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This has been the hardest summer of my life. Last month my two oldest went to sleep away camp for the first time. At first my husband and I thought we would try to go with them taking the younger two in tow but after looking into it he decided that a.) it would be diificult to manage the littles and b.) it would be a good experience for the olders to be on their own in this secure environment. It WAS a good experience, for them. Me on the other hand? Well, let's just say that when even one of my children is away from me I have this huge gaping hole in my heart. These last two weeks the oldest three have been away at musical theater camp for a whole five and a half hours a day. This is a total blast for the 5yo who is used to standing on the sidelines while his older brothers get to do everything. Me? I feel as though I wander aimlessly, for those five and a half hours a day, wishing they would hurry up and pass. Thankfully, today is the last day I have to go through this. I think we will go out for ice cream when I pick them up today. I don't get all the parents with the "home stretch" look on their faces these days. Summer is almost over and the kids will finally be out of their hair in a couple short weeks. Of course, with the way some of these kids behave it is no wonder that their parents are looking forward to getting rid of them, continuing the cycle. My children are such a joy for me to be around. Even when they are at their worst they aren't so bad that I am ready to ship them off. I think it is because they are with their dad and I so much that they are so tolerable. Groups of kids barely supervised don't learn to act well. Childhood has some very nice and worthwhile qualitites to it, none of which are brought out in the conditions of the peer mob. We keep a tight reign on the group activities we let the kids participate in and reap the benefit of enjoyable children. So while many parents are looking forward to fall because it means the kids will be gone, I am looking forward to the fall because the opportunities to be gone will dwindle. Now I know very well, that I have to let my kids do things like sleep away camp and day camp. Being with me constantly will not allow them to develop into the independent and capable men I want them to be. I am not so selfish as to keep them locked by my side for every moment of their lives. It's just hard. I miss them. Maybe someday after I have done this letting go a bit more I won't wander aimlessly with a huge gaping hole in my heart, but this first summer was hard. I will continue to let them go because it is good for them but only because it is good for them. |
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