revmommysthoughts

The arrival and the aftermath

It's been about two months since I wrote because we've had another kid!  #3 is cooler than the first two, or it might be we're better the third time around... who knows!  Regardless, he's here now and very much a part of our family after just a few weeks.  I'd miss him dearly if he left us........

So, the latest things on my mind are around labor, delivery, sleep deprivation and zone defense.  Induction was nuts -- I pushed for 8 minutes.  Then, he was taken from me because he was "grunting."  All my kids are grunters and the other two didn't need chest xrays!  He was really fine, but I didn't get to nurse him until he was 5 hours old -- pissed off mommy and even more so dad.  Dad was ready to commandeer the kid from the locked nursery, put me in a wheelchair and bust out of the hospital.  We didn't, of course, but we came closer than many would ever think to doing so.  We spent the entre time in the hospital seemingly trying to leave and still had an ordeal getting out.  It was ugly and, I'd venture to say, a waste of valuable energy, getting us home.  By the time we got there, my husband was so exhausted from the ordeal that he slept for three days.  Somewhere in there, he did manage to build a changing table and clean out our closet so that the kid actually had some space in our house!  Oi. 

Now, three weeks later, we're getting set to move to an apartment, build a house, and then move again in six months.  It's going to be a major transition and I hope to be able to keep up woth the Spirit in the midst of this craziness....

Election results

It’s going to take at least 20 years to undo the damage that is going to be done in the next 4 years, no matter how involved Americans get in trying to preserve our liberty.  I, for one, am frightened of an Obama administration and what it will mean for our family with regard to everything from homeschooling to income to property ownership, to protection from terrorist attacks.  His philosophy is fundamentally flawed and, frankly, a danger to the survival of our United States.  I don’t think I’m alone in this opinion.  Sadly, our children are going to be the ones who pay most dearly for this situation – their taxes are going to be paying for the socialist policies that get formed in the next 4 years, just like our taxes are paying for the FDR and Johnson administration policies that have made our government an inefficient behemoth. 

What’s more frightening to me than Obama is the people who will be around him – and the even more liberal Congress that has just been put in place.  Obama doesn’t get a chance from me – every policy I hear of scares me more.  He’s even talked about a “civil defense” force instead of a standing military!!!!

My opinion on the reasons for this result to our election is that there has been a liberal takeover of our entire education system in the past 30 years.  You would be hard-pressed to find ANYONE under 30 who didn't vote for Obama, regardless of their knowledge of his position on issues.  It's just what young people expect to do -- vote democratic -- because that is what they have been trained to do for their entire education.  Every class, every teacher, every administrator, every speaker they hear (unless their parents are rigidly diligent in forcing their kids to be exposed to something besides liberals) in school has been part of the indoctrination of this next generation.  This generation has been told, time and time again, that history can be re-written (revised is the PC word), that government can solve problems (which is, of course only half the story, since most of the "problems" that get solved are ones that have been created by the government!), and numerous other absurd ideas.  Truly, this is a case study in creating truth by numbers -- if you tell enough people something is true then it becomes true.  THAT is truly frightening!   

One day, may we return to the principles of our founding fathers who mistrusted government and believed wholeheartedly in the ingenuity, inventiveness, independence, and determination of the citizenry of this great nation. 

Our nation does need prayer and that I will do! 

the preschool mess

Hey folks, it's been awhile.  I'm not in the discipline any more of writing this, so I'll start slowly again... tonight! 

We're in an interesting stage these days -- with one toddler and one "pre-schooler" (a.k.a. kid the school system deems is not teachable, but rather needs structured play).  I'm on an anti-preshool kick these days.  Before I go too crazy, I want to do some research to see when/how/where the preschool movement got started.  My suspicion is that it started in the late 60's, but that's honestly just a guess.  It's hard to believe, no, rather, sad to see, that memory is so short these days.  You would be hard-pressed to try to find someone who didn't think that preschool is just something that has always been around!  Yikes. 

