Feb. 5, 2007 - A new journey

This past weekend Mark and I attended 30+ hours of training to begin the process of adoption.  Again.  This time we will be adopting a child through the foster-care system in our state.  We have the incredible privilege of working with a local Christian adoption agency that has a heart for the orphans.  This agency sprung from a church with a vision to match Christian couples and/or families with foster children that are available to be adopted... for FREE.  And here begins a new journey for our family.  The next several months will entail much tedious paperwork, additional training, a homestudy, many meetings with social workers, foster licensing, much prayer and-- my least favorite, but the most growing-- waiting.

Those of you who read here know that Mark and I have a heart for adoption (for those who didn't know, see the precious little one in the photo up there, or check the sidebar to read our adoption journey), but it has taken us a long while to get to this particular place. 

This past summer, I was praying earnestly that God would bless us with a baby-- through pregnancy.  (Mind you, we've been praying this for a few years, and have not been able to get pregnant since we had Isaac.  He's now three.)  At this time, I began asking God, "Why not?  Why aren't you answering this desire of our hearts?"  And more grievously, "Why does your answer seem to be 'no'?"  We had also begun to think about adopting again, through the foster/adopt program here in our state, but we hadn't moved forward with that yet.  At the same time I was wrestling with all of these questions, God began to lay a passage of Scripture on my heart from the book of Isaiah:

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

and provide for those who grieve in Zion---

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the Lord

for the display of his splendor.

I had no idea why God had laid this passage on my heart, but I began to read it often and pray over it.  As I journaled about it, I wondered if the Lord was calling me to a ministry to the poor, if He had in mind for me, for us-- a ministry to the homeless?  And so I prayed about that, and wondered what it was that we should be doing in that regard.

I sat down to journal one day and had a real sense of  restlessness.  I don't know why.  I wondered, in my journal, if the restlessness was from God.  Was it that He wanted us to be moving forward on the adoption process?  And I asked Him to quiet my heart and tell me.  And what was I supposed to do about this possible new ministry God had for me?  How could I commit time and energies to a ministry to the poor when I was called to be home, here with my children? 

Later that same day it struck me.  Here I was, seeking Him, inquiring as to how we should be ministering to the poor:  What, Lord, can I be doing?   Simultaneously I was praying, "bless us with more children." 

What I wanted was a pregnancy.  A child to grow within me, to deliver, to nurse.  And a ministry to the poor on the side. 

I journaled that day, "But You, Lord?  What You want may be this: To have us take in children who are poor.  To preach good news to them, to bind up their broken hearts, to proclaim freedom to them and release them from their darkness.  To comfort them.  To be able to give them the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair."  And somehow, right then, I was sure that that's what I'd been missing all along. 

God had seen fit to answer our prayers for a baby through the lens of His kingdom-purposes. 

At the time I did not feel a joyful obedience, but a relenting to His plans for us.  For the children He desired to bring us.  I surrendered my own desires and told Him that we would walk obediently forward into the unknown (by us) and yet seen and known and planned (by Him).

We continued to research options and pray together.  And in October we attended an introductory meeting with the local agency I mentioned above.  At the meeting we felt such a confirmation from God that this was the road He wanted us on.  Such peace.  And the relenting changed to a joyful obedience.  We are excited to see what God has for the future of our family.

Jan. 22, 2007 - Holding my youngest

My youngest son came running to me for comfort today after he'd been hurt. 

As I knelt on the floor beside him to give him a hug, it struck me: 

It wasn't always this way. 

When Isaias first came home to us from Guatemala, he was nine months old. 

I would hold him in my arms, on my hip, and-- his response?  He leaned away from me.  He arched his back and turned away, wanting to be out of my arms.  I wondered at the time if he responded this way because he wanted to get down and play, or if I could attribute this to a lack of bonding between us.

When he was sad, I drew him into my arms so that I could reassure him.  He struggled to get free. 

When he got hurt, I gathered him into my arms to comfort him.  He fought it; he wanted down. 

When I put him to bed at night, I followed the same routine I had with my other two.  I held him, facing me, my hand behind his head, his head resting on my shoulder.  And I rocked him.  I sang to him or prayed for him.  He screamed.  And he fought me.  He pulled his head back, flailed his arms, trying to turn away from me. 

