Posted in Homeschooling General
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Tips for a Great School Year By Donna Reish Fall 2007 School is just around the corner---or already begun for most of us---and as I was pondering the beginning of school and a “kick off the school year” Training for Triumph e-newsletter, I thought about what I would want someone to tell me if I were a new homeschooler (or a homeschooler who needs encouragement) at the beginning of the academic year. Thus, my ten tips for a great school year . 1. during this year (mid February, maybe?) there is a strong possibility that you will need to be reminded why you are doing what you are doing. Be prepared by either finding or writing your homeschool vision---during a time that you can clearly see and remember that vision. Your homeschool vision may be as simple as a statement saying, “We homeschool our children because it is the best way to educate them—socially, academically, spiritually, and physically and because God called us to this during the year 1983.” (I know, I’m dating myself here! That was the year we learned of homeschooling and homeschooled my younger sister.) Or your vision may be as detailed as journaling the how’s and why’s of your early calling to homeschool including the benefits of homeschooling your children in every area, along with relevant verses that God has spoken to you through the years concerning the training of your children—perhaps even signed, dated, and notarized! Whatever it is, get it ready for those potential mid-winter blues! 2. summer, so when it is time to “start school” in the fall, it usually involves changing what we’re doing (gone are those long afternoons at the library!) to less fun activities and more academically-intense ones. To bridge this gap (or to bridge the gap from no school to beginning school again in some people’s cases), we gradually end our Dig out or rewrite your homeschool vision. SometimeStart up slowly. We school at least part time during the15 summer activities and gradually add in our fall school books, routines, and classes. We start out with partial days, allowing us to continue mowing, summer cleaning (that didn’t get done yet!), and outdoor activities (bonfires, handball, grilling out, etc.). Gradually, as daylight shortens, we continue adding more of our regular routine in, until by the first of October or so, we are going full steam in all areas. You might not have the luxury of doing this if you have not acquired a couple of dozen school days during the summer (if you live in an area where a set number of school days is required) or if you are bound by your state’s standards or curricula; however, even easing into the books in general might be less overwhelming to your students (especially if school has been a foreign concept all summer). For students who have not read or written all summer, easing into school allows more time (and less pressure) to review those forgotten skills. As a side note here, we have found our school to be more successful when we have the same exact schedule the first two or three hours of the day nearly everyday---including summertime---at least forty-eight weeks of the year or so (obviously, Christmas break, heavy travel weeks, and other breaks and “deadlines” don’t allow us to do this all the time). What I mean is that everybody, ever since Joshua (first born, age twenty-three) was a preschooler, has had a similar schedule year ‘round during the first two to three hours of the day---morning routines, Chore I, Bible alone, Bible with Dad (sometimes this has only been done in the evenings throughout the years, as our life/work schedule has changed), morning reading with Mom (devotional and chapter books), breakfast, and breakfast clean up. By maintaining this schedule consistently, there are no summer days in which children get up, eat cereal in front of the television, start out their days playing on the computer, etc. Real life involves getting up and doing what you need to do before playing (most of the time), so they may as well get used to it early on! (Of course, being the fun mom that I am, 16 there have been (and continue to be!) times when I surprised the kids and said, “It’s raining. Let’s not do school today, but let’s listen to story tapes all day and play with Legos!” or “It’s too cold to get out of bed, let’s snuggle in Mommy’s bed, eat peanut butter sandwiches in bed for breakfast, and watch a video instead of doing our work!” (I’m not a complete bore, you know!)) 3. Be flexible. A willingness to change---whether it be curriculum, approach, schedule, or other---has been one of the foundations of homeschool success for us. We simply do not continue with what doesn’t work. (On the other hand, when something does work, like Calculaddersmath drill or we do it forever!) Flexibility is truly a key to homeschool success. In my the schedule often needs changed every physical season when you have a baby—the newborn in your arms and the bassinette soon becomes a creeping, curious baby, and what you are able to do at certain times of the day also changes. Taking that thinking one step further, what if a month into the school schedule your brilliant idea to do math with your second grader right after lunch just isn’t working---he is either