So, with my older child learning to read at age 3, he'll be considered "gifted."  Or, perhaps, he's just ready at age three!  My husband tells me that I am an "anti-generalizationis".  Yes, I despise the arbitrary categorization of people.  That's part of my motivation for teaching my kids.  I understand that giving us norms, etc., can help us see how we are in relation to others, but isn't the most important thing about us to understand how we are to relate to God? I'd like even my 3-year-old to start to know that he's loved, cherished, marked, and adopted by our Lord.  He can know that!  He's only 3, but he can certainly know that and have his struggles with that. 

Yesterday, he asked me how big God is.  He's learnign to struggle with who God is.  Fantastic.  I hope he will do so his entire life!  In my life, as soon as I think I've begun to understand the complexities of the Lord of Life and the love he has for me, something else happens to confuse me... and to keep me on the journey.  I'm thankful my kid is on the journey with me.  I enjoy the company! 

How sad that in a preschool he'd me relegated to having "structured playtime and socialization." 

Oi.

childhood obesity

I know this isn't exactly a theological hotspot, but I've been contemplating this situation lately.  It's all the rage, as it were, to talk about childhood obesity -- in the mass media like Fox, and the other networks, as well as on the web in places like AskDrSears and parentcenter to name a couple.  There seems to be an outpouring of concern in the past couple of months about childhood obesity. 

With all this, I have one simple question: is childhood obesity preventable?  Answer: yes.  Now, things get a little more complicated, and more theological because we come to the issue of responsibility.  When something is preventable, it means that someone has fallen down on their responsibilty to prevent it.  Obesity is not like cancer, or MS, or alzheimer's.  It's overeating to an extreme.  It's bad habits taken to an extreme.  It's indulgence, selfishness, sloth, ignorance all combined to produce fat. 

Now, we come to where things get messy -- who is it that instills habits in children?  Is it their school -- better not be.  Is it TV?  Better not be.  It's their PARENTS!!!!! 

So, my take on this -- childhood obesity is a symptom of the failure of parenting in our society.  Therefore, any "program" that does not address this fundamental failure -- that of parents to train their children in nutritional habits -- is destined to undermine parental authority even further and worsen the situation. 

If a parent has lost control of their child such that the child "can eat whatever they want" then it's the parent's problem first, and then the child's problem.  Of COURSE a kid is going to want to eat whatever they want..  My husband and I spend hours of our lives training our son to eat well -- and he doesn't like it.  He wants to eat what he wants.  We are created to want what we want -- that's the sin of the flesh. 

I remember sitting at my dinner table for what seemed like forever as a kid because I didn't want to eat my peas.  My parent's response -- tough, eat them.  They are good for you.  Guess what -- I don't have an eating problem and I know what is good for me even if it isn't what I want all the time. 

It's tremendously sad to me that people are trying to "fix" childhood obesity by giving children programs at the Y or at school or by getting angry at school systems for having contracts with soda companies.  Who cares what the schools are doing -- what matters is what parents do!!!!  Be a faithful, responsible parent and you will not have obese kids.  Period.  The path to obesity is very clear -- lack of exercise and poor eating.  Both of those things are controllable by PARENTS.  So, it's time to step up, parents, and be parents, and not look to someone else to solve this "problem." 

One last thought.  I was reading John Taylor Gatto again the other day and he said, I'm paraphrasing here, that school systems are now trying to fix problems that they have created... isnt' childhood obesity something we have created by being a culture of irresponsibility.?  Isn't this an opportunity to turn that around?  Or do we all want to see a Biggest Loser, Jr.? 

Sunday School

So, over the years, I have come to some very strong opinions about Sunday School.  Now, since I've just "volunteered" to teach Sunday School for our new little church, all the thoughts are coming rushing back and are coming together in a new, pretty profound way.

I've thought for a long time (probably 10 years) that parents use SS as a way to hide the fact that they don't know a huge amount of basic Bible knowledge.  They have either forgotten it or never learned it for a myriad of reasons. 

Another trend I have noticed in our society in general, and one of the significant reasons we homeschool, is that there is an expectation that parents will abdicate responsibility at the drop of a hat.  In fact, it's become more that "parenting" is an addition to what the state -- be that local government, state government, or federal government -- does on behalf of parents.  Children these days are more property of the state and products of it than products of their parents, let alone the church. 

