“Eight Daily Habits for ‘08”

                                                     Donna Reish

It’s a new year and with it comes new opportunities to do the things we want to do—and not do the things we don’t want to do, as Paul puts it. How many of us make resolutions over and over again only to fizzle out by March (or earlier)? How many of us have awesome plans in January to do more for God, train our children’s hearts more, and generally be more successful during the new year?

I used to make long, elaborate resolutions—complete with subpoints and sub-subpoints on how to achieve them! Even with all of that detail and thought, I still found myself floundering. Now I don’t make grandiose plans to be and to do every January. Instead, in January, and anytime I want to make a change, I take baby steps. Little, daily steps towards the goals I might have.

For example, instead of revamping the entire schedule, sure that next week I will start my day an hour earlier, exercise with the kids, put food in the crock pot every morning, read aloud for two hours before lunch, etc. etc., I do one of two things: (1) Start with the beginning of the day and change that according to what I think will make things run more smoothly—just one small change; or (2) Start with the most important change I want to make, and just do that item. Not long lists of dozens of improvements. Just one change; baby steps towards success. One change that I can implement today. One change only—until I have that one under control. Then, I’ve been successful already, so I know I can do another. Success breeds more success. Positive changes breed more positive changes.

Of course, I didn't come up with this idea on my own. (I am an "idea lifter"---lifting ideas from other people and using them for myself!) It actually originated with our mentors, Terry and Esa Everroad, nearly twenty-five years ago. (Boy, when I say things like "twenty years ago" and "twenty-five years ago," I feel reaaallllly old!) Terry told Ray to meet with me once a week and just listen. Ask me what was wrong, what I wanted changed, what I needed from him. Then, together, choose one thing--just one--that we would work on improving. When that was better, choose another, then another, then another. He told Ray to do this until one week he would ask me, and I would have nothing to say. Then, he told Ray, he could consider his own needs. Good selflessness advice for husbands, huh? (Well, for wives, too.)

And the same idea can be duplicated in any area of our lives--eating more healthfully, schooling better, building stronger relationships. One change at a time. Baby steps. Then another, then another. Not life remodeling all at once. Just one goal at a time.

To start out this new year, I want to give you “Eight Daily Habits for ‘08”—eight things that I have found make my day run more smoothly, create the environment I want in my home, and cause me to have success in my homeschool. These are eight things that I know help me and maybe they will help you, too. Now, there are one or two items that I have “fallen off the wagon on”—that I need to work on re-implenting myself (one at a time, of course)…but I won’t tell you which ones those are. J

I have found that it is the little things that make the difference. Spring cleaning is incredible...for a few days afterwards. However, making sure that the floors are swept, bathrooms are wiped down, and laundry is done every day is what makes me really sing. The big things will always be there--waiting to be done and waiting to be implemented, but the small things are what make each day better. The daily ins and outs. The habits that make us truly successful.

So…without further ado, I give you my eight daily habits* for success in ’08, not necessarily in any certain order. You choose the one that will make tomorrow a better day for you and your family—and implement it, one baby step at a time, to reach your goals in your homeschool and in your family.

Daily habit 1:  Rise with the Lord

When people used to tell me this, I, of course (being the big thinker that I am), envisioned an hour in the early morning hours, in a prayer closet uninterrupted, worshipping, praying, and reading the Word. Because that could never happen in my life (and I can give you eight good reasons why it never did!), I never truly felt like I was ever "rising with the Lord."

Then, I happened upon some verses that I could really sink my teeth into--meeting God in the night watches (perfect for us insomniacs!); God giving me a song in the night; etc. I might not be up at the crack of dawn, but I was often up throughout the night--those night watches and songs in the night were perfect for me!

