Well, I’ve been composing this post in my head for weeks. I’ve been confronted multiple times by family members, both well meaning and those of questionable meaning, about getting one of my children tested by "professionals" to see if this child has a syndrome. There have been a couple of friends who have confronted me also, but they had just had their child tested and "diagnosed" and were so deep in their own research that they seemed to be seeing "monsters under every bed". I’m tired of it. This is where I begin to doubt my decisions and wonder if maybe I should get this child tested. Then I speak to others and they don’t really know what I’m talking about, they love this child and think highly of her/him.

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In considering this over the years, and it has been years as the first person brought this up about 7 years ago, DH and I have decided that whatever our child’s "problems" they are working themselves out with our help as we raise him/her. This child had a brother diagnosed with, treated for and dies from cancer when they were young. Could this be part of the "issue"? None of these people who have told me to have my child tested have dealt with a death of a child/sibling at a young age. In fact, for most of these people our son who died was the first person they had lost who was young and close to them, some of them, it was the first person they’d lost that was close to them.

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Another issue, most of these people are comparing my child to children the same age who are in public school and whose mom’s work at least part time. My child likes to spend time with his elders and learn from them. S/he likes to play games and talk to his/her grandparents, aunts and uncles, great-grandparents and great-aunts and uncles. This child helps the neighbors clean their yards and is praised for their work ethic.

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The children my child is being compared to are my cousins and my cousins’ children. These children sit sullenly at family gatherings if there is no activity for them. They snub all of my children, not just the one with the "problem".

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These people have spent very little time with my child, with the exception of one. That one is easily swayed by the observations of others. They do not see the changes that have occurred as this child as gotten older and matured. They did not have much contact with this child from age 18 months till age 5 years. When they did regain contact, our family was in the middle of a crisis with our younger son having been diagnosed with cancer.

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I know my child. I have researched the "problem". I have looked at the recommended course of treatment. In my opinion, my child does not meet enough markers to be diagnosed. Most of the treatment options would not apply because my child does not have the portions of the problem that can be treated. The one area that might possible benefit from "treatment" I feel we are doing much of what would be done by correcting our child when out of line and informing them of the correct way to handle a situation.

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One of the "issues" that often arises is that of lack of social skills and thus lack of ability to function within social circles. This child is involved in a robotics club. They attend church group meetings weekly. They are involved in our homeschool coop. Guess what? When asked, these people think the world of my child. They have observed that this child thinks differently than most, but not badly. This child does have friends within these groups.

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In conclusion, I’m tired of people thinking ill of my child, especially people who have not spent the time to get to know this child. This child is "gold", as my DH has put it. I do not expect to have any problems with this child getting into the troubles usually associated with the teen years. I will not do anything differently in the raising of this child. If this child decided when an adult, to get tested, it will be their decision. In the mean time, my goal is to raise a child who is a success as an adult, and being a social success isn’t near as important to me as being a success in the "game" of life and in ethics/ morals.

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So, I hope this is the last I have to deal with this subject, but considering the people who constantly approach the issue with me, that is not likely. I will most likely have to bring up the points I made here again. I just hope that I can remember them when it comes right down to it.