If we put these things together -- lack of knowledge with abdication of parental responsibility -- we get Sunday School. 

Yuck.

I am certainly willing to undertake the teaching of God's children because of the vows I take as a member of a church that baptizes children.  Those children are just as much my responsibility as they are their parents'.  The difficulty is that parents these days expect the church to do the teaching for them and not in addition to them.  It is a parent's responsibility to teach their child how to worship.  It is a parent's responsibility to teach their child(ren) the Truth.  It is a parent's responsibility to teach their child(ren) to trust in the Lord.  The church is meant to help parents with their duties, not to displace parental responsibility. 

This phenomenon is something that plagues all American churches, I think.  I've not lived in anothe country long enough to know their plight(s), but I wouldn't be surprised if this trend were in all sorts of places where government has taken too large of a role in parenting. 

I will teach Sunday School this summer.  I will not lower my expectations of parents and their role in teaching their children better than me and more than me.  I'm not that important.  They are.  That is what is being a parent -- teaching your child(ren) to know, obey and love the Lord.  Period.  I'll be a complement to that ultimate purpose.  I cannot be the only way a parent expects their child to do the aforesaid. 

Please, Lord, give parents the gumption to do what is right, to teach their children and help us all to help one another to know, obey, and love you with all that we are and all that we have.  You are our all in all.

Amen!

joy of discipline

I was noticing at church today that some of the kids there seem just generally unhappy.  Throughout the service, I was pondering what could be the source of a child's unhappiness.  I know that sometimes, we just wake up "on the wrong side of the bed."  But, this is something I've noticed over a period of time... so, I thought, what is it? 

Then, today, we had a family visit with their wonderfully happy kids.  I talked with them before the service and they were so well-spoken, polite, and peaceful.  Granted, they were visiting and their parents really wanted them to make a good impression, but they were so happy!  They reminded me of my niece and nephews who are all such happy, pleasant, silly, and polite children.  There was a homeschool connection (both families homeschool), but I sense there is more. 

Then, I looked at my sweet son.  He undoubtedly wakes up grumpy every morning and most afternoons from his naps.  But, once he's rolling, he's a very happy little boy. 

I wonder if discipline has something to do with a child's happiness?  I remember reading in To Train Up and Child, by the Pearls, that children who are well-trained are happier.  I believe that to be true.  It's not something I've been able to prove, by any means, but it strikes me that anxiety in children can come out in many ways -- one of them being general grumpiness.  A child, who's parents are arbitrarily authoritative rather than consistent in their training and discipline, is going to be anxious and jumpy, if not unhappy.  A child who constantly wonders what are the limits is going to be stressed out, kid-style.  Imagine if all you thought about was, "What reaction is this going to get?"  About EVERY action.  That would be tiring, woudlnt' it?!  A child who is not trained by his/her parents is going to have that constant burden -- even if it's a subconscious burden that they don't even know that they are carrying.  That's bound to make a kid unhappy -- if not load them up with psychological issues for the rest of their lives. 

It all comes back to parenting, doesn't it?  I saw a kid in the restaurant today who threw a fit for 10 minutes.  He couldn't have been younger than 4.  He knew better, but his parents didn't.  He did it anyway.  Have his parents already lost control?  Probably.  What a terrible tragedy -- for the child and for the parents.  I can't help being fatalistic about all this.  The kid who is permimtted to throw tantrums for ten minutes becomes progressively more and more uncertain of the limits in his life.  Uncertainty causes general anxiety.  Then, all his childhood memories are of this uncertainty and it spills into his adult life and then there are no absolutes and no firm psychological ground on which to stand and he is a "head case" by age 20.  Irreparably scarred by bad parenting. 

Ugh.  That's a bleak picture.  I wonder if other parents recognize this possibility.  Are we too overwhelmed to think about it?  Are we too scared of the reality that we are unable to control and train our children?  Are we so inundated with mass media telling us that we should be overwhelmed with our kids because parenting is just so hard?  Baloney!  Step up, parents.  Train your kids.  Take on the role of a parent and get some gumption.  Be consistent for a few weeks and you'll see huge changes.  Yes, it's hard.  Life is hard.  Get over it and live one day, one moment, at a time. 