too tired/distracted or you have to get the younger ones down for naps sooner in the day than you anticipated when you designed your fall school schedule? Rather than being frustrated the whole school year, pull your schedule out and see what can be altered to create a successful school day. The same thing is true of curricula and classes. We have already discovered that Kara (age sixteen; who continually takes more “classes” than she has time for with speech, debate, editing, and music) will simply not be able to squeeze the US History in this fall that she wanted to do (in spite of her already doing US History via debate and unit studies for years!). Character Sketch character/Bible program,Homeschool Helps for Moms tape series, I describe how17 That curriculum got shelved; she hopes to pull it out during the second semester. Last year’s phonics attempt for our then-first grader is being replaced this year with a curriculum that was developed with his type of learning style in mind (despite the fact that I used the same curriculum to teach my other six kids to read). The science book that we used last year for our unit study has been thrown out in favor of the real books we formerly used with success. (There’s a sample of when I shouldn’t have changed in the first place; for fifteen years I have used real books for elementary science. My boys’ library cart is filled with real books about science topics (and even moreso, history topics) every week, so why didn’t I stick with the tried and true last year?) The point is that books and curricula are tools for you. When you become slaves to them—and dread school because you are using something that doesn’t fit your child’s learning style, your family’s schedule, your time allotment for one-on-one work, etc., it is time to make a change (even if it is a Training for Triumph item!). 4. Provide accountability for your students. I hear moms say all of the time (and I say it too when my charts are not done or when my charts are being “tweaked” and I’m not using them faithfully) that “Joey just won’t do his work without a hassle” or “Susie doesn’t finish everything by the end of the day.” Ray has a philosophy that he uses on me sometimes---though he has learned when to say it and when not to say it (!)---“Our children are just doing what we want them to do.” When I am not in the mood to hear this, he goes on to try to explain, “Donna, if we are letting him/her do this (not do his chores, not finish her math, etc. etc.), it must be what we want him to do. If we didn’t want him to continue in that behavior, we would put a stop to it.” Aggghh….okay, he does have a point. If I wanted the child to do something, I would parent him to help him learn to do it. In a way, the child is doing what I 18 want. I must not want the change too badly if I allow the bad behavior to continue unchecked. One of the best ways I have found through the years to be sure the children do what they are supposed to do is to provide accountability. Let’s face it, all of us have tendencies to not do what we are supposed to do—Paul even did (“things I want to do, I don’t do; things I don’t want to do, I do”). How much truer is this in the life of a child (“who thinks like a child”) than in an adult? Why do we think we can rattle off a list of things to do and expect an eight year old to go do it---without any motivation, accountability, and instruction? Enter the chart. Yep, the chore chart, the school schedule, the independent work chart, the morning routine board, and much more. I have used them all through the years (and the more I have used and the more consistently I have used them, the better school year I have had). In a nutshell, if you want your child to complete a certain list of items each day---whether those are school items, spiritual growth activities, chores, or whatever—providing him with an ongoing list of some type (wipe and write chart, photocopied daily list, etc.) andfollowing up on that list each day (or whenever you expect it to be completed) is the answer. The follow up, of course, is another challenge. For younger boys (twelve and under) or our girls (who didn’t really need daily charts or consequences from age twelve on, at least), we have had the most success when there are definite consequences for unfinished or poorly-done work. (Discerning between childishness and foolishness is another aspect of follow up and consequences that should be considered when determining rewards, punishments, and consequences.) For example, if laundry is not done by a certain time of the day (and the items on the list are in the order in which they need done, sometimes with deadline times listed), more work is given (usually fifteen to thirty minutes, depending on age of child). If 19 the evening meal was not planned ahead and the person needed everyone’s help at the last minute because of poor planning or not starting early enough, etc. (and he has been fully trained in that area), that person had to assist another person on his dinner night, etc. (For more information about childishness/foolishness, check out our Young Children discipline, check out Dr. Kevin Leman’s Without Losing Yours different, based on the child’s personality (why doesn’t he get done—because of dawdling?), but generally, speaking, that aged boy reports to Ray with his charts (and meets with him and me to plan his work). One caution: don’t get caught up in silly punishments that have no effect on future behavior, such as sitting in a laundry basket for ten minutes when he didn’t finish the laundry or sitting down holding hands with a sibling when they argue. The reality of the situation is that if you don’t do your work, you usually just have more work---not that you sit in the laundry basket or climb up the stairs on your hands and knees! 