You can imagine how difficult this was.  What should I do-- force him?  Somehow that didn't seem right, but then, what was the alternative?  Let him go without this affection from his mama?  Or did I just need to give him time?  Many weighed in on the "give him time" side.  Mark and I agonized over this.  And we prayed for wisdom.  We finally decided that we had to train him to receive affection from us.  We chose to gently but firmly persist.  

From then on, when I held him in my arms and he wriggled to get free, I kept him there, holding him.  It was at my will- not his- that he was able to get down.  When he was hurt or sad, I held him for comfort.  Oh, it wasn't comforting to him at first-- he wanted no part in it.  But I persisted.  And at bedtime-- oh, bedtime was the hardest-- I held him against me and he screamed as I sang softly, crying as I sang.  And I prayed earnestly that God would soften his heart towards me; that he would be able to rest in my arms, not struggle against them. 

There were a few evenings, in frustration and tears, that I did not persist.  I felt weary of trying.  There were times I let him have his way.  I began our bedtime routine, he began screaming, and I gave in.  I laid him down and promptly walked out of the room, feeling rejected, hurt or angry.  There were times I told Mark, "I can't do this."  And I would pass him off to Mark to put down for the night.  And then Mark would come to me, hold me in my hurt, and remind me: He just doesn't know, Stacy.  He's learning.  Be patient with him. 

I honestly forget how long it took.  But I do remember the first time I rocked him before bedtime and he didn't scream as I sang to him.  He still pulled away, but he didn't scream.  I came out of his room, jublilant, and told Mark all about it. 

And then another night, not long after that one, I held his head against my shoulder as I rocked him.   But I carefully removed my hand from the back of his head and he kept his head there on my shoulder.  He picked his head up after a moment and I waited, frozen, to see what he would do.  And then he laid it back upon my shoulder, content to rest there without my hand directing him.

Today when he came running in to be comforted by his mama, I remembered all that ache in my heart so many months ago as I tried to hold him and he did not want me to.  And I realized that God answered those earnest prayers of ours-- for wisdom and for bonding. 

Now Isaias reaches for me, constantly.  When he is hurt, he turns to either Mark or myself, whoever is nearest.  When he is sad, he wants to be held.  When I am cooking dinner, he is standing nofurther than two feet away from me, watching intently, periodically reaching up to be held.  When I leave the room, he follows me.  When I mention bedtime, he comes to me.  He lays his head on my shoulder many, many times a day.  When I hold him, he snuggles with me.  Oh, just for a minute.  Then he really does want to go play.  He wraps his little brown arms around my neck tightly and he kisses me, hard, on the mouth.  Each time I sit cross-legged on the floor, he comes and turns around to sit in my lap.  When I read books, he climbs up onto my lap. 

God is *so* good.  I am thankful today, for this.

One more thing I thought of today:  I think we do this with our Father sometimes, too.  He wants to teach us something.  He is loving and gentle but firm.  And don't we resist sometimes?  We pull away, not wanting to learn that particular lesson.  We fight Him, thinking that we know best.  We complain and grumble about our circumstances.  We want to retain control.  But He lovingly persists.  He does not walk away from our stubborness.  He does not grow weary with us, and He is slow to anger.  And He knows what we do not know as we fight Him: that we need it; this lesson.  Just like little Isaias needed that loving affection from me. 

Dec. 11, 2006 - Remembering...

... one year ago today.  We were on an airplane, on our way to Guatemala to pick up our son.  And that plane couldn't get me there fast enough.  I longed to take him into my arms and hold him-- finally.

As we traveled, I journaled.

God, You are so good!  I can hardly contain my elation and joy and anticipation and giddiness.  The thrill of picking up this precious gift you have given us!  Thank you, gracious heavenly Father!

I love You.

I thank You.

I praise You.

My heart is singing.

And then, this.

One year.  My heart nearly aches with gratitude.  He knew-- long before we knew-- that this boy would be a part of our family. 

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,

is God in His holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families....  Psalm 68:5

Our son.  What a delight!

So, today I add this to my One Thousand Gifts list:

736. One year with our Isaias.

Jun. 26, 2006 - Adoption: Part Six

This is the final part of this 'series'.  To find the beginning of our adoption story, go here.