Now that I am, well, maturing, I can't stay up quite as late as I used to, but I still pray at night that God will give me a song in the night and that I will wake up with that song. And when I consistently do this, I do wake up with a song in my heart, a song that God gave me in the night. Many days, before I even open my eyes, my mind will start reciting words to a song: "Lord, you are more precious than silver"; "Be thou my vision"; "Cast me not away from your presence, Oh, Lord"; and much more. I am rising with the Lord! He is giving me a song in the night, and I am waking up with His song on my lips.

What does rising with the Lord mean to you? It could mean waking up and reading the Bible or a devotional before you do anything else. It might mean a prayer time before you start your day. However God leads you to rise with Him, make it a daily habit! Do not make it so elaborate (an hour in the Word and an hour in prayer!) that you cannot continue it your entire life, but do make it meaningful enough to have an effect on your day (which should be the result of any encounter with God).

Daily habit 2: Make a place for God before retiring

Many years ago I found myself reciting a certain verse over and over to myself: "I will not give sleep to mine eyes, or slumber to mine eyelids, Until I found out a place for the Lord, an habitation for the mighty God of Jacob" (Psalm 132 4: & 5). I taught it to the children and then made it into a song that my girls and I enjoyed singing for some time:

                    I will not (I will not) close my eyes (close my eyes);

                    I will not (I will not) slumber (slumber).

                    Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)...

                    For the God of Jacob (for the God of Jacob)

                    'Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)

                    For my Lord (for my Lord).

                    Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)...

                    For the God of Jacob (for the God of Jacob)

                    'Til I've made a place ('til I've made a place)

                    For my Lord.

Jacob was just a toddler at that time, and he, of course, thought we were singing about him--and often asked for the "Jakie song." However, for me, it became a nightly prayer/song. No matter what my day held; no matter how busy and hectic it was; no matter how I felt about this or that--I was telling the Lord that I would not go to sleep until I had cleared my mind and heart for Him.       

How can you make room for the Lord everyday? Some may feel that they are creating a place for God if they study the Bible before bed. Others might feel that they are clearing a path for him through family prayer or praying with your spouse. Regardless of what you do, do not close your eyes; do not slumber...until you've made a place for the Lord.

Daily habit 3: Teach your kids God's Word and the character of Christ before other subjects

When we start the day out with our children and God's Word, we are telling them that the Bible is the most important book to study and its truths are the most important knowledge to obtain. We decided nearly two dozen years ago that we would not teach academic subjects without teaching the Bible--and that it would be first. If we had time for the other subjects, great. If not, at least we had done the most important subject.

We have taught the Bible and character dozens of ways. There is no one "right way." Ray's favorite way is to open the Bible, read it together, and discuss it. I personally like using "programs"--reading from creation science books, character based books (like IBLP's Character Sketches), Bible story books for younger children (like our favorite, Family Bible Library--see our website for info on this), IBLP character booklets and other bulletins, etc. Ray has read through The Picture Bible with each child when each little one was between the ages of four and six. I read through the entire Family Bible Library with each child around that same time. We also enjoy reading devotional materials together: Max Lucado books, names of God books, and other "daily devotionals."

If this habit has eluded you in the past, just pick up a devotional or other "daily" type book (even if it is just a few paragraphs in length for each entry), and read it at breakfast every morning. That will get the ball rolling. From that will likely spring discussions and applications galore as you build those truths and principles into your children's lives.

Daily habit 4: Tie heart strings

We can get so caught up in work, teaching, outside demands, and physical needs (feeding and clothing) that we overlook one of the most important things that we should do each day--tie heart strings with our children. Most parents have their children's attention for eighteen years. Those are years that we can invest in them spiritually and build relationship with them.

It is so easy to get to the end of the day and discover that we have not squeezed our special squeeze, winked our special wink, or hugged our special hug. This is especially true as our children get older and no longer cuddle in our chair with us or have "rockies."

