Of the many things that happened at our house this morning, this was one of them: My littlest (20 mo) found a stick, came into the kitchen where I was washing dishes, and poked me, HARD, with it.
I wish I could say that I handled it well. But I can't because I didn't. I reacted in anger and disciplined my son.
Immediately afterward, I regretted my response as I remembered this from Elisabeth Elliot's devotional recently:
A word of caution: spanking, in my opinion, should be for deliberate disobedience only. When a child spills his milk or stuffs peanuts up his nose or pours your talcum powder all over the carpet, he is not being disobedient. He is only acting his age. You have not forbidden him to stuff peanuts up his nose. If you have, and he does it anyway, spank him. If, in defiance, he dumps his milk on the floor, spank him. But childish mistakes and messes must be pointed out, and by all means he should be made to rectify them or clean them up as best he can. Think of punishments that will fit the "crimes," but reserve the stick or the switch for deliberate disobedience. He will soon learn that when he defies you, a spanking follows as sure as the dawn follows the night--even if you are in church or the supermarket. Take him out to the car and spank him. Explain the whole system to him again (after the spanking), if necessary. Put your arms around him, assure him of your love, and change the subject.
I believe this wholeheartedly.
In fact, when people have asked me how to know when to administer the rod of correction, I would say this: "If you've told them NO and they do it anyway, they are defying you and need to be disciplined."
As for the stick, it may be arguable that my son knew better than to poke someone with a stick. But in hindsight, I know that he was not trying to be naughty. He was curious about this stick he'd found (if you're wondering what a stick was doing inside the house, it was actually a dowel I had lying around for some project). He picked it up and was experimenting with how to play with it. I had not told him not to touch it, not to poke me with it, etc. And yet, I reacted. As if he was willfully disobeying me. Which he wasn't.
Don't these childish mistakes happen often at your house? They do mine. My son plays with the toothpaste and ends up getting it all over himself and the entire bathroom. Because he's curious. He's seen mommy squeeze out the toothpaste; he's imitating me. Or when he's trying to "help" unload the dishwasher, like he sees me do. But the dishes are dirty, and now they're all over the place.
What a wonderful reminder to allow our children to act their age-- unless we've told them not to.
The title of this devotional is A Child's Obedience. To read it in it's entirety (and I recommend that you do!), go here. And if you're not already getting Elisabeth Elliot's daily devotionals emailed to you, I cannot emphasize enough that you should.
Have a wonderful day with your children!
~Stacy
Update: Or, for instance, when you're making Christmas cards and your boys discover a stamp pad and wipe it all over their hands, faces, pants, and the floor. Which is what happened about an hour after I posted this entry. And, yes... things like these-- definitely a regular occurence at our house. Good thing I'm working on my response! | 