That's what's so amazing about GRACE.  Grace is that God is there when life is hard, overwhelming.  When we step up and take on the authority that God gives us as parents, we must have the faith (the GIFT of faith) that God will be there to help us through the tough times. 

And there are consequences -- beyond unhappiness.  From generation to generation.....

Family matters

I was reading Jeremiah 31 again this week and realized, once again, how awesome is our God.  Imagine how well God knows us to be able to write on our hearts His very desires.  How amazing that we are able to call Him "Abba, Father" and that He is so mighty, just and merciful! 

It strikes me that calling God "Father" is such an intimate name.  All I have to do is watch my 3 month old look at her father and I remember what intimacy is the relationship between father and child.  As a mom, I spend so much time with my kids that I often take for granted the intimacy we share.  But my husband doesn't.  Since he works outside our home, he simply doesn't get the time I get with the kids.  Then, those intimate moments are that much more profound and striking to me.  It amazes me that our little girl can follow her dad's every move from the moment he walks in the door in the evening until he's out of her sight and she's asleep.  She may not be with him or in his arms all the time, but she certainly shares a special bond with him that is irreplaceable.  I am amazed every time I contemplate the connection. 

That is how we are to be with God.  Follow Him whenever, by His grace, we are able to see Him.  Imagine being wide-eyed at every move we see God make.  Imagine not being able to contain our smile when we hear His voice.  That is how precious and amazing is our GOD!  He is more than family -- He is everything and more. 

Praise God that He is righteous, intimate, and powerful.  Praise Him for His mercy and grace.  Praise Him for His knowing His children.  Praise Him that we may call Him Father. 

Enabling

I've been in a family situation the past few days and I've finally gotten some time to reflect at this moment, so forgive the change in subject, somewhat!

My husband said he's dealing with the "role reversal" that happens with children and parents as his parents age.  When we were growing up, our parents had to watch, sometimes, as we learned the lessons of life the hard way -- by making mistakes.  Now, as their children, we sometimes watch as they make bad decisions about how to live their lives as they age and their health fails. 

The question is: is watching parents make bad decisions really enabling destructive behavior?  When adults who have lived their lives for so many years a certain way are unable to see that they can no longer live that way, what do we do as their children?  What if they never see that they must change in order to live?  How do we acknowledge that we are here to simply help them die -- alebeit slowly -- without asking them to change their ways?  Loving aging parents is a difficult business.  Loving them without enabling them to self-destruct is harder.  Loving them without comment and without enabling them is hardest of all -- and the reason I'm writing this blog!!

It's amazing how, when things change slowly, we can adjust well, but when things change quickly, we can't.  It's like the frog that will boil to death if water is heated slowly, but will hop like crazy to get out of water that is too hot initially.  The Nazi's knew this -- change the system slowly and people won't resist.  Then, once it's too late to resist, you can do whatever you want. 

Looking at aging as a process means looking at a bigger picture than most people want to look at.  My brother loves the line from the movie Shawshank Redemption where Morgan Freeman's character says, "Get busy living or get busy dying."  That's really it.  You are either living or dying.  There's not an in between.  Only psychologically messed up people will allow an in between.  The whole understanding of "quality of life" is an issue here.  When does "quality of life" get so bad that you are no longer living but dying?  I think about the alcoholics I know.  I think about the cancer-fighters I've known.  I think about hospice.  I think about rehab.  At some point, you need to make the choice to either do hospice or rehab. 

Rehab is for the living.  Hospice is for the dying.  Which is going to happen in this case?  Unfortunately, I have to just watch -- and try not to enable. 

Real and mundane parenting

Today was just a regular day... nothing exciting... nothing new and profound.  At the same time, it was an amazing day.  My son shared toys with another little boy who came to play.  They played wonderfully for 3 hours!  They've known each other their whole lives, literally, since they were born a month apart and I'm good friends with his mom, having served in ministry with her while we were both prego.  But, still, how many 3 year olds can play without a single incident for 3 hours?!  I am still so thrilled!!! 

