Reforming Motherhood

Sep. 11, 2006 - But what about ME?

This past weekend my husband was home. Because of his job, he rarely gets two days off in a row. But this week, he had three days off in a row! Throughout the week, as I anticipated this time coming, I begin to set expectations for the time he’s home. Of course these are unstated expectations, but they are there, on my mind.

Things like:

“Whew. Now that Mark’s home he can fully take over this potty-training thing. It’s his turn. I am wiped.”

“Okay, so… Friday morning he got to sleep in, so for sure on Saturday he’ll let me sleep in.”

“Since I’m usually the one disciplining while he’s at work, maybe when he’s home he’ll completely take over and I can just rest.”

And as our weekend progressed and these things weren’t happening according to my expectations, I began to get a bit resentful. And a little cranky with my husband. (Now, those of you who know my husband know that I have it good. This man is such a servant. He works tirelessly, in his job and in this home. He is wonderful. And handsome. (Not that that has anything to do with that, but I’m just saying). And a wonderful father. And, and, and. There is no end to what I could say good about this man. Yet, I was crabby at him.

As I drove to the grocery store on Saturday night, I decided that I’d take the opportunity to pray, and began with sort of ‘venting’ to God about this. And I prayed something along the lines of, “I just want him to take his turn and give me a break,...” And then I recognized, aloud to God, how utterly selfish and sinful I am.

Because this is what God says to me:

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.”

and

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.”

My flesh continually asks, “But what about ME? When do I get a break? Where is the well-deserved rest I need?”

But God reminds me that it’s not about me. It’s just not. He says, “Lay down your life."

Lord, help. Help me lay down my life. Teach me to do nothing out of selfish ambition, but in humility to consider all others better than myself. Transform me, oh God, that I might bring glory to You.

~Stacy

• Post A Comment!

Sep. 11, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Tiany

Great post, just what I needed to read at this very moment!!! Literally speaking. God is so good and speaks words of wisdom to us through our blogging buddies. Thank you for being so open to share this with us. You have blessed this wife and mama today more then you know! Thank you!

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Sep. 11, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous

Stacy,

Thank you for this wonderful reminder of how we should live our lives. I often have similiar unstated expectations, although I have a wonderfully helpful husband, my sinful, selfish nature can at times get the best of me. Thank you for passing on such wisdom.
God Bless you and your family.

Ali

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Sep. 11, 2006 - Thank you, Stacy!

Posted by momco3

This is so true. My husband also works a lot of weekends, I have many hidden expectations (let's be honest-- I have an agenda!) for his time at home. Thanks for reminding me that it is my honor to serve him, just as Christ serves me and laid down his life for me.

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Sep. 11, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by genamayo

Thanks for posting about this, Stacy. I struggle with the same thing. Created to be his Helpmeet (book by Debi Pearl) has really helped me. It's a privilege to serve our families! And it grows us closer to the Lord.
--Gena

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Sep. 11, 2006 - You're So Right!

Posted by Joni

Oh, I can be such a martyr sometimes in my mothering. I could really relate to so much of your honest post. Especially what you're thinking when he gets home or is off for the weekend. I am so guilty of thinking it's time for my "break". My hubby sounds a lot like yours. He really pitches in and never complains. I know that God's really convicted me before of taking advantage of my sweet man.

Thanks for sharing,
Joni

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Sep. 12, 2006 - While we are confessing here....

Posted by Michelle

let me just say that my big problem is that I DO state my expectations...over and over and over again. YUCK!! I should have read this post last night...before I ran off out the mouth again. I am reminded this morning of Proverbs 19:13b...."a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping." AND Proverbs 21:9...."Better to live on a corner of the roof, than share a house with a quarrelsome wife."....Let's just say that if it were not pouring down rain today...I am pretty sure Chad would be scoping out which section of roof to live on.....OH those darn Proverbs get me every time....convict me, O Lord, change my heart.

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Sep. 12, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by jengresak

I needed this one : ) Thanks.

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Sep. 13, 2006 - Thanks for sharing.

Posted by Sandi

Stacy I so appreciate your vulnerability and humility. It spoke straight to the sin in my own heart.

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Sep. 14, 2006 - Not to take away from what the Lord is teaching you, but...

Posted by Mark

I really did not love you the way I ought to have this past weekend either. I know I was a bit out of sync with my head cold and all, but I really was not making the effort I should have to love you the way that I am commanded to. And, as I've told you, although I wish I knew your every desire or expectation without you having to mention them, I'm often just clueless. However, I love you and I will continue to strive to ask of you what you need and then to give it to you. Or better yet, maybe I'll figure it out without asking. That would be a miracle, but I wouldn't dismiss it as impossible, because the fact that you can rave about what a good man I am shows that God is performing miracles in me.

I love you
- Mark

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