Kids lead such a simple, seemingly care-free life.  They wake up eager to greet the day and all its adventures, they are satisfied with the simplest of foods, they have complete and utter trust that their needs will be met by their parents, they play hard and with all their might, and they collapse into bed at night more than ready to do it all over again the next day.  What makes a child's life so simple?  What makes children so care-free?  I have to say that I probably haven't lived that way in YEARS, and I would love to return to such a care-free way of life.

The chapter on the Discipline of Simplicity was probably my favorite in Stephen Foster's Celebration of Discipline.  It was the first statement of the chapter that caught my attention -- a few sentences that rang so true to me, that turned on that lightbulb in my head and illumined me to a problem I've been dealing with for some years now. 

"Simplicity is freedom.  Duplicity is bondage.  Simplicity brings joy and balance.  Duplicity brings anxiety and fear." (pg. 79)

I've been dealing with panic attacks since my college days.  There are evenings, when I'll be lying in bed, or afternoons sitting at the table, when I'll look at Jason and say, "I'm having a panic attack."  (Yes, I've had them long enough that I can calmly identify them; but they still feel horrible and disrupt my life badly.)  He'll say, "Why?"  My response:  "That's the problem, that's what makes panic attacks so bad, I don't know WHY exactly I'm having it."

I suppose this chapter on simplicity answered that question.  Why do I have panic attacks, why do I live in an almost constant state of anxiety sometimes?  Lack of simplicity -- "duplicity."  But what do I do about it?  What does it mean to really live a life of simplicity?  How do I practice the spiritual discipline of simplicity?

The first and most important step according to Foster is to focus -- always focus -- on the kingdom of God.  "Seek first His kingdom. . ."  Foster says, ". . .freedom from anxiety is one of the inward evidences of seeking first the kingdom of God.  The inward reality of simplicity involves a life of joyful unconcern for possessions. . .  It has nothing to do with abundance of possessions or their lack.  It is an inward spirit of trust." (pg. 87)

To give a little more background, much of my anxiety issues are wrapped up in sleep.  I spent about half a year in college suffereing from bad insomnia.  I mean, I just didn't sleep at night -- couldn't.  Insomnia hit again in early married life and now on occasion.  I get really anxious about sleep, missing out on sleep, feeling tired, being kept up by kids or husband,. . .  My "possession" that I obsess about is not clothing, or money, or house, or home decor. . . it is sleep. 

When I came to this realization, the following really hit home:

"If what we have we receive as a gift, and if what we have is to be cared for by God, and if what we have is available to others, then we will possess freedom from anxiety.  This is the inward reality of simplicity. However, if what we have we believe we have gotten, and if what we have we believe we must hold onto, and if what we have is not available to others, then we will live in anxiety." (pg. 88).  While this holds true to many areas in my life -- time, plans, agendas, dreams. . . -- it is especially true for me regarding sleep.  I gaurd my right to sleep with all I have (which isn't really much, come to think of it).  But sleep isn't mine.  Every minute of sleep I get is given me by God, and every minute needs to be at the disposal of God and others.  I'm not on this earth to get a "good night's sleep," I'm here to serve. . . God first, others next, my husband and children especially.

The reality is that, if I let go of my "right to" or "ownership of" my time, my plans, my agenda, my dreams and desires, and my sleep, and focus instead on how to use these things to better serve the kingdom of God -- how to better minister to my family, I will be living a more simplified life and will find myself, by the grace of God, free of anxiety and panic attacks.

Again, I highly recommend this book.  Please consider checking it out.  Close friends and family, feel free to ask me to mail it to you if you'd like to borrow mine (though you'll have to deal with folded corners and highlighted passages).