... I am back.
When I wrapped this up a little over a month ago, I really did think it was the end. I just re-read that post. My question then was this, "Is blogging a pursuit that God is pleased with in my life?"
You know what? It wasn't. Quite frankly, blogging had become too much in my life. I cared too much what people thought in the blogosphere. My thoughts resided here when they should have been elsewhere. One too many times, I was saying, "Just a minute" to one of my children who waited near my elbow as I blogged. By the time I got back to them, some 15 minutes later, they didn't have the same question. Or I was impatient or crabby at their interruption.
I'll be the first one to tell you that I lack discipline. It's a tough one for me. It's why my house is full of clutter. It's why I rarely get up early to pray even though I want to. It's why I begin projects but leave them unfinished for months (okay, sometimes years).
I knew that God was nudging me to lay blogging down, but I wasn't sure why. The day after I wrote my final post, my Bible study was on "Tearing Down the High Places." I puzzled then if I had any high places to tear down. By the end of the study, I knew the why of it. This whole blogging venture had become an idol in my life.
I hesitate to even use the word idol because my fear is that some of you will think, "Sheesh. That girl must have been on the computer ALL THE TIME." I wasn't, truly. I was not addicted to the computer, I was not neglecting my husband or my children. (Overall. There were moments. Check confessions three paragraphs up.)
I never would have used the word idol before in this context. It's not like I was worshipping my computer. And yet, this. From my study that day: "Our thoughts can be held captive to someone or something that builds up our egos or satisfies our fleshly appetites. Simply put, captivating thoughts are controlling thoughts-- things you find yourself meditating on too often." And this: "Satan fights dirty. He jumps on anything that could keep you from centering your thoughts on Christ." And the reminder that the object of our thoughts itself (in my case, blogging) is not necessarily sin. "The sin lies in the exaltation of it in our own minds." (all quotes are from Beth Moore)
So this blogging thing- a good thing- was captivating my thoughts. I recognized it as a high place and found comfort in this:
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
A week or so later (after that final post) I realized that maybe it wasn't a permanent thing, this end to blogging. Maybe that nudging was soley for the purpose of removing that high place. And me being the task-oriented person I am, wanted to pick it right back up: High place removed, back to blogging. But I wanted to make sure God would bless that. So I set some parameters:
- I would not blog for an entire month..
- I would not move forward unless I had Mark's full support. And his encouragement to do so.
- I would move our computer from it's centrally-located place in our home (where it has proven to be a distraction) to another room. Downstairs, in the basement, as it resides now.
- I would email some women I respect in the blogosphere and seek their wisdom and insight. Women who blog regularly and have been doing so for some time. (Not regarding my situation, necessarily, but on blogging in general.) What were their guidelines, their time-restrictions, what have they learned? etc...
- I would continue to pray and seek God's wisdom on whether or not I should pick it back up.
A couple of weeks ago I told Mark, "I could take it or leave it, truthfully." I was no longer pining to get to the computer. Which was such a good place to be. And I was perfectly fine with the idea that I was done.
That gradually changed. I found that I wanted to continue writing here. I kept having more I wanted to share with you, dear readers. (If you're still there, that is.)
So, I begin again. I continue to pray that my time here (along with every other usage of my time) will be honoring to God, and that this small offering of my writing might bring encouragement to some of you.
Things are a little different. My computer is in a different spot. I have set some computer restrictions for myself. (No blogging (writing, reading, or checking comments) while the kids are awake, basically.) I will not be posting every day. I've removed the sitemeter.
I considered removing the comments function, too, but for now I've decided to keep it. Yesterday I stumbled across this quote, from C.S. Lewis:
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."
That is one of the things I really appreciate-- hearing from you via the comments and finding out, "What! You, too?"
So...how are all of you? I've missed you.
~Stacy | 