That said, having a nice morning got me thinking about the rough days -- the days where even laundry seems too much and I can't seem to get even a moment to myself for a drink of water.  The days where my son is so bored he whines because there's nothing else to do and I'm too tired or grumpy or unmotivated to go anywhere.  I remember one day where I put the kids in the car and went to get gas just to get out of the house!  We didn't even need it, but I was going nuts and so was my son.  It was a monumental effort, though, just to drive that two miles.  Ugh. 

What is it that makes the mundane so special some days and intolerable on other days?  Some of it is my sleep and nutrition.  Mostly, though, it's my state of mind.  I will never forget Mother Teresa's words when she accepted the Nobel Peace Prize.  When she was asked what others could do to promote peace, her response was simply, "Go home.  Love your family." 

Yes, I have a brain and yes I'd like to use it someday to do something profound.  But, that's not where I am at the moment.  I'm in a season where I spend my days in the mundane and exhausting life of a mother with young children.  I don't feel the need to entertain them or make them the most amazing kids on the planet.  I just pray that I can stay home and love them as God has loved me.  Through the mundane, through the mess, through the disobedience, through the joy. 

I wonder if all the over-scheduling of children these days is related to the fact that parents want to feel better about themselves and make parenting into this glorious calling and privilege.  It's not glorious.  It's pretty boring, in fact.  It's important, but not that difficult in terms of intellectual challenge.  It's tiring but not really.  Being tired is more a matter of choosing to go to bed or not :)  

Parenting can be a lot like playing goalie in soccer 99% boredom and 1% panic.  Now, maybe the percentages are a bit off, but it rings pretty true for me.  AND THAT'S OKAY!!!!  I'm not complaining, because it really doesn't bother me that such is the case.  I think my brain will stay intact and I can take responsibility for keeping myself intellectually stimulated. 

There goes the little one... more thoughts in awhile! 

The Calling of Parenthood

With both kids sleeping, I feel like I should do something important!  What a blessing to finally have a "schedule"... today anyway! 

We're off and running with our tracing and scissor-cutting.  Watson is fantastic at it.  I'm continually amazed at his skills and his eagerness for learning new things.  He's insatiable for new experiences.  It's almost as if we are supposed to encourage our children to look and discover the world in new ways each day... can you hear the sarcasm?! 

Seriously, I think it takes effort to truly like your children and the way that they live their lives.  My sister-in-law told me that she had to make the decision daily to like her children.  What apt advice!  I can't begin to count the number of parents who don't make any effort to like their children.  Love and like are two different things.  Loving is all sorts of things.  I could go on for hours about that.  But, liking, people really struggle with this, I think, because we are so bombarded with the message that our children are a burden and burdens are BAD.  Therefore, our children are a difficulty and something that we have to tolerate for the rest of our lives.... what a waste!  With a faithful understanding of parenthood as a calling (and an attitude adjustment), we can learn that our children are blessings and then we will like them and enjoy the blessings that God has given us. 

My pet peeve: parents who complain about their lives.  YUCK!  Complain to someone else about how difficult your children are.  If you have "difficult" kids, then do something besides complain about it to me.  I know, I know, I'm a minister so I'm supposed to be empathetic.  This issue is a huge struggle for me.  The reason?  Without fail, the complainers have created the situation in which they find themselves.  For example, the parent who doesn't discipline their kids for misbehaving and then complains when their kids misbehave.  Duh!!  Don't complain: change your behavior and your kids will change theirs!  It's pretty simple. 

Parenthood is a calling.  We are called to train our children, to love them, to prepare them to break away from us and live fully into the life to which they have been called in Christ.  If we understand our calling properly, we will be able to follow God's will.  If not, we will try our own ideas and be terribly unsuccessful.  I am firmly convinced that my first obligation as a parent is to teach my children about the love of God in Christ and to help them live into their calling in Christ.  Everything I do begins with that understanding.  Even helping my son learn to use scissors! 

Our emotions are a choice -- I notice this in my 3 year old.  When he wants something (usually when he doesn't want something, actually), he throws a fit.  After a discipline moment, he can "turn off" the fit in an instant!  Amazing.  Now, aren't we all that way?  We can "turn off" the complain-and-woe-is-me stuff in an instant with a little discipline.  It's self-discipline, certainly, but it's the same principle.  Catch yourself once a day and you'll soon find that things improve in your relationship with your kids. 