In addition to the physical closeness that our children need, they also need our verbal affirmation and communication. My and Ray's input into our three young adult daughters' lives (ages seventeen, twenty, and twenty-one) is like a daily healing balm to them. Two of them are heavily involved in demanding ministries--to the disabled and to the Spanish community (no English spoken!). One of them is searching for her place and working hard to prepare for her future. They need to connect with us. They need for us to tell them that we are proud of them and that we support their endeavors. They need for us to hurt with them when they are hurting. They need for us to say, "So, tell me about your day," and "Give me details!"

Tying daily heart strings is more difficult than simply reading a morning devotional or being sure the laundry is done each day. It isn't usually in the schedule. It is needed at the most inopportune times. The more you give, the more they seem to need. But it is essential. Our children need to have their heart strings tied to ours so that when the storms of life roll, they will have a safe haven of love and understanding---"Jesus" with arms and words of encouragement on this earth.

If you find that each day ends with no heart strings tied, try this little tip: In the corner of each day on your planner, put a little square. At the end of each day, write the initials of the child that you connected with that day in that little square. Purpose not to end a day without being able to write one sweet child's initials in a daily square. Each week you can look back over your planner and see who missed out that week. (You know, the squeakiest wheel gets the grease!) Then next week, you will know who needs focused on more.

Or try this tip that I did for years and years when our older children were younger: have a "day" for each child. We milked this day for all it was worth. It was the child's day to help me with dinner (or fix it herself as she got older); it was the child's day to do extra chores; it was the child's day to help teach the preschooler. But it was also his day to pick two books for story time, sit in the front seat of the van if we went somewhere, and sit closest to Mom during read alouds. Heart-wise (and often unbeknownst to the child), it was his day to get a longer blessing during blessing time, to have a longer time with Dad at bedtime, and to get extra attention from Mom throughout the day. This is especially helpful for families with several children. Each child needs a day! :)

Daily habit 5: Get completely ready for each day

Years ago, when my older children were younger, I seldom "fancied up" unless I was going somewhere. I often put on sweats, took my walk, then showered and put sweats back on. I figured that if nobody was going to see me except the kids and Ray, I may as well use that time for something else (efficiency expert gone wild here!). Then I met Geney and Lilli, yes, that's you, you two. They always looked great no matter whether I dropped in unexpectedly or saw them at the skating rink. And I decided that my family deserved more than ponytails and sweatpants.

Flylady (a self-help, organizing, cleaning guru online who helps thousands of women get control of their daily lives) sends out daily email reminders early each morning that read, "Dress down to your shoes." Her premise is that if you get completely ready for the day (as though you are going somewhere), you will feel more professional and serious about what you do each day.

Now that Ray and I dance most days for exercise I don't just have to get ready down to my shoes; I actually have to get "dressed up" (well, somewhat dressed up). The studio where we dance has a "no jeans and no sweats" unwritten policy. But you know what? I like it. I have come to enjoy not being dowdy all the time! I don't panic if someone pulls in the driveway. If I have to run a quick, unexpected errand, I don't have to make excuses for my appearance to everyone I see.

Whether you get "fancy" each day or simply get clean and presentable, I think you will enjoy it too. I feel so much better coming out to teach the kids and manage the home with myself pulled together. Besides my family deserves to have a happy, glowing mommy--and wife!

Daily habit 6: Read aloud to your kids (and husband!)

We have read aloud to our kids for years and years. When our older childen were little, they would get read to by me or Ray (through Bible, unit studies, devotions, and story time) three to five hours every day. Now neither of us has time to read aloud that much with the kids (and I admit I use talking books to substitute for me quite often!), but we still enjoy reading to and with the kids every day.

You have heard it all before--if you want to raise readers, you have to read to them. Children who are read to daily are x times more likely to become readers themselves, etc. etc. Guilt trip aside, we have found that reading has built a strong educational foundation--and tied heart strings at the same time. We have so many memories of "Jack, Max, and Axle at the Acme Painting Company" and "Morris learning to count," as well as inspiring devotional materials and awesome creation science books. And, yes, we have raised several readers. Even the ones who do not read lengthy pieces of literature love to read the Bible and inspirational materials. And we all still love gathering with a stack of Christmas books in December for long evenings of reading aloud.