The name Isaias (chosen by his birth mother) means: God is my help and salvation; the Lord helps me.  We love that.   We indeed feel like God has given us the incredible privilege of being His arms, extended to Isaias, to help him. 

We came back from Guatemala a few weeks before Christmas (you can imagine our delight; getting to have him home for his first Christmas!), and met family and friends at the airport.  Our other two children were still at home, though… so we were anxious to get home before they went down for the night so that we could introduce them to their new baby brother!

Here is my favorite just-home picture: 

As E was seeing and holding her brother for the first time- this one she had prayed for for many, many months- she started crying.  I asked her what was wrong (thinking she was sad that Grandma and Grandpa would be leaving soon).  She said she was just really, really happy that Isaias was home.  Me too!

That night after Mark and I had tucked in all three of our children, I said (tearily) how happy I was to have them all under one roof. 

Most of my thoughts concerning our adoption center around one thing: gratitude. 

I am deeply grateful for this son of ours.  What a joy he is, and what a gracious God we serve that He lavishes us with gifts such as these!

I am so thankful for God's tremendous provision. (I am still in awe at how He so generously provided for us in the area of finances.  At the beginning we didn't even have the $195 for that initial application fee.  By the end- all totalled, our adoption expenses came to nearly $30,000.  God provided every single cent.)

I am grateful for the heart of our Father: who has compassion on the orphans, who longs to set them in families, who is their defender.

I am grateful for the growth I had in my relationship with God during this process.  This was definitely a season where God was teaching me full reliance upon Him and His timing.  Of course He is entirely trustworthy!  Not to mention very patient with me.

I am thankful for the lessons E & I learned during this season, of praying diligently for their brother, and seeing those earnest prayers answered when he came home.

And I am grateful for the friends I've met throughout this journey.

Here is a picture of this sweet boy of ours, taken last week:

What a wonderful journey our adoption has been.  Thank you for revisiting it with me. 

 

~Stacy

 

Jun. 23, 2006 - Adoption: Part Five

I posted Adoption: Part Four earlier today.  Here's more.  (If you're reading for the first time, you might want to start at the beginning of the story.)

Then began the most difficult part of the wait.  We had met our little boy and then left him.  Now we had to wait for all the paperwork to be processed in Guatemala until we had the okay to come back and get him.  This is a long process and such a struggle.

I carried an ache around for months. I truly felt like he was missing from our family.  A couple of times I actually counted heads- to make sure we were all there; and then it would hit me: Isaias.  He’s missing.

And so- months of waiting to get to that next step that would bring us that much closer to bringing him home.  But there were of course delays, disappointments, and frustrations.  (Each day was one day longer than I would have liked!)  But God was busy doing lots in my heart in regards to trusting Him.  A journal entry during those months:

God, I trust you completely, but it is difficult for me to relinquish the control I’d like to have in this process.  (How foolish am I even to write that?  It looks so ridiculous.)  As if I could possibly control things better than You, Almighty God.  Please forgive me for my pride, for my desire to be in charge, to try to- or want to- control the steps, the outcome, and the timing of this process.  (As if I could!)  Increase my faith, my trust in You.  I know Isaias is in your hands, that You are faithful, that Your timing is right and perfect, and that You are in control.  May I submit to You, to Your plans, Your desires, joyfully and faithfully.

So we prayed lots, waited lots, and cried lots (or at least, I did!)… Isaias turned 4 months old.  Then 5 months old.  Then 6, 7, and 8 months old.  We got new pictures, a progress report (height, weight, etc) and a short DVD each month.  We would crowd around the TV and I would weep at the sight of him.  Watching him grow up like that- so far away from us- was very, very difficult. 

In October I journaled this:

I am sad today.  We got Isaias’ progress report today and I am sad.  His pictures make me cry.  He is sitting up now, he has his two bottom teeth already.  He’s just getting so old, so big, and I long for him to come home, to be home with us…

As sad as we were, we knew he was being cared for, he was healthy, warm, and well-fed.  And ultimately we knew he was in God’s hands. 

Finally we got a call from our agency saying that we were out of the PGN; and that within the next 4-6 weeks we could come and get him!  So, the kids and I made a paper chain, one link for each day of the 6 weeks, and began counting down.  One night I realized that we were down to a few more links (and not leaving anytime soon), so I added more links for the kids to pull off (they never noticed, but it ended up being over 8 weeks, not 4-6).  

