Jul. 8, 2007 - Just tears...
I am writing this from the light of a dimly lit bulb in a room at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta. I am here with Caleb, our baby, for his third surgery as the result of an aspirated pumpkin seed. Hard to believe one seed could cause so much struggle, but it has.
I hate to see my baby here, IV in his little hand, bags of who really knows what dripping slowly in. There's not really any other option, though, for him...or for me!
He's the patient, but I'm the one with the hurting heart! Hurting for Caleb, yes it's true, but hurting for the others. The ones I see when I walk down the halls. The babies, laying in their beds, ALONE, staring at the walls, crying out to whoever will listen. It's them, Lord, that cause my tears to flow in torrents as I pace around our darkened room.
Tears for Dustin, 10 maybe, his mail addressed to DFACS. I heard him tell an oncoming nurse he felt abandoned by his nurse today; a nurse who had probably spent the day run off her feet, but who provided some of the only care and stability this lonely boy knows right now. The mask he's forced to wear may keep out the germs, but it can't keep the pain from escaping!
I asked a nurse if I could talk to one a while ago. So still and small in that big bed, barely 6 months old. I don't know her story; don't know where her parents are; don't know why she is here and they are not. Maybe pain keeps them away. Pain is like that, you know...makes you run when you're needed most! I rubbed her little hand and whispered to her softly. I told her You hadn't forgotten. You knit her together and numbered her hairs and you know...
My tears are but a drop in Your bucket, aren't they? "Let the little children come unto Me, for such is the kingdom of God." You see it, too, and it hurts your Abba's heart!
I want to run. I want to pack my baby up and head for our home, tucked safely away from the pain. I won't, though, I promise... for it's the cowardly way out.
I'll touch them, Lord, and hope they feel Your touch. I'll sing to them, Lord, and hope they hear Your voice. And I'll pray for them, Lord, and hope Your Holy Spirit will minister with groanings that words cannot express, for there are no words...just tears...
Comments
Jul. 8, 2007 - <i>Untitled Comment</i>
Posted by KindredHeart
Praying and crying for the needs of your own little Caleb and your mama's heart, but praying and crying, too, for all those precious babes and their families. Praying that God strengthens you and uses you this week to be a blessing in the midst of your own pain. You are in our ongoing thoughts and prayers, dear friend. I love you ~
Edited by KindredHeart on Jul. 8, 2007 at 10:29 PM
Jul. 9, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Wendy KY
Barb, thank you for this special look into your tender heart. I pray you can take Caleb home very soon.
Jul. 9, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by HomeForHeavensSake
Reminds me of the Casting Crowns song, about "if we are the body..." Have you heard that one?
This is my first visit to your blog, and I am so deeply touched by what I have read here. I needed to see this tonight, after spending the past week couped up in the house with sick children while dh and I have been sick as well. I've been stuck in a pity party and resenting my family.... and now I see how foolish that really is. I knew it was... but I was temporarily blinded by my own discomfort.
God bless you in your efforts. I'll be remember you and your family and all those sweet children in my prayers tonight.
Bev.
Jul. 9, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Wow. You know, I hadn't ever thought about there being children there that didn't have anyone there to love and nurture them while in such a place. :( ... thanks for sharing that I can pray ...
~Heather
Jul. 9, 2007 - Praying
Posted by LemonySnicket
Dear Barb---
I'm praying for y'all...for recovery and comfort...but also praying that your presence will be annointed as you reach out with tangible Jesus love to those little ones around you.
Love you SO much,
Elysa Mac
(using her dd's a/c! LOL!)
Jul. 9, 2007 - Thankful
Posted by OneyJones
Hi Barb,
I've thought a lot about Caleb last week knowing about the upcoming surgery. I've thought a lot about you and Tim as well as your other children staying with the Bennetts and grandparents. I never gave any thought to the other children in the hospital though. Isn't that a sad, sad thought?
I am thankful though that these precious children have YOU there at this time for it was ordered by our Lord and you are doing what you do so very well: serving Him by reaching out and loving others.
May you be blessed.
Love you!
~Oney
Jul. 9, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
I'm in tears reading this. Praying for you and for the hurting kids.
Shauna
Jul. 9, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Oh, Barb! My heart is hurting with yours. I am praying for complete healing for your dear Caleb and that the Lord will continue to use you to be His light and hands and feet to the other children. He is honored in your willingness to reach out to them.
Big hugs, dear friend!
Love you,
Scarlett :)
Jul. 9, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Your entry brings me to tears, Barb. I, too, had not thought about those who might be there without someone to sit beside them, and nurture them. :(
Praying for your Caleb tonight, your hurting, sweet mama heart, your family, and the little ones in the care of the hospital.
Bless your sweet, caring heart, Barb. You are a blessing to me...
Love and prayers,
Missy (FIAR)
Jul. 10, 2007 - Thank you...
Posted by Kristina
Thank you for being transparent, for sharing your heart in such a way it moves others to reach out to the Father. My prayer is that we rush the throne with prayers for the abandoned, the hurting, the ones who need nurturing. Thank you for being a willing vessel to pray for these kids!
Kristina <--- currently wiping away the tears!