Again, think baby steps. Just read from a Christian adventure chapter book every night towards the end of dinner. Or read two stories to the littles before naptime. Or stick a book of short stories in the van and read aloud while Dad drives. You don't have to read three to five hours a day. And you don't have to read certain books. Just enjoy reading and learning together.

Daily habit 7: Do most important chores before starting school each day

Twenty years ago we started the habit of doing the most important chores first thing each day. We might read together; then some will go do devotions while others exercise, but before we "hit the books" for the day, we do the most important daily chores for that day. For us, this means getting something started (or figured out) for the evening meal, doing a load of laundry (and starting another one), unloading and reloading the dishwasher, being sure the kitchen sink is empty, gathering all trash and taking it out, making the beds, putting away anything that is out from the night before, and wiping down the bathrooms.

About fifteen years ago, we lived in a home with a full basement, and our schoolroom was downstairs. One morning we went down to do Bible, and then I gave everyone assignments to go upstairs and do chores. Someone mentioned that it would sure be a lot easier if just did our schoolwork right after Bible then went upstairs and did chores. I almost agreed, but told the kids, "No, we want to come down to do school with a clean upstairs and all of the daily work done." Well, when we came upstairs to do our jobs, we smelled something burning--and our attic was on fire. We had just moved into that house, a rental, so we didn't have smoke detectors up yet, so if we had stayed downstairs, we might not have discovered the fire until it was too late (especially as long as it took me to get through several elementary children’s school every morning!). We called the fire department and got out of the house before any damage was done to anything except the attic. And I was quick to tell the kids that it pays to do chores first thing in the morning!

One thing about important chores that has helped me immensely in raising a large family with several children in homeschool at one time is to think of dishes and laundry the same as brushing my teeth. I never brush my teeth less than twice a day...and we never do dishes or laundry less than twice a day. Saving dishes for later and accumulating large amounts of laundry always depressed me. I cannot function in school, writing, and other household tasks with undone dishes and undone laundry.

If daily chores are keeping you from doing the important things each day, start with this one: a daily chore time for twenty minutes or so each morning in which each person has a list of tasks in order to conquer those "dailies" that keep getting in your way. If you have two, three, (or in our case, six!) people doing daily chores every morning, those ongoing, never-quite-finished tasks will not seem so big.

Daily habit 8: Kiss your spouse for at least fifteen seconds and hug for at least thirty seconds

This is a new "rule" for us! Don't blush...you know that you function better in all areas when you have kissed and hugged enough! My brother-in-law, a much cooler, younger person than Ray or I, came home this summer to visit following a marriage retreat. When anything got stressful for my sister, he would say (as only Uncle Leonard can), "Come here, honey. You know we didn't have our kissing and hugging yet. That's probably what's wrong." What a sweet husband!

Our kids thought our elevator kissing was unbearable already, without enduring it for a full fifteen seconds! But you know what? They secretly like it. :)

It isn’t, of course, the magic of kissing for fifteen seconds or hugging for thirty seconds that makes this a good daily habit. It is the fact that a fifteen second kiss is more than a peck, and a thirty second hug is more than a passing squeeze. The “time minimums” force us to stick around a little bit, stop what we’re doing, and be close to the one we love. Maybe there won't always be time for romance, hearts, flowers, and rainbows, but our marriage is the most important (and longest!) relationship we have on this earth. We need to protect it, nurture it, and shower it with kisses and hugs.

 So….there you have it. Eight daily habits* that make a huge difference in my home and school. I did want to add that "daily habits," for us, has always meant "more often than not." We do not beat ourselves up trying to achieve perfection. We have found through the years that if we can do those important things four days a week at least (more often than not), we will succeed over the long haul. Of course, hugging and kissing has to be 365 days a year to make me truly successful in life. J

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