When God hits me with conviction and transformation, He hits me hard.  There are several devotions, scriptures, articles, and postings that have led me to what I'm about to write; so instead of going into detail about each one, I'm just going to list them here for you.

Me, Brutish? Surely Not.

Choice Young Men

The Genuine Christmas

Celebration of Discipline

Kolleenie on Patience

Galatians 6:1-10

This continuous onslaught of the Lord's reproof has led me to the frightful prayer for (gasp) more patience. . . and humility. . . and a servant's heart. . . and willingness to do whatever I'm called to as a mother.  Not that I have it that bad, really; but, you see that picture, that is just one second in a string of entire days filled with the monkey-like behavior of my children.  And, I have to say, it does begin to wear on a soul.

The innocent, funny monkey business of toddlers and preschoolers really isn't that bad; but what I've also been dealing with is the stubborn, disobedient, beligerant defiance of those same toddlers and preschoolers trying to be adults.  God really is sticking it to me -- I know, what was I thinking praying for patience!

So, here are some conclusions I've come to:

1. My children's response to correction and instruction is, largely, just a reflection of what they see me (and Jason) doing in response to correction and instruction.
2. I need to correct my own unwillingness to submit NOW while my kids are ripe for spiritual training.
3. I need to get over my constant dwelling on the "tough" moments of the day and submit myself to God.  Parenting isn't easy, but I need to be humble (to suffer loss of sleep, change many dirty diapers and wipe dirty booties, and watch my kids misbehave in public and then have to "deal" with them), I need to be willing (to go without a minute of peace and quiet for hours/days at a time, to give up control of the day's agenda and meet my kids where they are), I need to be obedient (to show gentle compassion even when it seems that angry shouts and threats are the only things working for me), I need to be serving (to the extent that I'm even a slave who expects nothing in return for the service rendered -- servants get paid, slaves serve with little to no recompense).
4. Patience and humility go hand-in-hand.  The reason I loose my patience is usually tied to my pride.  It is when I feel that I need to be in control, that things need to go the way I planned or the way I would like, that my children need to behave as I want them to. . . that I become impatient.
5. When my children misbehave, shouting, swatting, threatening, pleading. . . are all just my impatient reactions to having my pride threatened.
6. When my children misbehave, I need to humble myself, gently show them the way out of the offense, examine myself for the same incorrect attitude or behavior, train them to avoid a similar downfall in the future. . .  I need to humble myself to stop worrying about what the mother down the street thinks of me, my children, or my parenting. . .  I need to humble myself to wait and go through all the steps again and again until the training finally shows fruit.

This is probably the hardest lesson in motherhood.  It is emotionally and physically exhausting; but, I imagine, so rewarding at the end of it all.  So, I'll continue to pray for patience.  It is what I need to God to grow in me right now.  It is what my kids need God to grow in me right now.  Even if it hurts, I will humbly keep seeking patience.