5. Just say “no.” I recently read Cathy Duffy’s description of the early days of homeschooling during the early 1980s. (I realize people were homeschooling before then, but this was what many consider to be the beginning of the “movement.”) It took me back to 1983--the year I homeschooled for the first time. I was a married, twentyone year old mother of a toddler, and my sister was a cognitively disabled eighth grader having trouble in school. The thing that Mrs. Duffy said that I remember vividly was how few choices there were—in curriculum, in activities, in support systems, etc. We were blessed when Abeka quietly began selling their Christian school books to homeschoolers. (Of course, we were especially blessed by the pioneering efforts of Dr. Raymond Moore and Gregg Homeschooling Withtape series; for more information about realityMaking Children Mind.) For boys over twelve, so far, it has been20 Harris.) And yet, I look back now in longing to those days, at times. We had support group meetings in our living room that first year (imagine a twenty-one year old mother of a toddler and her twenty-four year old husband trying to help people homeschool—thanks be for the grace of God!). We planned a few field trips and a handful of gym times/family gatherings. Even fastforwarding to as few as fourteen years ago, my five children ten and under and I rarely left the house during the day more than once or twice a week. We stayed home and “did the stuff.” There truly is something to be said for fewer choices. Now, it is difficult to say no to the many, many choices of activities, classes, lessons, clubs, sporting events, ministry opportunities, etc. available for homeschoolers. We offer cottage classes in our learning center (formerly our garage) and in a church in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area. I am amazed at the kids who come to our classes and tell me the activities they are in that force them to run at least every afternoon and often some mornings (and then evenings for sporting events, clubs, and church activities) too—some up to a dozen activities a week. Do I think our cottage classes are beneficial? Yes. Do I think they help families in their homeschooling efforts? Yes. But that doesn’t mean I think they are for everyone—nor that people should do our classes along with too many other clubs, classes, sports, etc. How can we “do the stuff” at home if we take a child to a dozen clubs, classes, lessons, games, and practices each week (per child!)? When we run everyday with our kids in tow, how much school do they truly get done? How many chores and household responsibilities do they learn if they are not there consistently to learn them? It is time for homeschoolers to “just say no.” Look at your schedule. Decide what is really best for each student in your family. Do only the best of the best (which is different for each child/for each family). Say no to the rest. 21 (For more help in this area, check out School, and Home It is difficult to say no. Others are sometimes offended by our saying no. We are afraid our children will miss out on something too valuable. We are sure that without all of these activities, our children will not “keep up with the Joneses.” And yet, how much character and skills are built by doing the normal, daily ins and outs? Could it be more than the activity would provide? How about hour for hour or minute for minute comparisons? (See this.) We need some kinds of checks and balances in place to ensure that we do not try. We have a tendency to say, “Oh, this activity looks good.” Or “Oh, Johnny wants to do this” and then do it—without considering if it is truly the best thing for that child and for our family. We need to examine our time and priorities more closely than most of us are. Each day, each hour, each minute affects our lives. Yes, we need relaxation—and I enjoy entertainment just as much as the next person, but we fill our lives (and our children’s lives) with busy-ness that often has no eternal or long-term effect. We are each here for a purpose—including our children. All of our activities, time, skills, interests, intellect, creativity, time in history, family make-up, and much more shape that purpose— or help develop it. We should live purposeful lives. Our choices should reflect the fact that we are created for a higher purpose than simply living. We need to help our children do this as well, instead of just going through the motions, without considering why we are doing what we are doing. We need to have benchmarks, checks and balances, and purpose in choosing our and our children’s activities and education. our Prioritizing Your Life,tape.)Home Court Advantage by Dr. Kevin Leman for more onTen Tips for a Great School Year Part II of ?