In early December we got a call saying that our US Embassy appointment, the final step (!) (in Guatemala) was a mere 6 days away.  We flew out 3 days later, arrived in Guatemala late that night, and were scheduled to go to Hannah’s Hope first thing the following morning to go pick up our Isaias.

As I sat in the hotel that morning, waiting for the driver to come and get us, so that we could go to HH and get Isaias, I journaled this:

This song has been running through my head all morning: "I will exalt you, oh Lord… Praise your holy name, that my heart may sing to you… I will exalt you, oh Lord."  My heart is singing to you. Thank you!  God, you are so good!

As we walked into HH, I was scanning the room for our Isaias.  Our now 9-month-old boy.  It had been 6 months since we saw him last.  I peeked around the corner, and I saw him- sitting up like such a big boy in his high chair, having lunch.  I burst into tears and went to him but he was still eating so I wasn't able to hold him.  I journaled later: "But, oh- to be so close to him, to be able to reach out and touch him and see his cute, cute face- was amazing."  Here’s one of the first pictures I took:

Mark had moved in front of him and was talking to him and Isaias was looking at him so intently.  He kept checking out his daddy, giving him this curious, sort of amused look.  He was so intrigued with this man talking to him!

 

A few minutes later:

(Still a little uncertain, and very sleepy). 

 

It took us only a few minutes to gather his things (we took his stuffed lion, his blanket, his tape recorder, and his photo album (all the things we'd brought down for the first trip)), and he was ready to leave.

 

I could tell that Isaias was unsettled in my arms- very squirmy and uncomfortable. 

 

It was actually really difficult for me to take him away from everything familiar to him (voices, sights, smells, foods, sounds, and the language).  And the Special Mothers there (the caregivers at HH) very obviously love these children and had truly been stand-in mothers to Isaias.  His Special Mother stood, weeping, as we gathered him into our arms and took the small bag with his belongings, preparing to go.  I was weeping, too.  I hugged his Special Mother and let her kiss him one last time. 

 

My emotions at that point were all over the place.  I was sorrowful and yet full of joy and relief, too.  This was really the culmination of this entire process for us, and yet- such a beginning, too.

 

When we got back to the hotel room we sat down immediately and prayed for him.  We asked God to bless him and help him to transition and bond with us, to give him peace and comfort and help him to feel secure.  He was very serious and observant, but not crying or fussy.

 

Eventually, he fell asleep in my arms as I walked him around.  When he woke up he kind of pulled back and checked me out.  He touched my face and stared at me.  And then he got playful.  We played peek-a-boo and he was giggling.  Mark got him laughing really hard, and that was fun.  He seemed much more relaxed with us.  Here he is, later that first day:

We called home and talked to our kids and told them we had their brother with us.  I cried at the sound of their voices and of course, couldn't wait to get home...  

 

For the next few days, we spent lots of time with our little Isaias, getting to know him and getting this wonderful time of bonding with him.  And we hung out with the another couple (one we had met on our first trip, also picking up their son!) during our time there.  We had our Embassy appointment, and were officially approved to take him home with us. 

 

By the end our stay in Guatemala, we really felt like Isaias knew us and felt secure with us (not to mention we were certain that he liked us- he gave us lots of smiles and giggles to prove it.)  He had quickly become our little buddy and loved being held by either daddy or mommy.

~Stacy

 

*To read the next (and final) part of our adoption story, go here.

Jun. 23, 2006 - Adoption: Part Four

For new readers: to find the beginning of our adoption story, go here.  For those of you who have already been reading along, here's the fourth installment:

A couple weeks after that phone call, we readied ourselves for the trip to Guatemala.  We packed a stuffed lion (that our other two children had chosen for him), a blanket, a tape recorder with a tape of all of our voices on it (singing, talking, reading.  The kids loved doing this!).   We also brought a thing to hang on the inside of his crib that held a big picture of our family, so he could see our faces.  At the time of our referral HH staff had placed a little Sassy photo album in his crib filled with pictures of us (we had done this in our paperwork phase, and sent it in months before). 