I know, I know, but I'm so TIRED!  We all are, friends, we all are.  Suck it up and like your kids through the exhaustion and you'll see...

back after hiatus

I have a friend who blogs daily and I envy her... It's taken me 6 months to get back to this.  Maybe I'll have a spurt of activity and get writing again.  I hope so!  Commitment and consistency are hard to come by these days. 

# 2 has arrived and she's a BEAUTIFUL baby girl.  I adore her and hope that she's going to grow up to love and cherish her family and lead the world and the church in amazing ways.  She's just so CUTE right now.  I hardly know what to do with myself.  I'm almost hypnotized by her.  Don't remember that being an issue with the first one.  I was too tired and in a fog.  Not this time.  It's just wonderful. 

Anyway, I'm back and have lots to think about and lots to say, so hopefully I'll get it said in the next few weeks and months.

parenting assessment

I reconnected today with an old friend from Divinity School.  He's been in pastoral ministry up until about 6 months ago.  While we have gone on very different paths -- partly due to our age difference, I think -- we foundd ourselves having remarkablel parallels in thinking.  It wasn't our experiences that were similar -- in fact, the Lord has led us to very different ministries in the past five years -- but our reflection about our experiences is strikingly parallel. 

I found myself enjoying the conversation for two reasons.  First, it was refreshing to speak with someone who can reflect about his experiences without apology from a Christian leadership perspective.  Second, it was wonderful to have the time to reflect about how my parenting experience is ministry and why that is important to remember. 

One of his reflections to me was that staying at home is not valued in our society.  Sadly, both of us realized that staying at home is not valued nor particularly well-understood in the church either.  Part of me wants to shelter my son from the bad parenting that I see every day in all sorts of places.  At the same time, part of me wants to hide from the bad parents too -- lest I be poisoned by their influence.  Someone who tells me, "I'm sorry my daughter [almost 5 years old] hit your son [2 1/2 years old] in the head.  She doesn't know any better!" is someone who needs parental instruction!!!  When a 5-year-old doesn't know that hitting someone is wrong, there is something wrong with the parent!  Teach your kid, for crying out loud. 

As we relfected about the above situation, however, we both realized that it's a devaluation of parents that is behind such comments.  Parents are not expected, let alone empowered, to teach their children anything.  Once we take away teaching them something as simple as 1-2-3 or A-B-C, we start to take away things even more mundane than that -- hitting, for example.  It's amazing what articles one can find on the web about hitting -- everything seems to expect kids to hit others rather than to expect parents to teach that it's wrong!  Why is that?  It's because parent's aren't expected to know how to teach right and wrong anymore.  Even in the church.  Yikes. 

I started to realize the gravity of the situation once again today.  And it was good for me. 

So, I think this is where my ministry is heading, yet again.  Time to really apply the gospel and teach it to parents -- then to expect and empower parents to teach it to their kids. 

Children in Worship

I had a very interesting conversation with another parent in my church today.  It spurred my thinking about children in worship. 

The conversation started with trying to determine how to invite people to worship with us in our little church... even when they are going to other churches.  My friend brought up that she felt like a lot of the people she talks to are going to church "for their children."  In other words, they are going to church so that their kids can get taught in Sunday School!  She was worried that, since we don't have Sunday School for the kids, the people she invited would feel strange, uncomfortable, or that their needs would not be met. 

Here's where I start to get sad/angry/self-righteous/frustrated with "the way things are."  Our society has so lowered the expectations of parents that we are led into thinking that the only place our kids can learn about church is at church!  Every book I read, every child I meet, tells me the exact opposite! 

First of all, parents are the primary teachers of our children.  In EVERY way.  That means, for every moment of their lives, the first place a child is going to look for instruction is to us -- parents.  This understanding leads me away from Sunday School -- so-called "tiered education systems" -- and leads me away from nursery care.  I'm not going to apologize for thinking this way because I think it is right!  At the same time, there is an expectation in our society that programs will be provided for children.  Why is that?  Does anyone ask why anymore? 