By Donna Reish I made the mistake, in the fall, of starting a ten point article about having a good school year—only to discover that my ten points will take pages and pages to make—at least to explain some of the details the way I desire to. So, if you will bear with me, this article will focus on only one—albeit lengthy and important—tip for having a great school year (and being a successful homeschooler overall). This month I will begin with what I should have begun the first part with: first in your homeschool are three main areas I would like to focus on that we have found to be vital in our homeschool: 1) teaching character;
Many homeschooling parents have an incorrect concept of teaching God’s Word to their children. We are trying to remedy this through Ray’s presentations about the successful homeschooling father, offering character and biblical principled books and materials, and sharing some simple ways we have found to do this whenever we can; however, in a nutshell, you do not have to have a Bible degree or Bible background to be sure that learning to choose a version that you can easily understand yourself, open the Bible (start with Bible stories or the Gospels, which are familiar to most Sunday school children, if unsure of yourself), read a passage, and discuss it. Ray does this all the time with our little guys—they call it “Bible talk,” and it takes no preparation, special books, or understanding of Greek or Hebrew! Simply read a few verses and talk about them. Our children remember more from these “devotional” times than they do our “official” Bible teaching. In addition to simply opening the Bible and reading it/discussing it, there are numerous Bible study and Bible-related books available to simply read with and/or to your children. It doesn’t have to be a massive curriculum or in-depth program. Just start somewhere! There are family devotional books in which everything you are to say/read is spelled out for you. With younger children, reading from way to teach them God’s Word and principles. We are not skipping Bible in our homeschools for lack of materials! If we skip Bible, it is because it is not a priority in our lives. Through the years, we have coined our Bible learning “interval training.” Just like interval training in exercise is switching from easier to more challenging exercises (not that I would know much about that! ), Bible interval training for us has come to mean that we would begin our day with the Bible, end our day with the Bible, and have Bible training and teaching throughout the day, at various intervals—with us and independently for those students who are able to do so. This might sound overwhelming, but it isn’t at all when it becomes a way of life for you; once it becomes part of your day, it is just like washing dishes three times a day (or more!); you just do it. Let me give you a sample of this—and show you how painless it is to accomplish once God’s Word and Scripture-focused teaching are central parts of your homeschool. (I should say here that we have a “more often than not” rule for everything we think is important. We don’t beat ourselves up when we don’t do something everyday—we have a goal to do everything we think is important more often than not; thus, each of the things listed below occurs at least three or four times a week (though some are five or six).)
Early am night!): Kids’ private devotions; little kids Bible on tape or Bible story and tape set; Mom and Dad prayer time individually; Mom and Dad read devotionals independently/listen to devotional materials while driving
AM character book that teaches character with Scriptures; a short biographical sketch about a godly hero—a mainstay of our homeschool for many, many years (fulfilling Bible, character, and possibly worldview training!); a nature devotional; and a fun chapter book (Christian or secular)
Mid-morning chores
Late morning doing other simpler work like penmanship; older ones do Bible curriculum of some sort on their own—Bible paces from Alpha Omega, read from That Demands a Verdict
Lunch time sources
After lunch chore session (depending on ages)
Afternoon or two; youngest two read Family Bible Library together; older ones do independent work with Bible-based curricula, such as CQLA, Apologia Science, etc.
Late afternoon character stories to the younger ones
Early evening dinner, doing a load of laundry, or setting the table
Evening and/or Dad; family worship a couple of times a week; family read aloud a couple of times a week from a Christian novel or “fun book” like
or
Late evening discipleship type or parenting/homeschooling book; children reading biographies, Bible books, etc. or listen to character or Bible tapes This has changed over the years (sometimes more worship type activities, sometimes more Bible memory, sometimes more focus on creation science, etc.), but the same structure is there: one of our primary reasons for homeschooling is to teach our children God’s Word and God’s Ways, so our day should be filled with it. A funny thing happened when Kayla was in her freshman year of ministry school last year. She was taking a class called hermeneutics in which they learned how to study the Bible. Now Kayla is a Bible scholar-in-training on her own, having read over a thousand Christian books during her school years and studying the Bible extensively herself. (She is studying to be a missionary/evangelist/Bible teacher, after all.) But when she was in this class, she already knew most of what was taught—either through our homeschooling or her own studies. At the end of the semester when she met with her professor, he asked her if she learned much in any of the four Bible classes that year, and she humbly said that she did learn some things, but her parents had already taught her most of it (which I think is hysterical considering she knows ten times more about the Bible than I do, at least, and I didn’t even know what the word hermeneutics meant when she began the course!). Anyway, he went on to say that he understood how that could be in Old Testament and New Testament, but she probably didn’t already know the information in hermeneutics, right? She said that we had studied that, too, and that her parents taught her how to study the Bible using charts, graphs, concordances, dictionaries, root word studies, etc. He was shocked to say the least. (I was especially proud of Kayla for used in hermeneutics in their Bible college (that another teacher used for this class) was one of her sixth grade Bible study books! By the way, that book was Kay Arthur’s book, The point to this lengthy discourse is that the Bible and its teachings must be central to our homeschools; otherwise, we are not following the admonition in Deuteronomy to teach these things all throughout the day and night any better than families whose kids go to school all day. We have to make it a commitment that academics or busy-ness will not crowd out the teaching of God’s Word and ways.