Then we flew to Guatemala to meet our son.  It was an emotional trip.  As excited as I was to meet our sweet boy, I was very sad to leave our two other children.  I pretty much bawled the entire way to the airport (2 hours away) as well as the first leg of our travels.

We had a layover in Houston and it was there that I met Michelle (or, rather- saw her for the first time; we’d been emailing and chatted on the phone once, as they were heading down to see their little boy, too).   Michelle, her husband Chad, Mark and I all flew into Guatemala together.  When we got there we waited for another couple who was also flying in that afternoon. 

We were all driven to Hannah’s Hope (the name of the orphanage).  Mark and I were ushered downstairs to Isaias’ room.  We saw him, lying in his crib on his back, sleeping soundly.  Up until that moment it had all seemed so surreal, and then- there he was, our little 3-month old boy.  He was so cute.  We were teary, and wanted to hold him but didn’t want to wake him up.  What with all the commotion, though (us peering at his face- inches away, crying and whispering), he woke up and looked at us.  Mark picked him up.  And for the rest of that day (and the following three days) we got to be his mommy and daddy during the daytime. 

We held him, talked to him, changed his diapers, changed his clothes, fed him his bottles, sang to him, and prayed for him.  We told him all about his big brother and big sister.  He looked at us very intently (as 3-month old babies do) and smiled at us lots.  He loved being held, and slept easily in our arms. 

 

 

In the evenings we went back to the hotel and spent time with the other couples we had traveled with.  We had a wonderful time with these couples.  Each morning we all went back to Hannah's Hope to spend more time with our boys.

I journaled late that first night:

Of course I can’t sleep because I can’t wait to see Isaias again tomorrow.  Will he remember us?  What expressions will he show us today?  How did he sleep last night?...

I am so grateful for the chance to see him in his ‘home’ here at Hannah’s Hope.  It is really valuable for me- for my mother’s heart- to be able to see who is caring for him, how and where.  When I leave here and think of him in the months to come I will be able to picture where he is at, and who may be holding him.

I rejoice in you, oh Lord, for all of this.  For the blessings you have lavished upon us.  For who you are.  For your heart.  For your vision.  I love you.  My heart is so full!

Our days with him passed quickly, and then it was time to go home again.  I well remember the last night with him.  We were flying out early the next morning and knew it would be many months before we’d see him again.  Mark and I took him downstairs where it was quieter.  Mark held him and sat in the rocking chair.  I knelt next to them, and we laid our hands on his little head of black hair and prayed blessings over him.  And we cried; buckets of tears.  We had bonded so much with him in these few short days and now we had to leave him behind. 

But we entrusted him into God’s capable hands and left him that evening.  And we completed our journey as I had begun it: in tears.

~Stacy

*For the next part of our adoption story, go here.

Jun. 19, 2006 - Adoption: Part Three

To read Adoption: Part One, go here

To read Adoption: Part Two, go here

Okay, where were we?  Oh, yes.  Our hot water heater that broke.  That was the first of many things breaking down in our home throughout this process.  There was the hot water heater, then the dishwasher, then the fridge, then some major plumbing issues.  Each one very costly.  And each one a huge stress in a season of our lives where we were trying to SAVE money, not spend it.  These trials were either sent by God to teach us utter dependence on Him and His provision, rather than ourselves, or they were straight from the enemy (I personally liked to blame everything on him.) 

In mid-August we had a garage sale and were able to raise enough money to send in the $195 application fee.  On the application we also designated a country.  Our decision was narrowed since AGCI only works with a small number of countries (I think 4 or 5 at the time), and some of those countries we couldn’t adopt from.  (For instance, China- you have to be 30 years old; I was 29.)  We came to the decision to adopt from Guatemala.  Mark and I spent time praying about this, asking God for direction.  One day I came across a photo of three smiling Guatemalan boys, and that was that.  Mark came home that evening from work and I immediately said, “It has to be Guatemala.”  He smiled and explained that as he had been praying about it throughout his own day, he also felt tugged in that direction.  So, Guatemala it was.

The next decision we had to make was gender.  Do you know you have to choose if you want a boy or a girl?  Goodness!  That was a tough one for us.  I kept having these conversations with our agency saying, “Can you please just choose?  We’re happy with either.  We have one of each and we love them both.  I can’t choose this!”  We finally expressed simply that we wanted to adopt based on wherever the need was greater.  Our agency said that if we left it at that, we would be getting a boy, because for some reason in Guatemala more boys are adopted out.  So, our decision was made.  We were getting a boy.

