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My parents moved into the house they live in now when I was almost 13 years old. Just as I was beginning the tumultuous teenage years. And of course, about that time, I fell head over heels for a boy at school. My life, it seemed, would not be worth living without the love of this particular young man. Many nights I spent sitting on my parents deck, begging God to give me the heart of this one and only boy. I would listen to the crickets and other night sounds, thanking God in one breath for these things, and then telling him what he needed to do in my life with the next breath. I prayed this prayer a thousand times over during my high school years. Sometimes, when our prayers are selfish and we fail to illuminate them in the light of our God's will, I think maybe He takes His hand of blessing off our life to show us that which we think we can't live without is really the exact thing we do not need. I know this was the case with me. Through high school, I was able to be this guy's girlfriend. For a while, it was great. In my own mind, that is. There were so many signs telling me this was the wrong direction. But I just kept begging God to give me what I wanted. And thinking I was facing unanswered prayer, I wasted so much time on something that was not God's best for me.
Fast forward 15 or so. I now have my own home just a short walk from my parent's home. I was out on my deck a few nights ago, listening to the crickets as I prayed for my dear children and my sweet, sweet husband when the irony of the full circle hit me between the eyes. I was sitting on a deck a few hundered yards south of where I used to sit (ironically enough both decks were built by the same wonderful man - thanks Dad!), offering up prayers from my heart for those who were dearest to me. And the crickets...although they were obviously not the same crickets (maybe they were in the same linage, however) served to bring another irony full circle. I had been given the desire of my heart...a wonderful husband, loving children, stabilty, a strong network of family, good friends, a church home...everything I had been demanding out of life from God. But it was given to me in His time. Not those years ago when I stomped my foot and told him who, what, where, and when. He is God. He is soverign. And those unanswered prayers I thought were still hanging in the air somewhere has really been answered after all. Who am I to be given so much? Who am I to be so blessed? No one except a child of the King. And if it is all taken from me tomorrow, God has given more than I ever deserved. |
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