The second aspect of keeping God’s Word and ways central to our homeschool is character training they often think of studying character materials, which is only a small part of character training—probably the least important part, actually. We have found that excellent character training involves several key things:
I.
II. mind of Christ and the fruit of the Spirit, emphasizing that as Christians we have obligations to live out those characteristics we are reading about
III. to us before other privileges are earned with those outside our home
IV. constantly
V. character
VI. training in their lives—until readiness for those situations has been achieved (which, we feel, is much later than most of us think!)
VII. thoroughness in household work, resourcefulness in serving, diligence in schoolwork, deference to siblings, etc.
VIII.
Modeling godly character for our children. is, of course, the most challenging one--but probably the most vital one. We simply cannot expect anything of our children that we ourselves do not have in our lives. Period. Children can spot hypocrisy a mile away. How many times have we told our children to do something that we are not able or willing to do ourselves? How many times have we told our children to stop a certain behavior that we do? If adults in their lives cannot have self-control, reliability, diligence, perseverance, etc., how can they, as children, have those?
Study godly character in books, focusing on how we are to have the mind of Christ and the fruit of the Spirit, emphasizing that as Christians we have an obligation to live out those characteristics we are reading about.
Character Sketches, The Power for True Success, materials are excellent for studying character—seeing what God has to say about a quality, observing how it is or is not displayed in someone’s life (especially Bible characters and godly heroes), studying the presence of or lack of the quality in the lives of animals and the physical world, discovering ways to apply the virtue in our lives and homes, and much more. Reading character materials should provide the “why” for godly living and character training— teaching our children that we try to exhibit the fruit of the spirit and have godly character because we are born again—and God calls us to. The “how” is developed, in part, by studying the quality as described above, but this is just the beginning. Seeing that Moses demonstrated great loyalty is important, but understanding how loyalty can be played out in our lives and our relationships with others is even more important. Yes, knowing that Moses was loyal (and the story surrounding that) is a start—we can build from that start in explaining how we can be loyal, but character study in books cannot be replaced by discussing character right where we are (see below).
Expect and reinforce godly character at home with those closest to us before other privileges are earned with those outside our home. children a grave disservice when we assume that when they grow older, they will be kinder, more attentive, more responsible, etc.—and then let them have privileges that should be reserved for those who show godly character to those closest to them first. If a child cannot be kind to his siblings, he has no right to play with friends. If a child is not diligent at home in his work, he has no business serving outside of the home. Character begins at home. I am not suggesting that our children have to be perfect in order to leave the house, but they should be known for their good character at home—which will qualify them to have outside friendships, serve others, etc. We see this rooted in the verses that explain that we should begin our service in our hometown, then expand from there. Or the ones that say Discuss character and a biblical lifestyle constantly---and I do mean constantly.
After modeling godly character for our children (not perfectionism, but being “characterized” by Christian character) and teaching them about the attributes, we must talk about character (as well as all of the Bible and biblical principles) all the time. Following are some tips we have found for this, but we must develop open lines of communication with our children in all areas in order for them to listen to our instruction in godly living. 1. Talk about how a character quality can be lived in your home with your children after studying a certain quality in a book. “Okay, we can see how the men who lowered their friend through the roof to be healed were resourceful, let’s see how we can be resourceful right here at home.” Then extend that to being resourceful in other situations, as well. (Many families have a character quality of the week or month that they are studying, trying to practice, and reporting on at the evening meal.) 2. Discuss how godly character was displayed or wasn’t displayed by others. Your children must understand that when you do this, this is family talk, but we have found it to be extremely effective. You are not trying to put others down by doing this. You are recognizing both negative and positive character—and using it for a teaching tool. Another advantage in doing this is helping our children discern the types of people they should or should not befriend. To do this, we usually ask our children when we leave an event, “How did someone show good character while we were there?” And they will quickly point out that someone was kind to a younger sibling, obeyed a parent immediately, helped clean up after the meal, etc. We continue with, “How did someone not show good character while we were there?” And again, they quickly point out that someone excluded a younger sibling, rolled his eyes at his mom, behaved inappropriately towards someone of the opposite gender, etc. We then discuss why these behaviors are good and why they are bad—what the Bible says about them, what proper responses would be, etc.