As I see it, there are no justifiable theological understandings to separating out children from worship for any sort of education.  I hear people talk about wanting programs that are "at their level" (for their kids).  What does that mean?  Why do we have to dumb things down for our kids?  Why can they not experience and learn through the act of worship?  Isn't that how we learn to brush our teeth, do our laundry, cook, clean, read, write, etc.?  We are not wired to learn and then apply.  We are wired to learn as we apply.  This logic is somehow forgotten in the church.... and in the schooling system in general! 

I could write about this one for a long time.... I think there may be a book in this somewhere! 

naptime

Well, the battle continues...

We returned from a family trip and Watson decided not to sleep anymore -- at night, during the day -- ever.  Over the last few nights, the crying has been incessant.  Rather, he's been stubborn beyond our expectations.  He is having conversations with himself about going to sleep, intermittently screaming, throwing blankets over the gate at the top of the stairs, and then finally giving up.  Last night, it took until 11:30 for him to give up.  No amount of reasoning, spanking, or other form of discipline was going to matter.  At some point, he was just going to have to decide that fighting wasn't worth it anymore and he should go to sleep.  No one else could make that decision for him. 

Wait a minute?!  Is my kid really only 2?!  What's this about him making decisions???!!!

Yes, friends, 2-year-olds have to learn how to make good decisions. 

Mine just doesn't want to sleep.  Sometime, he'll learn that sleeping is the right thing to do and he'll decide to do it.  Until then, we'll keep training and disciplining and reasoning with him.  And, we'll keep the earplugs in our ears!

Theotokas, Christotokas

God-bearer.  There were many theological arguments over this term... theotokas or christotokas.  The name for Mary. 

The past few weeks, we've been going to a new (I mean only 8 weeks old!) church and the pastor is working through the Gospel of Luke.  The first Sunday we attended, he preached on Zechariah and the second, this past week, we heard about Jesus as a 12-year old.  All this Luke preaching has caused me to go back and read this Gospel again and again in my daily readings... and it's caused me to re-discover Mary, the blessed virgin. 

A few years ago, I read a book about youth ministry (my previous vocation) entitled, "The Godbearing Life", by Kenda Creasy Dean and Ron Foster.  Their picture of ministry is taken from Mary, in some ways.  I dug up the book this morning and re-read a section.  It says, "While God does not ask any of us to bring Christ into the world as literally as did Mary, God calls each of us to become a Godbearer through whom God may enter the world again and again." 

Interesting...

How can I understand that as a parent?  What does it mean to be a Godbearer? 

How does this picture of ministry fit with the Great Commission in Matthew?  (pretty darn well, I think!) 

Another thing our pastor said on Sunday was that, as parents, "we must do all we can to train our children in godliness so that they too may be used by God." 

I think it's not just training, but thinking of ourselves as missionaries, Godbearers, to our kids.  It hadn't really clicked in my head that I am a missionary to my son until I put all these pieces together this morning. 

Luke 1:46ff says

"And Mary said: My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, and my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior, because He has looked with favor on the humble condition of His slave.  Surely, from now on all generations will call me blessed, because the Mighty One has done great things for me, and His name his holy.  His mercy is from generation to generation on those who fear Him." 

What a picture of ministry!  What a picture of parenthood!  I know Mary was a Singular parent.  Bearing and raising the savior of the world only happened once and will never happen again.  Can't we, as parents, though, look at her as a model?  See how she never says she is worthy of her calling, yet she accepts it.  She gives praise to God for blessing her with this amazing child.  She takes no credit for the goodness that will come...

I'm almost convincing myself out of this, since we have a totally different task as parents -- training sinners is completely the opposite of raising a Savior!  Yet, Mary is more accessible than that.  She is fully human, fallen, sinner, degenerate, "slave."  She has no hope save in Jesus just like us.  And she gives glory to God for her blessings. 