And then we began the paperwork phase.  I have an enormous 5-inch binder I filled with all of our paperwork, and one by one we filled out (or collected) forms.   Contracts, birth certificates, marriage certificate, medical evaluations, criminal checks, employment records, financial records, income tax returns for the past three years, witness statements, and reference letters.  I now wish I had clocked how many hours I spent on this phase.  Many, that’s for sure.  It took us 3 months to complete all of the paperwork. 

During this time, Mark was working overtime so that we could set money aside for our adoption.  We were able to save around $500/month with his diligent work and with our new frugal lifestyle (basically, spending next-to-nothing!)  We also sent out a letter to our family and friends telling them of our decision to adopt, and asking for their support (both prayer and financial).  We sort of saw this as a mission God was calling us to, and figured that we get will-you-support-me-on-this-missions-trip letters all the time, so… why not ask?  So we did, and our family and friends were lavish in their support of us.  Throughout the following months, we saw God provide tremendously through the generosity of these supporters. 

At the end of January, our paperwork was completed and we had enough money for our first payment.  We sent that into AGCI and waited.  There were other waiting couples, too… and we were able to “meet” some of the other waiting couples (online), via a listserve that AGCI has set up.  This was a tremendous support during this time of waiting.  The listserve was also where I met some very dear friends: Michelle (who comments often on this blog), Sarah, and Kimmie.   We spent this waiting time praying, applying for grants, and praying some more. 

On June 17^th I packed the kids in the car and went to pick up Mark from work.  I came home and listened to this message on my phone: “This is Kim from AGCI.  I have good news for you.  Please call me back today.”  She left her direct line and said if she didn’t answer, to call the 800# and have them interrupt her. 

I was trembling- totally shaking.  My hands could barely dial the numbers.  I just knew this was our referral; that they had a child for us and we were on the brink of meeting that little one.  I kept asking Mark, “What do you think?  Is this it?  Are you so nervous?”  And he wasn’t.  He thought that maybe she was just calling instead of emailing an update for the month.  But I knew it was big because we were supposed to interrupt her.  So- I called her back, and she said, “Do you want a little guy?”  And I said, “Of course we want a little guy!  Do you have a little guy for us?” And she said yes, and proceeded to tell me about this “little guy”. 

This is what we learned: his name was Isaias.  He was three months old.  He weighed 10 lbs, 1 oz at birth.  At three months, he weighed 12 lbs, was a good eater, and liked to be held.  We learned very few details about his birthmother. 

And then our agency contact told us she was emailing us pictures as we spoke. 

We all rushed downstairs to our computer, and waited (at the time we had only dial-up) for nearly an hour, me holding the video camera- interviewing Mark over and over and then the kids, who just ran around enthusiastically, shouting.   They had been waiting and praying for their baby brother for many months.  Then the pictures finally appeared.  Here are some of the first pictures we saw of our new son:

Isn't he precious?  In my next post I’ll tell you all about our first trip to Guatemala; our first time meeting our new son.

~Stacy

*To read the next installment of our adoption story, go here.

Jun. 16, 2006 - Adoption: Part Two

To read Adoption: Part One, go here

If you already read that, our story continues…

I ended the last post with Mark and I committing to be purposeful in prayer about adoption; to ask God what He wanted from us and when.  I did a lot of journaling during that time.  Here’s an excerpt from my journal a in this season of seeking God:

There are so many children who do not have a family.  My heart is this:  I want to reach out and nurture those who need a family…

I keep thinking of that verse in Luke: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”  That is us.  We have much.  Why not?  Why not now?  There is a need and we can fill it.  Will you confirm this in our hearts, Lord?  We want to be obedient to you if this is indeed you speaking to our hearts about us doing this- now or in the future.

Just a few days after that journal entry, I was driving yet again and listening to the radio.  Family Life Today happened to be on, and they were talking about another subject entirely, and had two women guests on to share.  At the beginning of the show, when the introductions were being done, Dennis Rainey asked about the connection they’d just discovered these two guests had (it turns out that one of them was in the adoption process and the other had been adopted herself, long ago).  So he asked them to briefly share about their experiences before they launched into their regular program topic.   The woman who was currently adopting shared how she had just come to a place where she just felt like they had room in their lives and hearts and that they had so much to give. 