3. Talk about good character and behavior during non-conflict times. We have a tendency to wait until there is a problem, then begin giving a long list of bad character that this child is having. Our training will go a lot further if we talk about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior when a child is not behaving poorly. Now, obviously, when negative character is being displayed, it must be dealt with (see below); however, when we discuss and train during non-conflict time, we avoid confrontations—and have a prior teaching time to refer to when discussing good or bad character later—“Do you remember when I was telling you about the new guy at work who works so diligently? Well, he doesn’t have anything on you, Mr. Diligent!” Or, unfortunately, “Do you remember how we were discussing the importance of being counted on the other day? When you do not follow through on moving the laundry around, I can’t count on you. I want you to be the type of person who can be counted on—in little things like moving the laundry—and then later in big things when you are a dad yourself.” 4. Talk about expectations ahead of time. This is especially important in younger children, but all children can benefit from knowing what is expected of them. Tell your children what you expect behavior-wise in any given day. (“Today is a busy day with piano lessons this afternoon and company tonight, so we all need to be especially diligent and prompt in all of our jobs.”) Tell them what is expected when you are doing anything out of the ordinary— using this as a teaching time to teach deference (“Since there will be many elderly people at the Christmas dinner, you need to move slowly (no running!) so you don’t run into one of them”); resourcefulness (“Look for ways to bless the people who prepared the food for us, even if it is just warm words.”); selfcontrol (“Do not take more than a spoonful of each food until everyone fills his plate”); selflessness (“We should let others go first in the line during the dessert night as others should get the biggest and best pieces; remember, that is what Jesus would do.”), etc. When our older children were younger, every time we got in the van to go to something and every time we were having company, we would have the same routine: “Who are the most important people who will be there tonight?” Ray or I would ask. The children would answer: “My brothers and sisters!” “Who should you guard and look after?” “My brothers and sisters!” “Who should you defend and help?” “My brothers and my sisters!” “Who are your best friends tonight and every where you go?” “My brothers and my sisters!” We always told the children that if they could not show godly character to their family, they could not grow up to be godly husbands and wives. A funny thing just happened the other day that reminded me of these times. I was asking one of the girls what she thought of a certain young man. (With three girls, ages twenty, nineteen, and sixteen, a lot of our discussions end up being about the character or lack of character of young men! ) Anyway, I asked her where she thought this young man would fall on the “marriageable meter”—a family joke we have about potential future husbands having to “make the grade on Mom and Dad’s marriage meter.” Anyway, she said that she used to think this guy had potential as a good husband (not necessarily hers, but in general) until she heard him talking disrespectfully to his mother, then she knew he wouldn’t. See, all of those character discussions are paying off!
5. Discuss what the Bible says about certain behaviors and character traits. The mantra “What would Jesus do?” has more truth than we realize—in our lives and our children’s lives. Everything our children do should be viewed through the lenses of God’s Word. 6. Discuss cause and effect of good character and bad character. Sometimes our children will learn these on their own—but preparing them for them will a) help them learn some of these lessons without having to go through them (!) and b) give them a frame of reference when a negative effect results from their wrong choices. This just happened the other day with our youngest, who came to me in tears and said, “Mommy, it’s just like you said when you told me that nobody wants to be around someone who is selfish and that nobody will want to be my friend if I don’t quit being selfish. It’s true, Mommy, it’s true. Josiah just told me that I couldn’t play with him because I keep wanting the best for myself all of the time.” He had a point of reference on which to base the effect of his negative behavior. 7. Talk about the blessings of following God’s Word and ways. Sometimes we don’t have what I would call “character lessons”; we just talk—we talk about how God is blessing one of them for their good choices, how they are paying for their lack of wisdom in staying up too late the night before an early test; how much their dad and I want God’s best for them—and the only hope they have of seeing that is in following God—and living out his character in their lives.