Wouldn't it be fantastic if we could understand ourselves as accepting a call that's beyond us as parents?  I can train my son to act responsibly, but any time he actually does is not my doing.  It is the Holy Spirit in him.  Anytime my son does something remarkable, like say his four syllable words(!), my first response is to take credit for that -- as if I've done ANYTHING to make him do that!  I can take no credit for the good that my son does just like I can take no credit for any good that I do.  Yet, I am called to be a Godbearer to my son....

I could talk about this one for a long time! 

Modern Reformation

This magazine has me hopeful and excited... though sad as well.  I have realized how far outside the "norm" I am.  That's just about the only thing that makes me sad.  Loss of ethics/character/rationality in our society is a very sad thing. 

Yet, I cannot help but be hopeful and excited that there are those in our churches who love Jesus Christ and acknowledge their status as those with faith seeking understanding. 

The latest discussion in the magazine is on the Book of Romans.  Indeed, Romans is arguably Paul's pinnacle letter, and a masterpiece of theology.  I remember reading Karl Barth's "Epistle to the Roman's" when I was in divinity school and bells and lights and whistles went off all in my head when I realized in a new (and newly Reformed) way how revolutionary Paul's writing truly is.  That we are justified by faith in Christ is beyond my understanding and is something I will, hopefully, spend my entire life trying to understand. 

If you have not seen this magazine, find it and read it. 

http://www.modernreformation.org/

public school mess

The more I learn about public school, and the more I remember about the youth I've been in ministry with, the more I understand the necessity of my family's homeschool ministry.  I just visited with friends whose children are going through "EOG" testing.  What a waste of time!  These kids have to spend hours studying for tests that are supposed to test what they already know!  Why do they have to spend hours learning something they were supposed to know in the first place?  It seems that the beauty of spring is in such stark contrast to the ugliness of the school year. 

That said, Wake County is talking about having all schools year-round to alleviate overcrowding... and guess who's angry... the teachers!  They want their part-time-job-with-full-time-benefits situation to continue.  They could care less about the crowded system when it comes to their own situations!  Interesting how the system is, yet again, bringing out the worst in people.  That's what it was designed to do -- bring out the worst in us and then beat us down until we submit to it, thinking that we are not worth anything anyway. 

I've not vented about public schools in awhile, so I guess I had to do it sometime! 

Research

So, I've been wondering what resources are "out there" for homeschoolers... and I've hit the perverbial "wall" in terms of being overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff through which I must sort in order to find anything of use. 

I am amazed at the choices parents must make.  I am amazed at the crap that is out there.  I am amazed at the number of people I meet who haven't made basic choices and are just coasting through life.  How can that glorify God?  Aren't we called to use our gifts?

Well, I've been reading John Taylor Gatto lately, in his latest book.  Now, it's starting to get clearer that the problems with the people I'm meeting are culture-wide concerns.  We have been educated in a system that doesn't want us to address fundamental concerns, let alone fundamental purposes.  The word, "education" comes with so much baggage.  I'd like to just throw out the word entirely, were it not so deeply ingrained in me that I am "educated!" 

Gatto talks about how our educational system produces the kind of people that are going to sustain the system -- as well as people who are going to keep the system from getting too good.  A good education "system" would produce people capable of not needing it!  I firmly believe that the best way to train up our children is by having parents teach them.  I believe this because of the Word of God.  I believe that children are among God's chosen and the most important in the Kingdom. 

What do we do with the fact that our children will be surrounded by people who are not trained correctly?  How do we help our kids live in an imperfect, unchristian society?  Certainly, the same way that Christians have been helping their kids learn to live in un-Christian societies.  Yet, we have particular problems and concerns... I wonder...

The more I read, the more questions I have.  Isn't that a good and faithful thing?!

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Prayer

Two nights ago, as we sat down to dinner, we said it was time to pray.  We've been doing this since Watson was born, but something "registered" in his brain a couple nights ago.  He put his hands together, closed his eyes, and prayed with us.  Then, periodically, throughout the meal, he would say, "Pray!" and put his hands together again.  Then, Joe or I would say a short prayer and say Amen.  Then, he'd continue with his meal, having taken time again to pray.  Who says we only have to pray at the beginning of the meal?  Why not all through it?!

Reminds me of Paul... Pray without ceasing...

What a joy it is to know God and to train a child to know Him.