simply because our What-I-Did List takes over.  I know there are days when my dry erase board is filled to the brim with my To-Dos and very few of them seem to get erased.  However, I have taken to occasionally writing something extra I did on that board just so I can erase it! 

And right now, I feel particularly bogged down because in the midst of teaching 3 very different age levels, my 2 year old son has decided to potty train.  Now, let me tell you, potty-training is a full time job!  So, I have even added Potty Train to my To-Do list because honestly, there are days when I feel like I have done very little aside from making multiple trips to the bathroom and the laundry room (potty training creates a lot of laundry!)

So, if you are feeling discouraged by how little you seem to be getting done on your To-Do List, then stop making a To-Do List and start making a What-I-Did List!  More than likely you will find a great deal of accomplishment there.

Since moving to our new home about a year ago, school has occured downstairs at the "school table."  This seemed to be the logical choice since the room is large and can accomodate the table as well as all the bookshelves, the TV/VCR/DVD and the computer...everything I *thought* I needed to homeschool properly.

Little did I realize just how dreadful going up and down stairs would become once I was pregnant again.  In the beginning it had more to do with the morning sickness than anything.  I could barely make it to the couch from the bed, let alone ALL the way downstairs!  Now that I've hit the halfway mark, it's more about my burgeoning belly, my achy back, my sciatic nerve...well, you get the picture! 

Truly, I am not complaining, but I did have to finally admit to myself that schooling downstairs was less than comfortable.  Beyond this, my "littles" would inevitably be upstairs by themselves working on their Thing 1 & Thing 2 stunts.  Since running up the stairs is no longer an appropriate option, I decided something had to change.

So, school moved upstairs and onto the couch.  I really do not expect this to be a permanant arrangement, but I must admit, homeschooling upstairs is much more comfortable and for some reason, my littles do not even attempt to head downstairs to work their mischief!

I have a tiered stacker behind the couch that contains all my books and my 10 year old's books.  My 7 yo daughter has chosen to carry her books in and out of the living room in a basket she keeps in her room.  I pick up my particular shelf when it is school time and set it next to me on the couch.  I keep a lap-sized dry erase board near the couch as well so I can write their sentences on it.  I do have to head downstairs on occasion, but I have been pleasantly surprised by how few those trips have been.

The best benefit that has come from moving school to a more comfortable location (besides the comfort of course!) is that the computer is safely downstairs where it cannot beckon me during school hours to just check one email, just read one blog, just pop onto the forum for a moment.  I had not realized how very tempting it was and just how often I was giving into that temptation!

So, all in all, I am well pleased with our change of location.  I think comfortable homeschooling may become a trend in our household!