Punish (when appropriate) and give consequences for poor character.
Sometimes “talk is cheap,” so to speak. We have gone over and over a certain expectation recently in one of our children. We’ve done everything in that list above, and we still have a lingering negative character trait that is affecting the entire family. This particular quality must be turned around in order for this child to follow God’s will in his/her life. (How was that for discretion? ) He/she will never accomplish much in life for God or for his/her family without these important qualities of thoroughness and dependability. It is up to us as parents to guide and direct this child’s behavior. We must use consequences (and probably drastic ones like taking away something dear, which I hate doing as I turn into a softy when it comes to leaving a child out of something fun the family is doing!) in order to help this child learn these character qualities. It is quite possible it will result in punishment (rather than just consequences) as it is quickly leaving the “childishness” category and moving into direct disobedience. Poor character and behavior must be dealt with.
Keep our children away from situations that would thwart character training in their lives—until readiness for those situations has been achieved. and grow up” culture we live in, we put our children in situations with other children, non-family adults, and others long before they are ready to handle them. We keep our children home from school in order to avoid negative socialization, then we drop that good discernment in choosing our children’s activities (ten second graders staying overnight together, unsupervised most of the time?). A “good” friend in children (one in which children pledge their loyalty to and confide in) can be the literal undoing of much character training. I don’t have the time or space to go into this in the detail it needs right now, but I admonition you to carefully guard your children for longer than you think you need to!
Give children opportunity to practice godly character—thoroughness in household work, resourcefulness in serving others, deference in sibling relationships, diligence in schoolwork, etc. practice godly character, we have opportunity to reinforce, add to, and direct that character. They see the fruit of good character in a home in which love is spoken and good character is appreciated. They will desire to please their parents. They will want to make their siblings happy by helping and encouraging—as they do the right thing and receive affirmation and encouragement for it. Not all of the time; we don’t expect our children to be little robots. But we should instill character in them in such a way that they desire to do what is right. When our older children were little and we had family meetings, Ray would tell the children that he was going to do what the Lord did to the churches in Revelation—tell them the good things the church was doing followed by something the Lord saw that needed improvement. Ray would then point out many of the ways they practiced good character—the things he and I saw them do in their housework, relationships to others, schoolwork, etc., then he would give the one thing to work on. (It was a bit more dramatic than this!) It was through their daily ins and outs and the opportunities they had to show responsibility, loyalty, kindness, resourcefulness, diligence, etc. that we could train them in even more character. I hope I haven’t made this whole process sound simplistic; it isn’t. It is a day by day, hour by hour process. I hope I haven’t given the impression that we are experts at it with no difficulties. That is far from the truth. I have called Ray at work crying because of a child’s bad behavior/poor character twice in the past month. A child has called Ray at work even more often than that to “talk.” Raising children for the Lord is the most challenging job we will ever have—it lasts for years and years and involves so much emotional and spiritual energy. But it is what we are called to do; we cannot shirk our responsibilities—or we are not modeling the character of Christ. Over and over again in Scripture, parents are admonished to train their children in God’s ways—including godly character.