And that was it.  I knew right then in my spirit that that was the confirmation I had been asking God for.  I turned the radio off and- through tears, thanked God for this.  It was simple, really.  But I just knew.  That is exactly where I kept turning: that we have so much; and that there are children in this world who have been abandoned, orphaned, and have no one.  I really felt a sense of responsibility.  God had blessed us so abundantly.  There was no question to me what God’s heart was on this.  Throughout this time, God had led me to the following verses: 

James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.

Deut. 10:18  He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing.

Psalm 10:14  You are the helper of the fatherless.

Psalm 10:17   You hear, oh Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed.

Psalm 146:9  The Lord watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow.

Hosea 14:3  For in you the fatherless find compassion.

Psalm 82: 3-4  Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.  Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them…

And finally,

Psalm 68:5  A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families.

We knew God’s heart already.  At the time we even joked, “So, we’re asking God if this is something He wants us to do.  What’s He going to say, ‘NO’?!”

That same day I got online and began researching adoption agencies.  A few weeks later we’d decided on an agency: All God’s Children International.

The two next questions were when and how? 

WHEN? We decided to start moving forward and see how the Lord directed us. 

And the HOW?  I journaled this at the end of May, last year:

HOW?  Only through God’s tremendous provision and creativity, because we simply don’t have the finances to do this.  But we really trust that if this is the Lord’s will for us, He will be faithful to provide… somehow, some way, for this to occur.

So basically we were embarking on a huge step of faith.  We live on one income and were basically living paycheck to paycheck.  We had no debt, thankfully (well, besides our house), but: no savings, either.  This was a huge, huge thing to us.  The cost for international adoptions isn’t small.  Most international adoptions range from $14,000-$30,000. 

So now we needed just $195 for the application fee, and we needed to choose a country to adopt from.  We had no idea where that money was going to come from, and we had no idea how we were supposed to choose a country.  We decided to pray over the country and our finances, and we decided to start pinching our pennies. 

And then our hot water heater broke. 

~Stacy 

*To read Adoption: Part Three, go here.

Jun. 14, 2006 - Adoption: Part One

Many of you know that our youngest son (now 14 months old) is adopted from Guatemala.  We ‘met him’, initially through pictures, a year ago this week.  In light of that, I thought I’d take a few days and detail our adoption story.

How we began on this adoption journey is hard to define.  Mark and I have always wanted to adopt.  This is something we discussed even while we were dating, and long before we met, God had put put this desire on each of our hearts.  After we were married and decided we were ready to start our family, we were in for a surprise: we didn’t get the luxury of choosing when we got to have our first child.  We tried to get pregnant for 2 ½ years and were unable to.  This was quite honestly one of the most difficult seasons in our lives. 

However, that story has a happy ending.  That period of infertility ended when we discovered that I was pregnant.  And we had a little girl, and she is now 4 ½.  Our second child was also a surprise and a miracle.  We had a little boy, and he is now 2 ½.  God is so generous! 

Throughout this time, our conversations turned often to adoption.  In fact, before I got pregnant with our second, we had decided that we would pursue adoption.  Then God blessed us with a second pregnancy.  After the birth of our second child, we sort of decided that we would go ahead and try for our third, and then adopt for our fourth.  God had a different agenda. 

One spring day I was driving and listening to the radio.  There was a program on featuring an adoptive mother (who had a number of adopted children), and she was sharing their story.  I can’t even remember exactly what she said, but as she shared she said that adoption was something her and her husband had always sort of talked about, too- and that they chose to be really purposeful in their prayers about it, trusting that this was something God had laid on each of their hearts, and entrusting it to Him and His timing.  This really struck me.  Here we were, “planning” and charting our own course (we’ll have another, and adopt after that), when we should be pressing in to God, and seeking what He wanted to do and when.

I came home that day and said to Mark: “We have to start really praying about this adoption thing!  What if God would have us adopt NOW, instead of waiting?”  And so we began a season of prayer, asking God what He wanted to do and how He wanted to build our family. 

Next time I’ll share what happened next! :)

~Stacy

To read Adoption: Part Two, go here