The final way of making God and His Word central to our homeschools is to teach our children a Christian worldview. we’re doing the first two—teach them the Bible and teach them godly character, and they will have a Christian worldview—but it doesn’t quite happen like that. I like to think of teaching children a Christian worldview as the first two on a much grander scale—applying the Bible teaching and character training to our world. However, application, as we adults who try and try to apply what we learn at church, in our reading, and at seminars well know, is the most challenging part of learning. For instance, a Christian worldview, in my opinion, would teach children to see the sanctity of life. We teach them when life begins, according to the Bible and the basics of conception. Then we teach them that abortion is murder because of when a baby becomes a “human.” However, if we stop at that—and we have untempered, prophet-like children—we can end up with a child who thinks it is okay, for instance, to bomb an abortion clinic because they are committing murder there. We have not taken the worldview teaching and combined it with our Bible teaching and character training on the large scale that is needed. Teaching children a Christian worldview involves learning the how’s and why’s of what we believe. It involves taking that Bible teaching and character training and going one step further. It involves sociology, history, science, current events, and much more. It involves seeing what the world says about sociology (marriage, homosexuality, friendship, etc.), history (beginning of the world, treatment of people groups throughout history, policy decisions, wars, etc.), science (creationism, age of the earth, proof that there is a divine creator and a literal seven days of creation, etc.), current events (abortion, ending life ourselves, political persuasions, etc.)—and comparing that to what God’s Word says. Thankfully, there are people around the world today who work tirelessly to help us teach these things to our children. There are Christian scientists, researchers, historians, and more who are out there doing the legwork to prove that God’s Word is true and lines up with the way the world really came into being, etc. These people are available to help us help our children have a Christian worldview and be able to defend their faith. I have never felt qualified to teach Christian worldview. For one thing, for years and years, I stayed home four days a week teaching and training my children; rarely saw non-Christians; never watched television, read the newspaper, or listened to the radio; and much more. I didn’t have a good education in history and science when I was in school (but am getting better as I teach these things to and learn these things with my children; by the time we graduate Jacob I should finally be well-educated!). I’m not saying that it was bad to be so consumed in my home—it was the way it was. Ray worked sixty to seventy hours a week in the business world, and we had many small children. It was what I was supposed to be doing at the time. However, because of my isolation, so to speak, and my lack of training, I didn’t feel like I could teach these important things to my children at all, since I had no grasp on them myself. Then we met Ken Ham. I will never forget the convention in Indianapolis, Indiana in which Ken Ham, this incredible Australian, Christian apologetics scientist and researcher spoke. We drank it all in. We had no idea how to teach our children that God really created everything in seven days, that the earth is only a few thousand years old, that dinosaurs and animals lived together, that dating methods used by worldly scientists are often absurdly inaccurate, etc. etc. We bought tapes of every one of his sessions and loaded our basket with creation science books. That convention was the beginning of many conventions in which Ray would come home and get the children out of bed at midnight (on a church night!) and show them new books, tell them what he learned, and read to them from some of the books. (Last year, I had the opportunity to speak at a convention in which the two keynote speakers were Gregg Harris and Ken Ham, two people who have been instrumental in our homeschool success. I teared up every time I walked by one of them. It was such an honor to be speaking at the same convention with two people who played vital roles in life changing aspects of our family.) Anyway, thus began our worldview teaching. That was followed closely by our attendance at a worldview conference, then debate training, etc. etc. Here is a list of some of the resources/helps/methods we have used in teaching our children a Christian worldview: 1. Ask them questions. (Is this a common theme in teaching? I guess it must be since Jesus, the master Teacher, modeled it for us over and over!) We like to ask the kids what they think of something and why. What proof do they have? What does the Bible say? etc. etc. This leads to discussion, which is the next point. (Now our children—of all ages—ask us questions to start discussions. On the way home from church the other day, one of the little boys asked what everyone in the van’s definition of hero was; an interesting, God-filled discussion followed that. And the “teachers” didn’t even start it!) 2. As I have pointed out (repeatedly!) in earlier sections, one of the best ways to teach our children is to discuss everything with them. We have made this a way of life in our family, to the point that there is no peace around here! Everyone is constantly discussing everything. (Side note here: Joshua (first born, 24 year old, married, lives nearby) is at our house this evening working on his taxes with Ray. He took Josiah’s (age 11, fifth grade, sixth of seven children) root beer and starting drinking it after telling Josiah that if Josiah gave him part of his root beer, he would answer any questions he had about President Garfield and John Browne (which Josiah had been bugging him about the entire time Joshua was trying to do his taxes!).) Discussion is an important aspect of teaching and should be implemented especially in worldview teaching. This is very true of question, then discussion, question, then discussion, etc., causing the children to answer questions and arrive at their conclusions as everyone responds and interacts. 3. Reading aloud followed by discussion (or interrupted with discussion around here!). Ray and I realized early on that we knew very little about these important subjects that we needed to teach our children. We constantly took them to museums and just told them that the signs were lies and they shouldn’t believe them. We told them that those things are against the Bible—not what God teaches. However, we didn’t know why; we didn’t know there was proof corroborating what God’s Word says. Books by many of the authors and sources below have helped us to teach those important answers. We have been reading aloud to the children from those (and other spiritual and discipleship type books) for many years. (As a matter of fact, Kayla told me just recently that she first knew that she could not live her life for herself but should devote her life to full time Christian service when we were reading aloud from a book by Philip Yancey when she was eleven years old. I don&rsquo |
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